The unicorn conductor forcefully threw me out of the train with his magic, making me land on my back. A wave of pain throttled up my spine as it made contact with the station platform.
"And here's your stuff!"
My saddlebag dropped down, smashing right into my stomach, leaving me gasping for air. I could hear the conductor lecture me between breaths.
"Don't you even think about sneaking onto our trains again! Next time you won't be so lucky!"
I managed to roll over back onto my hooves and attempted to stand up. My chest was sore and my back was probably bruised. Good thing I had a coat to hide it. I was struggling to put my saddlebag back on when two unicorns approached me.
"I can't believe you tried to ride the train without paying!" Twilight scolded me.
"What kind of ruffian is too cheap to pay the fare?" said Rarity, with a look of disgust on her face.
"Funny. A couple of hours ago I was the nice gentlecolt that gave you two ladies a seat." I replied, not caring about their anger. "And besides, I wasn't arrested or anything, they just gave me a warning."
"What made you think it was all right to sneak onto the train like that?" Twilight continued. "The Railway wouldn't have a business if everypony rode for free!"
"All the other ponies on the train paid, so I'm sure their business will be fine. They kicked me off before my destination anyways, so it's not like my trip cost a full ticket."
"But what you did was wrong!"
"That may be, but I'm not feeling guilty over it. There was no harm done in the end, so why does it matter?"
"You are unbelievable, you know that?" Twilight yelled.
"Would I be unbelievable if I said the sky was blue?" I replied with a smirk.
"...Nevermind." said Twilight. "You are believably the most irritating stallion I've ever met!"
"Well, I'm glad I'm at the top of your most irritating stallions you've ever met list. Let me know if somepony else tops it so I can claim the title again."
"You...YOU... EEERRRGGH! Let's go Rarity." said Twilight, admitting defeat. She turned her back on me and trotted away with Rarity, who glanced back to give me a death stare. I just stared back and smiled, waving my foreleg goodbye. I realize I have a less than pleasant attitude when it comes to talking with people, but I wasn't going to take that egghead's crap just because I didn't pay for a ticket.
"ALL ABOARD!"
Looks like the train was about to leave the station. Staying in Ponyville wasn't my best option right now, so I decided to sneak back on the train. I just couldn't hang around inside, so I'd probably chill on the caboose or ride on the top of a car. After I made sure no ponies were looking, I extended my wings and hovered myself onto the caboose.
Only to be blown backwards back onto the station platform, again landing on my back.
"Ow... what the fu-"
"Ha! Trying to sneak on again are ya?" the conductor laughed from the caboose as the train pulled away. "I placed a magical charm around the train to keep you from sneaking on! Come back when you've bought a ticket! Hahaha!"
"Oh, you fucking asshole!" I yelled back. Great, now I was stranded in Ponyville. I picked myself back up a second time, being careful not to work my back to hard.
"I'm going to get you back one day." I thought to myself. I really needed to sit down, so I occupied an empty bench. Unlike anywhere on Earth, these benches didn't have bird shit or gum stuck on them. I laid down on my side and stretched out, feeling a few slightly painful cricks in my back. The next train was probably going to be a while, and I didn't feel like walking or flying. As much fun as flying is, it can wear you out pretty fast. The higher the altitude, the less oxygen there is to breathe. So unless it was extremely necessary, I walked everywhere I went. I didn't have enough food to last another hitchhike, so the train was my only option.
"I could just stay in Ponyville for a while. Maybe Applejack needs some work done in the farm and I can earn a few bits."
Ha! Like I was dumb enough to stay in Ponyville. After my fun with Twilight, her other friends wouldn't think very highly of me. Maybe Pinkie Pie would give me a chance, considering she likes to be friends with everypony. She gave Gilda a chance didn't she? Like I said before, I really didn't need that pink ball of cotton candy trying to befriend me and plan parties. I mean, just look at her casually trotting towards the station... OH SHIT!
Why is she going towards the station? Doesn't she work at Sugarcube Corner during the day? Her damn Pinkie Sense must have given me away. Not wanting to deal with the pink pony of death, I decided to take the easy way out and fly up into the clouds. In this case, flying wasn't just necessary, it was essential for survival. I gently lowered myself onto a small cloud above the station platform and waited.
Pinkie Pie wasn't trotting anymore. She was bouncing. I could hear her hooves bouncing off the ground like springs, just like in the show. I poked my head through the bottom of the cloud, and saw her standing on the platform. She appeared to be confused, as she was turning around constantly as if she were looking for something.
Or somepony.
Suddenly, she froze. I wanted to move, but I had to make sure she couldn't find me. I noticed her tail was shaking, but she wasn't controlling it. It was more so like a twitch... oh please no.
"AAAAAAAH LOOK OUT!"
I felt something heavy smash into the back of my head, the force sending me through the cloud and down towards the platform below. I had my eyes open long enough to see Pinkie gasp in fear and move before I gave a hug to the wooden platform. I hugged it so hard that I burst through the wooden beams and splattered underneath the platform.
"Fuck... my... life..." I winced as I tried to stand myself back up for the THIRD time.
"H-Hey! You all right down there?" A familiar voice asked. I knew who it was, and I was willing to bet that it was her that crashed into me.
"Yeah, I'm fine, no thanks to you!" I replied, rubbing my sore body.
"Here! Grab my hoof, I'll pull you up!" I saw a blue foreleg reach the light illuminating from the top of the platform. I extended my own hoof and grabbed hers (which was surprisingly easy for a creature without fingers.) and was hoisted back onto the platform.
Someone owes me money. Of course it was Rainbow Dash who had to collide with me. I'm not even in Ponyville for ten minutes and I've encountered just over half of the mane six.
"Yeah, sorry about hitting you there. I was just practicing one of my awesome new moves for the Wonderbolts!" stated Rainbow, who seemed to care more about her futile dream rather than the fact that she nearly killed me.
"Yeah, sure." I replied weakly. Good God, it felt like my brain was bouncing on a trampoline.
"Hahaha! You sure got him good Dashie!" stated another voice I didn't want to hear. "I knew something was up when my tail went all twitch-a-twitch! And then when I looked up, I saw him falling from the sky! Just some complete stranger who..."
Pinkie Pie froze for a second, then suddenly zoomed into town. Yes, I said zoomed. There exists no other word I can describe to what I just saw. I knew damn well what she was up too, and I was hoping I could get out of town before I was forced to partake in it.
"Don't mind Pinkie Pie, she can get a little crazy sometimes." stated Rainbow. "So... uh... I didn't catch your name."
"Darkstar." I replied. She was pretty good at catching me the first time.
"I'm Rainbow Dash, the most AWESOMEST flyer in all of Ponyville! So Darkstar, what brings you to Ponyville?" she asked while doing somersaults in the air.
"Well, I had a little problem on the train and was waiting for the next one."
"You were waiting for a train? Then why were you up in the clouds?" Rainbow stopped her flying and eyed me curiously.
"Uh... I just find resting on a cloud more relaxing than a wooden bench. Much softer." I lied.
"Can't argue with that!" Dash agreed. "So what was your big problem on the train? Didn't one like, just leave the station?"
Please stop talking to me. Why did I have to sneak onto that exact train?
"Well, sometimes the conductors have, uh, problems."
"Problems?" Rainbow Dash moved a little closer to me. "What kind of problems?"
"Well, they seem to dislike it when you sneak onto the train without purchasing a ticket."
The blue pegasus stared at me for second, then fell to the ground bursting in laughter.
"Hahaha! You actually tried to ride without paying? That is so awesome!" she squealed.
"Hey, I don't need the lecture from you to- wait, what?" I replied, confused.
Rainbow finally took a breath so she could reply. "Oh, come on! Nopony here ever likes to live dangerously! Did you actually get caught?"
Wow, I rode on the train for free. Such a rush to live dangerously. Watch out guys, we're dealing with a badass over here.
"Yes." I answered.
"Oh my gosh, that is just too funny!" Rainbow chuckled. "First you sneak onto the train, and then you stand up after getting smashed by the awesomest, most coolest flyer in all of Ponyville! You must be one tough stallion!"
"Yeah, I better be tough after all the bullshit I've had to deal with today..." I mumbled to myself.
"What was that?" Rainbow asked, lifting an ear to hear me.
"...Nothing. Anyways, do you know when the next train arrives?" I asked.
"Wait, what?" Rainbow replied wide-eyed. "You can't just NOT stay in Ponyville for a while! You only just got here!"
"Well, as interesting as Ponyville sounds, I really have places I need to be." I lied, hoping she would drop it and leave me alone at the station.
"The next train won't be here for hours! Come on, I'll show you around!"
"Now look, I really have to- HEY!"
Rainbow had flown behind me and grabbed me by the shoulders, lifting me into the air and started to drag me into town. It reminded me of that scene in May the Best Pet Win when Fluttershy did the same thing to Rainbow Dash before they sung a duet.
I wasn't interesting in breaking out into song, and I sure as Hell wasn't interested in going into town. Yet I knew Rainbow Dash was persistent and wasn't going to let me loiter around at the train station.
"You know Rainbow Dash, I can fly by myself. I do have wings." I stated.
"Oh yeah, sorry!" she replied before dropping me. At least I landed on my hooves this time and not my back.
"Okay, Rainbow Dash, I appreciate that you want to show me around, but I reall-"
I was suddenly face to face with death itself. Nothing scares your soul into hiding like glaring into the eyes of Pinkie Pie. I had no idea how she got here so fast, and I wasn't going to question the unquestionable. She probably already had the party set up and was going to trick me into attending it.
"Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie! What's your name? I remember you from the Train Station when Rainbow Dash smashed right into you and blasted you right into the platform! Good thing my tail was a twitchin' or you would have fell right on top of me! You know what? I feel really bad that you got smashed by Dashie and got kicked off the train for not having a ticket, so how about I treat you to a cupcake at Sugarcube Corner? My treat!"
Oh no. No no no no no. I was NOT going to that party. I'd rather face the fires of Hell than attend Pinkie's stupid party.
"Woah, slow down girl. I'm actually not that hungry right now. And how did you know I got kicked off the train?"
"Oh silly, Twilight was telling me earlier about that rude stallion that didn't pay for a train ticket and started annoying her when she tried to lecture you about it!"
"Wait, what? They're back?" said Rainbow, surprised.
"Hey, she was being the rude one! I wasn't going to put up with her bickering!" I defended.
"Wait, you were on the same train as Twilight? AND Rarity?" asked Rainbow. "Boy, do I feel sorry for you."
"Well, I managed to shut her up and she walked away. You know, it was actually pretty funny seeing her get angry." I stated.
"Well, she did look really frustrated when I saw her!" exclaimed Pinkie Pie. "I was over at the library welcoming her back to Ponyville and she was going through her books that were full of all these strange looking symbols, and I asked what was bothering her and she told me about the little Mr. Meany Pants at the Train Station, so I-"
"Wait, strange looking symbols?" I interrupted. "She's not still trying to find out what my cutie mark means, is she?"
"I know! Isn't it funny? She doesn't even know what a pentagram is!" Pinkie laughed.
I just stared back at her, eyes wide with shock, and maybe fear. How does Pinkie Pie know about a satanic symbol? I'm pretty sure they kept religion out of the cartoon, but then again, this is Pinkie Pie we're talking about.
"Wait, what's a pentagram?" Rainbow asked, confused.
"It's the little orange symbol on Mr. Meany Pants' flank!" stated Pinkie Pie, who pointed her hoof towards my cutie mark.
"Woah, cool cutie mark!" said Dash, finally noticing it. "What does it represent?"
Why was everyone so damn interested in my ass tattoo? Serves me right for bringing it up.
"My name is Darkstar, for your information. And just how do you know what a pentagram is?" I asked, trying avoid any chat about my special talent.
"I know what many things are!" Pinkie answered. "I also know six-hundred and forty-seven different cupcake recipes! You should really come to Sugarcube Corner and try one of them! I'll help you decide! Only thirty-nine of the recipes have macaroni in them!"
She was avoiding my question, and still trying to convince me to go to her party. Could I really get away without attending it? Pinkie Pie didn't let Cranky stop her, and I was probably wasn't an exception. Even when Rainbow Dash tried to avoid her, she still managed to catch up with her in the most bizarre places. Crazy bitch would chase me to the borders of Equestria if it meant attending her party.
Then again, a Pinkie Pie party would supply free food, and I actually was pretty hungry. The only food I've eaten in the last twenty-four hours was cheap soup from a concession stand in Vanhoover. Also, it would provide another opportunity to mess with Twilight Sparkle. And if I got along with Applejack, I could probably work on her farm and make a few bits. Now if only Applejack didn't have her ability to detect lying. I'd have to be extra careful around her.
"All right, fine. Let's go try a cupcake." I replied, ignoring the voice in my head that was saying, "YOU STUPID FUCK! YOU SPENT TWO MONTHS AVOIDING THEM AND NOW YOU'RE GOING THROUGH WITH IT? WHAT THE FUCK DUDE!"
"Sounds good to me!" stated Rainbow Dash, who thankfully forgot about my cutie mark.
"Yay! Sounds like fun! I like making new friends! Come on, I'll lead the way!" Pinkie Pie smiled, happily bouncing off towards town.
"You know Darkstar, you're a pretty cool colt!" stated Rainbow. "Only the coolest of ponies get to be my friends! Now let's go get those cupcakes!"
"Wait, friends?" I said to myself as Rainbow caught up with Pinkie Pie. "Wait, macaroni cupcakes?"