Chapter 4
Bombs Away!
As the sun edged towards the horizon, Golden Word knocked the last bit of barn roof from the ship's balloon, completing the task Bluebeard had given him. The airship hovered far above the little town of Ponyville now, at such a height as to make even a pegasus dizzy. As he often did, Word thanked The Light's providence that he had been blessed with wings and need not fear any fall.
He glided down and around the balloon, landing back on the upper deck, only to find a scene of great evil and horror before him. Those stolen barrels were full of alcohol and these ponies were drinking it!
He rushed up to Bluebeard; no time to lose. “In the name of all things holy, you must stop this! Now!”
“Hurr, what now?” Bluebeard looked more than a little confused, or was it just due to the empty barrel next to him? “Stop what?”
“We must stop the crew from imbibing this demonic substance immediately! The Light demands it!”
“Stop 'em drinking!?” Bluebeard stared down at Golden Word, incredulity covering his face almost as much as his hair did. “I'd sooner be eating me own beard! Whatta ye be thinking we stole it all for?”
“But you must stop this debauchery! We must put an end to this at once!”
Bluebeard paused for a moment to take another heavy swig from his mug, only a little cider escaping to further stain his beard. “Eh... what? Stop what now?”
Golden Word placed his hoof upon his forehead in the scripturally ordained gesture for coping with failure and stupidity. “We have to stop the drinking!”
“Come now foolish laddie, why would we do that?” Bluebeard let out an even heartier-than-usual laugh.
Seething in frustration, Word turned his back on the pirate captain and headed down to the main deck. If the captain didn't stop this, Word would have to stop it himself.
On the steps down to the deck, lounging against them, Word found Stern Breeze and Slick.
“Hey! Look 'oo sfinally came to join ush.” Slick threw her front hooves high in the air for emphasis. “Gitcherself a mug an' haff a sheat!”
“Yeah!” Stern Breeze giggled an patted the step next to her. “Right here!”
“I must insist you two ladies stop this immediately!” Word pleaded, “The scriptures forbid it!”
“Aw...” Slick pressed her own well-used mug towards him. “You should looshen upf a liddle. Here, try shome!”
Stern Breeze just sat there, looking at Word with a disturbingly appraising look in her wavering eyes.
“I will NOT!” Golden Word's righteous indignation inflamed even more now.
“Are you shure?” Slick pushed the sloshing mug even closer, spilling a little on Golden Word. “Ish really good shtuff!”
“No! I said No!” Writing off yet another crewmember's soul, Word turned to Stern Breeze instead. “You're a proud airship captain! Surely you can see that this is beneath all of you! Come, help me put a stop to this.” He held out a hoof, hoping she would accept it.
Stern Breeze took his proffered hoof and stood up. His hopes rose. “Say, Goldie...” she whispered, “did I ever mention that out of all the crazy ponies who took over my ship, you're the hottest?”
“Oh... um, well... thank you.” Not to be put off, Word continued his crusade. “Now, if we can get Silver Lance on our side as well, I think we may be able to–”
She stopped him by pulling on his hoof, pulling him off balance. He ended up right next to her, face to face. Her eyes lidded halfway, she whispered into his hear, “Let's do something else instead.” She giggled a little, and he could smell the cider on her breath. “You know, nopony has followed the command to take me to the laundry-brig yet... You should take me down there... just the two of us, below decks... anything might happen.”
Golden Word's eyes widened in sudden realization, and he recoiled back. “In The Light's holy name, madam, you're a captain! Compose yourself!”
“Not anymore, I'm not.” She gave him a saucy look. “My ship got taken, remember?” Slow and sultry... and a little wobbly, she paced towards him, until they were face to face again. “Take me, too,” she whispered, planting a kiss right on his lips before he could object.
He shoved her back forcefully, shocked and offended at the loss of his purity. “Get thee back, harlot! I am Golden Word, one and only emissary of The Light! I cannot fornicate with the likes of you! I am wedded to The Holy Light!” Before the promiscuous former captain could tempt him further, Golden Word flew to the bow of the ship, where he could see Silver Lance slowly nursing his own mug. So far, Word had failed to save any of the crew from their own sins... If only he could at least save one... Perhaps he could if he instead tried gentle persuasion?
“Hail, friend!” Silver called out as soon as he noticed Golden Word approaching. “Come, take a seat and a flagon, and let us share tales of heroism, and valor!”
Word flitted down next to the old earth pony, but didn't take the proffered mug. “No thanks,” he demurred, “let's just talk.”
“Then speak we shall!” Silver Lance threw a hoof around him and brought him in close. “Speak of damsels rescued, dragons slain, kingdoms defended, and justice brought! Tales of–”
“Actually,” Word interrupted, “I wanted to ask something.”
“Anything.” Silver drew Word in even closer, and swept his free hoof in an all-encompassing gesture. “You know, we've known each other for a long time, you and me. I just want you to know. I think of you as my closest comrade in arms.”
“That's nice.” Golden Word tried to pry himself out of the old pony's grip a little, to no avail.
“I love you, brother.” Silver Lance squeezed him even closer.
“Right...” Word leaned back as far as he could. “So, do you think – for me – that you could put down the cider, and maybe even help get the rest of the crew off of it?”
“Aw...” Silver Lance patted him on the head. “As your best friend, I can't let you go on like this. You've got it all wrong. This stuff is the best cider in all of Equestria! It cannot be evil.” Once again, a mug of cider was shoved towards Word's face.
Despite himself, Golden Word licked his lips. He could taste the delicious cider on them, still lingering from Breeze's stolen kiss... NO! Word shook himself, ashamed that he had given a moment's thought to temptation... even if it was so very tasty... NO! Golden Word pried himself away from Silver Lance – easy to do now that the old pony had passed out – and escaped. He fled back to the top of the airship's balloon. There, he could be free of the vile temptation. There, he could repent.
* * *
All was silent now, all still and quiet... but Golden Word hadn't slept at all, not even though the night was nearly done. No, he had spent the night in repentance, and in communion with The Light. And The Light had spoken to him. And he knew what he must do to earn his forgiveness.
And he knew that now was the time to do it.
Softer than an angel's whisper, he glided back down to the deck. Everypony was asleep now, nopony on watch: all due to the evils of this drink... and there it lurked. Half a dozen full barrels still sat on the deck: an affront to all things holy. Thanks to divine providence though, Golden Word knew just what to do with the abomination.
* * *
Rainbow Dash yawned again, struggling to wake up. She hated this part of being a weather pony, but the the weather was an all-hours-of-the-day job. She trudged her way through the door, still upset a little about again not getting any of the fresh cider this season. Why did she have to be doomed never to get any? ...And all because Applejack just had to promise all those extra barrels to some special 'royal order'. She looked out across the still-dark landscape. Ponyville was further away than usual... her cloud-house must have been drifting in the breeze again. Oh well, she could fix that later. For now, there was an early-morning drizzle to be arranged.
As she prepared for takeoff, she paused. Did she just hear something falling? Yes, definitely, something was coming... Before she could even look up, a barrel slammed down into the cloud next to her, sticking there. By the time she got over her shock, another landed next to it.
Fast as lightning, she darted back inside, now watching the barrels raining down from the relative safety of her house. Four more came in quick succession before the strange rain of barrels stopped.
Once the sky returned to normal for a while, Rainbow's curiosity overcame her caution. She slowly crept out to see what it was that had smashed into her doorstep.
Rainbow's jaw dropped when she read the stenciled-on labels: Sweet Apple Acres / Apple Cider / Grade A.
The morning rain could wait. Now Rainbow had entirely different plans!
* * *