//------------------------------// // Chapter 36 // Story: Ponystuck // by confoundtheseponies //------------------------------// A/N: "Shit shit shit shit shit. SHIT. How the actual fuck did this happen? I can't believe I was so stupid. I can't believe that reality is so stupid that this kind of bullshit actually passes for a thing that can happen. FUCK." I pause mid-rant, almost collapsing as some distant noise echoes faintly along one of the countless corridors, and scares the ever-loving crap out of me. Being this close to my room, the slightest hint of a noise is absolutely terrifying. "OK, calm down, pull yourself together. You're going to do more damage to yourself by thinking that every single creak is your impending doom than your impending doom ever would." This is not strictly true, and a part of me knows this. Most likely it is the part of me writing this narration, being the smartass that he is. I mean, that I am. For Celestia's sake, this isn't going to work if I can't at least figure out if I'm writing in third or first person. Maybe I'm writing in first person, but referring to himself in third person? Wait, no, that's just retarded. My relationship with the winding, twisting, non-Euclidean geometry of the Infinite Hotel had been one almost as tumultuous as the process through which a small wing of the structure had fallen under my possession. Initially it had seemed a quaint, nonsensical place from which to direct my greatly misunderstood musings on what fun it would be if a bunch of cute rainbow coloured ponies were killed in horribly avoidable ways. Later on, of course, it was nothing but trouble when trying to defend such a severely warped layout against intruders. Especially the kinds of intruders who specialise in kicking reality in the face. But now, looking back on my situation for the last few months, I have come to appreciate the confounding array of tunnels and staircases. They serve to conceal me, and are complex enough that they deter any attempts by my opponents to try to find me. They assume that, if I were to try anything that could harm their plans, I would need to come to them. They're only half right. As I reach the end of an infinitely long corridor, I pause before the junction and duck to one side, resting against the comfortingly solid door to room 4.29188230486e+93. I may as well take this final opportunity to catch my breath. The final stretch of my journey lies ahead, and it is not one to be taken lightly. I should know - the better part of the morning has been spent attempting to delay this moment. On more than one occasion, I have come this far, only to suddenly remember that I am a pathetic coward and run away again. This is still true. However, the time has now come when I cannot delay any longer. The hour to take back control of my destiny is now. Or some bullshit like that. In any case, the hour is now, but the precise minute is still a way off. Far away enough, at least, that I can afford to spend some quality time on my laptop. [CURRENT theatricalParagon began dictating to CURRENT mediocreHost] CTP: Are you in position? CMH: Naturally. You're sure you want to go through with this now? CTP: Yeah. It has to be now. If I don't move now, then it's never going to happen. CMH: If you're sure. CTP: Listen, I know you have your doubts. Just trust me, OK? CMH: I don't see why I should. You've never failed to let me down before. CTP: Hey. I told you. I'm really sorry that this happened. CMH: I know. I just hope you realise that you're a terrible person and this is all your fault. It was stupidly avoidable. CTP: ... yeah. It was. I have no excuses, and I suck at existing. Can we accept that I get that, and just skip ahead to where I fix everything? CMH: Everything? That's hardly a modest goal. I'm calling MS on your self-sertion. You are overpowered and you should feel terrible. CTP: You're only allowed to say that after my plan works. CMH: OK. Except I won't be able to, will I? CTP: ... CTP: I never wanted this, you know. CMH: I know. I just figured that if I was mean to you in our final conversation you wouldn't feel so bad about it. CTP: Stop being so fucking benevolent. CMH: See? CMH: But seriously, it really is OK. I'm fine. CTP: OK. CTP: ... good bye. CMH: Bye. ;) CTP: I'll save you if I can. CMH: Don't you dare. [CURRENT mediocreHost ceased being dictated to by CURRENT theatricalParagon] A few moments of staring blankly at my laptop pass by, before it suddenly runs out of battery and dies without any warning whatsoever. Who the hell built this piece of - oh, who am I kidding. I can never stay mad at my laptop. It is my best friend. The only friend I have ever known. ... That is, the only friend besides the one who is about to heroically sacrifice herself because of my own stupidity. ... Quality time on my laptop never works out as well as I want it to. ***108 DAYS EARLIER*** "Wait, what?" Comet blinked dumbly a few times. If Twilight had been around, and was somehow aware of the narration being provided, she may have commented that 'Comet blinked a few times' would have sufficiently conveyed the action. However, she couldn't, and wasn't. In fact, she was on a completely different planet, preparing to leave for Comet's incipisphere with the others, a fact that was quickly filling Comet with dread. "I'm starting to get a really bad feeling..." It occurred to him that he was alone, as Ember had left a few minutes ago to collect Fluttershy from Derse. In front of him, at the heart of LONAG, the last few grains on a giant crystal hourglass were slowly draining away. He knew exactly what this was. It was this incipisphere's mechanism for initiating a reset. He didn't need to guess what would happen when the final grain was gone, and he knew full well that he didn't want to be hanging around when it happened. He also knew exactly who had started this particular doomsday device, and he had an unnerving feeling that he knew why. [fractalAbomination began pestering crespucularMagicant] FA: hey, so FA: is everyone good to go on your end? CM: Hm? CM: Pretty much. We're just waiting for all of you. Why? FA: nothing. i just have a feeling we'll need to hurry things up a little CM: Why, where are you? FA: ember's getting fluttershy. i decided to come to lonag CM: What? Why would you go there? FA: call it intuition FA: and you know what? CM: ... what. FA: turns out my intuition is fucking incredible FA: care to explain? CM: I have no idea what you're talking about. FA: oh fucking hell CM: Swearing isn't going to get you anywhere. FA: if you're playing dumb then that means everything i'm dreading is true CM: Yeah, whatever. FA: you started the hourglass off a while ago, after you ascended FA: but you didn't tell anyone, or at least you didn't tell me FA: and now i'm on a different planet to the only exit CM: Are you suggesting that I'm trying to get you caught in the reset? FA: not 'suggesting', so much as 'pointing it out' FA: i assume this is as some kind of twisted revenge for my previous behaviour CM: I have just had it. CM: I have had it with you. And Ember. And with every single problem being ALL YOUR FAULT. FA: ok, yeah, i did a lot of stupid shit back when i didn't understand what was happening FA: i didn't do it because i wanted to hurt any of you CM: I don't care! All of my best friends are dead because of you two! CM: I don't have anyone left. FA: wait, what about fluttershy? if you leave me and ember behind then you're leaving her behind as well CM: She's dead already. FA: she's... what? CM: Do you think I didn't check? I had more than enough Time to. Her dreamself was killed almost instantly by a Dersite soldier. It's not like her dreamself had armour on, so she was severely underlevelled. FA: ... and you didn't tell anyone so that me and ember would leave to find her CM: I don't have to answer to you. CM: Goodbye, Comet. CM: I hope I never see you again. FA: she's not beyond saving, you know CM: Shut up. FA: twilight. please. don't be a bitch CM: Die in a fire. [crespucularMagicant ceased being pestered by fractalAbomination] "FUCK!" Comet cried, angrily closing his laptop and storming meaninglessly around the cavern, while the hourglass continued to drain away. How had he let this happen? Who the fuck did Twilight think she was, leaving him for dead like this? Of course, she was angry with him. She was angry with him because he was an idiot, and he deserved that. Everything was his fault, after all. It was perfectly understandable that she hated him. But somehow, he couldn't find it in himself to accept that. He wasn't about to wait around and be completely removed from existence just because some smartass Mage was upset with him. Hurriedly, he retrieved a large, heavy book from his sylladex. The grains in the hourglass continued to trickle away. *** "Twilight? Are you OK?" Luna asked, clearly concerned by the forced smile Twilight was currently wearing. "What did Comet want?" "Oh, he was just telling me to go on ahead. They've met a little resistance on Derse, and we're never going to get anywhere if we keep waiting around." She glanced around, making a quick head count. Herself, Spike, Luna, Star Swirl, Diamond Heart, Acapella, and a dead Celestia. That was everyone. How did it come to this, she asked herself. "They'll make another MAP and catch up with us when they're done." "OK, sure." Luna nodded upwards, at the rapidly intensifying flashes of light that were illuminating the atmosphere of Skaia. "I don't know what that is, but it's giving me a bad feeling. The sooner we get out of here, the better. For more reasons than one." *** A short distance from Derse, a warship was finally commencing the last few preparations before it could begin its final voyage. Around the ship was an air of restlessness, as if all the efforts of those within had been focused on preparing the vessel for this one, final act, and that the final act had taken its sweet time in happening. Which they had, and which it had. This was a day that would be remembered as the day that shit stopped becoming real, and instead finally got its act together and did something meaningful. It was, everyone agreed, about time. On the deck of the ship, a being of pure force eyed the black expanse grimly. It was not an inky blackness that concealed the twisted shapes of the doomfestered beings from beyond the eighth plane; it was not the soft, velvety darkness of the night sky. It was, quite simply, black. There was no depth to the view, no variation in the light that revealed any hint of what lay beyond. There was simply empty, and that was all that had occupied the attention of the Black King for the last few hours. He knew, of course, that although the way ahead was completely devoid of anything, with his power they would be able to find their way to something. Somehow. "Are you ready for this?" The Queen asked, reminding the King that he had company. The Queen shared his prototypings, but did not display them in quite the same way. For one thing, she was only a fraction of his size, as he occupied most of the deck. Not only that, but she retained an unaltered mouth, and was still capable of speech. The King nodded his large armoured head in reply. "Good. We have to get this right. There can be no excuses." The King nodded again, and the two monarchs stared in silence at the emptiness together. Within the ship itself, Silver Heart was making the last few adjustments to the Paradox Gate. Combined with the power of the King, the device would finally have enough strength to achieve the impossible. Or at least, enough strength to achieve the incredibly ill-advised, but that debate is a different matter entirely. While the unicorn worked, Discord paced anxiously around the control room. The session would soon be Scratched, he knew. Besides which, in his opinion there had been entirely too much screwing around doing a whole lot of nothing lately. It felt as if events were gradually but unescapably slowing down, ever approaching but never reaching their final grand crescendo. "No time to waste," Discord repeated. "If we go back then we'll be sitting around for another day or so doing absolutely nothing. I am sick and tired of waiting for our plan to be a thing which is happening." "We're not going back for him?" Silver asked in a surprised tone. Mild's fate had initially seemed rather amusing, but it was slowly dawning on her that Discord was deadly serious about leaving him behind. "Uh... won't we need his Mindy thing?" "His Mindy thing is complete rubbish," Discord stated. "There's nothing it can achieve that sheer force can't. And we clearly have that in spades, if you'll pardon the pun. The Queen's getting ready with the King, and in a few minutes we'll be good to go." He paused to glance out of the battleship, at the faint view of Skaia. "And by the looks of things, a few minutes will be cutting it pretty fine. We'd best be off, at last." "He won't be happy about this when he finds out," Silver pointed out. Discord paused and stared at her, as if it simply had not occurred to him that Mild was considered a threat by anyone. "Uh. That is, there's no reason to leave him behind, is there?" "Not really. Nor is there any reason for me to listen to his stupid voice any longer," Discord reasoned. "So, on reflection, I'd rather go without." He was clearly anxious about leaving, and Silver had a feeling that it wasn't purely because of the impending Scratch. "Golden, is there some rush to get going that you haven't told me about?" Discord suddenly span around to face her, his expression caught between shock, fear, and fury. "You don't have to tell me," Silver said hurriedly. "Whatever, everyone has their reasons. I just... you know, if you have something important to do then I can appreciate that." The Heir was silent for a few moments. "All you need to know is that I want to get there as soon as possible," he said. "Is that a problem or something?" "No, not at all," Silver assured him. "Go and fetch the Queen. We can leave now." Discord nodded. "OK, I'll just go up and-" he was cut off as the entire warship trembled as a sudden, terrible blow shook the entire structure. The control room quivered, almost sending Silver flying. "What the fuck was that!?" Discord yelled, quickly getting his bearings and teleporting above the deck. To his surprise, what he found was a small crater in the surface of the deck, in the centre of which stood Ember Glow. Discord couldn't quite put his finger on what it was, but something about the look in the Prince's eyes seemed to give off a sense of pure hatred. Ember leapt into the air without a word, warping around Discord as the Heir quickly twisted his way around the Prince's attacks. As powerful as Discord was, he knew that if just one of Ember's attacks actually managed to connect then it would be very bad news for him. Attempting to create some distance, Discord reached into his sylladex and jettisoned the first thing which he found - a pure crystal salamander, which instantly shattered into thousands of glistening fragments. Leaping away from Ember in the brief confusion, Discord equipped his umbrella and turned around, only to find Ember right beside him again. Again, Discord was forced to dance around the Prince, barely keeping ahead of his attacks. This was no good. If this kept up then he would lose. Ember would have been enjoying himself if he wasn't so busy being furious. Discord was just about the only other player who could match his strength. Ember would almost feel some kind of kinship towards him, if not for how his recent journey to find Fluttershy had turned out. At that moment, the only thing keeping Ember focused was just how much he wanted someone to pay for what had happened. That was the only thing that mattered. Sadly for him, this meant that Discord had his full attention, and so there was never any hope for him to predict what happened next. Swinging his hammer with all his might, Ember's Spacey thing once again warped the area around the two enemies, eliminating the space between the hammer and Discord's face. With a satisfying crunch, the Heir was sent plummeting into the deck of the ship, creating another small crater alongside where Ember had landed. Unfortunately, this was exactly what the Black King had been waiting for - a clear shot at the intruder. One colossal fist flew forwards. Almost instantly, Ember joined Discord in an unconscious heap on top of the ship, and the King turned back to the Queen and gave a mumbled instruction. She nodded. "Yes, it would seem things are finally ready. I should leave now." She calmly walked over to the entrance to the ship, pausing briefly to wave back to the King. "Take care." *** "OK," Twilight said, as the few remaining ponies appeared in Comet's old incipisphere, on the surface of the Land of Cloud and Ruins. "Star Swirl, you and me are heading to Comet's house and alchemising all the other gates we need. Luna, you take Celestia's body to Ember's planet and get her to the quest bed. Spike, Acapella and Diamond, head to Skaia and see if you can't find us a ship that's not too badly damaged." The other ponies (and Spike, after a moment's persuasion) nodded, and took off in their groups, leaving Twilight and Star Swirl behind. "Right, let's get going." Star Swirl nodded, and followed Twilight as she began following a network of thin rope bridges across the clouds and back towards Comet's house. "Twilight," Star Swirl said, as they walked. "I'm not judging you, and I'm not saying you were wrong, but... you've left Comet and Ember for dead, haven't you?" Twilight froze, forcing Star Swirl to wait as well. "The lights above Skaia, which was the Scratch about to happen. Luna's seen it before, but I don't know if she made the connection or not." "That's just crazy talk," Twilight said dismissively. "Why would the session be resetting?" "Because someone started the Scratch," Star Swirl reasoned. "Someone who understands how Time works. I didn't do it, and Comet's not the type for noble self-sacrifice, so it was you. What I want to know is why." "I didn't start the Scratch," Twilight protested. "Why would I have left Fluttershy to die, anyway?" "You wouldn't have," Star Swirl stated. "She was dead already, wasn't she?" Twilight didn't answer, which was as good as a confirmation. "And you're angry about that. That's understandable. She was the only friend you had left. So what, you decided to take revenge on Comet and Ember? Comet because he's been a dick for pretty much the whole game, and Ember because.... he was meant to be protecting Fluttershy?" "I." Twilight began, still neglecting to turn around. It was hard to tell without seeing her face, but it sounded to Star Swirl as if she was on the verge of tears. "I just don't understand why this is happening. What did me and my friends do to deserve this? We were just a bunch of stupid ponies trying to save our home. That's how this all started. I... I didn't want any of this." "No," Star Swirl corrected her. "That's not how it started. This never started. Nothing in this entire mess happened before anything else, chronologically speaking. It all stems from something that happened earlier. Since the day you were spawned from ghost slime by some fool randomly pressing buttons on a machine they didn't understand, your life has been meant to go through all of this terrible stuff." "If this is meant to be cheering me up then it's not working," Twilight said bitterly. "I am sick to death of inevitability. Why can I never have any choice about what happens to my friends? Why is that so unreasonable?" "... you figured it out when you ascended, I guess," Star Swirl said. "My universe, the one me and Celestia come from... is a reset version of your universe. Just like how your universe is a reset version of mine. Therefore your session had to be reset." He shook his head sadly. "Your session begets mine which begets yours... this really is a never-ending clusterfuck of terrible ideas. And it's not fair." "Star Swirl, that's not all I figured out when I ascended," Twilight said sadly. She turned to face him at last, and he could see that she had, indeed, been about to cry. "I suddenly saw all of time, for a split second. All of the timelines intersecting and branching and recreating themselves in and around our sessions. I understood it all, and... and that's why I know that Celestia has to ascend right now. She HAS to." She looked away. "It would be possible to save Fluttershy if she was brought to this quest bed. But it could only be her, or Celestia. One of them is just a fake version of the pony I respect more than anypony else. And the other is one of my best friends, who is only dead because I got her involved in all of this. And... and I chose Celestia. Because that's right. That's what's meant to happen." "Twilight," Star Swirl said, trying to slow down Twilight's train of thought before she started crying again. "Stop blaming yourself for everything. You're not meant to be the one to save everything, and that's a ridiculous expectation to give yourself." "I know," Twilight said. "But at the very least, I should be able to save the ponies I care about. Shouldn't I? Is it really so unreasonable that I want to do that?" Star Swirl was silent for a few moments as he thought about that, before walking over to Twilight and hugging her. "No," he said quietly. "It's not unreasonable at all." He glanced around, at the gaping chasm that extended beneath the bridge, mostly hidden beneath the thick layers of cloud that drifted around the planet. He suddenly felt very isolated. *** Endless emptiness extended for infinity in 29 perpendicular directions around the warship. In the 30th dimension, however, a brilliant flash of light arced peculiarly across the void, illuminating vast tracts of absolutely nothing, as the forces binding the nothingness of the void together began to break down before the sheer power of the Black King. The Queen's precise and powerful magic combined with the Paradox Gate gave the warship the trajectory that would take it to the centre of the Paradox Loop. The King's unlimited destructive power acted as the motor. Countless miles of impenetrably empty darkness were torn asunder by pure energy, as all 23 of the King's prototypings worked together to tear down countless centuries of accumulated wisdom of how not to write a story with a really shitty twist. Literary taste, class, and dignity were all mere annoyances to the power of the King, as the warship steadily grew ever closer to its infinitely distant destination. Inside the ship, Ember and Discord sat across a table from each other. Discord wore an incredibly smug expression on his face, while Ember appeared rather irritated. It wasn't ideal, but Discord much preferred disgruntled Ember to homicidal Ember. "We'll reach the centre soon," Discord commented. "Once we get there, nothing can go wrong. Our enemy is notoriously slippery, and he'll pounce on the first chance for a comeback we give him. Our tactics have to be solid, and fast. So let me confirm this again, to make absolutely sure." He leaned forwards, a genuine smile on his face. He was very happy with himself for making such a good outcome of the situation. "Are you on our side, Ember?" "Yeah," Ember said after a moment's pause. "And when we win, are you going to keep your promise?" Discord laughed. "Haha! Why wouldn't I? I don't care what you do after I win. I can make a separate universe where you and all your friends live happily forever, if you want. It doesn't matter to me." He clapped his paw and claw together, and a pear appeared out of thin air, which he caught and began chewing on thoughtfully. "If I wanted to see you suffer, I can just make another one of you out of nowhere, and torment him instead. But I don't," he added quickly, seeing Ember's face darken. "Not in the slightest." "Well then, I guess I'm on your side now," Ember said. "But, I wonder. What do you want to do with unlimited power, them?" Discord considered the question, stroking his chin absently. "Now, that's the real question, isn't it." He shrugged noncommittally. "I suppose that all I really want... is all that anyone wants." Finishing his pear, he chucked the stalk behind him, where it promptly became a chicken. "To live happily ever after." ***END OF ACT 3*** "Now, this strikes me as good a place to halt proceedings as any. I would ask that you all remain here for just a few moments, as I must leave for a short while to consult with our special guest." As I look out on you all, it seems clear to me that many of you have forgotten that I have ever claimed the existence of my close friend. Perhaps the more cynical members of the audience were inclined to believe that such a person did not exist. However, I assure you that he is real, or at least is what passes for real in this day and age. "It would seem that, due to semi-foreseen events, he will be joining us after all, although this may be under rather unusual circumstances. Please excuse me for a short while, and do help yourself to refreshments." After making this rather abrupt pause, I quickly vacate the room and make sure that the doors are all properly sealed. Events have begun moving far too quickly for my liking. Once I am satisfied that you are perfectly safe, I retrieve my phone and contact my friend. [CURRENT mediocreHost began narrating to CURRENT theatricalParagon] CMH: I hope you realise what you're doing. CMH: This is beginning to get dangerous. CTP: I thought I made this quite clear. I do not have the slightest clue what I'm doing. CMH: Please try to take this seriously, OK? CMH: My life is very much at risk. CTP: Oh please, don't give me that. You're fine. CTP: It's not like they can make it to the Hotel. CMH: And why not? CTP: This is probably too advanced for someone like you to understand. But, put simply, there are some rules you cannot break. CTP: Some boundaries you cannot breach. The unspoken laws. CTP: It is generally accepted that breaking those laws would be kind of dumb. CMH: I hate to point this out, but you have been described with those exact words many times. CTP: Don't be so pessimistic. I've got this under control. CMH: What's scary is that you believe that. CMH: Listen, I've agreed to go along with your plan. I trust you. Or rather, I want to trust you. CMH: But, I... I'm kind of scared. CMH: Please. Please don't joke around. CTP: OK, listen, I know I've been a little flippant about the details of my master plan. CTP: And you may have been given the impression that I genuinely, sincerely don't give a shit. CTP: And maybe that's exactly right. CTP: But I assure you, I have everything under control. Nothing can possibly go wrong. CMH: You are coming, aren't you? CMH: I'd feel a lot safer if you were with me. CTP: As sweet as that is, I hope you realise that I'm just as powerless as you are. If not more so. CMH: Meaning that I can use you as a distraction. CTP: ... CMH: Kidding! Obviously I'm kidding. CTP: Sure. But yes, I will join you soon. CTP: The machine's where you left it, right? CMH: You're not going to use that, are you? CTP: Not unless I have to. I'll pull a thousand author-serts before I resort to using the machine. CTP: In theory. But it's probably a good idea to know where it is at all times. CMH: Well then, yes, it's where I left it. CTP: Cool. Well, see you. CMH: Bye. [CURRENT mediocreHost ceased narrating to CURRENT theatricalParagon] I breathe a sigh of relief as I put my phone away. The danger is still present, and very pressing, but it is comforting to think that I will not have to face it alone. I will return to the study and resume my narration soon, but first I will take this rare opportunity to collect my thoughts. I close my eyes, and allow myself to recall the time from before this tale began. But all too soon, my eyes spring open as a sharp claw taps me on the shoulder, and I find myself staring into the eyes of a grotesque monster clad in purple pyjamas. "Checkmate," Discord says to me, grinning a grin that I know will haunt me for the rest of my life. Luckily, I seriously doubt that I will live long enough for that to become a problem.