Top Of The Charts

by GeodesicDragon

A New Start


A New Start

As Vinyl drags you along the corridor, you wonder why she's not totally freaked out about you like the others were. You think that maybe, just maybe, she is under the influence of some freaky pony drug that makes her see things as other things.

Either that or she genuinely thinks you're cool simply because you're a new species. You hope that it's the latter as the dance floor comes back into view again. The music has restarted, but it soon stops when Vinyl sticks a hoof in her mouth and whistles loudly.

"Hey everypony," she yells, "listen up! This here is Anon. As you can see, he's not a pony. But he seems cool, so he's gonna hang with us for a while, and maybe show us a few things about how his kind chills the buck out!"

The crowd stomps the floor with their hooves, presumably in approval. Vinyl signals for the music to restart and pushes you onto the dance floor. You look around at the assorted party ponies and shrug nonchalantly.

They don't know how a human dances, Anon. Time to mix things up a little, wouldn't you agree?

I do brain. But you do realise...


... that I am still going to kill off some more of your cells with alcohol for that 'martial arts' crap you pulled on me earlier.

Quickly ignoring your brain's protests and pleas, you begin strutting your stuff. If there's one thing you knew, it was dancing. You've been in enough clubs to know a few moves, as well as seen a ton of music videos. You start off with some MC Hammer, mostly because you've always wanted to try it.

And judging by the looks you are getting, you are pulling it off remarkably well. You follow up with some John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. A few of the ponies look at you in awe, especially the mares. You continue to not give a fuck as you finish with what you think is the killer move... the pelvic thrust.

You even throw in some spanking for good measure. A few mares swoon dreamily. Yeah, they can dream all they want, you're not going down that route just yet. You've only been here a few hours, and the first thing you want to do is get drunk.

You moonwalk off the dance floor to cheers and head for the bar. Vinyl is already there, looking at you with a large grin on her face. She holds up her hoof and you give her a high-five.

"Wow Anon," she says, "those were some sweet buckin' moves. And you certainly got everypony grooving."

She points towards the dance floor where several of the ponies are attempting to copy what you did, with varying results.

"As a reward for bringing the house down, the drinks are on me tonight. But you've gotta show me how you did that."

You nod and order a drink. The bartender eyes you warily as he passes you a mug filled with a light brown liquid. You take a sip and realise that it's cider. Pretty weak cider, but cider nonetheless.

"So Anon," Vinyl asks, "how did you get here?"

You explain to her everything that you remember. The wedding, the fangirl, getting thrown into a wall, cracking your head open, skipping the hospital in favour of fixing it yourself, going to bed and then falling into the forest. Even though it's happened you still feel like its clichéd somehow. The whole thing reads like a bad story.

"You're a DJ, huh?" Vinyl seems intrigued. "What kind of music do you mix? I'll remix anything to sound cool, even that snooty classical crap they play in Canterlot. My friend Octavia hates it when I do that. She says it 'ruins the peace and sanctity of the classical genre'."

"When I say I'm a DJ," you reply, "I mean I just change tracks on a turntable at weddings and nightclubs. I don't do any remixing at all. Hell, I don't know the first thing about half the stuff you do."

Vinyl cocks her head at you disbelievingly.

"Are you serious?" she says. "You don't know anything about being a DJ, yet you claim to be one? Maybe you're not as cool as I think you are. But we can fix that. Stick with me, and I'll show you how a proper DJ does things around here."

"What are you saying?" you ask.

"I'm saying," Vinyl takes a swig of cider, "that you are now my new student in the art of the DJ. Welcome aboard, Anon!"

She slams down the rest of her cider and orders another while you sit and process what she just said.

She barely knows you, yet she's just offered you a job. This pony is either very trusting, or downright crazy. Ten bucks says its the latter. But what do you think, Anon?

Well, it's not like I've got anything else to do here. And who knows? Maybe I could learn a thing or two for when... and if... I get back.

That's the spirit!

No it's not... this is the spirit!

You swig down the rest of your cider and order some shots. Time to keep your promise to your brain and kill some more of its cells with precious liquor. And if you happen to celebrate your new job along the way, then that's fine too.



You mutter that to yourself as the early morning sun obliterates what little sight you had left. You couldn't help but think that it was much brighter than it should be, but then you remembered that you're in a whole new place now. A truly joyous and wonderful land full of talking ponies... one of whom is in the bed with you.





Huh? Oh, morning Anon. I'm fine, despite your efforts. Thanks for asking... prick.

Never mind that! What happened last night? Why is Vinyl in the bed with us?

Because you didn't have anywhere else to go, so she said we could crash with her. Don't worry man, you didn't stick it in her. You may be a callous bastard, but I was still watching out for you.

Thank fuck for that.

No, you mean thank me for not fucking.

You let out a massive sigh of relief and get out of the bed. The sudden movement wakes up Vinyl, who snorts and looks around the room sullenly before noticing you.

"Morning Anon," she says coyly, "we certainly rocked the house last night, didn't we?"

Your eyes widen as you contemplate that your brain just lied to you about not sleeping with her. She sees the horrified expression on your face and bursts out laughing.

"Haha, relax dude! Nothing happened. I may be known as a wild party animal, but I still have my limits. No bucking on the first date, everypony knows that!"

She gives you a sly wink gets up, while you mentally flagellate yourself for getting so wasted you could have fucked a horse.


Oh fuck off brain, it's too early in the morning for your crap.

"So..." you ask hesitantly, "... what's on the agenda for today? Surely word has spread of my arrival by now?"

Vinyl nods.

"Yeah there's some reporters here to see you, wanting to ask a few questions about what you are, how you got here, all that crap. And when they're done, the Royal Guard want to haul you away to meet the princesses."

You nod as well.

"Okay, I can deal with reporters. I've had plenty of experience in that field, especially after a fight broke out. Now, as for the princesses... wait, princesses?!"

"Uh yeah," Vinyl replies, "Princesses Celestia and Luna want to see you. They're as intrigued as anypony else about the new species that's arrived in town. Say, that reminds me... what the buck is your species, anyway?"

"Human." you reply meekly.

Vinyl makes an 'oh' with her mouth and heads into the bathroom. You soon hear the sound of running water, but all that you can really think about is your upcoming meeting with royalty. To say that you are bricking it would be an understatement.

Ho-ho, sucks to be you Anon! You're about to meet royalty and you reek of sweat and booze! Not exactly the best way to make a first impression, wouldn't you agree?

Vinyl exits the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her mane. She stops and observes you having your moment of clarity before giggling at the gormless expression on your face. You snap out of it and turn to glare at her.

"What's wrong Anon?" she asks, "Are you worried about your meeting with the princesses? Relax, dude! They're the best ponies ever! Especially Luna, she's a real party freak. She loves the fact that ponies like me don't sleep."

"It's not them I'm worried about," you reply, "it's me. I've only got these clothes, and I smell like sweat and booze. I need a shower and a change of clothes, in that order."

"Sure, no problem." Vinyl says. "You can use my shower, and I'll get your clothes washed. Problems solved."

"Thanks." you mumble as you walk into the bathroom. Despite her small size, Vinyl's shower easily looks like it could support you without you having to bend over. You guess that owning a nightclub is more lucrative a venture than you thought.

You whip off all your clothes and step into the shower. You turn the water on and let it caress your body. Letting out a contented sigh, you begin the process of making yourself clean... just as the door swings open and Vinyl walks in.

"Vinyl!" you screech, covering yourself as best you can. "What the hell are you doing? I'm showering here!"

Vinyl rolls her eyes as her horn glows. Your clothes are suddenly lifted into the air in front of her face.

"Well it's kinda hard to wash your clothes," she replies, "if I don't have them. Besides, why are you so worried? In case you hadn't noticed, nopony around here really wears clothes."

"Well humans do," you shoot back, "and we really value our privacy when we're showering. Could you at least knock next time?"

"You're forgetting Anon," Vinyl laughs, "that it's my shower. I'll do whatever the buck I want."

With those words she leaves the room. You sigh and continue washing yourself in preparation for your meeting.


Well that was a complete load.


You have just finished being interrogated by a gang of reporters. Your voice is hoarse from answering their endless barrage of questions, you've got a ringing in your ears from the constant yelling, and you've nearly gone blind from all the camera flashes.

But at least it's over, and there's just the princesses to worry about. You've never even met human royalty before, yet here you are about to meet pony royalty. And to top it all off, these two princesses apparently rule the entire country.

So pissing them off is a definite no-no.

You take a drink of water to soothe your aching throat. Out of the corner of one eye, you can see Vinyl snickering at you. You roll your eyes at her and finish drinking before finally turning to address what it is she finds so funny.

"You handled that pretty well Anon," she sniggers, "though I honestly thought you were going to crack at some point."

You sigh.

"I was close." you reply, "but you're right, I did handle it pretty well. But the questions! Fucking hell, and I thought the media back home were relentless bastards."

Vinyl laughs some more at your expense. You'd be annoyed if she wasn't the one who gave your sorry ass both a place to stay and a new job, which you are really looking forward to starting.

"Are we gonna get going or not?" you ask. "I don't want to be late for my meeting with these princesses."

"I already told you Anon," Vinyl replies, "that they'll have sent the Royal Guard to come and get you."

You look at her pleadingly.

"Can you come with me?" you put on your best puppy dog eyes, which only makes Vinyl laugh some more. "Come on, I could use an ally in all this, and you're the closest one I have to a friend."

Vinyl stops laughing and looks at you. She rubs the back of her head with a hoof.

"As awesome as that is," she says sheepishly, "I can't come with you. I wouldn't be allowed in. You're on your own, dude."


"Don't worry Anon," she soothes, "I'm sure you'll be fine. Though if you end up on the moon, be sure to send me a postcard."

She grins at you as a knock on the door attracts her attention. Silver, one of the stallions you met yesterday, comes in. He nods at you — a gesture you return — before addressing Vinyl.

"There's a couple of Royal Guards here, Vinyl." Silver says. "They're here to collect Anon and take him to Canterlot."

You stand up.

"All right then," you say, "let's get this over with."