Chapter 40
Return to the Farm.
Getting back to the, ‘Con’ was easy enough - Just present my hoof to Brick House and walk right back in. Being at that tea shop seemed to take forever thought. Not that I minded. It was really good tea after all. And as I walk back down the hallway, I do believe that tea is starting to have a bit of an effect. A slight effect, but still an effect.
Peeking my head into the art room, I watch the ponies in their drawing. Most of them are drawing with their mouths, but I notice a silver glint on their hooves. They’re drawing with their hooves. At least most of the earth ponies in the room are. “Duct tape?” I glare down at my own hoof and mentally kick myself for not thinking about that back in April. “Why the Fet didn’t I think of that before!?” One of them notices me looking and gives me a blank stare before eying my hoof. A skittish feeling takes me and I hurry back to the snacking lounge. Dib is exactly where I left him: Sitting with Lyra. The two of them look excited over something and haven’t noticed that I have come back. As I stealthily walk back to the little corner they are in, I can hear the final part of their conversation.
“Yes, I will,” He says looking at Lyra.
I blink. I’m not sure what the conversation was about, but I am going to try to - as Subtle Brew put it - ‘Go with the Flow.’ “You will what?” I ask. The two of them jump and look over at me.
“Whoa! H.B.!” Dib yells, his eyes going wide.
“Oh, geez! I didn’t mean to interrupt your conversation, I have a bad habit of just kinda sneaking up on others. Well, I used to have that habit back in Mineighsota and it seems to be reasserting itself,” I explain. This is true. I don’t know how many near cardiac arrests I could have caused. “So! I’m not interrupting anything am I?”
There is a momentary pause of silence between the two and then they shake their heads. “Nope, Dib was just telling me that he would keep in contact with me after the con is over. He has a keen interest in a lot of other creatures that have been deemed, ‘mythological.’”
Dib nods at me. “Yup. We were just talking about, ‘Big Hoof!’” He looks at me with a bit of concern. “You were gone for some time, are you ok?”
I sigh. ‘Go with the flow,’ she said. “Yeah, I just needed some time to think and get some tea.”
He nods at me and looks at me with what I think is a sympathetic look. “That’s good to hear! So, you want sit back down with us and talk?”
I mull the question over in my head. “I don’t know what I could add to this conversation, but sure, why not?”
“You could always tell her about that dreaded lutafisk that you told me about, H.B.,” Dib suggests.
“Uhm, sure...” I reply.
“And later, we can check out the rest of the rooms. Did you take a look at the art room by chance?” Lyra asks me.
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The rest of the convention went a lot better after I just calmed down and took Subtle Brew’s advice. We talked for a little bit about strange creatures. I tried my best to avoid arguing with Lyra about how biologically stupid humans were overall. We ate some, and then checked out the art room.
Watching some of the artists draw made me want to pull out my mechanical pencil and just start drawing myself. But with the way that Lyra first reacted to the whole, ‘hole in hoof,’ thing? Something told me that this was a bad idea, so I made some commentary on their work instead. Little suggestions here and there about what I would do differently. A few of the artists there actually liked the whole, ‘rounder ears,’ bit that I kept pushing.
Dib wanted to get one of the human hats that was floating around, but they were sold out. So we cut a deal with the maker of them and we’d pay for one now, and she’d mail it to Dib. It would take a few weeks, but he was really happy. Lyra offered to get me a few different trinkets here and there, but I declined. I explained that I didn’t really have anywhere to put anything at the time.
I felt... distracted. Like when I was drawing in the library, my mind was elsewhere from the unpleasantness of my over all situation. I wasn’t some human being cursed to be a pony for breaking the hearts of his lovers - though I wasn’t a pony either - I was just... another guest at a gathering.
The three of us are now sitting a table in the main auditorium. Lyra is explaining more about how she got into the whole, ‘human,’ thing. Something to do with harps, seeing a few weird movies and looking into rather obscure history. Dib is, of course, sitting and taking in every word. Every so often his eyes dart at me and he looks like he is about to say something, but stops himself.
“So, when I hit my teens, I knew that I had hit as far as I could go with my music. Magic takes a lot out of a pony and working that thing with hooves is just a chore,” she explains. “So I took my talents into thinking back to what I learned about humans. At first it was a bit of a jealous streak going through me. After all, fingers. But soon it began to grow into a little bit of what Bon-Bon calls, ‘My little Obsession.’ And I will admit that it was getting a little out of hand by the end of that year.”
I twitch a little as she uses the work, ‘hand,’ so flippantly. So easily. Like it just could be switched out right there and then and none would raise an eyebrow at it. Internally, I glare at that little monster that’s trying to creep back out of it’s hidey-hole. The one that is reminding me that I am not a real pony. Again.
Dib cocks his head. “How can you tell if you are getting, ‘too bad?’”
“Well, I had drawn black lines on my hooves to make them look like fingers, dyed my coat to a, ‘human skin tone pink’ and had twisted my ankles several times learning to walk upright on a permanent basis,” Lyra scratches her head. “had it not been for Bon-Bon’s intervention? Who knows where it would have gone.” She looks up at the clock on the wall behind us. “Oh jeeze! It’s almost four-thirty already!?”
I blink and crane my head back. “Holy s-t-t-treusel!”
Dib blinks at me. “Streusel?”
My eyes dart back and forth. “Yeah, it’s just an expression we use back home. Kinda like, ‘pickles,’ or something like that. But I was looking at the time and saw that Lyra was right. Eeesh.” I turn to look back at Lyra who is giving me a wide grin. “Where did the time go?”
“You know what they say, H.B.! Time flies when you’re having fun!” Lyra exclaims. “And seeing that it is almost four-thirty...If you’ve read the schedule-” She looks at Dib with sparkling eyes and that horribly creepy, ‘Lyra Grin.’ And with that action, Lyra has sent up a dozen red flags in my head. Great, this was such a nice break from my usual depressive nature. Dib blinks and smiles embarrassedly.
“You should know that I’m not very good at that sort of thing-” Dib starts.
“You mean you’ve never tried it alone?” Lyra asks.
Alright, this is getting to me because all of it is sounding highly suggestive. Then again that just might be me and my stupid brain jumping to conclusions and seeing patterns that aren’t there. “You two mind letting me in on the fetting secret here?” Gah, calm down, H.B. No need to let your temper slip. “Uhm, that is if you don’t mind telling me.”
“We’re going to sing the, ‘Anthropology,’ song!” Lyra says gleefully getting up from the table. I notice that there are ponies who are starting to file into the room. Each one of them with that same creepy, overjoyed grin on their faces.
Fuck. There is going with the flow, and then there is going against my nature. And with the exception of that one time under the influence of creativi-tea? I do not plan on doing any singing in the near future. Particularly if it is Lyra’s rendition of, ‘Anthropology.’ I need to think of something really quick if I want to opt out of this.
“Uhm, ya know, I just remembered that I really, really, really need to use the bathroom. So, I am going to have to miss out on that. Besides, where I’m from? We don’t sing much.” That sounds convincing enough. I hope.
Dib looks at me with sad eyes. “We could convince them to wait for you, H.B.”
Oooooh no. Not this time, Dib. You can keep your song and dance routines. “Thanks but no thanks, Dib. I wouldn’t want to have all of you wait for me. It would spoil your fun. Besides...I’m going to be in the bathroom for a while. I think I ate something that didn’t agree with me,” I say, half lying. I kind of do need to use the restroom now that I think about it.
Dib rolls his eyes. “Typical mare...” He mutters.
I give him a soured expression and am about to open my mouth to say something when Lyra interrupts me. “Don’t worry about missing out on the song, H.B. You just take care of what you need to take care of. We’ll be here when you get back.”
“Uhm, thanks,” I reply, getting up from the table and hurrying myself to the bathroom. I really don’t know how to react to what Lyra just said. I know it sounded like she was being understanding, but something in the back of my mind can’t shake a feeling that maybe she was a little...I don’t know, is it possible to be, ‘too understanding,’ for ponies? Fuck it, whatever. My body is telling me to go do things in the bathroom now.
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Lyra waved at Heartbreak as she took off for the bathroom. Crab Apple looked at her with a bit of disappointment on his face. “Awww, I understand that when, ‘ya gotta go, ya gotta go,’ but I’m sure she could have waited till the song was over. I mean it isn’t that long of a song after all!”
“There’s a reason I let her go, Dib,” Lyra pulled out the folder. “I was testing her.”
Crab Apple looked down the hallway and past the ponies that were filing in. “Seriously? That’s one of the signs?”
“Yup. It seems like a silly one, but it’s there. Normal ponies will nearly jump at the chance to join in a song or at the very least want to join in the singing. It’s part of our basic natures, part of our magic,” Lyra explained.
“Werequines don’t have normal pony magic...and don’t have the same response as normal ponies,” Crab Apple said looking at her.
“Precisely. You could say almost say that this is the nail in the coffin. However,” Lyra paused as she moved further away from the table. “I’m counting on you to help me find that one later tonight and remember,” she said winking at him. “Mum’s the word.”
Crab Apple nodded his head. As Lyra turned and walked down the hallway to check for straggling ponies, he felt a strange emotion bubbling up and flush enter his cheeks. He blinked. “What was that?” He thought to himself. Was it the onset of con burn? The wave of what was happening here and now? Was it the promise of what would happen later? Or was it something more than that? He shook his head and smiled at some of the surrounding ponies. A few of them giggled and whispered about something while pointing at him. Normally that would have bothered him. But not right now. Nothing seemed to be able to spoil this feeling or moment. This had been the most awesome, fantastic and exciting convention he had experienced in his fifteen year old life.
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Dib and I are walking back to the farm. He’s got a saddlebag full of con goodies and there’s a lightness about his walk. I might be oblivious times five sometimes, but I got a feeling that this cheerfulness hasn’t been brought on by business cards, papers, drawings and generic swag that you get from a con. I kinda get the feeling that it is due to a few special goodies that I saw Lyra herself bestow on him. He was acting rather goofy after that.
After the con, Dib and I got a bite to eat, chatted a little more about where he was from and what his family was like. I wasn’t left with too many surprises seeing that all his family members were exactly as I expected them to be. I tried to tell him, without giving anything away, what my family was like. Then I felt a little more comfortable explaining what it was I had been doing in Ponyville after I, ‘left Minneighsota’. I had to fill in some of the holes in the story with filler instead of the truth. I mean there was some truth in all that, how I missed home, how I felt alien, and how I had to clean up the library. But not the, 'truth-truth.'
After a bit more awkward gabbing about how much we were both annoyed by our names and our sisters, I realized what time it was. Somehow four-thirty turned into five-thirty and the sun is beginning to set. That’s the bad news. The good news? I got out of singing, but just barely. Shit, that was close. I don’t care what has happened to my voice, what I sound like now or even what body I am in. I do not normally sing.
Even back on Earth I didn’t sing. I just don't -Fuck, I’ve been over this thought, and I have already been over the thought of the first time I sang here in Equestria while under the influence of magic tea. I shake my head. I’m thinking in circles; looking for things to complain and fret about. So, shut up, brain. We had a good time, nothing horrible happened and best of all: Dib got to have his little dream. There is nothing that could spoil this moment but you.
Pushing out those little negative things and thinking about the here and now...I feel good about how today went. Just then I get a whiff of myself. Bleh, mare musk and con funk. Not a pretty combination. “At least I can take a shower now,” I think to myself as we near the gate.