//------------------------------// // Ch. 8: Truth // Story: The Elements of Excess // by cleverpun //------------------------------// Ch. 8 Truth “Princess Celestia!?” everypony shouted in unison. “What the hay are you doin’ here?” Applejack pointed a hoof at the princess, manners forgotten. “Oh, Spike sent me a letter.” Celestia gave him a small smile. “He said Twilight Sparkle was acting oddly. I would have arrived sooner, but there were some important matters I had to attend to first.” “Ooh, were you going to the bathroom? Sometimes I have to go at the worst possible times!” Pinkie said. “Uh, no… I was in a diplomatic meeting.” Celestia glanced around. “May I ask where my faithful student is?” “She just left,” Rarity said. “To assassinate you,” Applejack added. Celestia didn’t react. After a few moments she sighed quietly. “I was afraid of this.” “Wow, really? I sure wasn’t!” Pinkie Pie bounced over to Celestia. “Do you have psychic powers!?” Applejack scratched her head nervously. “Yeah… Twilight can be an excitable weirdo sometimes, but I didn’t really see this one comin’ neither.” “It is time I told all of you something,” Celestia said. Pinkie gasped. “You DO have psychic powers?” “No, Pinkie Pie, something else.” “Ooh, let me get you a seat!” Rarity said, abruptly. “Uhm, thank you.” Rarity rushed off to get some pillows, and an awkward silence filled the room. “Princess,” Fluttershy poked a hoof at the ground, “did you track dirt into the library?” Celestia idly glanced at one of her forehooves. There was a smudge on one of her hoofguards, light enough that only a hypochondriac with a magnifying glass would have bothered to comment on it. “I might have. I apologize, but that is an unavoidable result of walking.” “Oh no, no, no! I just cleaned this library! It was completely germ-free!” “What about all the germs we tracked in here when we came back?” Applejack asked. “And don’t forget all the germs Twilight let in when she blew up the top floor!” Pinkie added. Celestia opened her mouth to reply, but suddenly found herself distracted by a motion on her right. She turned her head, only to find Rainbow Dash rubbing her face all over the royal haunch. Celestia paused for a moment, trying to think of a tactful way to phrase her next question. “Rainbow Dash…I am no stranger to displays of affections from my subjects, but may I ask why you are—” Her sentence was interrupted as one of her hooves was yanked from under her. She quickly regained her balance and turned her attention forward, only to find Fluttershy scrubbing her hoof guard with a sponge. “Fluttershy, while I am no stranger to having things done for me, I can assure you that you do not need to—” Her sentence was cut off again as she felt something poking her tail. A quick turn of her head revealed Pinkie Pie examining the prismatic appendage very closely. “How do you get your hair to do that?” Pinkie poked it again. “Eons of exposure to raw magic. Now, if all three of you could—” “That sounds like a pretty terrible name for conditioner! Their marketing department needs some editors! Ponies like things short and catchy, not long and wordy.” “No, I was referring to—” “I got the cushions!” Rarity emerged from the basement, a massive stack of pillows floating next to her. In the blink of an eye Pinkie was next to Rarity. “Dibs on the pink one!” “Took ya long enough. Did you have to sort them all before you came up here?” Applejack grabbed one of the cushions in her mouth. “Oh, don’t be absurd, Applejack. Pillows do not weigh that much, so I simply brought them all. I did have to reupholster a few of them, however. And several of them just looked so much better with a few minor additions; a little lace here, some sequins there…” “Yeah, yeah, we get it.” “And none of them were worthy to be sat on by Princess Celestia, so I had to cobble some things together and I made this!” “Thank you, Rarity, but you didn’t have to—” “It looks like you painted a beach ball bright yellow. And why did you stitch a sun on it if Celestia never comes here?” AJ asked. “For when you take it to the beach, obviously!” Pinkie explained. “Very thematic.” “Oh, c’mon, AJ. Everything Rarity makes is amazing. You don’t need to be so harsh.” Rainbow grabbed a pillow for herself. “It looks too fluffy. Celestia could fall over and hurt herself.” Celestia grabbed the cushion with her magic and plastered a serene smile onto her face. “It’s lovely. Thank you, Rarity. Now perhaps we could all have a seat?” “You can’t eat seats, Princess!” Spike grabbed a pillow and considered where to sit, and eventually settled next to Celestia. Finally, everypony was seated in a circle, some uncomfortably close to others, and Celestia took a deep breath. “Firstly, let me apologize to all of you for not telling you the truth sooner.” “Oh, it’s alright, dear. I’m sure you had your reasons.” Rarity waved a hoof dismissively. “Yeah, Rarity’s right,” Dash said. “Obviously it’s ain’t okay since Twilight has gone off the deep end. Again,” Applejack said. “Honesty is the best policy, and you should know that better than anypony, Princess.” “Yeah, AJ’s right.” Dash scratched her head. “I mean, uhm, they both have valid points, and—” “But, AJ, you can’t just tell everypony everything when you have psychic powers! Everypony would ask you for things and then you’d have to tell them that their special somepony hates their cat and their mom never liked their cards and that they don’t call their Granny enough and then everypony would hate your guts.” Pinkie smiled. “Pinkie Pie, I do not have psychic powers,” Celestia was surprisingly calm. “I do, however, have many magical senses, and I have feared—” “Ooh, can you sense what I had for breakfast? That’s sort of like psychic powers, although it’s probably more like breakfast powers. Can you sense anything about breakfast, or just when other ponies had it?” AJ glared at Pinkie. “Who would use magic ta detect breakfasts? That’s stupid.” “Yeah, AJ’s right. That’s stupid,” Rainbow added. “Actually it could help nutritionists,” Fluttershy said. “They’d be able to keep track of calories, and protein, and fat, and cholesterol, and toxins…” “Yeah, Fluttershy’s right, it might be helpful,” Rainbow said emphatically.  “My little ponies, please. I cannot sense anything about food, but I can sense other things. When you defeated Discord, I sensed a surge of chaotic energy leave his body.” Pinkie giggled quietly. Applejack rolled her eyes. “Pinkie, you’re so immature.” “I dunno, it is kinda funny.” Rainbow smiled. Spike smirked as well. Applejack turned away. “Like I said.” “As I was saying,” Celestia said, as diplomatically as possible. “When I felt you use the Elements on the Corrosive Creature, I felt that same spike of chaotic energy.” “Dun dun dun!” Celestia ignored Pinkie’s outburst. “I can only conclude that—” “No, Princess, you’re doing it all wrong!” Pinkie interrupted. “After the big reveal you’re supposed to pause so everyone can gasp simultaneously! Like this.” Pinkie gasped loudly. Celestia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “No, no, that was too slow, silly! Like this.” Pinkie let out another loud gasp. Celestia continued. “I can only conclude that Discord planted some of his magic in the Elements of Harmony, and that using them to vanquish the Corrosive Creature released that magic.” “Wait, so yer sayin’ that Discord booby-trapped the Elements a Harmony?” Applejack asked. Pinkie snickered. “Haha, you said ‘booby! That’s a silly word. Booby, ruby, newbie…” “Yes, Applejack, that seems—” “So I have some of Discord’s magic in my body? Festering? Writhing? Touching my…organs?” Fluttershy asked meekly. “It’s okay, ‘Shy. Want a hug?” Dash offered a hoof to Fluttershy. “Well, that would explain why Sweetie Belle was not receptive to my meticulous and highly generous beauty treatments,” Rarity said. “The poor thing must have noticed something was off. I should go find her and take her shopping!” “Would explain a lot a things,” Applejack muttered. “Oh, Rarity, don’t be silly! Sweetie Belle can’t detect chaos magic! Unless…” Pinkie rubbed her chin contemplatively. “Rarity, have you ever seen Sweetie using pyrokinesis? Or maybe mind-reading?” “Sweetie Belle doesn’t have psychic powers, Pinkie. Rarity is jus’ delusional.” Applejack explained. “I dunno, AJ. If Celestia has psychic breakfast powers, then all bets are off, right? I mean, if you can read the future, what can’t you do?” Spike scratched his head. “Wait. I don’t get it, Princess. The last time Discord used his magic on everypony, they became their opposites.” He swept his claws at the assembled ponies. “I’m not sure what’s going on here, but it sure isn’t that.” “Yeah, Spike’s right,” Rainbow agreed. “It definitely isn’t that!” “Discord never was one to repeat himself. No doubt he attempted to be clever and simply inverted his old plan.” “Did what now?” Spike asked. “Invert. As in reverse or opposite. He did that quite often. During one of our encounters he—” “No, I meant how is this the opposite of his last plan?” “Yeah, what Spike said,” Rainbow added. “Oh, well, his last plan was to make each of you the opposite of your Elements, so I assume this time his magic has exaggerated them instead.” Celestia gently pointed a hoof at Rainbow. “Given the Element of Loyalty in particular, it seems my prediction was correct.” “Predicting the future! I knew it! Quick, what type of cake do I have behind my back?” “Pinkie, that can’t be very sanitary…” “Hey, wait, what’s that supposed to mean about me in particular?” Rainbow asked defensively, pulling herself closer to Applejack. “Would you get offa me?” AJ pushed the pegasus away. “I swear you are the sweatiest mare ‘n Equestria.” “Do you want me to sweat less? Cuz I would do anything for you: even wear antiperspirant.” Pinkie gasped. “I knew I forgot some emergency supplies! I don’t have auxiliary antiperspirant stashed anywhere at all!” “Ooh, we should all go to the spa!” Rarity chimed in. “I’m sure your pores just need a good cleansing. I wonder if they do gift cards there…” “That’s a stupid plan, Rarity. Almost as stupid as Discord’s plan. I mean, he’s a god of chaos, and his big idea is ta just swap around his old plan? Real bland and unoriginal, if ya ask me. Show some creativity!” “I dunno, I think it’s pretty funny!” Pinkie giggled. “And what does hangin’ all over me all day have to do with Loyalty? That makes less sense than a timberwolf drivin’ a snowplow.” Celestia tuned back to the conversation. At least she had an answer prepared for that. “Chaos follows no patterns, Applejack. Its logic is its own. In some way, to some pony, these transformations would no doubt make perfect sense.” “Makes sense to me!” Pinkie said. Celestia smiled weakly. “Of course, knowing Discord, he could very well have calculated these expressions of the Elements to cause as many problems as possible, rather than as extensions of your actual personalities.” “Well, that seems quite silly,” Rarity said dismissively. “I’ve never been more helpful than I have been today. I don’t get enough excuses to spend some quality time with Sweetie Belle, especially where we are both enjoying ourselves.” “Yeah, Rarity’s right! What could possibly be disruptive about hugs?” Rainbow tightened her grip on both Rarity and Applejack.  “I think I might need some disinfectant,” Fluttershy glanced around at her friends. “Injectable disinfectant.” “And you didn’t think to tell us any of this sooner? I don’t expect a politician to tell the truth too often, but I expected some integrity from you, Princess,” Applejack huffed. Celestia raised an eyebrow. “I already admitted my judgment was lacking in some respects, Applejack. The Elements were the only thing capable of defeating the Corrosive Creature safely. I didn’t have a choice.” “But you did choose to lie to us.” “Yeah, you always have a choice!” Pinkie interjected. “You can choose what ice cream to eat and who your special somepony is and what time to throw a party and all sorts of other stuff! “So how’d you know Twilight would do something like this?” Spike asked Celestia, cutting off Applejack’s response before it began. “Psychic powers, duh, I said that already.” Pinkie rolled her eyes. Celestia smiled another faint smile. “I’ll admit I did not foresee this exact situation, but Twilight’s ambition and ability were an obvious target for Discord’s magic.” “So what do we do now?” Fluttershy asked. “Yeah, and how do we help Twilight?” Spike added. “That I do not know. You six know more about this situation than I do now. What do you think we should do?” “Spa!” “Party!” “Shower.” “Group hug!” AJ rolled her eyes. “We went over this already, remember? We need to go stop Twilight before she does any…well, any more damage. We’ll figure out how to reverse this after she’s under control.” “All good plans,” Rainbow said. “I still like mine best. Oh, and AJ’s. And Pinkie’s. And—” “Yeah, okay, we get it.” Rarity raised a hoof. “I vote for Fluttershy’s plan. And since we can’t all use her shower then obviously we should go to the bathhouse.” “Hold on, let me count all the votes up.” Pinkie produced a pad of paper. “We’re not voting on such stupid plans!” AJ said loudly. Celestia’s scrunched her eyes shut, trying to ignore the inane argument. She had a sudden desire for some Tailenol, but had to settle for quickly massaging her temples. She had expected her explanation to go better than this. Having regained some composure, she returned to the conversation. “I’m just saying, a group hug would make everypony feel better.” “Hugs spread germs, Rainbow.” “I believe Applejack has the right idea.” Celestia stood up. “Everypony hold onto me: I will teleport us to Canterlot.” “Ooh, sounds like fun!” Pinkie bounced over and grabbed one of Celestia hooves. “I’ll say!” Rainbow agreed, rushing over to grab a different hoof. “Yes, good idea, Princess. We could all use a relaxing trip to Canterlot,” Rarity said. “They have this darling ice cream parlor on main street. Good thing I remembered my purse.” “Uhm, you can all go ahead. If you don’t mind, I think I’m going to stay here, maybe go and buy a case of antiseptic cream…” Fluttershy said quietly. AJ answered her with a push forward. Once everypony was touching Celestia’s body, some more sensually than others, she levitated Spike onto her back. “Everyone, focus on somepony else. Pick a detail about them and stare directly at it. This may be a little disorienting otherwise.” In a burst of bright, golden light, the seven of them vanished.