//------------------------------// // Out of the Frying Pan // Story: A Golden Afternoon // by Gallifrey //------------------------------// A Golden Afternoon by Gallifrey Chapter Six Out of the Frying Pan "Twilight Sparkle, come on down!" called Discord, laughter colouring his words. Twilight meanwhile was panicking, and then some. She was trapped, cornered, with no escape. Discord had somehow discovered her with absurd ease, what chance did she have of escaping unscathed? "I'm waiting," he continued, with a touch of impatience. Seeing no other option, Twilight rose to her trembling hooves, and walked to her doom. Entering the Great Hall, the legs that had bravely carried her all the way here– wherever here was– turned to jelly and she stumbled forwards. "Oh my poor pony," said Discord with glee, standing up as she entered. "Do take a seat won't you? Take the weight off your hooves!" A table and chairs appeared, and Discord invited Twilight to sit at his right hand. "Why?" demanded Twilight suspiciously. "Twilight Sparkle: no matter the manner of my guests' entrance into my castle, be it by invite, or break-ins, they are still guests and must be treated as such!" said Discord in mock offence. "Well I'm not buying it!" growled the unicorn, grudgingly sitting beside him. "I know you're behind all this." "All what?" he asked innocently. "Let me think... oh yes, the mass chaos that's being wreaked everywhere as we speak." "You think all that is linked to little old me?" he said, shocked, "I am insulted, Twilight!" "Likely story," she returned, turning her back to him. "Believe what you want to believe, little pony. But let me ask you one question," he said, bearing down on her, so that his face was mere inches from hers. Twilight grimaced and didn't dignify this with an answer, so he continued. "How are you and you alone, the only pony who hasn't changed at all?" "Aha!" Twilight burst, "So you did do it!" "I don't recall saying that, I only expressed curiosity; you would do well to open your ears," he said, grabbing them and pulling them to three times their usual length. "Ohoho! You look like a donkey!" he said with mirth. "You're not funny, Discord!" snapped Twilight, using her magic to restore her ears to normal. "I think you need a sense of humour," he said dismissively. A door opened, and Spitfire flew back into the room, bearing a large tray in her hooves. "Dinner is served, your Highness. And who might this be?" she asked, placing the tray carefully in front of him. "Nopony that concerns you, just an old friend of mine." "Very well, shall I get her anything?" Twilight opened her mouth to maybe ask for some salad, but Discord cut across her. "She's fine." Spitfire bowed, and left them. "Do you actively try to be as annoying as possible?" asked a weary Twilight. "Depends whether you're around: you are excellent fun to wind up, Twilight Sparkle. Watching you go is a delight." "I suppose that's as close to a compliment as I'm gonna get from you." Twilight slumped in her seat, while Discord tore into his dinner. "Would you like some?" he offered. "I'm a pony," she deadpanned, "I'm a vegetarian." "Don't worry, the cow was completely vegetarian, it's essentially made of grass; that's what it ate after all." Twilight couldn't deny his logic was infallible, but only from a very warped perspective, like looking into a fun house mirror. "It's got ice cream in it, that's definitely vegetarian," he said, waving his plate enticingly in front of her. "No thank you." Silence descended, punctuated sporadically by Discord making unpleasant noises as he ate. Twilight was looking everywhere except on the draconequus, and slipped into a reverie. It didn't last long however, as the White Rabbit slunk into the Hall quietly. "Um, your Majesty," mumbled Fluttershy. Discord appeared not to hear. "Y-your Majesty?" "Hmmm? Yes?" he said, looking down. "I-I..." she trembled. "Spit it out will you?" he said impatiently, picking his teeth. "I have some... bad news," she whispered. Discord's smile, which he had worn since Twilight had entered, vanished. "What?" "You know y-your tarts, your Majesty? They're um... gone." "Gone," said Discord calmly. "The tarts I worked all morning on?" "Um yes," she said timidly. "You!" he roared, rounding on Twilight, "Off with her–" "ME?!" yelled Twilight, surprising him, "What evidence do you have for such an accusation?!" "I don't need any! I'm the King!" "Your Majesty," whimpered Fluttershy, feeling as though this were all her fault, "are you sure you couldn't hold a trial? Just a little one?" Discord considered Twilight closely. Beheading her would give him a certain amount of glee, but where was the fun for afterwards? He thought carefully. No, much better to keep her alive, and torment her as her entire world fell to ruin. "Very well," he declared, with a certain amount of reluctance, "let there be a trial!" Twilight buried her head in her hooves. This could not end well. Twilight found herself in yet another outlandish situation. Having never been of the criminal variety, the unicorn had never been in a court of justice before, but of course, she'd read about them in books, and was very pleased to realise that she knew the name of nearly everything there. She looked up to Discord, who was obviously the judge; he even had the wig, which sat between his two misshapen horns. In front of him was a tray of rather delicious looking tarts, with several crumb filled gaps where someone had taken them. And that's the jury, she thought, looking to her left at the twelve assorted ponies. And I'm in the accused box, fantastic. All around in rows of seats were a bizarre collection of what seemed to be a crowd of playing cards with heads, arms, and legs; however, she noticed a few familiar faces, including Rainbow Dash and Big Macintosh. Twilight turned back to Discord, who was casually filing a claw and humming a song in a low sinister voice. "So I said to the mare that I met in my lair, 'Let us both go to law: I will prosecute you. Come, I'll take no denial; we must have a trial, for really this evening, I've nothing to do.' Said the mare to the cur, 'such a, trial dear sir, with poor jury and judge would be wasting our breath.' 'I'll be judge, you will see,' said cun- -ning old me: 'I'll try the whole cause and con- -demn you to death.'" He eyed Twilight beadily, a terrible grin spreading across his long face as he spoke. Twilight felt a shiver of fear and foreboding drip down her spine. "Why are we doing this?" Twilight hissed at him, barely moving her mouth. "For fun," he replied. The White Rabbit entered the room and hurried up to a podium beside the judge's stand. "Silence in the court! Um... i-if that's alright with everyone," she squeaked, hiding her face behind a huge reel of parchment. Discord took out a pair of respectable, half-moon glasses; he made to put them on, but hesitated. With the snap of a paw, they turned into a pair of sunglasses, which he promptly applied to his face. "Looks like this court room just got twenty percent– No!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms up, "Dear me, was I seriously gonna say that?!" Clearing his throat, he began again. "Read the accusation!" Trembling, Fluttershy frantically tried to find her place. "The King of Hearts, he made some tarts, All on a summer day: The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts, And took them quite away!" Fluttershy blushed and rolled up the paper, feeling awkward. Discord turned to the jury. "Consider your verdict," he said. "Y-your Majesty! There's a great deal of stuff to do before that," said Fluttershy. "There is? Good gracious, you'd think I wasn't a real judge!" Twilight took this opportunity to stand up. "If I may, I'd like to point out that the accusation clearly accuses the Knave of Hearts and not me." "Did you hear that, jury?" said Discord. "She's trying to shift the blame!" The jurors sprang into action, scribbling down words in no particular order. Twilight could see one write down 'Jury shift blame.' The pony then looked up to Twilight, and she discerned no intelligence behind the eyes. "Shift the– What?! No! I'm only saying–" "Bring in the first witness!" cut Discord. Fluttershy blew on a trumpet and called out: "First witness!" The doors swung open, and the Hatter was led into the room by the Six and Nine of Clubs. She was balancing a slice of cake and a cup of tea on her nose. Pinkie Pie was guided to a box next to Discord, whereupon she set down her cargo. "Sorry your Majesty," she said, adjusting her hat, "but I was still eating when I was summoned here!" "You ought to have finished by now," said Discord, lowering his sunglasses and peering over them. "When did you begin?" Pinkie looked over to Rainbow Dash, they mouthed some words to one another, then nodded. "Fourteenth of March," she said. "Write that down," the draconequus told the jury. "And take off your hat." "It isn't mine." "Stolen!" the King exclaimed, and the jurors swiftly scribbled that down over the other words they had written, ink blotching up the rest of the paper. "I keep them to sell," Pinkie explained, "none of them are mine, for I am a hatter." Discord glared at her, which seemed to unnerve the poor pink pony. "Give your evidence," he said slowly, "and don't be nervous, or I'll have you executed on the spot." This did not seem to encourage the mare at all, who began shifting from one hoof to another, and ate her teacup instead of her cake in her confusion. "It was about a week ago, or three," began Pinkie, "I can never tell you see, and the cake was getting thin, and as such so were we, and I took a cup of evening tea–" "Stop rhyming and get on with it!" "Yes, um, anyway the twinkling of the... of the tea." She flinched, having accidentally rhymed again. "The twinkling of the what?" "It began with the tea," said Pinkie Pie desperately, not being able to help her rhyming. "Of course twinkling begins with a T!" he snarled. "Get on with it!" "You know," said Pinkie, bubbliness returning to her voice, "I've been thinking of a word beginning with T for ages now! It's right on the tip of my tongue! T... something." "Write that down!" Discord barked. "I remember the March Hare saying–" "I didn't!" said Rainbow at once. "You did!" "I deny it!" "She denies it," said Discord. "Leave that part out." "The Dormouse said it," said Rainbow Dash. "What did the Dormouse say?" asked the King. "I can't remember," said Pinkie. "You will remember, or I'll have you executed." A bead of sweat trickled down Pinkie's tense face. "Squeak?" she hazarded. Discord nodded thoughtfully. Twilight meanwhile had her face firmly pressed against the desk in front of her. She couldn't take much more of this idiocy. "Very well, if that's all you have to say on the matter, you may stand down." "I can't go any lower than I am already, I'm on the floor." "Then you may sit down," said Discord irritably. "I'd rather have a cup of tea." "Just go," he said wearily. Trotting out gaily and humming a song, Pinkie Pie vacated the room. "Next witness!" called Fluttershy. "Steward, if you please?!" Big Macintosh stood up alertly. "I'ma comin'," he drawled, taking his time to walk down the aisle. Almost imperceptibly, he winked at Twilight. The stallion stepped into the box and looked amiably up at Discord. "And what is your evidence? And if you're anywhere near as insufferable as the pink one, I'll make sure your head and your body are in two dramatically different places." "I'm afraid, as much as I see around here, I can't recall seeing much suspicious a'tall." "Have you ever seen this pony before?" asked Discord, gesturing to Twilight. Big Macintosh narrowed his eyes and observed Twilight thoroughly, eventually giving a resounding "Nope!" Discord groaned and swivelled in his seat, telling the jury to not write down that last piece of information. Big Macintosh sat smugly in his box. "Although," he said slowly and deliberately, as Big Macintosh is wont to do, "ah do remember seeing a blue feather lying close to the tray of tarts when I were in the kitchens..." All eyes immediately turned to the only blue pegasus in the room, Rainbow Dash. "Well well," murmured Discord, "things just got a bit more interesting." "What?!" exclaimed Rainbow, "You can't possibly think it was me?! I have an alibobble thing!" "You mean alibi," said Twilight irritably, unable to help herself. "Yeah! One of them!" said Rainbow frantically, prodding the Dormouse to wake up. The tiny grey mare snunted awake, and drowsily confirmed that the March Hare had been drinking tea with her solidly for the last several months, Rainbow nodding all the while. "In that case, I think someone may have set this all up to frame our poor pegasus friend..." Twilight's ears burned with anger at the implications he was making. "Do you have any ideas, Twilight Sparkle?" "Don't even go there, Discord," she growled. "Well, why don't you tell us what you know of this whole affair?" "Nothing whatever," said the mare. "Nothing whatever?" "Nothing whatever!" she yelled. "That's very important!" thundered Discord. Twilight knew this was never going to end well, but now the reality was beginning to creep up on her. What was going to happen? There was no way Discord was just going to let her go after all. But still, she refused to give up; hope was her last bastion, and she intended to use it well. "I do believe it's time to give you your sentence," said Discord, removing his sunglasses and rubbing his hands together. "Don't be ridiculous, the jury hasn't even given the verdict yet!" protested Twilight. "Urgh, very well." A mare stood up and ran her hoof across the chaotic scribbles, ink blotches and half-formed ideas. "We find the unicorn, Twilight Sparkle to be... um... hang on... ah! Innocent!" Discord blanched. "What?!" he hissed. "I-Innocent," the mare repeated. "Someone take her head off please," he ordered, and two playing cards dragged her out of the court room. "Well, innocent or not, I feel that... for the safety of the kingdom, it is my duty to keep my eyes on you, my slippery little pony. As such, you are to be kept in the Vault." "Vault?" questioned Twilight, though there was no mistaking that something with such a name was bound to be sinister. "Don't worry, I'm sure you'll meet some familiar faces down there." Discord snapped his fingers, and Twilight found herself bound by coils of heavy, iron chains. "This isn't fair, Discord!" Twilight yelled through the bindings. "Has this only just occurred to you, Twilight Sparkle? Well done: life isn't fair. Let me explain." He grinned a terrible grin, he was enjoying toying with her. "In life, everything, even the very rocks themselves must face their trials: many of them crack, and many more are destroyed completely. Can you see where I'm going with this?" "To be honest... no." "Then allow me to elaborate. All around you is death and destruction, most merely turn a blind eye until it smacks them in the face one day like a wet eel might– but going back to rocks: they are ground into sand, and even then, the sand becomes atoms. Nothing is forever, everything has it's time and everything dies, all except one thing. Chaos. Or entropy, as you scientists call it in order to sound clever. Chaos merely grows with age, falling apart, tearing reality by its very seams; it's basic thermodynamics, as I'm sure you know." "What is your point?" "Why should I let you free? Why resist a power so absolute as me? What's the point?" This struck Twilight harder than she expected. Discord could see her stunned expression and he smiled evilly. "I..." "You don't have the precious Elements of Harmony this time, Twilight Sparkle. Ganbatte; you're gonna need it."