You can’t handle the truth
I know what you’re saying to yourself right now, ‘Jason, what’s the problem with parties?! They’re fun!’. Short answer: they are also pointless. I never liked going to them. Everyone always makes a fool of themselves and insists that you join them. Dancing was taboo for me. The very thought of moving around like you have insects crawling up your pant legs just seemed so stupid! Nothing would be gained... you would only waste time and energy on top of being judged on your ‘performance' by a bunch of random people. There was also a bit of talking at parties, but since I either hated or didn’t know everyone, I would keep to myself. Almost none of these reasons applied to the current situation however. This party was unappealing because I was beat, drained of mental focus, and in dire need of rest. By the way I had walked in and fallen on the floor before even noticing I wasn’t alone was proof of that. Pinkie and the others couldn’t even tell I was about ten seconds from my legs giving out by the way they were smiling happily.
“How do you like the ‘welcome-to-Ponyville-now-because-I-couldn’t-throw-this-party-earlier, thanks-for-saving-me-and-Dashie’ party!?!” Pinkie shouted, now only inches from my face.
I yawned and rubbed my eye in an attempt to stave off my exhaustion before correcting her, “It’s ‘Dashie and I’... wait... no, you had it right the first time...”
I went upstairs to the bathroom. I could feel them staring at me but I needed to be more alert, especially around Pinkie. I turned on the faucet and filled the sink with cold water before dunking my head in. Afterwards, I saw Rarity in the mirror coming up behind me.
“Is there something you need?” I asked, drying my hair with one of Twilight's towels. My knowledge of her presence must have caught her off guard because it took her a few moments to respond.
“Oh, um, yes. I, well actually we, were all wondering if you were going to take part in the festivities.”
“As much as I don’t want to, I will. You threw this celebration for me, so it’s only right that I participate. I was just trying keeping myself awake...”, a wave of fatigue washed over me and I yawned yet again. “I may still pass out at some point, but if that happens don’t let it stop you from enjoying yourself.”
Rarity placed a hoof on my chest, keeping me from returning downstairs. She smiled and said, “You are quite the gentlecolt... but your sacrifice won’t be necessary. I made a spell a few years ago to keep me awake while I worked long nights on orders.”.
Before I could protest, she touched her horn gently to mine and cast the spell. Suddenly I felt the effects. It was like I was having adrenaline pumped right into my veins. All grogginess faded and I started feeling full of unequaled energy. I wasn’t overcome with it though. It just felt like I was awake and focused as if I had already slept.
Once the spell was finished, Rarity backed away and said, “There, you should be as right as rain now darling.”
“Uh, you’re welcome? Wait, no, that isn’t right... thank you? Yeah, that’s it! Thank you.” I said, making Rarity giggle.
“Please hold your jokes until we get downstairs dear, we don’t want the others to miss out on your, ahem... humor.”
I did as she requested and went back down... but this time everyone was huddled together like they were hiding something. Didn’t they understand that surprises weren’t my thing yet? What could they possibly hit me with now that I had given up? As far as I could see nothing could make me feel any better about being permanently fixed to this realm...
“We have something for you!” Pinkie sang out.
“Yes, I totally couldn't tell by the way you are grouped together, blocking off a large portion of the room.”, I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes.
“Well, here’s the thing..” Rainbow Dash started.
Fluttershy then picked up where she left off, “You’ve been here a while now...”.
“Helping us even though you didn’t need to...”, Pinkie continued.
“Trusting us ta take ya in...” Applejack said looking over to Rarity who had taken her place among the group.
“All while remaining poised and collected, though you are probably having a hard time being away from home...”
‘Actually if you really knew me you would know that being away from home is when I feel the best...’ I thought while suppressing the urge to roll my eyes a second time at this cheesy display.
“So in conclusion...” Twilight stated, finally proclaiming the end to the lame group announcement. “... we got you this!”
They all backed away to reveal... a sofa. But not just any sofa. A dark red, velvet lined, therapeutic styled sofa. I was subconsciously drawn to it. It was like I was being controlled by some kid with a game controller. When I went up to it, I found that it was expertly crafted and looked almost as if it was tailor made for me. I ran my right wrist along it. The cushions were very plush and felt like they were stuffed with clouds. This was amazing... not even my parents were thoughtful enough to come up with good gifts for me. They would always get me random junk that they thought was cool but was nowhere near my style. For the mane six to get me something so... perfect for me even though they hadn’t even known me for two full weeks blew my mind. They even managed to get it in my favorite color... crimson.
All I could manage to say was, “When did you...? How did...?.”
“Well it was a group effort. I took measurements while you were sleeping. Applejack made the frame and woodwork. Rarity made the fabric and cushions. Fluttershy got her animal friends to help move it in while you were gone. Oh, and Pinkie came back just in time to tell Rarity to change the color to a dark shade of red, like maroon or something... you told her that was your favorite right?” Twilight said, nudging me with her elbow as if to say ‘I did a pretty good job, huh?’.
A feeling suddenly overcame me. It was sort of like sadness... but at the same time it was completely different. I didn’t recall ever feeling like this. What was it? Right as I started to ponder what it could possibly be I felt a burning sensation over take my nose and eyes. A lump formed in my throat as if I had swallowed a billiard ball. My vision started to cloud and something hot dropped from my left eye. I caught the droplet on my hoof. It was some sort of clear liquid.
“I think he likes it girls! Look at that! He’s so happy he’s crying!” Rarity said gleefully.
“I am not crying... I have a fluid leak of some sort. I can’t remember the last time I cried, and I know I’ve never cried from happiness... that would just be absurd. Heh, crying from being happy... thats not how tears work.”, I said laughing at the thought of me actually crying or feeling happy enough to do so. What made it even more ridiculous was the reason why they thought I was ‘crying tears of joy’. A simple sofa couldn’t make me do that. Hell, $20,000 couldn’t make me do that! I know because my mom thought it would be funny to try to trick me with a fake lotto ticket. Luckily I figured out it was fake by looking at the back where it stated that I needed to ‘send it to santa in the north pole’ before jumping around like an idiot saying that I was rich. I digress, the fact remained that it was impossible for me to be crying. However it was a wonderful gift and I was glad they went through the effort of making it. This was the first time I got something handmade (or hoofmade I suppose) that was so flawless. Normally if someone made me a gift it was normally like a card made out of printer paper or a hastily made shelf.
I cleared my throat to get rid of the odd feeling in it before calmly saying, “Thank you... this has been a pretty good surprise. I was starting to think this day was about to hit an all time low but this has actually made up for some of it. One thing is still bothering me though... what did you do to help Rainbow Dash?”
“Oh I just invited a friend...” Just then there was a knock at the door. “That’s probably her now!” Dash said swooping over to open it for the mystery guest. Whoever thinks it’s Gilda, raise your hand... okay now put your hand back down dummy, I can't see it anyways. If you did just raise your hand like an idiot, you were right. The only one that looked excited though was Rainbow Dash. Even Gilda seemed to be having doubts by the look in her eyes. She slowly walked inside with a slouch. I could tell she was the most nervous in the room. What Dash was thinking at the time, i have no idea. I told her that she needed to give Gilda time, but does anyone listen? Nope. Nobody ever listens to Jason... everything I say is just a suggestion. There's no reason to listen to my madness. It’s not like all this exposure may cause her to snap and there DEFINITELY no way this party could give her flashbacks of what happened! THAT WOULD JUST BE SILLY! I guess I gotta make sure things run smoothly... by any means necessary.
“Gilda, consider this party for you... everyone be nice and no pranks. Is that clear?” I said in the most commanding voice I could.
“But we threw this here party fer you! Ya can’t just give it up ta somepony else!” Applejack argued.
“This is my party, correct? I make the rules? Then I say the party is for her now!” I said pointing at Gilda.
“Why ever would you want to give up being the pony of honor at your own party?!” Rarity exclaimed.
“Well for one I don’t like being the center of attention. I love working in the background, unknown to those in the spotlight. That and parties have never mixed well with me. Anyways I believe you owe her for what happened last time. It is in her nature to be quick tempered... just like it’s in my nature to like solitude. Have fun Gilda.”
“And what are you going to do? Nothing?” Rainbow Dash asked as I flopped down on the my new ‘bed’.
“No, I was thinking about listening to music... wait, where is it?” I said realising my mp3 player was missing from my inner jacket pocket.
“You left it here before you left today!” Twilight said, making it levitate for all to see. “I have been trying a few new spells on it and now I can make it even louder so we can all enjoy it! I even found this thing labeled ‘favorites’... I’m guessing those are your favorite songs.” Twilight began to smile slyly thinking what she had discovered was clever... but it wasn’t. It was something I didn’t want her or anyone else to find. I only favorited one song. It was what I believed best represented my theme song. It was what kept me going and kept the fact that I was alone in my efforts in front of me. It was the only one I favorited because that made it so it would loop over and over without the need of changing the settings. Without any warning, before I could stop her, Twilight started it...
“‘Welcome to my life’ by Simple Plan... It sounds like a good title for a nice song.” Twilight said, pressing the button. Simple Plan was one of those bands that cranked out lots of songs that made me feel like they created music specifically for me. I just sat there, waiting for them to hear the inevitable. The lyrics started instantly... the happy and hopeful expressions of those around me shifted as they found out that the song wasn’t a cheerful one. Fluttershy started crying, Rarity covered her mouth, stunned to tears. Pinkie Pie was so distraught that her hair deflated, while Applejack was wide eyed in disbelief of the harsh melody. Gilda and Dash were both shocked with their mouths hanging open slightly. And Twilight... she was just speechless. Her lip was quivering and she was making a few sounds like she was trying to say something but whatever it was got caught in her throat. She just stared at the screen, unable to speak. After the song was over the room was filled with an awkward yet tense silence. Everyone immediately looked at me, except Twilight... it looked like she was still taking it all in. I quickly pulled the mp3 player away from her and shut it off before it could replay. Twilight didn’t move. It was like she turned to stone. I was mad, though not at her. I was mad at myself for showing her how to work the damn thing... if it wasn’t for me she wouldn’t be broken right now.
Finally coming to, Twilight was the first to speak. “Who are you?” she asked, her voice wavering from sadness but stern. I tried to ignore her question, hoping she would let it go like all the other times.
“Answer me!” She cried out, tears starting to flow from her enraged eyes. Looks like I didn’t have a choice anymore... I would have to tell them about me sooner or later since I was no longer a temporary resident of Equestria.
“Alright... I’ll tell you. You deserve to know.” I said hesitantly, still unsure if it was right to let them know about my true self. I began to tell them from the beginning. how I was actually a happy child at one point. However, once I started to speak of my middle school years, things got darker and more personal. I told them everything about myself. My unstable family, lack of friends, the ones that used to be my friends but then turned around and tormented me in school, how I was living month by month, barely scraping by on rent and other necessities... and my illness. The fact that I talked about being stricken by a horrible unknown ailment when I seemed perfectly healthy baffled them. I explained that when I got here in my pony body, it didn’t transfer with me. I was cured because my body wasn’t the same. Fluttershy and Pinkie covered their ears around halfway through my life story. Some of what I said was too much for them. I didn’t breathe a word of our race as a whole or how they were part of a children's show. I only spoke of myself and what I had been through. There were a few moments where someone went to give me a hug, but Twilight kept them at bay and told them not to, even though I saw she wanted to do so the most. The last thing I told them were my hobbies. Writing and art... it was the last thing I could think of. Thankfully Spike was asleep upstairs during all this. From the looks of things, he wouldn’t have been able to handle it. Hell, everybody in the room looked pale by the time I finished, even Gilda.
Sighing, I asked, “any questions?”. Rainbow Dash raised her hoof. “Yes?”
“Uh, so, is there anything else you haven’t let us in on?” She inquired.
“After what I just told you, do you really want to find out?”
Rainbow Dash quickly lifted her hoof to her mouth and acted like she was zipping it shut.
“And here I was thinking I had problems... how could you bare to live like that?!” Gilda said, one of her eyes twitching.
I shrugged, “You get used to it. Really it could have been worse.”
“How could it possibly have been worse?!” Rarity shouted, her inner drama queen showing.
“I could have been dead...” I replied darkly.
The room went back to being silent for a while. I just couldn’t help thinking that this party was turning out like most of the ones I attended. The irony of going to a land where the parties were always happy just to have nothing change made me laugh.
“What’s so funny?” Applejack asked as the others looked at me confused as well.
“Oh I just thought it’s kind of funny that my ‘shadow of party doom’ followed me! Isn’t that hilarious?! My parties insist on blowing!”
“Blowing what?” Pinkie asked. I couldn’t help but laugh even harder at that. The innocence is what made it great. She had no idea what I was referring to and it was that much better because of it. Maybe being stuck here wouldn’t be so bad. I just had to think of them like regular people instead of absurd imaginary talking cartoon horses. I was still at a loss for a goal to work towards but I could cross that bridge when I got to it. Right now was more important than later. As I relaxed and started to ease up on my determination to save our world from hate, I started to feel good. Like all the stress in my joints was loosening up.
The night went on and things began to get better. I even managed to talk to Fluttershy about pets. She wanted to know if I ever had any. I told her I had plenty over the years, but currently I only had a snake and three dogs. She was overjoyed that I was the owner of four pets, but I reminded her that they were no longer with me. We then talked it over and I decided it would be fine if I got a new pet here. I set up an appointment to see her the next day at three in the afternoon. While Fluttershy and I were talking I noticed that Gilda was starting to get along with Pinkie of all ponies. It seemed that the griffin was going to be part of the family before she knew it. I loved it when things like this happened. When enemies settled their differences and became friends despite what occurred between them, it was marvelous. The party didn’t turn into such a complete disaster after all and when everyone went home, Twilight looked satisfied with what I explained... well mostly shocked but satisfied nonetheless. Before she went to bed she told me that I didn’t have to worry anymore. I had no clue what she was getting at. Did I seem worried about something? And furthermore what was there to worry about? This must be what guys mean when they say, ‘I don’t understand girls’. I let her comment slide without question and decided to follow her lead by going to bed. I was still partially under the influence of Rarity’s spell so I didn’t fall asleep right away. My day hadn’t been the best... but all things considered it was alright. I got a new place to sleep that won’t destroy my spine, I reunited Gilda and Rainbow Dash, and I told everyone about myself and it didn’t change the way they viewed me... at least not too much. Yep, decent day in my book. Once the spell finally dissipated I drifted into a deep sleep... and felt a small warmth resonate from within me as the embrace of the dream world took hold.