Equestria Fortress 2

by nightelf37

A Trip to Pyroland (a.k.a. Pinkie Pie the Pyro)

After the showdown with Saxton Hale, EqU and LUNA left Granary together in their trailer and semi-with-cargo-box, they stopped at the town of Teufort, not the CTF base where Rarity once retrieved BLU's info on EqU.

There, they stumbled into Merasus, who for some reason sent EqU into DeGroot Keep, where they ran into the RED Team. The two teams fought and EqU managed to evict RED from the castle, only to be then evicted by BLU, who were sent there sometime after.

EqU managed to return to Mann's Land's present, only to be there in time for Halloween. Not necessarily in order, They faced Merasmus at Ghost Fort, his minion the MONOCULUS! and ghosts at Eyeaduct, and the Horseless Headless Horsemann in Mann Manor, all while battling the RED team as well.

A few other interesting events happened as well, including facing off a mad BLU Engineer in a big mecha (that wasn't Dell Conagher), fighting a Lovecraftian horror that nearly decimated the RED Team, and the RED Scout somehow turning into a baby of all things.

Eventually, especially after the last one, the Equestrians were homesick and Tasic decided to send them home for the time being, their memories of all this fighting, (not-really-)killing(-thanks-to-Respawn), and their meeting of LUNA inhibited until they return. As it was, even though they've been gone for quite some time, it wasn't long enough for their families and friends to worry too much—given that Princess Celestia helped in that regard—or for evil forces that needed the Elements of Harmony out of the way to make their move, which the Story Crew helped with behind the scenes.

After the wedding in Canterlot (and the changeling attack) and the events in the Crystal Empire, the nine were eventually called back to Mann's Land to continue in their mission.

Why did I skip all the way to this? I wanted to do the "Meet the Pyro", already, which was the original intent of Equestria Fortress 2; to ponify the "Meet the Team" videos. But then I learned about Medieval Mode, the Halloween monsters, Merasmus, and finally Mann vs. Machine.

One day…

Right after yet another practice battle, Tasic was loafing off in the trailer, watching the screens in front of him when the largest of them opened to reveal—

"Tasic Ancinet.", an elderly and sinister voice greeted. "We meet at last."

Needless to say, Tasic was shocked; it was the Administrator! However, he didn't show it as he calmly replied, "Well, if it isn't Mrs. Helen. How did you reach this private frequency? I've made all the necessary precautions to make this inaccessible to outsiders."

"It took long enough for me to infiltrate this channel."

"Well, what brings you to having this conversation with me?"

"I don't know what you're up to, but I will not tolerate any more competition than I already have if I must. It's already a headache to have my men face the Horseless Headless Horsemann in Mann Manor, the MONOCULUS in Eyeaduct, and its master Merasmus in Ghost Fort, not to mention Saxton Hale on occasion wanting to test their skills. I have been tolerating your band of equines and little lizard, but no more."

"What are going to do about it, Mrs. Helen?"

"Well, I have plenty of ways to shut you down for good, but your team has been providing…useful intel. As well as new weapons and accessories they seem to crave. And meaningless life lessons. Lessons about…friendship." She said the last word venomously. "I despise friendships."

"All the more reason you should be taken down."

"You're not that big a threat to me."

"Really? I thought you were the sort who crushed all opposition."

"No. I have better ways."

"So…what is it you wish to do?"

The Administrator answered his question by holding up a map of Mann's Land with a penciled "X" on it somewhere. "You shall meet with the RED Team here for an Arena match. Lose or tie, and you leave, never to interfere with my RED versus BLU war ever again. Win and I shall allow you to…continue your feeble struggle." She then put away the map. "Don't worry about me cheating. I will never do such a thing."

"And why, if deceit, bribery, and murder are all right with you?"

"Because cheating robs you of the feeling of superiority you get from you besting your foes!"

"Okay." Apparently, for all her evils, she was a fair player. "Wait…whyever would you tolerate us all of a sudden when you said you wouldn't any longer just a minute ago?"

The Administrator calmed down, having blown her top after explaining her one and only standard. "Because as much as I hate friendships, which your team practically reeks of, I am confident that I shall be victorious in the end, and because I happen to market a home version of the war games. And as much as I hate the little equines and the lizard with them, they make an…interesting twist that a few of my clients enjoy. Particularly as popular as the war games that included the monsters and that wizard." There was a long pause. "And that is supposed to be a secret between me and Miss Pauling. I have no idea why I just told you that."

"You don't have to worry about me telling.", Tasic assured as he gave a suspicious smile. "My lips are sealed." He then made some motions. "Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." This motion left the Administrator looking at him in a mildly confused manner. "That was a promise oath devised by my team's Pyro. And she is strange…moreso than your Pyros I daresay."

All of a sudden, Pinkie Pie, wearing her Pyro suit popped out of nowhere and right in front of Tasic, looking straight at the Administrator. "And to break a Pinkie Promise is to lose a friend’s trust, and that's the fastest way to lose a friend forever!" Immediately, Tasic pushed her down, only for her to pop up, this time from the ceiling and say, "And I'm never ever ever ever ever gonna throw a party for you, you big ol' stinky meanie of a meanie-pants!" And then she was gone. With no hint of being in the trailer.

The Administrator was left confused again, her eyebrow twitching as if she was about to snap. "H-how…"

"It's best not to question my Pyro's actions. For some reason, while the speech of any replications of her are muffled like your Pyros, she's the sole exception. Bye." And with that, he terminated the line, then leaned back in his chair. "Damn, we got a big problem on our hands. What did I just get ourselves into?"

The scheduled Arena match was in a ghost town akin to one in the Wild West (or as Applejack put it, like a town akin to Appleloosa). After cloaking the trailer, the EqU moved out. Just before that happened, an invisible wave washed over them.

Derpy was the first to ask. "Was that…"

"Yes.", confirmed Thenam over the communication system. "Realism Mode has kicked in. Be extra careful of the Pyro in this wooden town. And Pinkie, restrain yourself from burning things too recklessly. Everypony, remember that the FFPS doesn't work while Realism Mode is up. May Celestia be with you."

Realism Mode was something initiated only by the Administrator herself. They had first felt its effects during the "baby Scout" incident. And it was a very horrific experience that needed them to take a break back in Equestria, a special lesson in their subconscious; while a band of killers, they share a powerful bond. Not as powerful as the one the bearers of the Elements of Harmony have, but a powerful one regardless.

The battle was a very intense one, but was in EqU's favor. At first, that is. And then the RED Pyro started burning the entire place down. Thankfully, a heat veil spell had been cast on all of them to protect from the heat. Spike needed no such spell cast on him since his dragon scales already provided that. However, there was something else in the flames that gave a debilitating effect. And it was eventually setting in.

The RED Pyro was enjoying himself as he used his device to spray out a stream of colorful bubbles and rainbows, causing flowers and lollipops to sprout from the grass on the lawn he stood on.
The RED Pyro was enjoying himself as he used his weapon to burn the entire town to the ground.

He held what seemed to be a series of three brass horns with long, spiraling piping and a container of sparkly pink fluid, and made wind chime sounds when fired. His precious Rainblower.
He had his trusty Flame Thrower, a long metal pole connected by a hose to a propane tank, which was attached to the pole via fastening bands. It also had a continually lit pilot light at the nozzle. The trigger was made out of a red gas pump handle.

As he bypassed a floating cat, he then saw a blue unicorn turn and look at him. However, it didn't look like his friend Mr. Balloonicorn, who was 'inflatable', floating, and a foot tall. This unicorn was just about two feet shorter than him, had a yellow-and-orange mane and tail, brown eyes, and had a marking on his flank that reminded him of the one on the EqU Heavy.
As the Pyro passed a burning stake, Chronicle entered his sights, then turned to face him.

The blue unicorn seemed to smile, then prance forward after the Pyro took out a lollipop and raised it with a cheer.
Chronicle spun his Minigun, only to find out he has run out of ammo. "Dammit." He then charged forward with his "magic horn blade" 'drawn' as the Pyro took out his fire axe and raised it with a cheer.

The Pyro then skipped forward to meet up with the blue unicorn, then jumped and spun as he brought down the lollipop so the unicorn could grab it. However, he (the Pyro had no idea why he assumed that) decided to playfully dodge to the side instead. But the Pyro wanted to give it the lollipop, so he swung it again and he succeeded.
The Pyro charged to meet up with the EqU Heavy, then jumped up to bring it down on Chronicle's skull, who was having none of that as he strafed to the left. However, the Pyro then made a side swing, catching him on the head and sending him tumbling.

As the blue unicorn enjoyed his lollipop, the Pyro turned to see something else come. It was a cyan winged pony (a pegasus) flying straight for him, then stop right in front of him with a wide grin. From what he could see, this pony had magenta eyes, straight eyelashes, a polychromatic mane and tail, and a marking of a three-colored lightning bolt coming from a white cloud on her flank.
As Chronicle reeled and slumped to the ground from the painful gash in his head, which began to drip blood, the Pyro turned to see Rainbow Dash fly straight for him.

The cyan pegasus waited as the Pyro then took out a small blower, and blew bubbles in her face, making her laugh.
As Rainbow continued to close in, the Pyro took out a new weapon. It was a flare gun with a gray barrel and an orange painted muzzle, the Scorch Shot. He turned sideways and aimed the Scorch Shot at her, firing a single shot. She was beaned by it and was immediately sent away.

As the pegasus reeled back laughing, the Pyro then turned to his left upon hearing a squeak. It was a yellow pony with sea green eyes and a pink mane. He was unable to see much else as she was in a box, which she then hid in, dropping the lid that was on her head.
Inside a shed, Fluttershy had been patching up a bleeding Rarity and cleaning up her suit and balaclava when she heard the screams. She went over to the entrance, and was terrified at what she saw; aside from the fire, there was a bleeding Chronicle and the RED Pyro has turned to face her. Immediately, she retreated and closed the doors in a state of panic.

Being one who likes to keep things things orderly in "Pyroland", the Pyro walked over to the box and closed the lid, then walked back a few steps before spraying the box with rainbows. As he shortly turned around and skipped away, the blue unicorn ran to the box, but he did not mind.
Taking this chance, the Pyro barred the shed door with his axe, then began to bathe the whole thing in flames. As he then started to turn around, Chronicle was getting up in spite of his head injury. It took all of his willpower to not fall unconscious and have his card render him dying and send him away. And then when he saw the shed on fire, immediately knowing who was there as he heard a scream, abandoning concern for his own safety immediately to that for hers.

"FLUTTERSHY!", he cried out as he bypassed the RED Pyro, cast a barrier around himself, and busted through the burning wood. Amidst the smoke, he searched for whom he was looking for, found her, scooped her up, then hightailed it out of the shed seconds before it collapsed to the ground.

After setting the EqU Medic down, Chronicle 'took out' his Sandvich and offered it to her, "Here." Coughing a bit from the smoke she had inhaled from the burning shed, she took a bite from it, and could already feel her injuries vanish. Next, she aimed the barrel of her Kritzkrieg to her face, then took a whiff out of its barrel, healing her for a bit more.

Then she noticed the severe wounds on her teammate, gasped at how terrible he looked, then aimed the Kritzkrieg at him, allowing the healing beam to do its work as it closed his wounds and pulled back the lost blood still on his body.

Suddenly, there was a gunshot. The two turned around to see Rarity with her revolver drawn and smoking, and a dead RED Spy.

"We can't stay here, dears.", she said. "There are still a few more REDs to deal with."

"Right.", Chronicle agreed. "I don't know how the Pyro managed to blindside me. I'm surprised I was even blindsided in the first place. I got better instincts for that to happen."

"Um. Rarity's already left. We have to hurry."

He looked around and indeed she was no longer in sight. "Oh no. Let's go."

As the RED Pyro continued to shoot streams of rainbow mist from his Rainblower, he saw an orange pony with blonde hair and a cowboy hat walking off with a gift box on her back. Upon noticing him, she turned around and set the present down with a smile.
As the RED Pyro continued to spread fire everywhere, he saw Applejack heading away from him, hauling a building of hers. Upon noticing him, she turned around and deployed a Mini-Sentry, then took out her shotgun and fired.

The Pyro opened the present, revealing another lollipop, took it, then showered the orange pony with rainbow mist, magically revealing a white unicorn with a purple styled mane in the process. The two of them fell over laughing.
Before the Mini-Sentry could be deployed quickly, the Pyro smashed it with a spare axe, then set her alight as well as exposing Rarity.



Since this was Realism Mode, the fire hurt much more than usual, and even Applejack lost focus as both of them were shortly sent away. And Rarity would have nightmares trying to make sure her hair hasn't suffered serious unrepairable damage.

Thanking them, the Pyro went on his way, then looked up and suddenly saw bubbles headed his way. Loving bubbles, he aimed his Rainblower up and shot a swooshy whirlwind, sending them back at the gray pegasus blonde with yellow crossed-eyes and a marking of seven bubbles on her flank, who was shooting them from her mouth and flying in surprisingly graceful loops.
The Pyro went on his way, then looked up and suddenly saw rockets headed his way. He countered them with his airblast, sending them back to Derpy, who deftly dodged them in spite of her vision and the blinding fire.

Eventually, one bubble burst back on her and she reeled back, gently landing on the ground and rolling on it laughing.
Eventually, one rocket made its way back on her and she reeled back, crashing to the ground. The resulting impact, thanks to Realism Mode, sent her away.

Suddenly, the Pyro heard footsteps behind him, ten turned to see a purple dragon with green spines and holding a lollipop, looking like he wanted to play. Wanting to play too, the Pyro took out his own lollipop and the two jumped at each other.
In spite of the burning everywhere, the Pyro managed to hear footsteps, then turned to see Spike with his gem-on-a-stick, looking furious. Deciding to play along, the Pyro took out his axe and the two charged.

Having lost track of where the Pyro was, Chronicle and Fluttershy wandered the burning town, the former thankful that the smoke wasn't choking them, and the latter building up an ÜberCharge. They were looking for any remaining allies or REDs to take down when they heard a crash. Immediately, the two of them ran to where it came from…

A purple unicorn appeared in a flash of light and landed in the of the Pyro, who was accompanied by the Balloonicorn, disoriented a bit before looking at the Pyro's Rainblower in fascination. The Pyro was confused for a second, tilting his head, then the Ballonicorn said something, and he helped her up before spraying her with rainbows, making her roll back and laugh.
Twilight Sparkle crashed from a second story building and right at the Pyro's feet, then looked in shock as she saw Spike behind him, lying down and with an axe almost embedded in his head before being sent away by his 'card'. The Pyro aimed his flamethrower at her, tilting his head, then shot it, incinerating her for a good three seconds before she was sent away.

"Hey, Pyro!", a voice came. He turned around to see that next to the little dragon licking his lollipop was a pink pony with a curly mane and tail a marking on her flank depicting three balloons. She held a lollipop in her hooves somehow. "Let's go!" Accepting the game, the RED Pyro skipped forward.
"Hey, Pyro!", a voice came. He turned around to see the EqU Pyro with her fire axe ready. "Let's go!" Accepting the challenge, the RED Pyro charged.

As the rest of the new pony friends RED Pyro made gathered to see the spectacle, the Ballonicorn accompanying them, the two began to clash furiously. Even the dragon paused in his licking and watched as well. The RED Pyro was a little sad that none of the cherubs in blue were here to watch as well.
As Chronicle and Fluttershy arrived at the scene, they saw the scorched sniper rifle on the ground, indicating that Twilight had been claimed by the RED Pyro, then turned to see him and Pinkie Pie clashing with their axes.

The Pyro thought he heard somebody speaking, but shrugged it off as he and the pink pony continued to swing their lollipops at each other, the advantage see-sawing between them.
"Hey, Fluttershy. How's the ÜberCharge?", Chronicle asked as both Pyros swung their axes at each other, the advantage see-sawing between them.

"Just about full."

"Good. Prepare to fire it on Pinkie."

"Why don't…umm…"

"In spite of the flames all around us, I'm actually enjoying this duel they're having. Also, the head gash you healed up earlier was from him. Very painful. Took all my willpower not to faint and get sent away."

Just then, there was a ping. "ÜberCharge is ready." The EqU Heavy gave a knowing smile.

The Pyros continued to fight, although the RED Pyro was clearly gaining the advantage when suddenly the pink pony's lollipop began to crackle with electricity and turn into a fire axe, eliciting gasps from everybody.
After getting close enough, Fluttershy unleashed the ÜberCharge on Pinkie. As the made contact, Pinkie's fire axe crackled with electricity, then transform into…a pink lollipop with a white spiral pattern. This shocked everybody, though Fluttershy managed to maintain her beam.

Pinkie gave a somewhat manic smile, then swung her axe at the RED Pyro's lollipop and smashed it to bits, surprising everybody once again, the RED Pyro most of all.
Behind the mask, Pinkie gave a somewhat manic smile, then swung her lollipop at the RED Pyro's axe…and somehow smashed it to bits, surprising everybody once again, the RED Pyro most of all.

The next thing the pink pony did was take out a light blue cannon with a flower painted on each wheel, got the still-shocked Pyro into it feet first so that he would fly out of it like a certain superhero, then slammed a hoof on the fuse. The result was that out from the cannon came a burst of confetti, balloons, and other party decorations. Along with them was the Pyro flying out of the cannon and into the sky, becoming a twinkle in it shortly after as his new friends cheered him farewell.
The next thing Pinkie did was take out her party cannon, stuff the still-shocked Pyro into it head-first, then slammed a hoof on the fuse. The result was that out from the cannon came a burst of confetti, balloons, and other party decorations. Along with them came an explosion of blood and body parts, as the force from the party cannon literally tore him to pieces. The RED Pyro instantly became decorations for a rather dark party in the burning town, although they quickly burned away due to the flames.

"Victory!", Tasic gave a sigh of relief. Immediately after, Pinkie played air guitar on her lollipop (and making actual guitar sounds, no less), playing a certain tune, which for some reason didn't revert to its fire axe form much to the confusion of Fluttershy and Chronicle, the only other two EqU survivors in this Arena match.

After the battle…

EqU moved to Dustbowl to rest and recuperate after the fateful battle in the deserted town. At the moment they were parked just outside it and Tasic was looking very cross as he had the nine line up in front of him at the side of the trailer. Jothicu and Thenam stood nearby.

"That was a very, very, terrible performance today.", he said with his arms crossed, then turned to the pony who was also a Story Crew member. "Especially you, Chronicle. I thought you were much better than this!"

"Now that you mention it, I definitely could've done better.", replied the stallion. "It's just that…something strange happened when the RED Pyro got in range. It was like…I can't explain it."

"He was really confusing.", said Pinkie. "When the entire town started going ablaze, the entire place also began to look different, if only for a few moments. It looked a bit like Equestria, but much happier. I would've loved to stay there were it not for the burning town coming back. If I weren't who I was, I might've gone crazy…er."

"Hold on.", Thenam said. "What did this…alternate place look like?"

"Well…" Pinkie put a hoof to her chin. "The land was very colorful. With big flowery meadows, a bright blue sky, giant pudgy kittens floating around, giant lollipops and candy sprouting out of the ground, and a little town full of candy shops and party decorations, although I wasn't able to go there. Also, with the exception of the Pyro and me, nopony had weapons. The rest of RED Team were little babies with wings, chubby bodies, and diapers. As for my friends, they looked like as they were without their gear and the same thing applied for me. There was also somepony singing 'Do You Believe In Magic'. Of course I believe in magic. It's a fundamental part of Equestria and I see it every day."

Both of Tasic's companions put a hand to their faces, thought not from Pinkie getting distracted. "Oh dear. The RED Pyro had been seeing Pyroland.", said Jothicu.

"Pyroland?", Twilight asked.

"It's how the RED and BLU Pyros sometimes see the world through their eyes. And we just so happen to have a collection of goggles that will help you guys see what they see." Thenam went inside the trailer for a bit. A few seconds later, he came out with a bunch of them cradled in his arms.

"Are those…", Fluttershy began.

"Yes, they are. I just didn't tell you what exactly you were looking at when I gave you these during some of the Halloween fights." Thenam turned to the rest. "These are called Pyrovision Goggles. You will not see exactly what they Pyro sees so as not to completely disorient you in battle. The place will generally look like what it really looks like in the real world, just with the bright colors, and a few what we call 'censors'. Better yet, why don't we test it out?"

As he passed the items around, they took a look at what they were like before putting them on. The goggles had round lenses and the term "Optical Mask" was printed in between them, reminiscent of the Pyro's mask. When Spike cast a shadow over the lenses with his hand, he saw that they also glow in the dark. Everyone could also see strange things reflected on the lenses.

"Oh, right. I think it'd be better to test it on the field. It doesn't affect just your vision, but what you hear as well. I can tell that At first I worried that Pinkie would never leave should she visit it, but…let's try it."

And that's it for now.

"Huh? You're not gonna look into their experience of Pyroland?"

I thought I'd be taking the chapter too far like I did with Saxton Hale. See ya on Third!

"Hey!"