//------------------------------//
// All's Fair in Love and War 
// Story: The Mystery of a New World 
// by Fanthrose 
//------------------------------//

Chapter 39

The mysterious samurai held his head low as he walked down the path.  Cherry blossoms fell all around him from the many trees that lined the path.  On his body he was wearing a grayish blue kimono with yellow along all the edges.  On the back of the kimono was an intricate wing design made with a golden thread.  The sash that tied the kimono together was adorned with bubbles.  On his head, he wore a cone shaped straw hat which prevented anypony he passed from seeing his eyes.  The only thing that could be seen was the end of his indigo muzzle.  It had holes for both his ears and his horn.  Both his ears were pierced with amber colored gemstones.  On his hooves he wore wooden sandals.  On his side hung his blade.  The curved sheath holding the blade was made from solid ebony.  Into the dark wood was carved many intricate runes.  Around his neck he wore a golden pendant.  Upon closer inspection, seven bubbles were etched into the pendant.

After traveling for awhile, he veered off the path; coming to a stop under a massive weeping willow.  As he sat down, he removed the hat revealing his brown mane done up in a top-knot.  As he rested, he lifted the pendant with his magic.  Pressing the little button on the side, it opened up to reveal two pictures.  On the left, was a picture of the empress of Neighpan, Empress Ditzabell.  She was dressed in an elegant, and beautiful silk kimono.  In her long, blond mane was a regal headdress.  Behind her were her two hoofmaidens.  One was a pale goldenrod mare with carrot orange mane and an oversized, red mare with an orange mane.  The memory of his mission given to him by the empress ran through his head.  Rescue her hoofmaidens from the great evil that had abducted them.

He turned to look at the picture on the other side and smiled.  It was of him and the empress kissing.  He knew the world would never accept their love.  She was an empress in charge of an entire country, and he was just a lowly, wandering samurai.  He didn’t care.  Every time he stared into those off kilter, amber eyes, his heart fluttered.  He remembered back to the night before he set off on this journey.  The empress knew the journey would be dangerous, and she knew there was a possibility the two of them wouldn’t see each other again.  She wished to make what could be their last night as memorable as possible.  She also hinted that she hoped their night together would give her something to remember him by for the rest of her days.

He closed the pendant and held it close to his heart.  “My love for you will give me strength.”  Placing the hat back on his head, he stood up; continuing his journey.

It wasn’t long before he finally reached his destination.  He looked at the evil castle with a glare.  The bricks used to make the castle were as black as the night.  The entire thing was illuminated by the pits of lava that surrounded the castle.  Dark spires on all sides reached up into the sky, while one in the center pierced the heavens.  He could only imagine there was a spire reaching from under the castle deep down into the depths of whatever hells the evil had come from.  The gate leading into the castle was the face of the great evil that owned the castle carved out of the dark stone.  Dark storm clouds let out their payload around the castle as fierce storms clashed all around.

The samurai’s ears twitched as the screams of the hoofmaidens reached his ears.  His attention was drawn to the piercing tower.  Knowing his destination, he lowered his head; holding the pendant to his heart again.  Power began radiating around him as his horn flared to life.  With were he was going in his head, he teleported into the castle.

Once he got his bearings, he took a look around the room he was in. He was in a large corridor.  The corridor was lit by red torches giving everything a red hue.  At the end of the corridor was a giant doorway.  Standing in front of the door was many armed guards who had, by now, noticed his presence.  Knowing he didn’t have anymore time to assess things, he drew his blade and readied for battle.

Dispatching the guards was easy enough, though he didn’t escape without his fair share of pain.  One of the guards had managed to surprise him and stab him in the shoulder.  Using some clean looking cloth, he wrapped it to the best of his ability.  He didn’t have time to do much else.  Fighting through the pain, he walked up to the doorway.

As he reached up for the door, he was surprised to see it opening on its own accord.  Waiting to see what was going to happen he was suddenly pulled into the room, and thrown against the wall by magic.  After crying out in pain, he opened his eyes to stare into the eyes of the demon himself.  He had a purple coat and a long silver mane that blew in a non-existing wind.  His emerald eyes pierced into the samurai’s soul.  The fetlocks around his cloven hooves twisted and whipped around like fire.  His horn was aglow with the same deep red aura that was holding the samurai to the wall.  On his side was a wicked looking blade that shone in the dark light of the room.

“I’ve been waiting for you samurai.  It isn’t very nice to make a pony wait like that.”  With an evil grin, the demon flung the samurai across the room, and into an armor rack.

As the demon laughed his wicked laugh, the samurai struggled to stand.  Memories of the empress began rushing through his head.  He reached for the pendant; holding it to his heart.  A mysterious power began whipping up around the samurai as he stood up.  He glared at the demon with cold eyes.  “This ends now, demon.”  He bent down as he got ready to strike.

The demon smiled, showing his rows of sharp teeth.  “Oh, I couldn’t agree more.”  The demon readied himself; his blade hovering in his magic.

As the samurai readied himself, he began pouring magic into the scabbard holding his blade.  The runes on the scabbard began to glow as the magic was fed into it.  Not wanting to wait any longer, the demon let out a battle cry as he rushed the samurai.  Once ready, the samurai followed suit.  As he charged, the scabbard at his side flashed a blinding light, momentarily stunning the demon where he stood.  As the samurai dashed pass the demon, a loud slice radiated through the room.

The demon stood there in the middle of the room as his blade flew through the air; embedding itself into the ceiling.  Without even looking, the samurai slowly sheathed his blade.  Once it fell back into place, a vertical slice appeared on the demon’s body.  With a scream of agony, the demon fell in two; heavenly light emanating from both sides of his body before he turned to dust.

With a smile, he turned to a door on the side of the room.  He walked to the door and opened it.  The two ponies inside looked up as light began filling the room.  Lady Carotene’s look of fear quickly changed for the better when she saw who it was.  “S-samurai AJ!  Y-you’re here!”

“Hello Lady Carotene.  I am glad to see you safe, but we cannot dawdle.  Where is Lady B…”

“Oh mah stars!  Thank goodness yer finally here!”  The samurai was suddenly hugged from the side by the goliath of a mare.  She was bigger than he was.  Her red coat always made her stand out even more.  She had a short orange mane, and a cropped tale.  She had thick layers of mascara, blush, and lipstick caked onto her face.  Unlike other mares, her muzzle was angular like a stallion's.  In fact, AJ was pretty sure he had seen a package between those legs at one point.  She had green eyes, with freckles on her cheeks.  Her cutie mark was a Macintosh apple cut in half.

“H-hello…Big Mackenzie,” the samurai struggled out against the crushing hug.

Big Mackenzie let go of the hug and began fanning herself dramatically with a hoof.  “Ah was just SOO scared by all this.  Ah didn’t know what ta do!  But Ah knew you would come fer us!  Ah just knew it!  Ah knew ya wouldn’t leave me behind!”

The samurai gave a sheepish smile.  “O-of course I wouldn’t have left you behind my lady.  Now come.  We have a long journey ahead of…”

“Th’ journey can wait.  Ah want ta reward ya fer rescuin’ lil ol me.”  Big Mackenzie once again wrapped the samurai in a hug and puckered her lips.  The samurai attempted to escape, but just couldn’t pry the mare off of him.  He looked on in horror as the lips got closer.

Suddenly, Big Mackenzie’s cheeks puffed out before she opened her mouth.  The world went into slow motion as vomit shot out of her mouth; aimed straight at him.


********************


AJ’s eyes shot open as the sound of somepony vomiting assaulted his ears.  He blinked the last vestiges of sleep from his eyes before slowly sitting up; an unreadable look on his face.  As he sat there, he rolled the dream through his head.  The sound of more vomiting broke him from his thoughts.  He got out of bed and left his room.

Rainbow looked over from the counter when she heard the door open.  She was still wearing her pajamas, which was nothing but a comfy looking button up, sky blue shirt with clouds on it made of cotton.  “About time you got up.  I was worried me and Pinkie would have to leave without you.”  She took a big sip of her coffee.

“Pinkie and I, Rainbow,” AJ said as he slowly walked to the counter.  Rainbow just rolled her eyes, telling AJ she really didn’t care.  As AJ reached the counter, he heard the sound of more vomiting.  “Wait, that wasn’t you?”

Rainbow shook her head.  “Thankfully no.  Pinkie was already crawling to the bathroom when I woke up.”

“Speaking of being sick, what was in those drinks you made us last night?”

“Ginger ale and grenadine.  Pinkie didn’t leave anything else, remember?”

Rainbow momentarily remembered back to the previous night.  Pinkie had woken up on the way back to the hotel.  She was surprisingly calm for Pinkie Pie, though she seemed to anger pretty easily.  At one point she nearly decked the cab driver for asking how much she had drank.  Once they got her back to the room, Rainbow mentioned that she was finally going to get something to drink.  Halfway to the bar, Pinkie shouted out as loud as she could before grabbing Rainbow by the flanks.  Rainbow yelped as she was tossed across the room towards the couch.  Just before landing, Rainbow, somehow, slowed to a snails pace before landing safely on the couch.  After tossing Rainbow, she stumbled over to the bar; grabbing everything she could and taking it into her room before she slammed the door shut.  They’re not to sure what happened after that, but with all the crashing and shattering heard from beyond the door, they could only imagine.

Rainbow grumbled to herself before turning back to AJ.  “Why do you ask?”

“I think that grenadine may have been bad or something.”

Rainbow raised an eyebrow.  “I’m fine.  Why, what happened?”

AJ shook his head; shuddering as the memory came back to him.  “I’m just trying to figure out why my dream included Big Mac in drag trying to kiss me.”

Rainbow stared at AJ with an amused, yet confused look.  “You dreamt that Big Mac was kissing you?”

“No, no.  He was TRYING to kiss me.  Pinkie spewing her guts out thankfully woke me up before it actually happened.”  AJ blinked a few times before slowly facehoofing.  “I never thought I would ever be thanking anypony for vomiting.”

Rainbow was beginning to crack up.  “Still, you were dreaming that BIG MAC, one of the, admittedly, most handsome stallions in Ponyville, the stallion that I’m sure every mare has had at least one wet dream about, was kissing you.”  She blinked her eyes.  “What is it about those Apple family stallions?  They all seem to be just…amazing.  Big Mac’s quite the looker, as I just said.  Breaburn is like…the greatest stallion in all of Equestria.  Golden Delicious, and Red Delicious are probably harder workers than even Applejack, not to mention not too bad looking.  They make them good in the Apple family.”  After a moment Rainbow realized her thoughts were beginning to drift.  She shook her head.  “A-anyway, back to what we were talking about.  Did he use any tongue when he kissed you?”

“Hah.  And another hah.”

“I thought you didn’t have a crush on him anymore.  After you got your balls back I thought you went back to Ditzy.”

A slight blush adorned AJ’s cheeks.  “I-I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.  I never crushed on Big Mac.  W-where would you ever get that idea?”

“Oh please.  Applejack told me everything.  How you couldn’t even look at him without drooling.  How the mere mention of his name made you giggle and squirm like a little filly.”  And evil grin crossed her features.  “How you clopped while imagining him taking you from behind.”

To say AJ was mortified would be an understatement.  “I-I-I-I wasn’t thinking properly!  My head was all jumbled from the poison joke!”

“Uhuh, suuuure it was.  You keep telling yourself that.”

“I’m not gay!”

“Then why are you dreaming of Big Mac?  I’d say you’re dreams know more about you than you do.”

“I…I…”  AJ’s head dropped.  “You’re a bitch.  You know that?”

“Be that as it may, I’m right aren’t I?”  AJ just glared at Rainbow.  “Well?”

He angrily pointed at Rainbow as he tried to think of a response.  His leg dropped as he gave up.  “Fine!  Yes!  Okay?!  Big Mac is a good looking stallion!  Hell, he looks damn fine!  If I was gay, I would beg him to pick me over Fluttershy!  I would plead for him to bend me over and take me in the middle of the orchard before falling asleep in his warm, muscular embrace!  There, are you happy?!”  His eye was angrily twitching as he took deep breaths through clenched teeth.

Rainbow couldn’t hold it in anymore.  “BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”  She pounded on the counter as she continued to laugh.  “This is…this is rich!  W-wait till Ditzy hears about this!”

“If you tell anypony about this I swear to Celestia I will end you.”

Rainbow took a minute to regain her composure before speaking.  “Alright, alright.  I won’t tell Ditzy.”  A playful smile shone on her face.  “I’ll just keep it as ammunition in case I ever need it.

Just as AJ was about to start contemplating how to get away with murder, the bathroom door flew open.  In the doorway stood a very gloomy and very irate looking Pinkie Pie.  Her mane was as deflated as it could be without being completely straight; hiding her right eye from sight.  The eye that could be seen looked to be full of hate for just about everything it set itself on.  Before shuffling into the room, she grumbled something.  The only words that were understandable were ‘too loud’ and ‘box of lobsters.’

Being the only one in the room not grumbling to themselves, Rainbow looked over to Pinkie.  “Morning Pinkie.  Got you some coffee here.”  Rainbow pointed to a mug full of coffee she poured for Pinkie earlier.  “Made it with lots of sugar, just like you like it.”

Pinkie’s glare went between Rainbow and the mug on the counter.  Moving to the counter, she grabbed the still hot mug in her hooves.  In a move that grabbed even AJ’s attention, Pinkie quickly swung the cup up; splashing the contents of the mug into her face.

Both AJ and Rainbow just stared at Pinkie in shock.  Witnessing a pony douse herself in a mug of hot coffee will do that to you.  They looked at each other for a moment before looking back to Pinkie.  While the coffee soaked into her mane and ran down her body, she did seem to perk up a bit.  Despite being soaked in coffee, her mane floofed up a bit.  Plus, her gaze wasn’t full of pure hatred anymore.  She stuck out her tongue and licked the coffee from around her mouth before walking over to the coffee pot.

“You uh…you getting more coffee Pinkie?” asked AJ.

Pinkie didn’t give an answer.  She just stood there in front of the coffee pot.  The pot was still about 3/4th full.  She glanced down at the mug she was still holding onto before looking back at the pot.  With a slight shrug, she tossed the mug over her shoulder.  Ignoring how hot the pot was, she grabbed it in her hooves and lifted it over her head.  She tipped it over and began pouring the rest of the pot down her open gullet.

AJ watched the scene with an unreadable face before standing up.  “Where are you going?” asked Rainbow.

“Going to go shower,” he said as he walked towards the bathroom door.  “I’ve been traumatized enough for one morning.  Plus, I’d like to keep what shreds of dignity I have left.”

Rainbow just rolled her eyes as the bathroom door was closed.  She looked over when she heard Pinkie let out a loud gasp.  “You going to be okay over there Pinkie?”

Pinkie, whose mane was almost restored to its former poofyness, let out a loud, content sigh.  “That really hit the spot.”  She walked back over to Rainbow with a slight smile on her face, and a mug, somehow full, of coffee in her hoof.  Despite the large amount of coffee she had just consumed, she was still looking a bit exhausted.  “What was that about shreds of dignity?”

“Oh it’s nothing.  AJ’s just in denial about liking stallions.  He’s having trouble keeping his ragging hard on for Big Mac under control.”

“Oh, is that all?”  She took a sip of her coffee.  “He needs to talk to somepony about that before he does something he regrets.”

Rainbow looked at Pinkie in surprise.  She wasn’t sure whether it was because she knew of AJ’s crush on Big Mac, or because the fact that Pinkie of all ponies was actually making sense.  “How did…”

“Pinkie senses,” Pinkie said calmly.  “Not to mention how he acted around Big Mac every time he got drunk.  Then there’s the story Screwball told me about him frenching that male DJ at that gay night club.”  She took another sip of her coffee.  “Come on Rainbow.  I think you and Applejack are the only two that haven’t at least seen the signs until now.  Even Twilight put two and two together after awhile.”

Rainbow just blinked as she let this all register in her head.  “Soooo Fluttershy…”

“Mmhm.  Though she understands that, despite his feelings, AJ would never do anything to hurt her like that.”  Pinkie giggled.  “He couldn’t hurt his mommy.  Besides, he loves Ditzy too much to make a move on Big Mac.”

Rainbow slowly nodded her head in understanding.  “Huh.  So…”

“No he doesn’t realize that we all know.”  Rainbow lifted her hoof as her mouth opened to speak.  “We were just planning on letting him figure everything out on his own,” interrupted Pinkie.

“How did you know what I was going to ask?”  Pinkie didn’t answer.  She just smiled knowingly.

Rainbow let out a sigh.  “Pinkie, you are so random.”


********************


“So why exactly are we doing this right now?” questioned Carrot as Maxie continued shampooing her mane and tail.  After Carrot had calmed down, she agreed to go with Maxie to Carousel Boutique for her dress.  Now that they were home, Maxie decided it would be best to get a bit of a head start on beautifying Carrot.

Maxie was too busy humming a tune to himself as he worked to pay much attention.  “Alright.  Let’s get this shampoo out of your mane so we can begin conditioning.”

“Is this really necessary?”

“Hmm?”  Maxie looked Carrot in the eyes as her question registered in his head.  A smile formed on his lips.  “Of course it is.  When was the last time you properly cleaned your mane?”

“Hey!  I wash my mane every day!”

“Yes, but how well do you wash it?  Hmm?”  Maxie asked with an accusatory glance.  “Do you really get down to the scalp and scrub away the dirt, oil, and dry skin?”

Carrot blinked.  “Uhh…”

“When was the last time you used conditioner?”

“Well…”

“And when’s the last time you combed all the knots out of your mane?”

“Okay, that last one isn’t fair.  I can’t help the fact that my mane always gets tangled.  It’s what I get for having naturally curly hair.”

“Trust me.  I’ve dealt with ponies that have curlier hair than you.  It’s far easier to keep the tangles out than you’d think.”  Once Maxie was finished washing all the suds out of Carrot’s mane and tail, he took a long look at his work.  “Looks like we got most of it.  A few more sessions and you’re mane will be as stunning as mine.  Now for the conditioner.”

Carrot stuck out her tongue.  “I hate conditioner.  It’s so thick, I can never get it all out of my mane, and it always burns like hell when I rub it down into my scalp.”

“That just means you don’t use it often enough,” Maxie said through the conditioner bottle in his mouth.  “Your scalp is too dry.  If you used conditioner more, it wouldn’t hurt so badly.  Remember, a healthy scalp means healthy hair.”  Maxie squirted a generous amount of conditioner on his hooves and began lathering it up.  “Besides, you don’t want flakes, do you?”  Without waiting for an answer, Maxie began working the conditioner into Carrot’s mane making sure to get down to the scalp.

Carrot winced as the conditioner began doing its thing.  “I bring us back to my original question.  Why are we doing this?”

Maxie smiled.  “We want you to look your best for your blind date tomorrow night.  You do want to make a good first impression, right?”

“Date?”  Suddenly the stinging feeling didn’t hurt so much.  All of Carrot’s attention was brought to something else.  She turned to look at Maxie.  “As in, me and another pony being together romantically date?”

“Well, what other kind of date would I describe as ‘blind?’”  Now finished with Carrot’s hair, Maxie moved onto her tail.  “While the two of us were getting you fitted for a dress, Star was hard at work setting everything up.  He works fast, doesn’t he?”

Carrot continued to gawk at Maxie.  “B-b-b-but what if I’m not ready?  What if I need more time to prepare?  Why don’t you push it back to…”

“If we push it back now, you’ll just want to keep pushing it back until it never happens.  I know you’re worried, but you have to calm down.  By the time I’m done with you, you’ll look like a princess.  Plus Ditzy, Star, and I will be there incase something goes horribly wrong.”

“But…but…”  Carrot let out a sigh.  “I can’t get out of this, can I?”

Maxie shook his head.  “Not if I have anything to…”  Maxie was silenced as a growling sound filled the room.

Carrot blinked.  “Was that…?”

A light blush came to Maxie’s face.  “I guess I’m a little…hungry.  Why don’t we go get something to eat after we’re done here?”

“Umm, sure.  I’m kinda in the mood for something sweet.  How about you?”

Maxie looked a little unsure.  “I guess as long as I don’t overdo it.  Sugar goes straight to my flanks.  I’m not too sure how Star would react if I came home with a big, bubble butt.”

“But Ditzy has a nice, bubbly butt, and she looks amazing,” Carrot said without thinking.  As her words registered in her head, a blush came to her face.  “F-f-forget what I just said.”

Maxie could only giggle.  “While you’re right about Ditzy’s figure, it actually looks good on her.  Her hips are wider than mine to begin with.  Having a bigger rump looks natural on her.  On me it would just look…fat.”  Maxie cleared his throat.  “Well, enough about my insecurities.  Why don’t we wash this conditioner out so we can go eat?”


********************


“Why won’t you just admit that we’re lost and ask for directions?” Cloud Feather asked as he stuck a hay fry in his mouth.

“’Cause Ah ain’t lost!” fired back Fine Tuned.  “Maybe if y’all would stop houndin’ me fer one second Ah could find mah way!”  He kept his glare on Feather as he took a bite of his tofu burger.  “Mah sense of direction is next ta perfect.”

“That’s why we’ve been searching around this town for three hours now, right?”  Feather had an amused look on his face.

“Shut up!  It ain’t mah fault that this here map is defective!”  He looked down at the map.  “Ah mean, come on!  What th’ hell is that?!”  He pointed at a red splotch on the map.  “Do they have some kinda creepy pool’o blood’er somethin’ in this town?!”

Feather picked up another fry as he looked down at the map.  He grinned as he dabbed the fry in the red smudge.  “Finn, that’s ketchup.  It dripped out of your burger when you took a bite.  You put way too much on…like you always do.”  He tossed the fry into the air; catching it in his mouth.

Finn blinked before looking at his burger.  Sure enough there was ketchup leaking out of one side onto the plate.  “Oh.”  He lifted the map and licked the rest of the ketchup off.  “Not mah fault th’ stuff is so danged delicious.”

Feather shook his head.  That’s when he notices two mares walking down the street.  One had a pale goldenrod coat, a carrot orange mane, and three carrots as her cutie mark.  The other was taller and had a light rose coat, a long, magenta colored mane, and crossed fencing sabers on her flanks.  As he watched the mares, an idea formed in his head.  He reached over and grabbed the map from Finn.  “Give me that for a second.”

With the map in his grasp, he flew over to the mares.  “Excuse me, may I ask you two lovely ladies a quick question?”

Carrot and Maxie looked at each other for a moment before turning back to this complete stranger.  “Uhhh, sure?” answered Carrot.

Maxie giggled.  “Sure, ask away cutie.”

A light blush slowly made its way to Feather’s face.  “Well, uh...”  He cleared his throat.  “I and my colleague over there seem to be lost.”  He pointed over to the table where Finn was sitting.

Still grumbling to himself, Finn glanced over to where Feather had landed.  The anger dropped from his face as he did a double take.  Never in his life had he laid his eyes on such a beautiful mare.  Those beautiful green eyes.  That yellow coat.  Those curls in her vibrant orange mane.  He always did like the color orange.  All his focus was on this mare he had never seen before.  She looked over to him and waved with a smile.  Holding his dumbstruck look, he waved back.

After a couple minutes of ogling the mare from afar, he saw her reach out and shake the hoof of…somepony.  After that, she left.  She turned the corner and out of view.

“See?  Look how easy that was.”  Feather placed the map down in front of Finn.  “All I did was ask somepony for directions, and voila.”  He pointed to a marked location on the map.  “This is where we are.  And this…”  He pointed to the other marked location.  “Is where we need to go.  See what you get when you stop and think things through?”  As he rolled up the map, he noticed that Finn was being quiet for once.  Finn was one of those ponies that was almost never silent.  He was even vocal in his sleep.  Needless to say you would need a healthy supply of earplugs if you wanted a good night’s sleep with Finn around.  So for him to be quiet for this long something must have been wrong.

“Finn?”  Feather waved a hoof in front of his face.  “Finn, you okay?”  He clapped his hooves together.  “Equestria to Fine Tuned, you in there?!”  Still no response.  “Please don’t make me call you ‘R1.’”

Finn slowly turned his head to look at Feather.  “Who was that?”

“Who?”

“That mare!”

“Which one?  There were two mares there.”

“There was two of’em?”  Finn was clearly confused.  “Never mind.  Th’ one with th’ orange mane!  Who was that?!”

“Oh.  Her name was Carrot Top,” Feather said as he put the map away.  “She’s apparently going to be one of our neighbors.”  He sat down and began munching on his fries again.  “Her house is just down the street from ours.  Why do you ask?”

“She was beautiful.”

Feather shrugged.  “She was okay.  Now that other mare, she was a solid ten.”  As he bit down on a fry, Finn suddenly grabbed him by the face and began staring into his soul.  “Wha awe…”

“Okay?  Okay?!  What do ya mean okay?!  She was th’ most beautiful creature Ah ever laid mah eyes on.  She was even more beautiful than Princess Luna.  Better ass too.”

Feather just stared at Finn with an unreadable look on his face.  “Caw u pweas leh goh oh mah fwace?”  Letting go of Feather’s face, Finn turned back to look at the corner Carrot had turned.  “Thank you.  Now if you’re thinking of asking her out, you’re out of luck.  They’re both already taken."

A sudden sharp pain jolted through Finn’s chest.  “Sh-she’s taken?”

“Mmhm.  Her friend said something about getting her ready for a date tomorrow night.  Sorry.”

Finn’s lip began to quiver as sadness began to overtake him.  “B-but…Ah didn’t even get a chance ta...”

Feather laid his ears back.  Despite how annoying Finn could be at times, they were still friends, and he hated to see him sad.  “Now, now.  If it’s any consolation, she said she’s glad that somepony finally moved into that old house, and that she’ll come over to visit sometime.”  Finn just looked at feather with sad eyes before looking down at the ground.  “Come on.  Why don’t we get home and start unpacking?  It may help take your mind off of her.”

“Mmkay.”

Feather dropped some bits on the table before hooking himself up to the cart.  “You ready?”  Finn silently nodded as he stood up from his seat.


********************


To say that Rainbow was exited was an understatement.  It took all her self control, however miniscule that was at times, to keep from lifting off into the air to do some flips in glee.  “I can’t believe it!  One more hour before the most awesome and amazing music festival starts!”  For the hundredth time since they got to their spots in the front row, she pulled the brochure out from under her wing.  “First will be Disturbed, then Neighyer, A7X, Poets of the Fall, Anberlin, and we end the day with System of a Down.”

“WOOOOOOO!” Pinkie cheered at the mere mention of her favorite bands name.

“Yes, we know Rainbow,” AJ said just loud enough to be heard over the quickly forming crowd.  “You’ve told us this like…twenty times already.  You don’t need to keep reminding us.”

“I can’t help it.  I’m just too exited,” Rainbow said; her wings flapping excitedly.  “You can’t tell me you’re not…”

“Hey, get back behind the ropes!  Don’t make me throw you out before this thing even starts!”

Rainbow’s body froze.  “That…that voice…”  She quickly whipped her head around to look for the source of the voice.

As she continued to look around, she stopped when she realized that field of view was filled with pink.  “Whatcha looking for Dashie?” Pinkie asked as she balanced on Rainbow’s head.

“Pinkie!  Tell me you heard that just now!”

“Heard what?”

“That voice!  It sounded like…”

Pinkie began giggling before bouncing off Rainbow’s head.  “Silly Dashie, there’s like…a bamillion voices.  Of course I’m hearing them.  Maybe you should get your ears checked.”

As Pinkie turned to talk to some random griffon that was standing next to her, Rainbow continued to look around.  “M-maybe I’m just hearing things.  I mean…why would she be here of all places.”  She turned to the stage.  “She’s probably off hanging out with her ‘cool’ friends.”  Rainbow plopped down to her haunches and let out a sad sigh.  “Stupid Gilda.”

“Who’s Gilda?”

Rainbow let out a gasp as she turned her head.  AJ was looking at her with concern in his eyes.  She didn’t realize anypony was listening to her.  “Uhh nopony!  Gilda’s nopony.”  She quickly stood up and brushed herself off.  “In fact, forget I even said the name.”

“But…”  His questioning was returned with a glare from the rainbow maned pegasus.  “Alright, fine.  If you don’t wanna talk about it, I’ll leave you alone then.”  Rainbow let out a slight sigh of relief.  “But…”  Her ears perked.  “If you decide you do want to talk about it, you know where to find me.”

Rainbow just looked at AJ with a hint of annoyance.  He just shrugged and turned back to the stage to watch things get set up for the first band.  She turned away from him with a huff.  As she sat there, her annoyance slowly withered away.  Memories of her time back in the Junior Speedsters ran through her head.  She quickly shook the fog from her head.  ‘No.  I won’t let Gilda ruin this for me.’


********************


Carrot happily sniffed the air as they walked through the door of Sugarcube Corner.  The smell of freshly baked confections filled the air.  The smell that caught her attention the most was the smell of some cinnamon buns that were being placed out at this very moment.  “This place always smells so good.”  Her smile dropped slightly as she turned to Maxie.  He almost looked sick to his stomach.  “What’s wrong?”

Maxie brought a hoof up to his nose before speaking.  “It’s nothing.  The smell in this place is just so…sweet.  It’s overpowering.”  He removed his hoof from his nose and began rubbing his flanks.  “I can almost feel myself getting fatter just by smelling all those sweets.”

Carrot rolled her eyes.  “You get used to it.  Trust me.”  She licked her lips as she walked up to the counter; her eyes on the prize.

“Hello dear,” said Mrs. Cake as she finished putting away some cupcakes.

“Hello Mrs. Cake.  How are you today?”

“Just fine,” Mrs. Cake said with a smile.  “With Pinkie gone to that festival, we’ve been able to keep up with the rush much easier than usual.”

“Why is that?”

“Without Pinkie eating half of what we make, we don’t need to keep re-making everything,” Mr. Cake said as he walked down the stairs.  “Isn’t that right Honey Bun?”

“I am grateful she lives with us, but she can be a hoof full at times,” she said with a sheepish smile.  “Anyways, what can I get for you two?”

Carrot turned to Maxie.  “I know what I want, what about you?”

Maxie looked at everything on display with an unsure look.  “You wouldn’t happen to have any low fat treats, would you?”

“Oh come on Maxie, live a little!”  Carrot couldn’t believe that Maxie of all ponies was acting so worried over something as trivial as a little weight gain.  “Besides, you could stand to put on a few pounds.  You’re too thin.  Indulge yourself a little.”

“I did enough ‘indulging’ when I was in grade school.  Any more and you would have had to roll me around.” Maxie said matter-of-factly.  He was over exaggerating just how fat he was, but it helped make a point.  “I was such a chunky little c…filly.”  Maxie internally slapped himself.  He almost let his little ‘secret’ slip out.  “I’m quite happy with how I look thank you very much.”

Carrot was trying to hide her laughter as the image of a chunky little Maxie ran through her mind.  She turned to Mrs. Cake with a smile.  “I’ll take some of those great smelling cinnamon buns, and Maxie will take your sweetest, most sugar filled pie please.”

Mrs. Cake giggled as she tallied up the bill.  “That will be eight bits please.”  Carrot placed the bits on the counter.  “Thank you.  Go ahead and find a table.  We’ll bring them out to you.”

“Thanks Mrs. Cake.”  As Carrot turned, she ignored the piercing glare Maxie fixed her with.  It was a glare that said ‘I know where you sleep,’ and ‘I hope you can sleep with one eye open.’  She didn’t care.  She thought of it as payback for all the teasing Maxie had dished out.  Her head held high, she trotted to an open table.

As she sat down, Carrot heard some giggling from behind her.  Turning her head, she saw a pastel violet earthpony filly, and a dark grey pegasus colt sitting at the table behind her.  Between the two of them sat a shake with two straws sticking out of it.  One for each of them.  The colt had a half eaten creampuff in front of him on a plate.  The plate in front of the filly was empty.  “What happened after that?” Screwball asked.

“After that, he leapt onto his bed shouting ‘I’ll destroy you with my trusty sonic screwdriver you Dalek scum!’”  Shadow stopped for a moment to laugh to himself.  “He pulled his electric toothbrush from his collar and charged at his pillow which had a crude crayon drawing with a Dalek taped to it.  His hoof got tangled in his blanket; causing him to fall flat on his face.  He ended up tumbling off his bed with all of his bedding falling with him.  As his head popped out from under his bed sheets, the pillow he had the picture taped to fell on top of him.”

Screwball giggled again.  “He lost to a pillow.  Oh Trotsy, you’re so silly.”

“That show’s actually where he got his nick name.  He looked just like a younger version of the actor that played Dr. Whooves.  Aside from his mane of course.  Until he became a fan of the show, his mane looked like a big puff ball.  Dad told me how he would always hide things like candy in his mane for later.  By the time I was born he already started straightening his mane, but I’ve seen the pictures.”

Shadow chuckled.  The sight of his brother with his big, poofy afro always made him laugh.  “Oh, speaking of Trotsworth, I remember a time when…”  Shadow finally noticed that the two of them were being watched.  Looking over Screwball, he saw Carrot Top watching the two of them with a smile on her face.  “Oh, hello Carrot Top.  How are you today?”

Carrot smiled.  “I’m fine, thank you.  How about the two of you?”

“We’re on a date!” Screwball said with a bright smile.  “Breezey promised to take me on one this weekend!”

Carrot giggled as a blush came to Shadow’s face.  “Ah young love,” Maxie said as he took the seat opposite from Carrot.  “It’s so nice to see two ponies find love when they’re still so young.”

Carrot turned her head to look at Maxie; realizing that she had yet to introduce him.  “Oh yes, how could I forget?  Shadow, Screwball, this is Maxie.  She, and her husband are staying at my place for a little while.”

“Nice to meet Mrs. Maxie,” said Shadow.

“Ooh, such manners.  I like this one,” Maxie said; a warm smile gracing his features.  His eyes fell upon Screwball, who was just staring at him in confusion; her head cocked to the side.  “Can I help you sweetie?”

Screwball just sat there for a moment in silence.  “…Are you a transvestite?”

Carrot was pretty sure her jaw unhinged with how hard it plummeted towards the floor.  She couldn’t believe Screwball would just go and ask something like that.  Especially to somepony that’s clearly a mare.

Shadow was equally as shocked.  Though unlike Carrot, he wasn’t speechless.  “S-screwball?!  How could you ask her that?!”

“What?”

“Apologize before she gets…”

The sound of laughter cut Shadow off.  All three of them looked over to Maxie who was too busy laughing harder than he had ever laughed before to pay attention to much of anything else at the moment.  “Maxie?  Is everything alright?” asked Carrot.

Maxie wiped away a tear that was forming in his eye before tying to collect himself once again.  “Oh, I like her too.  This world needs more blunt ponies like her.”

Carrot was confused.  “Aren’t you mad?”

“Nope,” Maxie said without missing a beat.  “Should I?”

“Well, yea…I think.”  Carrot scratched the back of her head.  “She DID just call you a transvestite.”

“And?  She was simply speaking her mind.  Should I get mad at everypony who speaks their mind?”

Carrot thought about it for a second.  “I guess not.”

Relieved that Maxie wasn’t mad at Screwball, Shadow reached for his creampuff.  He took a bite of it; savoring the taste as he chewed.  As he opened his eyes, he noticed that Screwball was giggling as she looked at him.  He swallowed before speaking.  “What?”

“That’s a good look for you, you know,” Carrot said with a giggle of her own.

“W-what?  What’s so funny?” he asked as a blush came to his face.

“Sweetie, you have some cream on your nose,” Maxie said, not wanting to embarrass him any further.

Shadow’s blush grew more intense as he dabbed his nose.  Sure enough, a dollop of cream was sitting on his nose.  Most creampuffs only have cream on the inside.  When the Cakes make them, they add a big dollop of cream to the top of the puff along with what’s on the inside.  “O-oh.  Let me just grab my napkin and…”

“Don’t worry, I’ll get it!”  Before Shadow could reach his napkin, Screwball beat him to the punch.  Leaning over the table, she stuck her tongue out and licked the tip of his nose.  She pulled away with a warm smile on her face.  Her eyes never left his.

“E-eep.”  Shadow’s face was crimson.  Carrot was pretty sure if his face had gotten any redder, he would have gotten a nose bleed like all those characters in the stupid animes Harvey forced her to watch over the years when they were younger.  After his brain began registering what had just happened, he slowly reached up to his nose; feeling the wetness left behind by Screwball.  Slowly, a smile formed on his face.

“Aww, that’s so sweet,” Maxie said under his breath.

“Huh?”

Maxie smiled at Carrot.  “You see that?  That is true love.  You can practically see it in the air around them.”  Carrot didn’t understand what Maxie was getting at, but decided to take his word for it.  Maxie stood up.  “Let’s find a different table.  I’d hate to get in the way of these two love birds.”

Carrot took one last look at Shadow and Screwball.  Screwball had moved to the seat next to Shadow and was now nuzzling his neck.  Shadow was quite content with just leaning his head onto hers.  “Alright.”

Carrot followed Maxie to an empty table on the other side of the shop.  As they sat down, Mr. Cake came up to them with their orders.  “Here you two are.  The cinnamon buns for you and the sextuple chocolate éclair pie for you.”

Maxie looked at the pie in front of him in complete and absolute horror.  Not only was the pie itself huge, but it had at least three layers of different types of chocolate covering the crust alone.  The crust itself was infused with chocolate to the point where it may as well have just been made of chocolate.  The filling was a mix milk chocolate, dark chocolate, and white chocolate mixed, and whipped together with the richest cream available.  He could feel himself getting fatter just by LOOKING at this thing.  The smell wafting off of the pie was so sickly sweet, he had to keep himself from gagging so he wouldn’t offend the proprietor of this fine establishment.

“The sextuple chocolate éclair pie?” questioned Carrot.

Mr. Cake nervously rubbed his legs together.  “Well, it was initially Pinkie’s idea.”

“Why does that not surprise me?”

“While I wouldn’t recommend it to anypony unless they have a massive sweet tooth, it is pretty good.”

Carrot took a look at the pie again.  While it did look like the very definition of a diabetic coma, it looked pretty good nonetheless.  She then looked at Maxie.  She couldn’t tell exactly what was going through his mind at that moment, though by the look on his face, she could guess.  It was a mix between disgust, self hatred, shame, and hunger.  Carrot began smiling on the inside.  Despite what he had said before, Maxie was going to eat, at least some, of that pie.

With a smile, Carrot turned to Mr. Cake.  “Thank you very much Mr. Cake.”

“No problem you two.  Enjoy.”

Carrot watched as Mr. Cake walked away.  Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Screwball adjust herself to kiss Shadow proper.  A sick feeling slowly began welling up in her stomach.  The fear of never having that feeling began making her feel sick to her stomach.

Thankfully those thoughts were ripped from her mind as the sound ravenous slurping and eating filled the air.  Turning her head, she saw that half of the pie Maxie had been given had already been devoured.  What shocked Carrot the most was the method Maxie was using to eat the pie.  During all of the meals they have had together, Maxie always made sure to make as little mess as he could.  He wanted to make sure he wasn’t all messy.  Now, he was like an animal.  He was buried face deep in the pie.  Munching and chewing as loudly as possible.  He was even using his hooves to help shovel the pie into his mouth.  Chocolate and cream was smeared all over his face, and even in his mane.  As terrifying of a sight as it was, Carrot couldn’t help but find it extremely hilarious at the same time.  “Umm, Maxie?”

At the sound of his name, Maxie was broken out of his reverie.  He looked around the immediate area.  His eyes fell upon Carrot who was trying to keep from busting out laughing.  Other customers around them were looking at him in absolute horror.  He looked down at the pie, which was, for some reason, now at face level.  He noticed something drip down from his mane.  He was about to lift his hoof to see what was in his mane when noticed that it was now covered in pie.  So was his other hoof.  Looking down at his muzzle, he could see that it too was covered in pie.  Not to mention the amazing taste of chocolate that was tantalizing his taste buds like magic.  It took a minute, but he eventually pieced together what had just happened.  He quickly sat up in his seat; putting on his best poker face.

“I thought you didn’t want any…”

“If you mention this to anypony I will end you.”

“You know, it’s hard to take you serious when you just got finished making love to a pie.”  Despite the chocolate coating he now had, the glare in Maxie’s eyes did not fail to make the blood in Carrot’s veins run cold.


********************


“That was so much fun,” Carrot said as she and Maxie walked down the street.  Both of them were covered from head to hoof in frosting, pie filling, and other sugary confections.  Carrot even had a cinnamon bun cemented to her mane.  Trust her, both she and Maxie tried to get it out with zero success.  After teasing Maxie about the pie, Maxie dove over the table, pie in hooves, and smooshed what was left into Carrot’s face.  In retaliation, Carrot grabbed the closest thing she could get her hooves on, one of her cinnamon buns, and hurled it at the light rose stallion.  She missed by a long shot and hit one of the other ponies in the shop.  It wasn’t long before the entire shop was part of their war.  Mr. and Mrs. Cake, along with a couple of the other ponies in the shop, decided it would be best to take cover until it was all over.  In the end it was Carrot and her general Screwball against Maxie and his confidants, the Cutie Mark Crusaders.  Needless to say, no food fight cutie marks were attained.  “I just hope I won’t have to cut my mane to get this thing out.”

“Well, that’s what you get for ordering me that horrendous pie.”

“Come on, you can’t tell me it didn’t taste amazing.”  To prove her point, Carrot licked some of the pie from around her lips.  “Mmmmmmmm.  I may have to order one of those the next time my family comes to visit.  That is, if they ever allow me back in there.”

“I’m sure once we pay for the damages they’ll welcome you with warm smiles.”

“I don’t know.  The looked really angry.”

“Don’t worry honey, they’ll forgive you eventually.”  A bit of pie filling fell from Maxie’s mane.  He looked down at it with a sigh.  “I can’t believe I actually ate some of that pie.”

“I still don’t see why it’s such a problem.  It was just a bit of pie.”

Maxie quickly stepped in front of carrot; cutting her off.  “A bit of pie that will most definitely make my flank balloon out.  Did you think I was joking when I said sugar goes straight to my flanks?  I’m going to have to double my workout routine to make sure I don’t get fat.  It happened when I was a foal, it started happening again when I was all depressed, I don’t need it happening a third time.”  A light blush formed on his cheeks.  “There’s a reason I don’t allow sweets in our house.  As, uh…as you could tell, I can’t really control myself when it comes to sweets.  Especially chocolate.”

Carrot snickered.  “Guess I know to keep my stash of chocolate hidden till you leave then.”  She was rewarded with another glare from Maxie.  “Sorry, sorry.”

Maxie’s features softened as he giggled to himself.  “I guess I really did deserve all this with how much I’ve been teasing you, huh?”

“Just a bit.”  Carrot extended a hoof.  “Truce?”

Maxie smiled before extending his own hoof.  “Truce.”  As he looked Carrot over one more time, his smile grew.  “Besides, it was all worth being able to act like a foal again.”

“Yea, I guess it was.  It’s been awhile since I’ve had that much fun.”

“Oh it has, has it?”

Carrot’s smile faltered slightly.  “What are you getting at?  I thought we had a truce?”

“Oh no, no teasing, just…an idea.  Why don’t you go out with some friends and have some fun today?  Just go wild.  Don’t let anypony tell you what to do.”

Carrot raised her brow.  “So you’re telling me to shirk any and all responsibilities for the rest of the day and go have fun?”

“Exactly.  You just said you don’t have enough fun.  This is your chance to get it out of your system.  After we get you clean of course.  I will remove that cinnamon bun from your mane if it kills me.”

Carrot poked the bun.  “Oh yea.  I forgot about that thing.”  Carrot laughed to herself.  “You’re just lucky I never hit you with one of them.”

Maxie shuddered.  “The thought of having one of those things stuck in my mane gives me the chills.”  The two of them looked at each other before they both burst out laughing.

The two of them continued reminiscing about the food fight until Carrot’s house came into view.  About halfway down the street they saw the door open with Star and Ditzy leaving.  Carrot couldn’t believe Ditzy was still wearing that general’s outfit.  ‘It makes me feel powerful,’ she said when questioned about it.

“Like I said, if you want to live a long, healthy life, you need to start eating better honey,” Star said with a smile.

“I still don’t see what’s wrong with the way I eat.  Carrot’s a very good cook, and…”

“Aaaand, while the food she cooks tastes good, they’re not the healthiest meals in the world.  Trust me, being married to a health nut like Maxie has made me learn to start eating healthier.  I even changed the recipe to your mother’s French toast a bit to make it healthier.”

Ditzy giggled to herself.  “No you didn’t.  I loved mom’s French toast.  I think I’d notice if something was changed.”

Star glanced over with a look Ditzy hadn’t expected from a pony like Star.  He had just taken what she had said as a challenge.  “Is that so?  Alright.  I’ll make dinner tonight, and it’s going to be French toast.  For one batch I’ll use your mother’s recipe.  For the other, I’ll use my updated recipe.  We’ll see if you can tell the difference.”

Ditzy couldn’t help but return the look.  “Oh, it’s on.”  As the two of them turned to look where they were going, they noticed something…odd walking down the street towards them.  “Star?”

“Yes?”

Ditzy pointed to the two golems made of sugar.  “What the hell are those?”

Unable to discern what they were from a distance, Star waited till they were a bit closer before he passed judgment.  It took a minute, but he was eventually able to tell just what they were.  “Maxie?!”

“Hi sweetie!”  As Maxie passed Star, he gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before continuing into the house.

“Carrot, what the hell happened to you two?” questioned Ditzy.

Carrot looked back to Ditzy for a second before turning to Maxie.  Both of them burst out with giggles before they continued into the house.  Without answering the question, they closed the door behind them.

Star lifted his hoof to dab at the spot Maxie had kissed him.  Looking at what was on his hoof, he gave it a little lick.  “Chocolate?  I thought Maxie hated chocolate.”

“Looks like there’s a couple dirty little secrets he’s been hiding from you,” Ditzy said with a giggle.  “Now come on.  You have a challenge to lose.”

Star fixed Ditzy with a smirk.  “I do believe that’s where you’re wrong young lady.  I have a challenge to win.”

****************************************