//------------------------------//
// Ch. 9: If there is a God, He is of Chaos, And He Hates Me 
// Story: The Great and Powerful ... Walter? 
// by Westphalian_Musketeer 
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“Yo veo con mi ojo pequeño, algo que es de color azul!” Pablo announced. I rolled my eyes and huffed.

“It’s Trixie, just like the last fifty times,” Enrique answered before starting his turn. “I spy with my little eye, something that is green!”

“A tree,” I answered. “Just like the other twelve times, but given the lack of variety, I don’t blame you. I spy with my little eye, something that is... disgusting.”

“The swamp?” Pablo offered.

I looked back and saw that Pablo was walking much too close to me—again. I gave the colt a once over before answering, “No.”

“The dirt, the ditch, the snail you just stepped on!”

I stepped back in disgust as I examined my hoof. Sure enough a crunched mollusk was smashed there. Before I could wipe off my hoof Pablo ran into my rump for the seventh time that day. I turned on him and pressed my face to his, barely taking the time to make sure I didn’t gore him with my horn.

“That’s it!” I shouted. “It’s you! You are disgusting! We were waiting for you to come to the conclusion yourself but it is clear we have to spell it out for you! We are not interested, in any way, shape or form, in engaging, be it temporarily, indefinitely, or for any length of time, with a relationship with you of any kind! We are in the body of what was once a man, and are now in the body of a mare. Both our psyches are simply repulsed at every one of your advances, suggestions, compliments, flatteries, and physical contacts!” I began walking forward and pushed him back across the road. “Now you stay behind your brother and do not come within so much as ten feet of us or we shall hit you so hard, when you wake up, your clothes will be out of style!”

Pablo backed up slightly of his own accord. His eyes were wide with fright. “But I’m not wearing any clothes,” he said with his head shaking.

“UGH! The order still stands, keep away from us! Now, and forever! There will be absolutely no condition under which I shall allow myself to come into close proximity with--”

BOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!

I flinched and cowered to the ground as a bolt of lightning struck the road ahead as a torrential downpour began. Within a few seconds my mane was soaking wet and we ran to the side of the road. I sat underneath a tree and beside me sat Enrique, followed by... him. I glared at the lanky colt with a foul countenance. He avoided eye contact.

“Ten feet,” I recited, and Pablo scooted over another foot, placing him at four feet away from me. “Ten... feet,” I repeated forcefully. He shuffled over until he was barely under the shelter provided by the tree, but he was still only five feet away. I shuffled over to the opposite side of the shelter and sighed. Eight feet. Pablo began to reach a back hoof out into the rain when Enrique spoke.

“You’re not honestly going to force him out into the rain, are you?” he asked.

I scrunched up my face at the dilemma. Pablo was clearly doing all he could to respect the terms I had set out. But those were, under these conditions, unduly harsh. Worse yet if I went back on my decree he might take it as a sign that he could resume his fawning over me. I elected to remain silent. If Pablo truly wished to remain under the tree, I would not protest, but if he went the extra two feet to show he was sorry, I wouldn’t say anything either.

“Seriously? You’re cold. I don’t care what he does, I’m not letting my brother freeze in the rain.” Enrique gestured with a hoof to Pablo. “Come here hermano. if she tries to hit you, I’ll stop her.”

Pablo cautiously made his way back to his brother, casting glances at me to see if I moved in any aggressive manner. I turned my head to the side and stuck my nose in the air. When Pablo and Enrique were laying beside eachother I decided to lay down myself. The grass was slightly damp from the rain and tickled my belly somewhat.

I took a deep breath and... damn it my stomach growled. I looked down at the tempting treat and winced. I had walked for hours and we had finished the last of our food.

Go ahead.

My ears twitched and I lifted my head slightly. You’re okay with that? You won’t—

Thinking back on it I realize that the threat was mutually destructive. Besides, it’s hardly becoming for a show mare to have her gut rumbling should a performance come up.

Thanks, I thought as I lowered my mouth to the ground. I bit down and tore off a small portion of grass from the ground. I moved it around with my lips for a bit, testing it tentatively with my tongue for a few moments before bringing it into my mouth and chewing. It tasted surprisingly good. I chopped it up to equine taste buds and took another bite. If I had to compare it I might say that it was a bit like bread that had a little salt added, but stringy, pasta that had dried a little perhaps?

I had my fill and looked up. Enrique was staring dumbfoundedly at me while Pablo was busy trying out the grass by his hooves as well. Pablo sat up and bent his head to another patch of grass, which he promptly got his horn stuck in. I rolled my eyes as the orange unicorn tugged to free himself from the ground. Enrique eventually shook his head and summoned his magic around his brother’s tail.

As Enrique tugged to free his brother, I noticed the rain slowed to a gentle drizzle. I stood up and shook in order to get some of the water off of me. My mane flipped and flopped until it was a bedraggled mess that clung to my face. “Phhhhb!” I blew the mass of moistened fur with a sharp exhale and another toss of my head. I walked over to my two followers and took a breath.

“We should proceed in our grand endeavor to acquire transportation to ferry us to New York,” I announced before turning around and stocking off back the the road. My tail was sopping wet even from having been covered by my cape. A small rivulet of cold water flowed down my backside and continued downwards until it-- “Ah!” I yelped as the cold water touched me where the sun once did not shine. I proceeded to trip and faceplant into the ground.

“Oooowww,” I groaned as I tried standing up. I felt a tugging at my forehead. No, it was my horn. Confound it, I had my horn stuck in the ground. Okay, just... try to pull straight out, don’t bend. How do women stand being so sensitive down there?

First, good call on the not bending part, Trixie responded in my mind. Second, it’s not that sensitive, you’re overreacting to anything so much as getting close to you.

I braced my hooves on the ground and slowly applied more force as I pried my horn from the ground slowly. I am not overreacting, it is too sensitive! 

Oooooohhhh no, Trixie tutted in my mind. You don’t know sensitive until you go through a spring and summer like this.

My eyes widened; suddenly I was aware of the highly compromising position I was in. I started pulling erratically, trying to free my head from the ground. No! No, nononononono! You lie, that’s the absolute last thing I need to worry about.

Relax, Trixie responded. It’s the middle of autumn, we’ve finally gotten Pablo to keep his distance, and Enrique isn’t interested.

“Grrrh!” I grunted at the ground. “And since when did you become the epitome of calm and serenity?”

Since I had the entirety of your mind to look at, she answered, still in my mind.

I noticed Enrique take an inquisitive step towards me. “Stay Away!” I yelled, and he sat down.

I finally managed to pry my face away from the ground. I sat on the ground and rubbed my horn with a hoof, knocking off a few pieces of dirt that had clung onto it. Taking a deep breath I turned my head to face Pablo and Enrique. “Alright, let us proceed.”

We soon returned to the road and gathered our one bag. After a few minutes of walking we crested the hill to see a gas station.

“At long last! A light at the end of this dark tunnel!” I exclaimed, bounding towards the gas station with Snips, Snails, and our collective luggage in tow. My hooves splashed in the puddles, spraying my fur with moisture, but I ignored it as I made my way to the door and opened it with my magic.

“Okay, now to see what’s happening in the real world.” I dragged the bag to a corner where I could see a power outlet. I unzipped the bag, lifted out my laptop, thankfully dry inside its case, and plugged it in. I turned it on and waited for it to boot up.

I looked back to the door to see Snips—Enrique—step inside with his brother. They walked over to the cashier that I had promptly ignored. I had a goal to accomplish, and she was unimportant to it. With my laptop booted, I lifted up a pen with my magic and used it to manipulate the keyboard. I opened up Google Chrome (thank god for an unsecured WiFi) and began searching for ways to get transportation out of Gunterstown. There was not much besides a bus station that only served locally and a private airport, and that was no good for getting to New York on my budget. Though I possessed a credit card that my parents usually paid, I had to solve my problem myself.

Is that what you consider me now? Well then I’ll just stop helping you out with magic. In that instant, the pen’s magic cut out and clattered against the keyboard.

Rolling my eyes, I grabbed the pen in my mouth and continued to work the laptop. “Albertville,” I muttered; it showed promise. I could probably find transportation there.

I glanced up to see Snails—dammit, Pablo—walking the aisles and gathering a few things, water bottles, Cheetos, essentials  for walking across the deep south like bug repellent. Enrique was busy talking to the cashier; she had this foul look on her face like somepony had had accidentally kicked her fetlock. I resumed my browsing when a thought came to me: I should see if there were any other ponies in the area. Perhaps I could meet up with others, ponies whose only means of transportation hadn’t crashed into a swamp.

I typed up ‘Ponies Southern USA’ and hit search. I was immediately rewarded by all things, a Youtube video that already had over ten thousand views. I clicked the link and saw Zecora in a cut up hoodie, sleeping in a bus. In her mouth was some sort of pastry; it was white with black stripes running across it.

Okay, so we have Zecora somewhere... Ah, a link to her facebook page. I clicked on the link and was met with the page. On the page was a call for assistance.

If anyone is out there and can assist, I’ve found myself in a bit of a fix. I missed the last bus call, and stuck in a town quite small. If anyone can help nearby, a meetup would be worth a try.

Looking at a few more lines of information, I realized that she was in Gadsden, just South of where I was. I clicked to reply, and... A pox on all the houses! I needed to make an account. I moved my cursor over to create a new account. Well, my parents already knew I was a three foot tall creature of legend, might as well let the world know while I was at it. I entered in some crucial information, typed out my name as Trixie Lulamoon—no point in letting everyone know my name—and registered.

I returned to Zecora’s page and used the pen in my mouth to type my response.

Trixie Lulamoon here, writing from the outskirts of Gunterstown, and in the accompaniment of Snips and Snails. We noticed that you’re in need of assistance, just as we are. We propose that we bring our resources together so that we may be better able to reach New York. It would be best if we meet each other in Albertville, it is to the south of where we are, and to the north of where you are. We avidly await your response.

With the message typed out I sent it off and put my laptop to the side using my hooves.

Trixie, I thought, hoping to get her to listen. I’m sorry I called you a problem. I’m just really stressed out right now. There was an uncomfortable sliding sensation, like somepony was pulling a string through my brain. What had happened to me? I had handled the stress of waking up in a body that was completely foreign to me with relative ease, but now...

Trixie forgives you.

So you’ll help out with my magic again, I thought. When there was no answer, I tried lifting my laptop with magic, and succeeded.

I set the laptop back down again and stood up, grabbing my debit card. Walking to Pablo, I lifted out some of the items he had tucked underneath his front leg, allowing him to stop hobbling about. I walked up to the counter and deposited the items there.

“Good afternoon ma’am,” I said, floating the debit card to her while Pablo and Enrique worked to put the rest of the items on the counter.

“Would you like to apply for an Esso Gas Card?” she asked. She looked down at me over the counter.

“No, we don’t usually gas up at Esso.”

She swiped the debit card and printed out a receipt. She bagged the items and passed them down to me. I took what we had purchased, stuffed them into the suitcase, and checked my laptop once more. No response. Sighing, I shut it down and packed it up as well.

My ears twitched as I heard a strained grunt come from the back of the convenience story. I walked over before I heard Pablo yell.

“Ow! Mah teeth!”

Rounding the corner, I saw the orange unicorn colt nursing his mouth with a hoof beside the stallion’s washroom... Hold on, colt’s room.

The door had a usual knob, and I assumed Pablo had tried opening it with his mouth. I used my magic to turn the doorknob and let Pablo into the washroom. It was a bit like having to send my pet dog Glaucon outside to go pee.

I waited for a few minutes when a cracking sound came from the room, followed by the sound of running water.

“Help!”

I stood, opened the door, which I had left unlocked, and ran in to see the the toilet was broken and spewing water.

“What the hell did you do!?” I yelled.

I scrambled to see if there was a valve I could use to turn off the water. I saw the pipe that fed water into the toilet, and to my horror it was snapped out of the water tank. I twisted the valve, stopping the flow of water.

I sighed in irritation, only to have Pablo shake himself dry, covering my in water meant for the sewers.

I looked at him blankly.

“Please tell us the toilet broke before you went.”

He shifted uncomfortably on his hooves. “It broke before I was finished...”

I stepped out of the bathroom. Carefully placing my head on the wall, I vented.

“Why in all of Tartarus did we get stuck with a complete incompetent!”

Pablo stepped out of the room with a remorseful look on his face. “I’m sorry Trixie.”

I extended a hoof out to him. “Don’t be sorry, just don’t talk to us.”

“But I really want to make—”

“Dear Celestia in Canterlot Snails, if we turn around, and you’re still there... we... we can’t be held responsible for what we do!”

I heard hoofsteps move away from me, before the click of high heels approached. “We’ll clean it up, just the water hose that got disconnected. Can’t help with the water though,” I said to the clerk, who had begun tapping her foot on the floor.

I stepped into the bathroom, affixed the water hose, and stepped back out.

I looked back up at the clerk with the best pout I could. “Our apologies for the mess.”

She pointed at the gas station door, where Pablo and Enrique were sitting. “Get out now.”

Without another word, I obliged and exited the building, dragging my bag behind me. I walked into the renewed rainstorm, not caring about how wet I became in the downpour.

Becoming a pony had been a mixed bag for me, equal parts good and bad luck. I was being tossed about on the winds of fortune. Was there anything less great and powerful than that?