Disclaimer: I do not own the ponies or their human counterparts, or even this Prompt. I just own my ideas and my very sick headcanon.
TW: Rape (TW means that this chapter is a trigger warning to some people. If you have this certain, please do not read this chapter. It's not graphic, but the hints within it say enough. I don't want anyone getting hurt because of my writing. ): )
Whoever finds my secret…
Please forgive me.
Please…just forgive me.
“Fluttershy, darling? Are you done with that book that you borrowed from Twilight?” I heard Rarity ask, the two of us sitting in front of a small café, having just finished our slices of cake and cups of rose hip tea. I blink a bit at the question, confused over what book she means, before smiling softly.
“O-Oh, I’m sorry, Rarity…I’m not quite done with it. I-I’m on the last chapter though, so I should be able to get it for you by tomorrow.”
“Oh sweetie, please don’t rush…I know how you are and liking to immerse yourself within a story, especially when it is so well written as this particular author. Go ahead, take all the time you need.”
“Mm, thank you…but I’ll try to be finished by tomorrow,” I couldn’t help but return the soft expression on my best friend’s face, Rarity was always so generous towards me, though she did have her selfish moments from time to time.
I did not know how much time I passed, but a tingling feeling in my stomach told me that it was time to be heading back to my cottage. After saying my good byes to my dear unicorn friend, I walked down that familiar path towards my home. It was such a nice day out, honestly…the adorable blue birds and sparrows were chirping their joyous tune, the deer were prancing towards different spots of meadow to graze and have their afternoon lunch…even the little bunnies were poking their heads out of their burrows, only to just lay out in that warm and comforting golden sun. I took in a long breath and sighed contently. Today was just perfect…
An extra step lapped over my own, causing the smile to soon fade from my lips. Well…it was almost perfect.
I kept walking, keeping my eyes straight forward. No…No I would not let her have the upper hand. I refused…even though I was beyond terrified. I found myself glancing behind me, only for a few moments.
…Nobody there.
But I knew, deep down in my heart that there was somebody there. I knew even as I approached the pathway towards my doorstep. I knew as I reached into my skirt pocket to pull out my house key. I knew as I felt that familiar presence only a few feet from my own, her taller stature staring down at my trembling form. I was silent for a moment, the key now pressed almost gently against the keyhole, before those two dreadful words slipped from my tongue:
“Hello…Gilda….”
I didn’t want this to happen…but I’m not strong enough to push her away.
If I refused to do what she wanted, then she would make my oldest friend go away again…
And if I did what she said, then she would keep everything a secret.
A secret…my own dark secret.
It doesn’t hurt as much anymore…I think I might have gotten used to it.
At least, that’s what I try to believe.
…
The lights were off again in my cottage, despite it being well past evening, yet not quite the time to go to bed. My door was locked with both deadbolts securely fastened, though they were usually only used during thunderstorms and Nightmare Night. Despite being timid, I always felt comfortable leaving my door unlocked.
But, for this evening…I think it would be best that the door is locked, the lights are off and the windows are closed and covered. I…I don’t want anyone to see me like this.
I don’t want them to see me in this position, with her hand grasping both of my thin wrists in one solid grip, pinning them over my head. I don’t want them to see the flush on my cheeks, the way she is looking at me as she continues to do these…things to me that I am not proud of. I….I….
I just wanted to make sure that Dashie would stay with me. That she wouldn’t leave me again like she had before…even if my trust towards her has wavered.
I just wanted to keep seeing that smile of hers, that smile that made me feel like everything would be okay. And if I had to do certain…tasks with someone that held my thread of hope dangling in front of my eyes…
Then so be it.
….
When she was done with me, she left as she usually did, right after making me swear that I would never tell anyone what was happening. It’s how it usually goes, between myself and Gilda. She ‘visits’ me during sunset, and leaves before midnight, just to be sure that she isn’t seen by the others. I don’t think she cares either way, but I also don’t think she wants questions being asked.
I glance at the new bruises and scrapes covering my sore and half dressed body, wincing as I softly touch a sore spot. I will have to take another hot shower tonight…they will be easier to treat after they are cleaned thoroughly. I lid my gaze a little and turn towards my nightstand, glancing at the book that Rarity and I had been talking about just hours before. I cannot help but smile…
‘Dash hated reading back when we were little…but this was the only story that she would let me read to her…I wonder if she remembers that…’ I slowly reached out and took the worn covered book in my hands, feeling at the pages and breathing in the musty scent that only a well used book could have. Reaching out another hand towards the nightstand, I grope around for a familiar piece of scrap paper, grasping it in my fingertips and pulling it towards me. I glance over the handwriting-my handwriting-adorning the piece, before using that same hand to fold it into a perfectly shaped square, slipping it underneath the dirty but unrevealing plastic cover of the book.
I didn’t care that no one would ever find that scrap, I didn’t care that I would never be set free…I just wanted to be heard, even if its only ears would be from the book that I treasured so dearly.
If anyone does read this…if anyone has actually found this…I am surprised.
I didn’t think that anyone would look for it, or even take off the plastic cover out of curiosity.
I just wanted to let everything out, to let someone…anyone know my story. And, if they so wished….to forgive me.
Please….Please forgive me.
I don’t know how much longer I can handle this. I don’t know how much longer I can put up with this charade. I don’t know how much longer I can keep from crying…every time I see Dash’s confused gaze and reassuring smile.
I just want to be free. Someone, please…please set me free.
And even if I cannot be set free…
At least my secret will always stay close to my most favorite book.
Sincerely,
Fluttershy
I hope Rarity doesn’t mind that I keep the book for a little while longer. I don’t think I’m ready to part with it just yet…
-end-