I awoke in a very familiar place. I woke up in my own bed.
The overpowering smell of dog and lost gym clothes, the sound of my mad ceiling fan whirring overhead, threatening to crash down at any moment's time. Had I been . . . dreaming the entire time? I mumbled as I tossed and turned about in my bedsheets, trying to free myself from their entanglement the night before. Definitely in my room. Only my own bed would want to cuddle me for this long.
Unintelligible words of detest and urgings to go back to sleep poured from my mouth as I halfheartedly tried to stand on my own two feet, swaying ever so slightly between the realms of the awake and the dreaming. At least, I think I was. Had that all really been a dream? It couldn't have been, it was too real. I could feel pain, I could think clearly, and every memory of Equestria was so vivid. I shrugged and sighed as the conundrum barreled itself around inside my head. Currently, I really couldn't think straight on an empty stomach, so I opted for that wonderful meal known as breakfast, slowly dragging myself towards the kitchen.
It was just as I had left it, messy with dishes that begged to be cleaned. I picked up a plate and scraped off what could have been dried mashed potatoes, deciding that it was clean enough to at least eat something off of it. I settled the palte down on the nearby table and moved around the kitchen, pulling various items from their various places; cereal from a cabinet, a bowl and spoon from the sink (both needed to be cleaned), and milk from the refrigerator.
Once my meager breakfast of soggy cereal flakes in half-expired milk was finished, I smacked my lips, trying to come to realization of what had happened. Everything truly was a dream. With bitter resignation building up inside me, I sighed as I threw the dirtier silverware and bowl back into the sink.
My adventures in Equestria were all a fake, just another mad figment of my dreams.
With the feeling of defeat pulling heavily at my heels, I managed to pull myself into my bathroom, staring long and hard into the face that reflected in the mirror. I looked absolutely terrible. My eyes were sunk back and long, dark bags had grown under them, as if I hadn't slept at all in the past month. My hair was a disheveled mess, half of it was matted to my head, and the other half sprang up in every direction.
"God . . . I am pathetic."
I found my own words empty. Had I really built up my hopes that high? I thought something was actually going on in my life, something interesting and amazing all at once. I had been pulled into a world beyond my own, filled with wonder and adventure that which none could compare. I wasn't a pony, but I could meet them. I even had some social interaction going on . . . too bad it was all fake.
"I really am pathetic . . ."
I leaned against the counter, elbows propped up and my face buried into my hands. Back to reality, I suppose. Back to the grind, to normality, to . . . my terrible life.
"Hey friend, don't talk that way about yourself."
At first I believed the words to be in my own head, trying to cheer myself up.
"They're not."
I lifted my head from my hands, curious as to where that voice was coming from.
"Where else? Check the mirror."
Following the instructions of the voice, I looked back into my visage of the reflective mirror, blinking several times in confusion. The me in the mirror did the same, but right afterwards, smiled. I myself did no such thing.
"Sup."
I jumped back as the mirror me was performing actions of his own, smiling widely as he leaned against the wall, tilting his head and chuckling at my reaction.
". . . Is this a dream within a dream? That sort of stuff happens . . . right?" I asked cautiously as I approached the mirror and tapped it. The mirror me simply shrugged in reply.
"Dunno. That's really up to you, big man. How many reflections actually talk back to you in real life?"
". . . Dream then."
"Now, what was it that I heard earlier that you're . . . 'pathetic'?"
"Oh . . . "I rubbed the back of my neck nervously, shrugging weakly in reply. Even in a conversation with myself I was awkward. It's a curse, I swear.
"Cause . . . I really am."
"No, you're not. You're just reeling from having a bit of inception shit going down. Dream in a dream in a dream, or is it a dream . . . in a dream, in a reality? I lost track." Mirror me chuckled again.
"And why do you say that?" I crossed my arms.
"Man, I'm you, and you're me, and we both know that we are not pathetic. Liking ponies? That's cool. People judge, but who cares? Your thoughts about Equestria . . . well, they could've happened."
"No . . . I doubt that."
"Oh, do you now?"
Mirror me stood back and took a few steps to the side, his own image altering. My eyes widened as the human form was replaced with that of a discombobulated creature. The scales, the feathers, the eyes, I was looking at Oddjob.
"No, you're looking at you as Oddjob. You've made a name for yourself." Oddjob said cheerily.
I shook my head slowly. " This must be a dream . . ."
"Then wake up." Oddjob's tone took on that of something very serious. "Stop doubting yourself and bitch-slap yourself back to reality. You have a world to save man! We just can't let Discord win, can we?!"
"N-no . . . but what about actually fighting him? The only thing that can really stop him are the elements of harmony."
Oddjob sighed. "Remember back when we were loco-roco and under Discord's taint?"
I nodded slowly.
"Celestia said Twilight had been alerted and was heading for Canterlot with the other Mane Six in tow." He grinned, a wide, toothy grin filled with many fangs. No wonder some flinched when they saw me. "Let them handle the big problems, they're the main characters. All we have to do is stall Disderp."
". . . I can do that." I said a bit more confidently.
"Then have at 'em, slugger." Oddjob laughed before rearing back his bear arm in a tight fist, slamming it forward and shattering the mirror that divided the two of us. he grabbed me just as the world seemed to shatter as well. The last thing I saw was a pit of darkness that enveloped my mind's eye, consuming me just before my conscious took off.
I awoke to an unfamiliar room and to a dull pain throbbing through every inch of my being.
"Sweet Jesus . . . what hit me?!" I exclaimed through a barely movable jaw as I hoisted myself back up to my feet, staggering ever so slightly as the dull pain intensified to a stabbing jolt. I gritted my fangs and let it pass until the oncoming waves died back down.
Looking around, I found to still be in the room of Sir Vorpal. I looked down, expecting to see the knight's unconscious form, but the sly bastard had disappeared. The only sign that he was ever here was his left behind visor helmet and the pony-shaped crater of his body that I slammed into the floor.
Hoping that I wouldn't run into his sword, I cautiously peeked around the corner of the door into the hallway. No sign of him or that annoying swinging toothpick of his, only the distant sounds of chaos and the occasional floating vase here and there. I stepped out into the hall of the castle and began making my way back towards my original destination: the throne room. Discord was bound to be there given his ego. I knew he was still playing with me and my friends, and I worried for them. What had become of Legion? Alamo? Zola?
"G'damn, this is a big castle . . ."
The auburn cowpony slowly trotted through the seemingly endless corridors of the royal castle with no real idea of where he should be heading. Alamo had never actually stepped hoof in Canterlot before, let alone the castle in which the royal sisters dwelled. With a grumble, the grizzled unicorn went through door after door, hall by hall, floor by floor to find his way through the internal maze Discord had created within the normally peaceful walls of Canterlot Castle.
Just as he rounded a corner, he came into direct contact with something solid and gasping.
Alamo stumbled backwards from the force in which he had been slammed into, shaking his head to be rid of the oncoming dizziness and righting himself to stand up straight again. When he tipped his hat back up and opened his eyes, they instantly narrowed into slits of distrust at the pony before him, who appeared rather different than he had before. The once shining, golden armor was bashed in and tarnished with scratches. The body of this pony was limping badly and appeared almost deformed in a sense with blood caking nearly every inch of visible fur in a sludge of red. His eyes were wide open but with heavy bruising around them, and his mane was an utter mess.
Sir Vorpal appeared as if he had been through death.
"What are you doin' here?!" Alamo barked, reaching for his revolver by instinct and aiming it at the knight, but knowing very well that he was out of ammo. Strangely though, something was telling him that he was not going to have to fake his way into a fight, Vorpal seemed to already have been on the losing side of one.
Vorpal coughed out a bloody sputter before replying. "On account of the fact that I live here . . . " He took in a sharp breath. "I just took one of the most horrible thrashings of my life . . . all thanks to your monster."
". . . Monster?"
"The jabberwock."
". . . His name's Oddjob."
"You act as if that beast has feelings, giving him a name."
"Well, looks like he was right ta give ya that beating. Ya'll don't look so dapper now." Alamo snickered to the knight's annoyance, who only narrowed his blackened eyes in reply.
"Remove yourself from my presence. I must seek remedy immediately."
". . ."
"I must heal my wounds."
"It's gonna take a while fer that ta happen. . ."
The knight's tone quickly sharpened. "I knew I should have slain your 'Oddjob' the moment we first met. He has caused all of this."
Alamo shrugged and gave a curt nod. "If'n you did, you would've found a bullet in your head quicker before your magic pointing stick could get into 'im."
"You dare threaten a knight?!"
"You dare 'ther-eatinin' one of my compadres?"
". . ." Vorpal huffed and slowly turned around, limping away in the opposite direction, best off to lick his wounds. "We are all doomed because of the jabberwock." He called over his shoulder. "Chaos reigns because of him."
"Uhhhn . . ."
No rhyme could be found to match the pain reaching its way through her striped body. Zola rolled until she was lying on the flat of her back, staring up at the checkered sky overhead. The twitching body of Hysteria beside her, the once elegant frame of the harpy now twisted in every which direction, her eyes wide with the fear of falling and her mouth open for that eternal gasp of air that would never come.
Slowly Zola lifted herself back up to her hooves, working out the soreness in her muscles to make sure every piece of her was still attached. It had been quite the fall, but luckily there was the combination of a harpy and a mulberry bush to keep her from ending up splattered over the gardens.
"Back to finding my friends, surely this problem we must mend." She spoke to herself as she began heading towards the castle, hoping she would not become lost within the chaotic walls.
The scratching of claws against earth and the occasional grunt were the only sounds heard in one of the many corridors of the royal castle. A tile in the hallway slowly lifted up before it was thrown into the air to land with a clatter a distance away. Slowly a snout peaked out from where the tile was, sniffing the air tentatively. Legion popped his head out of the hole that he had dug, looking this way and that, blinking once or twice to adjust to the now bright light that had been absent in the caverns so far below. With a grunt, he wriggled his body free and into the hallway, standing upright on his backlegs, shaking off the dirt that had tarnished his white fur.
"What now?" One of the many pack dogs asked within the collective mind.
"We find Alpha Oddjob." Siria replied from deep within the mental recesses.
The pack came to consensus, nodding their heads together, to which the body they inhabited did the some as well. Legion perked his nose into the air and gave a slight whiff, the highly-sensitive nasal organ catching a wide variety of scents. Some were of fear, others panic, and their was this strange hint of lemon with just a dash of cream. Alpha Oddjob's scent was the closest to that one. His was a unique one. The Alpha smelled of dragon, but also of something mammalian in nature as well.
Legion took off on all fours towards the direction of Oddjob's scent, the smell growing stronger with each pounding of paws against the ground. It even caught a whiff of the others in their 'pack'. The old one, Alamo. He absolutely reeked of alcohol, Legion could barely tolerate the heavy quality of air around him, but he also retained a musty, sandy smell that reminded one of the desert. The zebra, Zola, was intriguing as well, permeating a very dry scent that would bring one to think of something sun-baked and grassy, with just the slightest hint of cigar smoke around her.
"Ouch! Okay . . . one step at a time. Ow . . . ow . . . OW!"
I really wanted my regenerative factor to kick in right about now, but it seemed the little bitch wanted to take a holiday. My entire body sorely ached, and every movement only sent a coursing jolt through the wounds that hadn't healed up yet. Some were still deep and revealed the iridescent green blood underneath, while others were barely visible, newly formed flesh covering them already.
The battle with Vorpal had left me in pretty terrible shape, one of the worst beatings I've taken since arriving in Equestria, which is very surprising considering it's a world run by magic and harmony, at least the pony side anyway. Each step of paw and hoof left a horrible soreness through my lower torso, and I was pretty sure the movement was opening up some of the cuts that were semi-closed.
To be perfectly frank, I had no idea where to head to next. I knew that I had to find Discord, but that was it. All I had was a jist to run off of, and even that wouldn't get me very far. I was trapped in a neverending castle of chaos. When I looked around, I would find rooms that would lead to barber shops, playgrounds, and even a retirement home. The spirit's powerful magic made reality look like a joke.
"Okay Oddy . . . think, think." I muttered to myself, rapping my knuckles against my forehead in an attempt to kickstart my brain into coming up with an idea. I recalled that to truly get through the castle, you shouldn't care. The chaos thrived off of the unexpected, and me expecting to be somewhere just ruined any chance of actually arriving where I wanted to go with some sanity intact. So, I trudged down the hall that I was on and towards a large door at the end, pushing it open, leaving my mind blank as to where I wanted to end up at. If I followed this plan and played my cards right, I'd be back in the throne room in no time.
The door swung open from the force applied to it, hitting the wall with a thud that echoed. I stretched my long neck beyond the doorway to peer inside.
"Hello? No knights in here, ready to chop me up?"
It was the kitchen, or at least, I thought it was. You could never truly tell with all of this reality-warping going around. Cautiously I pandered my way in, eyes ever searching and senses wary of what could literally pop out of anywhere. Back when I thought the show was just a cartoon and the draconequus harmless, I found his antics quite funny, but now with his powers an actuality, I was very scared. There seemed no limit to the trickster's capabilities, and I knew he loved a good laugh. Probably got one when he had me greyed-out with his taint, and I was not willing to let that happen again.
After several minutes of examining the area, there was nothing out of the ordinary other than the random tupperware dancing through the air or a candlestick asking me to be its guest. I breathed a well-deserved sigh of relief, I wasn't up to the task of another bout with anything other than a plateful of food. Speaking of food . . . I was in the kitchen, and a hero needed their supplements, right?
I got right to the task of stuffing myself silly despite the circumstances. I was starved, and was still depleted from my tussle with Vorpal. I still had time to stop Discord, and what was a little snack in-between? I went through every cupboard visible of the royal kitchen in my raid, only finding more pots and pans and some ingredients. I hit the jackpot in the nearby pantry.
Shelves upon shelves of stored foods of all kinds, ripe for the picking. With a wide grin that had just the slightest hints of a shark before a feeding frenzy, I grabbed as much as I could and held the pile of edibles in my arms, the stack of food stretching taller than I was.
After carefully maneuvering my way out of the pantry and balancing the hefty load carefully, I set it down on a table where food was prepared and did what I did best: gorge myself until it felt like my digestive track was entirely stocked.
It did not matter what it was, as long as whatever I grabbed went into my mouth was edible and tasty, it went down the gullet quicker than the eye could blink. Celestia had quite the stock, and as most would expect, a wondrous range of tasty confectionery treats that would certainly give weight to one's hip area. Did I give a flying fuck? Nopers.
I didn't even hear it when Legion padded up to me, my entire being taken up with the delicious lemon-meringue pie about to become one with my stomach.
The Alpha is near.
One of the diamond dogs within the body of Legion alerted the rest as the highly-powerful sensory gland that was their nose picked up the ever-strengthening trail of Oddjob's scent. Plus, the smell of food helped too. There was a lot of that, and Legion could pick out every last trace of every distinct food item there, each one tantalizing in its own respect.
Shaking away the thought of drooling over eating a decent meal, Legion took off even faster, dashing around corners as nothing but a white blur. In less than a minute's time, he had found the Alpha sitting at a table, doing nothing but eating.
Legion shrugged and approached the jabberwocky silently, only speaking once they were close enough for Oddjob to hear the multi-toned voice over his snacking.
"Are you going to share any of that, Alpha Oddjob?"
Alamo Wall perked up his head, his ears flickering and listening intently. Something screamed in the distance, it was faint, but the cowpony could almost make out where it came from. Sounded like a damsel in distress given how high-pitched and frightened it was. He chuckled, sizing himself up to play the hero. It was probably one of the castle maids that had been left behind. Even though he had no bullets or dynamite . . . or any form of protection, he would at least try to save this lass. He let a smirk fall on his face as he dashed off valiantly in the direction of the scream. Maybe he'd even get a kiss out of it?
". . .? A scream that I hear, or is this just a trick of the ear?"
Zola paused to allow the high-pitched sound to have its full effect on her hearing so that she could get a good 'feel' on where it had come from. Knowing this topsy-turvy place, it could've been right behind and she wouldn't even be able to tell. But for the zebra, common sense and instinct prevailed over the chaotic world around her, so she took off in the direction in which she believed the terrible shriek had originated from.
". . . Did we frighten you?"
"GodfuckingdammitLegion. You nearly gave me a heart attack!"
". . . We are sorry, Alpha. Please accept our apology."
". . . Fine."
"Good." Legion nodded, wagging his tail slightly.
I rolled my eyes and sighed. "It's good to see that you're not hurt. Discord do anything to you?"
"Not that we know of. We were sent deep beneath the castle to do battle with one of the Chaotic One's tainted henchmen."
"I see you didn't come out of it unscathed." I winced at the slight bruising and bleeding noticeable across his body. Legion merely shrugged in reply.
"Our opponent was outmatched the moment he stepped into that cavern."
"Glad to see you haven't lost any of your ego . . ."
"Thank you, Alpha Oddjob."
A small moment of silent passed with our conversation seemingly ended. I went back to eating, this time much slower now that I had company and was now required to actually appear civilized. Even after devouring a large portion of the pile of food before me, I realized that I was still partially famished. I had an appetite back when I could have been considered a person, but this was just ridiculous? There could have been several factors contributing to this hunger, mostly from my lack of meals in the past number of days, or it could have been my rapid healing factor. That sucker didn't run on its own, so it must require fuel, right? It was about as good a guess as any other might make.
Before I could take another bite into the pastry that I had in hand, I could hear something right beside my ear, hovering right over my shoulder. I turn ever so slightly to see Legion almost drooling over the food on the table, his eyes almost bulging and long strands of viscous drool hanging from his lips.
". . . You want some, Legion?"
"May we, Alpha?"
A short realization came to me about Legion's pack mentality. No other was allowed to eat the juicer parts of the meal until the biggest and the baddest was done, leaving the scraps behind for the rest. Now, I couldn't just sit there and eat almost all of it before he, she, they, could have a bite.
"Go ahead." I gave a small wave towards the food. Quicker than I could blink, the diamond dog was tearing into the delectable delicacies with vigor and gusto. Never before had I seen something go down a throat so fast. It left me in a bizarre sense of awe and disgust.
For several more minutes did we continue our feast before another interruption came in. I expected it to be a threat from Discord, but it was Alamo, charging in headfirst with his revolver out and screaming a warcry of bloody murder. His shout died down when he realized he was in a pretty harmless kitchen with the two of us just staring at him.
He only blushed a slight red before putting his gun away and trotting over to join us at the table. "Ya'll don't mind if'n Ah share in some of this, do ya?"
I shook my head and he began eating.
With a small chuckle, I wasn't surprised to see Zola enter a few minutes later. She looked at us with a confused expression upon her striped face. "I thought I heard a scream? It might have been fake, it seems."
"That was Alpha Oddjob." Legion stated blatantly. I tried to give him a cold, harsh look, but his snout was too buried in a
"Just shut up and enjoy this food with us."
Zola shrugged and was more than happy to oblige eating Celestia out of house and home. For that quiet, solitary moment, we had peace. The silverware had stopped dancing, sounds of the ever-moving world ceased, and there seemed to be a serenity upon the entire room, as if the company of one another was all that we needed to fight back the chaos. I looked up and grinned at the group before me, each one looking up from their separate meal and almost understanding, sharing a smile as well back at me.
"This . . . is nice." Legion said. This was coming from somebody, or some people, that had spent almost their entire lives trapped underground and forced to survive against some of the worst monsters mythology could throw at them. It must've been lonely down there, even with all the voices in your head.
"Real nice. We should do this more often . . . when the fate of Equestria isn't hangin' in the balance." Alamo concurred. Even the old man was getting sentimental?
"I agree. Maybe when all is said and done, we will have peace. Hopefully." Zola giggled. Whoah. Never heard her giggle before.
"I'm . . . glad that I met you all." I spoke, my light smile never leaving. "I'm also kind of sorry that I dragged you all into this as well . . ."
"Don't feel so bad on yerself, pardner. If it wasn't fer you, Ah'd be drinking my life away back in that saloon."
"You still do that."
"But Ah'm doin' it with a friend now."
"I would have been stuck working for the King. You freed me, Oddjob, and that is no small thing." Zola winked.
"We would still be trapped in Tartarus. You freed us, Fiery One."
"Fiery One?"
"There is something else within you that coexists alongside the taint. It is burning, powerful, and free, like we are now."
"Well . . . thanks guys. For . . . everything, I guess. You helped me out of being under Discord's control. Mostly Legion did with beating me upside the head, but you came despite the chaos roaring around you."
"I'm . . . glad to call you friends."
Even with my sentimental words, the room became eerily cold and our food seemed to have lost its flavor. Every last one of us at the table jumped to our collective feet, paws and hooves, instinct telling us to react.
"Aww . . . how sweet." A very familiar voice echoed from nowhere. "A couple of friends having brunch together . . . or would it be dinner? I really need to stop messing with the space-time continuum . . . or get a watch. Either one of those would help me keep track of what time it might be."
"Discord, show yourself." I breathed sharp sparks of flame through my gritted fangs.
"How about you show yourselves? A climactic finale can't take place inside a kitchen, now should it? Hardly makes a good read."
At once the scenery shifted and morphed. Nothing was at it should have been as the kitchen melted away to reveal the grandeur of the throne room, Discord cheerily waving at us from atop Celestia's throne, a cup of signature chocolate milk in his paws.
"Welcome everypony. Please, make yourselves at home. I'm so glad you enjoyed the stock of food I had in store for whenever I decided I wanted to hibernate for winter." The spirit laughed, gulping down every last drop of the brown liquid before tossing the glass cup into the air and catching it deftly in his mouth, the sound of crunching glass followed as he chewed and then swallowed.
We were like a fighting force in synchronization. I took on that fighting stance of boxer and feral beast, claws readied and tufts of smoke and embers rising from my maw. Legion was tensed like a spring, on all fours and ready to pounce at a moment's notice. Alamo tipped his hat up and had his revolver out and ready, aimed directly at Discord's head. Zola had her stick between her hooves and twirling it slowly, but I knew it could lash at at any time with stinging accuracy. All in all, I could say we looked pretty intimidating.
Which meant absolutely nothing to the Spirit of Disharmony. He merely guffawed and clapped his paws slowly. "Oh, don't you four look threatening! I'm shaking in my boots! I'm terrified beyond all measure! Lock me up and throw away the key now!" He stood up from the throne, strolling towards us without a care in the world despite the fact we were about to give him some major bodily harm a few seconds. I did not know if we could actually hurt him, but we could try.
In unison we charged, various weapons and appendages ready to tear asunder. Not that we even got the chance to do so.
"Really? . . . Really? You're all going to charge me at the same time? Sunbutt and Moonbutt tried that ages ago, and it didn't work then either. One of you is a mangy mutt," He snapped his fingers, and the large cone that he had used on Cerberus earlier appeared on Legion, causing him to lose his balance and crash to the floor.
"The other doesn't even have any bullets left to shoot," Another snap, and Alamo's revolver became limp like a noodle, slippery in his telekinetic grip. Some invisible force tugged at his poncho, wrapping up his hooves and subduing him as well.
"The other is coming at me with a stick. A stick. Unless it's really big, you're not impressing me." Zola's branch snapped right in half. Discord was truly blunt with this one, simply pushing her to the other side of the room with a heavy force that sent her flying.
"Which just leaves you, my little jabberwocky."
I now found myself face to very smug face with the antithesis of all that was peaceful and harmonic in this world and the next. He had bested the other three so easily, and all he had done was get up and walk over to me.
"So, what are you going to try, hmm?" He mused, casually examining his claws for any dirt on them. "Try to hit me with one of those infamous haymakers of yours? Scratch me? Bite me? Go ahead. I'm wide open." He cackled, revealing a large target across his torso, just like he did in the season two premiere. His very words mocked me, and I felt the blood boil inside me.
I let him have it with an angry roar and a furious spew of flames shooting forth from my mouth. Overwhelming his form in their heat until I ran out of breath. Gasping, I watched as the heat blazing from my mouth died down, leaving a wide path of black ash upon the floor and a completely unharmed Discord before me, sunglasses upon his face and his entire body lathered in sunscreen lotion, the bottle disappearing into thin air after he was done applying it.
"Whoo! What a scorcher! Good thing I packed my SPF-1000, or that could've gotten just a bit bone-melting."
My mouth hung open. He just took a blast of dragonbreath and came out of it singe-free. What could even begin to hurt this bloody blighter?!
"Ah, don't look so down, Oddy." He snapped his sunglasses and the lotion on his body away with a brief flash of light. "So you tried to best a chaos god with just a plucky, can-do attitude and a bit of heat behind you. The only thing that matters," He stepped forward towards me, and my heartbeat quickened. I could feel the adrenaline pumping, attuning my senses to the world around me. I was nervous, scared, and angry all at the same time.
Discord's lion paw touched my chest as he continued speaking. "Is that you tried. You tried your best, and that's all that really matters. Other than winning. Which I did."
"Shut up." I growled.
"Mean words get you nowhere in life. Why not a 'congratulations plunging Equestria and eventually the world into chaos, Discord?' That'd be nice. Ooh, and a cake. That'd be nice too. My favorite flavor is vanilla if you're wondering."
"Shut . . . up."
"Though, I am fond of carrot cake. Just don't tell the rabbits, they get really jealous."
"Shut up."
"Maybe red velvet? Naw . . . too rich for me. I don't want it going to my thighs. Swimsuit season is coming up."
"I said . . . " With every cell within me pounding with furious blood, my vision dimmed and then reddened with fury. I had only felt this once before, and from what I could gather, the outcome was very bad. But I did not care now, for the rage within me seemed to be welling up to take shape. I leaned my body forward while cocking my right fist back, clenched tight to the point that it physically pained me to squeeze even harder. Moving forward with all of the momentum shifting from the bottom of my soles directly to my fist, I punched Discord right in the face.
And damn, did it feel good.
"SHUT UUUUUUPPPP!" When my fist made contact with the draconequus, something happened. Through my blood-red vision, I could make out some moving across my arm and into Discord's face, shocking him and sending him stumbling back a few steps. He seemed stunned at what had just occurred, looking at me in disbelief while holding the center of his face in pain.
Slowly, the redness of my sight lessened until my normal vision came back, my blood still pumping, but only normal adrenaline coursing through me this time. I knew that blow alone wouldn't stop Discord, so I raised my fists again, ready to show I was prepared to beat him down into the dirt, omnipotence or not.
Only to find that my hands were on fire.
Since finding out that I was fireproof, fire itself now posed no threat to me, so I curiously gazed at the flames playfully licking around my knuckles and fingers and claws. I don't even know how it happened, but it did. I clenched my fists a few times, testing them to see if they were okay. After squeezing both claw and paw until they hurt, I found something truly interesting. When I reached that certain level of tightness in grip, my scales in my bird hand lifted up, perforated, to allow fire to shoot up through the skin and onto my hands. The same thing in my left hand, only through skin and fur. Make way, Bruce Lee. Somebody else in town has fists of fury.
". . . Ow."
I looked up from my little examination, Discord rubbing his face and putting out the small embers in his singed fur. "That actually hurt. I had forgotten what pain felt like."
"Wanna feel it again? Plenty more where that came from." I remarked, pointing at him with my ignited finger.
"I'm gonna be straight with you, Oddjob." His tone took on something akin to serious, something I had never used before. "I could stay around here and fight you and pretend you have the upper hand, or I could just zap you miles away. Or, I could just erase you from existence altogether. But I'm not going to do that."
"No. What I'm going to do is show you something. Something very few have even seen, and even those eyes are either long dead or ancient themselves. I'm going to show you something terrible."
He appeared in front of me faster than I could blink, leaning in and whispering. "I'm going to show you the face of chaos itself."
Then, he disappeared. I looked around the big, empty throne room, but no sign of him anywhere. Only his foreboding and ominous words hung heavy in the air alongside a silence that could choke someone. I helped my allies up one after the other, taking off the cone of Legion, untangling Alamo, and steadying Zola to her hooves.
"What do you think he meant by all that?" I asked, scratching my head, curious to see the fires along my hands had gone out. Maybe they're there for only as long as I have them clenched in that specific level of strength?
"We do not know." Legion shook his head. "But from what we know of ancient beings speaking ominous words, it does not bode well for any of us."
"Maybe . . . we should check the train station? Get outta here while we still can? Canterlot's lost, obviously. We could regroup with the rest of the Equestrian Guard or even them there Bearers of Harmony up in Ponyville."
"We can try." I shrugged, motioning for the rest to walk with me towards the exit. Only when we were halfway across the front courtyard did Discord's words become clear to us.
It was as if another storm had rolled over the skies of the shining capital of Equestria, except this one was deathly quiet, only the pitch-black clouds blotting out any hope of light overhead. No rain, or thunder, or lightning. Only the darkness outlined by faint light below and the peaks of the taller Canterlotian architecture.
"Ah've got a bad feelin' 'bout this." The cowpony murmured as we all stared skyward, waiting on something to happen.
"We all do." I replied, something roiling inside my gut and making me sick. The Taint, as I have come to known it, was a presence still within me. I was not purged of it yet, and it sat right beside the hot pit of fire deep within me. It seemed . . . excited about something. Something dark and very sinister, and it was telling me it was going to happen soon.
Then it did. A roar echoed across the land, shattering windows and forcing those below to cover their ears in pain. Something overhead broke through the clouds. I couldn't even make it out, as it skimmed just beneath the layer of darkness, shrouding it from complete view. But what I could tell, it was big. Ridiculously so.
The roar continued, and the massive, sky-filling thing thrashed through the darkness even more. I could see limbs, a long, miles-spanning body that writhed with serpentine structure. Until finally, a face. And not just any face, Discord's. Or what seemed like his. It was truly terrifying beyond words. We just stared, eyes wide with fear and bodies rigid with tension. The face was enormous, comparable to a cityscape. It held his equine shape, but just barely. From his mouth came rows of building-sized fangs that dripped and oozed with a terrifying black substance that seemed to distort the very air around it. His eyes were wild, red, and mad. I would be staring at two, but no. Dozens of eyes dotted his face, ranging in size from hay bales to entire barns. His horns jutted from his head in a wild frenzy, sticking this way and that, piecing the sky with their sharpness.
"Behold, the face of chaos." The chaos god spoke, his voice deep and booming, echoing in a thunderous tone.
"Sweet Jesus Christ . . ."I breathed softly, nothing but horror entering my heart.
". . . Who's Jesus?" Alamo asked, yet his own voice trembled softly. We were all out of our league, and we knew it. Nothing but simple mortals trying to deny a force of the universe itself. Outclassed, outranked, and outmatched in every way possible. The cartoon had done well to guise Discord's true nature.
"O-Oddjob . . ."Zola whispered, and I turned to look at her. "What do we do?" No rhyme, no hope at all in her voice.
"I . . ." I stepped forward, only to give them comfort. That was what a leader was supposed to do, right? Appear heroic and brave, even in the face of adverse peril?
"I . . . don't know."
Something came down from the eldritch mass above, a tentacle. It shot down faster than any could react to, and wrapped its slimy self around me in an iron grip. I was hoisted upwards, the faint shouts of my friends below only growing fainter and I was zoomed higher and higher into the air, beyond the veil of darkness and miles above Canterlot.
Even up here, it was dark. I could make out a form that spanned miles, twitching and jerking with an endless amount of limbs of animals of all kinds. Disgusting and terrifying at the same time, a good combination.
The grip of the tentacle tightened even further, cracking bones and bulging my eyes out to where they nearly popped right out of my skull. Something massive appeared before me, so large I couldn't even see it all.
"So, how does it feel?" A twisted, slithering voice worked its way into my head, nary a whisper, but a scraping one against my brain. Or was it already there? The visage before me blinked, revealing it was one of the many eyes upon Discord.
"Knowing that you are nothing? That all that you have done is in vain. All the good you've tried to do, has only ended in chaos and blackness. Your every action resulting in something quite . . . terrible." The voice laughed, and it hurt me. the Taint within me seemed to be growing, a black, oozing hand that was working it's way from the pit of my being through the guts and into my lungs. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't see anymore, only the dark.
"Your plight against the worms destroyed the desert landscape . . . the explosives caved in miles of the land . . . ruining trade paths for those poor, small towns who won't be receiving supplies. Soon, they will starve."
The Taint tightened in my chest, causing me to gurgle deeply in the back of my throat. I felt like vomiting. All the while, voice continued, and my world dimmed darker.
"Las Pegasus is no more . . . businesses ponies had spent a lifetime on . . . gone."
Everything seemed to be . . . fading. It was peaceful, in a sense.
"And now, Canterlot. My chaos spreads and grows across the land, with no hope for anypony. Nothing can save you or your friends below, or anypony for that matter. Chaos will reign . . . eternal."
My friends. That was a good thought before death. It was a comforting one, despite the circumstances. As the Taint slowly crawled up my throat, working its way through towards my mind, I cherished my last few moments of life. I did have a sense of guilt, seeing as how I failed everyone despite my best efforts. I tried, I really did. I had fought across this entire land, trying to make the best of my trip to Equestria. I expected something so much more different than when I was sitting at my computer screen so long ago, but I'm sorta at peace with it all. I'm okay.
I have my friends. I'll miss them, but they'll be okay. They're all strong. Alamo will simply ignore the chaos and drink some whiskey back at the Appleloosian saloon. Zola might go with him, or head back to Zebrafrica. Maybe she'll be save there. Legion? I don't know about Legion. I want them all to be free, but I don't know how. But . . . they'll be okay.
I love my friends. I had been so alone . . . and so had they. Alamo in a saloon, Zola in the casino, Legion in the cave, until we all came together. It's truly magic.
Something screamed in agony. My head jerked up and my eyes were wide open. The Taint within me quickly retreated to whence it came, only to scream in pain as it came in contact with the fire right beside it. I felt something else as the fire grew brighter and stronger.
"What are you doing?!" Discord roared, nearly shattering my eardrums. "Your light . . . your goodness . . . your friendship, it sickens me!"
I looked upwards at the eye, seeing something different inside it now other than insanity. It was fear.
"There is no place in my world for such things! There is no place for hope amongst chaos!"
The Taint slowly dwindled until it could barely be felt at all, while the fire only grew stronger, filling my entire body with a renewed strength and vigor. Energy pumped back into my limbs, and I felt my muscles ripple against the tentacle wrapped around my body. I could match it.
"I demand you let your light die! As your god, I command that you die!"
"Not too big on commands, Discord!" I shouted up, stabbed my claws into the tentacle and ripping upwards, chunklets of oozing purple flesh flying around me.
In that moment, time seemed to slow, as it had done many times before in adrenaline-fueled moments. I had to take full advantage of it right then. I tightened both bear paw and eagle claw in righteous fury, both of them igniting in a fist-shaped blaze of anger. I descended towards the eye in front of me, grabbing onto it with all of my strength, my claws giving me leverage to hold onto it.
"Y'know what, Discord?!" I shouted at the top of my lungs, the fear within the eye growing. "I don't care how powerful you are! I don't care if your chaos incarnate! All I know is that as long as there is one small spark, it ignites the largest flame! And that spark, my dear Disdick, is friendship!"
I chuckled at the corny lines coming from my mouth, but it was the truth, and the truth hurt Discord the liar. His pupil shrank to almost a pinprick in proportion to his vast size as I raised both of my fists in the air, plunging then forward deep into the eyeball, his scream of pain erupting through the entire planet and the optical caught ablaze.
I did not know if I could beat him, seeing as I was a couple feet tall compared to a couple miles tall, but I could sure damn well try. Even before I could pull my fists out once more and jab him again, the eye stopped looking at me for a moment and gazed into the distance.
". . . No." The draconequus whispered. I turned around and followed his line of sight. Something broke through the clouds, and this one was much more inspiring. Light and color blasted forth from below, hitting his body and turning it into a white light.
"NoOOoOOoOOooOoOoOOo!"
The rainbow blasted quickly covered him despite the magnitude of his size, breaking up the clouds around us to make way for the clear of day. I soon found myself free-falling beside a now normal-sized Discord, but his body quickly being encompassed by solid stone.
I laughed, and his head turned to me, a small sneer creeping across his face.
"What? You've lost, Discord!" I shouted over the wind.
"So have you." He cackled just before his entire body turned to stone, leaving a mocking grin and his dying laughter in my ears.
I didn't know what he meant until I felt my entire lower half grow numb. I looked down to see both of my legs now made of solid stone, the petrification process working its way quickly up my body. I was quick to make calculations as to why I was becoming a lawn ornament. I was in the vicinity of the blast, and somehow, the taint still lived on within me. It seemed Discord did get the last laugh.
I sighed, accepting my fate. Before the stone overcame my eyes, I looked down, and smiled.
I could see my friends looking right back up at me.