//------------------------------// // Mike and the Kaptin // Story: Things you never expect // by Thorn buck //------------------------------// Equestria Whitetail woods I opened my eyes, but immediately regretted my decision, as I was almost blinded by a bright light. “Okay… Some guy just knocked me out and brought me outside for whatever reason…” I deduced as laid on the ground with my eyes closed. This was pretty uncomfortable, due to the fact my back hurt a lot. I better get up and fast before he gets back! I thought as I opened my eyes, this time more slowly and scanned my surroundings. I was on dirt road in some kind of birch forest, this only served to make me more worried about my own well-being. There aren't any birch forests anywhere near my work place. How far away from home am I? I took a quick breath to calm my nerves. There's no need to panic there must a village close by judging from the dirt road. I assured myself, but I noticed something odd. The road, sky and trees looked unreal almost like they were from a cartoon. Must. Not. Panic, I was starting to lose my myself! I shook my head to clear my mind. It’s only my mind, my mind is playing tricks on me! Get a hold of yourself, Mike! Then my thoughts drifted to my family. They must be worried sick! I mentally scolded myself for almost forgetting them. I stood up and with a new-found determination marched up along the dirt path. ---------------------------------- "Aah! My damn back hurts," I moaned, but kept walking, I had already been walking for about an half an hour and the road just kept going. Then I heard something in the distance. Voices? Strange. I can’t see anyone on the road. I realized, but then noticed that the voice was coming closer. Is it screaming? it could just--… "BRAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIN!!” An almost inhuman voice moaned. "HOLY SHIT!" I screamed as a living being rocketed into the woods near me, landing with a loud “THUMP!”. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT! I immediately began to panic, so I jumped to the nearby bush for safety. "Ooh, me zogging back,” I heard someone mumble. “Wait... WHERE’S ME HAT!?" The same voice from the forest bellowed, causing me to shiver in my bush, "I LOST ME HAT! NOOOOOOO!!" I gathered all of my courage to peek from the hiding spot, to see what was going on. I almost died of a heart attack from what I saw. Standing in front of my hiding spot was a massive green creature and it looked pissed. It was about 9 feet ,had beady red eyes and dangerously sharp teeth,but the most frighting factors were the things it was holding. "NONONONO!!" I frantically ducked my head into my bush to weigh my options. I could try to sneak out, but that would be way too risky... On the other hand, staying here would get me nowhere. I pondered, but these thoughts were interrupted when I saw something strange atop my feet. "Is that a hat?" I wondered as I gazed the strange object. It was shaped like a pirate hat with the classic skull painted on it and it was navy blue, but it was unusually huge. "IF I WILL NEVER FIND ME HAT, I WILL ZOGGIN’ STOMP THAT NAIL BRAIN!" I covered my ears as the creature continued to scream. Wait a second he's looking for a hat? It couldn't be… Could it? I glanced at the hat again and realization struck me. I had his hat. Running away won't work, hiding isn't working. I only have one choice left. Diplomacy. It sounded like suicide. But… If I could manage to return his hat, and not get killed while doing it, I could actually pull this off. So with a final, deciding sigh, I picked the hat and stood up. I hope that all those years of studying diplomacy paid off... The creature had its back facing me and didn't notice me, so I set my brain to auto pilot. "Greetings, good sir" I said, with a polite tone. The creature slowly turned to face me and noticed the hat I was holding "Well, well, well… What do me old eyes see? A humie with me hat.." The creature spoke with a dangerously low voice while glaring at me. "There’s no need to be angry, I only came to return your hat, good sir" I kept my facade intact. “Why shouldn't I stomp you right where you stand for touching me hat?" the creature said as it took a step closer, which almost broke my poker face. "Well, good sir, I believe you would gain nothing by "stomping" me, You see, I'm a weak and fragile human, so killing me wouldn't be satisfying at all… But, if you were to spare me, I could be your guide and get you out of this forest." Please work please work please work, oh good god, please work! The creature scratched its chin, seemingly to be in deep thought. I took this as a good sign, and continued "Think about this in a different way, good sir. You see, if not for me, your hat would have been lost forever" "True… True…" the thing mumbled. "And, if you would spare me, you could get your hat, and a guide. It’s a win-win-win situation, good sir" I finished with deep bow. The creature just stared at me with narrowed eyes. "Is true that orks are made for winning...” he mumbled, but eventually gave in. “FINE! YOU GOT YOURSELF A DEAL, HUMIE!" He shouted as he grabbed the hat from my hands, and placed it on the top of its head. "Names Kaptin Bluddflagg, leader of the ork space pirates!" Ork? Space pirate? Figures... “A pleasure making your acquaintance Captain Bluddflagg, my name is Mi-" " Listen here, humie! I make the names here! Do I make myself clear!?" Bluddflagg shouted while pointing his huge gun at me, which nearly caused me to shit myself. "SIR, YES SIR!" I quickly blurted out, military training kicking in. "GOOD! You shall be called ‘Skinny Boy’ from now on" Replied Bluddflagg, lowering his gun. A wave of relief washed over my body. I somehow had managed to make a successful first contact and not dying! He called me "humie". That must mean he must have met other humans, but for some reason I have a feeling that he isn't in his own world anymore. This "kaptin" fell from the sky, and by the looks of it has no idea where he is, could we both have been sent to a another world? I pondered. "SKINNY BOY! WALK FASTER!" I shook my head to clear it, and turned to see Bluddflagg already walking away. "Coming!" I yelled as I ran towards the impatient ork. The more I look at the landscape the more cartoony it looks! I'm not in Kansas anymore... Which can only mean... We’ve been teleported into a cartoon. SHIT .................To be continued