//------------------------------// // Issue #29: Be kind... use your head, and mind already!: Part 2 // Story: Deadpool Vs. Equestria // by Live Light //------------------------------// Deadpool vs Equestria Issue #29 Previously on Deadpool vs Equestria... Extreme. _____________________________________________________ {Okay... that wasn't an honest recap, and we need to start giving honest recaps, because we're running out of relevant recaps.} [That doesn't mean we have to stop.] {But what if this attracts the attention of certain people who like to click on the middle chapter because they're certain people, and they can't be bothered to go to the first chapter?} [Don't some people sometimes buy issues that aren't the first in their story-line, and have to rely on 'The last issue' page to know where they are?] {Isn't this fan-fiction?} [Aren't the chapters all called 'Issues?'] {Fuck you?} [...] {Anyway. Twilight quizzes Deadpool as the penultimate FINAL BOSS. YAAAY!} _______________________________________________________ "How's everyone doing here? Oh, you killed yourself, ha. The Pizzeria, GRAPEFRUIT! Don't care. Yard Sale? Hello there, well hello to you, sir, oh, now you're in half. Keep walking forward? Don't mind if I do! Bla-" "Hold on there," Twilight interrupted, "I asked you, how would you describe your life as it goes every day, remember? Well... make it coherent and not what you... apparently say all the time." "Oh." Deadpool said in apparent realization. "Okay. Usually I do anything, and weird explosive stuff happens. For reference, I compare it to Happy Wheels, except with walking and running and occasional driving and actual irresponsible fathers." "...Okay... do you have a family?" Twilight asked. "Trip." He answered. "...What?" "Trip. Trip is a person." "Right... and is there anypony- ...hm... any...body else who's part of the family?" Twilight inquired. "Grace." "...Okay. And who are they to you?" "I like to assume I'm their friend so I can tell Trip he's depressed and tell Grace she's pregnant and then unintentionally flirt with Trip and then intentionally flirt with Grace and then say the word 'melon' and that seems to get me kicked out-" "That's... not family. Just... no," Twilight interrupted. "Any -actual- family members?" "None more crazy than me, and are therefore, uninteresting!" Deadpool answered. "Actually, I'm rather interested if they don't try to hurt oth-" "Duodenum." Deadpool said. Twilight cleared her throat. She then proceeded to magically levitate a book she brought with her, and throw it at Deadpool's head. "OW!" Deadpool exclaimed in painful feeling, which is a bad thing to feel. "Concentrate, please." Twilight said. "Fine." "Now... what kind of anatomy would one expect to find in humans?" Twilight curiously asked. "I could show you instead of tell you." "That comes after the tests... it'll be over soon." "Well. Two arms. That'd be the fore...legs... only with hands which have fingers. Kinda like Spike's fingers, but not scaly, and only the less freaky people don't grow their nails. Some just get fake nails because they're weird. Then the hind legs are just legs. We're kinda mammals, and we look like more handsome apes. Well, except for the ones that happen to have so much body hair they remind people of apes. But meh. And the legs have feet. Which have toes. They're like fingers, but are just there to keep us from falling over. They kinda balance us and stuff." Deadpool took a deep breath, and looked at Twilight who seemed to be eagerly writing down notes on what he was saying. She noticed he had paused, and looked at him. "Err... continue." I must bore her... with repressed knowledge... it is my DUTY TO EARTH! ATTAAAAACK! -----Point of View: Angel Bunny----- Angel Bunny looked through little binoculars (Little by Pony standards, they fit him just perfectly) and saw Deadpool rambling on about stuff to Twilight Sparkle, who was writing down notes onto a notepad with her magic. Next to him were Fuzzy Ferret and Cutie Mouse. A frown found its way onto Angel's face as he put the binoculars down from the tree he and his companions were sitting on. "What are they doing down there?" Fuzzy asked. "Talking... just... talking." Angel answered. "What are they talking about?" Fuzzy asked. "I dunno." Angel answered. "But you were watching them, right?" Fuzzy asked. "That doesn't mean I can hear them, Fuzzy. That's what the other group are for. They're going to deliver sound to us for your method of communication." "Ah, good." ... "What was my method of communication again?" Fuzzy asked. "Ugh..." Angel groaned. "Your method of long-range communication was attaching a small plant pot after cleaning and cutting out the bottom of it, to each end of a string. However, that idea wasn't thought out at all, because string is for attaching things. So we turned it into a tube instead, so the sound could actually travel through." "Oh..." "...Um... are you sure it'll work out fine?" Cutie asked. "It better. Or we'll need Tim to come up here and try his lip-reading technique. And he's decidedly afraid of heights." Angel explained. "Where's Fluttershy?" Fuzzy asked. "She's over there." Angel pointed to Fluttershy who was outside the cottage, following the routinely animal caretaking rather cheerfully. "Oh." Angel saw Miss Rabbit wave from the window inside Fluttershy's cottage. Instinctively, he waved back. As he looked around him, the other two were giving him a look. "...Th-that's the signal, I guess..." Angel said. "I'll just test if they can hear us." He motioned for Cutie to give him the plant pot. She complied, and he took it. He spoke into the plant pot. "Hello?" "HELLOOOOOOOO!" Hyper yelled. "CAN YOU HEAR US!?" ... ...What "...Y-yes... we can hear you..." Angel answered, You loud, obnoxious... WEIRDO. "What's going on over there?" "Has Deadpool broken Twilight and made her his speaking cohort?" Fuzzy asked. It was Angel's turn to give him a look. "Actually, Deadpool seems to be speaking intelligently and allowing Twilight to take notes about how the anatomy of humans works." Miss Rabbit's voice answered. "...It's the other way around..." Fuzzy whispered... "I knew Twilight was destined for greatness..." "Fuzzy..." Angel said, "Shutup." ----- "Aaaand..." Deadpool finished... "That is why Anime hair is greater than real-life hair." Twilight had finished noting down all of the information Deadpool had given (also remembering to cross out anything that may have become rather inappropriate to her knowledge later such as that time when), but was kind of expecting a bit more, as made evident by her having nearly the same expression she had whenever Deadpool paused, only with a bit of a grin that was rather disturbing. [You haven't even tired her out.] WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE NERDS!? {Oi.] "That's all I got." Deadpool said. Twilight looked a little bit disappointed but shrugged. "Well, I have one question left on the actual test anyway, so I might as well ask you." "You had three questions, and the first two were 'What is my everyday life' and 'Do you have a family?'" Deadpool asked, scratching his head. "We wanted to keep things simple. I had assumed you weren't very knowledgeable... not to say that you weren't intelligent, but-" "You thought I was stupid?" Deadpool interrupted. He received a book to the head. "OW!" "Let me finish," Twilight insisted, "Not to say that you were 'stupid,' but more that you're ignorant. After all, I don't think one of small knowledge could get you and Pinkie out of a heavily fortified place such as they place she described." "Well, the Author isn't one for detail, but he did try to make the Helicarrier as difficult as- Wait, huh?" Deadpool asked. "Hm? Author?" Twilight asked. Yes? {No, she's asking what he means by Author.} Oh. Aw... "No, I meant, Pinkie told you all about what happened?" Deadpool asked. "She did," Twilight answered, "She said how she got into a lot of danger, but you decided to go out and save her, and get her back home. The latter of which you didn't seem sure of doing, but still." "And... even though she was put in danger... by professional heroic professional commando professionals... who are professionals at their job... you're still trying to help me?" Deadpool asked... just to be sure. "Well, we learned our lesson with the Discord incident," Twilight explained, "... The one after the first one we were around for." "Wasn't Discord the cross-dresser?" Deadpool queried. "...Not sure where you got that information, but I think you mean, his entire body is a mixup of other animals... kind of like a Chimera, except... he was a Draconequus." "I dunno what that is, but he sounds awesome." "...Shouldn't we get on with the last question for our test?" Twilight asked. "Sure." "Are you satisfied with who you are?" Twilight asked. ... ... ... ... "Yep, I'm good with it." Deadpool answered, finally. "...You sure?" Twilight asked. "Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?" "Why would you be?" "...I dunno why not." Deadpool said. "But I think this was fun." "One more question came to mind." Twilight said, quickly. BUCKING... BUCK. "...YEAH. What is it?" Deadpool asked, exasperatedly. "Who's this 'Author' character you mentioned?" Oh, it's me. "...Um..." Twilight raised an eyebrow, then gave a rather judgemental stare, as if she was trying to figure out the possibilities of his answer. "GOTTA GO, BYE!" Deadpool ran to the window and jumped out of it, and attempted to teleport to the roof of the cottage. He teleported back to the cell. No-one there this time. "Huh." Deadpool said, shrugging. He looked around, and there was that creepy Author look-a-like again who needs a name. "Hello." The man waved. "...Hi." Deadpool waved with a hand, remembering he'd have them digits back again. "My name is-" He teleported back to Equestria without learning that interesting man's name. Oh well, at least he was on the roof again. Meanwhile, inside the cottage, Twilight waited for him to get off the roof and come back. For about five minutes, before Fluttershy came back inside the cottage. Twilight just said to her that the test was over, and she would be heading back to the library, which she trotted out of the cottage to do. But as her hoof stepped on the grass, she looked back at the cottage. "Don't think you've avoided me that easily, Deadpool," Twilight said to herself, "I'm on to you... and your friend, 'Author' too." Then she giggled to herself. "I've read one too many drama novels." Before trotting over to the library. _______________________________________________________ To be continued in the next issue. I hate myself now. {Why?} I get the feeling I made Twi look bipolar in this issue. {Why?} She was like, Grr... and then, haha, at the end of the issue. Basically, she pulled a Wiseau. [We'll let the comments decide, idiot.] {Why?} ...shutup