Chapter Thirteen
Getting Lonely, Getting Old
“You look very nice tonight, Miss!” came his pleasant, sugary voice from the hallway. A chill ran all the way down my spine as I heard the young stallion’s words. I scooted further under the table, hoping that he wouldn’t find me and silently prayed to the powers above that tonight would be a normal night.
My mum giggled slightly. “Oh Butch, you charmer, you flatter me too much.”
He chuckled along with her. “Well, it’s only because you look so nice every time I see you. You always look so darling in whatever outfit you wear. I don’t know how you do it!”
“Oh, it just comes natural to me, I suppose.” I managed to suppress a gag while the conversation continued. “Now, I’ll be back around midnight, so that gives you and my little Pink a full ten hours of fun time together. Oh, I know he always looks forward to when you sit for him, even if he always hides when you first get here. It’s adorable!” She giggled again.
“He’s a wonderful little colt.” agreed Butch, my foalsitter, “I always enjoy watching over him… Now, you go on and have a fabulous night, Miss. I’ll take care of your darling Pink. The emergency contacts are in their usual spot?”
“They are. I tell you Butch, I can’t tell you how much having you here puts my mind at ease. I trust you so much more than any of the other sitters.”
“Thank you Ma’am. Now, I have everything under control here,” he lied through his teeth, “Go on, I wouldn’t want you to be late or anything.”
I choked back a sob. Ten horrifying hours of Butch were fast approaching. Oh, Celestia, why did my mum have to go out tonight of all nights and leave me with him of all ponies? I had begged and pleaded with her not to go, but she had her mind set on having a relaxing evening away with some friends. I would have been fine with any other sitter, but when she told me that Butch was going to be watching me, my heart shattered.
Butch was a slim, but powerful sickly orange unicorn stallion, just on the cusp of stallionhood. He had wormed his way into my mum’s trust with compliments and gifts, until she trusted me with him. She even came to like him the best out of all of my sitters, despite my constant objections. And I could never tell her why I didn’t like him because he would find me and…
My mother spoke up again. “Alright then. See you later tonight Butch. I hope Pink won’t be too much trouble….”
The teen stallion scoffed. “He’ll be fine, I’m sure. He’s an angel. Now go. I’ll keep him out of trouble. Toodle-loo!”
The door shut.
My pupils shrunk to pinpricks.
Butch’s airy, high-pitched giggle reached my ears. “Oohhhh Pinky! Little Pinkyton! Where are you hiding this time?!”
I gulped and flattened myself against the wall even more. Maybe if I hid well enough, he would give up. I hoped the table wasn’t too obvious a hiding spot.
Oh, how I would give up everything just to skip tonight.
Butch trotted into the living room, where I was hiding. His hoofs clattered on the old wood floor. I held my breath for a moment, not even willing to breathe, lest it give away my position.
“Oh where could my little, baby Pinky be? I would be oh so sad if I couldn’t find him.” He hummed merrily to himself as he looked for me around the room. “Oh where, oh where, could my Pink have gone, oh where, oh where could he be?!”
I could see his silhouette through the tablecloth draped over the table I was under. He moved closer to my hiding spot. “Now don’t make me look for you all night, silly-billy.” he sang, “I might just have to punish you even more if you don’t come out.”
I clenched my eyes shut as his form grew closer to my table.
Please, no…
“Are you under this table, I wonder?”
Oh Celestia, no, no…
“That’s not a good hiding spot, Pink. You’ll have to do better than that.” His hoof reached out and gripped the tablecloth.
No, no, no, no, no…
The table cloth was torn away abruptly revealing the grinning, almost feminine face of Butch. “There you are sunshine.” he cooed, “What’re you doing under there?”
His hooves gripped mine and he dragged me out from under the table. I yelled and kicked out with my hind legs, feeling them connect with the soft tissue of Butch’s stomach. The unicorn grunted and threw me across the room in a brief fit of anger. I scrambled away and cowered behind the side of the couch. “You got a little fight in you this time, do you?” he asked as he gipped his abdomen in pain. He took a few deep breaths to steady himself and gradually made his way over to where I was hiding, another grin plastered on his face. “That’s fine,” he exhaled, “It just makes the conquest all that more satisfying, and I know I will enjoy it so very much…”
I took that moment to try and sprint into the other room, but my immature body wasn’t quick enough. As I was halfway to the doorway, I heard the telltale sound of magic behind me and I knew all was lost. Butch’s magic gripped down hard on my tail, sending my head smacking down onto the floor. I briefly thought about trying to crawl a few more inches in the hope that I could maybe escape, but I knew that I couldn’t escape Butch’s grip.
My sitter’s hoofsteps calmly approached from behind me. “Now dear, you know I’m going to get you one way or the other tonight. “He giggled and lessened up the magic wrapped around my tail. “So don’t try to escape, alrighty?”
He let go of my tail completely and I immediately curled up into a ball, quaking as fear racked my body. I chanced a quick look up at Butch as he loomed over me. His smile widened as his eyes roamed over every inch of my body. “Pink, I see your body is just as fabulous as I remember.” He breathed in deeply, probably taking in as much of my scent as he could. “I just want you to know you’re my favorite of all the colts I sit for.”
I choked back a sob. I didn’t want this to happen. I didn’t want him to... I don’t think I would ever forget the things Butch did to me every time he came over, but I was too weak to stop them, however much I wanted to. And I could never tell anypony, especially my mum, about what happened during the nights he visited because he threatened me with things I didn’t even want to think about.
Butch picked me up by the scruff of my neck and carried me over to the couch. He threw me down on the cushions like he had so many times before and held my hooves down with his magic. “Now,” he whispered as he slowly straddled me, “Let’s have some fun, Pinky…”
His magic’s embrace gagged my mouth and I screamed so very loud and yet nopony could hear me.
Help.
Help me please.
Somepony, anypony.
Help.
Things behind my Wall weren’t what I thought they were going to be. There was no comforting embrace and no assurances of a pleasant future. It was not what I was expecting at all. I felt worse than when I retreated into myself, hiding from my fears.
I could still see the hotel room I was sitting in. I could still feel the coarse material of my armchair. I could still hear the chattering of the television. I could still feel the permeating cold air. But I wasn’t there in that room any longer. I had run inside of my own brain, receding behind the Wall I had constructed throughout my life, trying to hide from my problems.
And it worked.
It worked so very well.
And now I can’t get back out.
I locked things away behind my Wall. Terrible things, horrible things. There were repressed memories and thoughts I never wanted in my head ever again. I forced all my emotions behind the Wall. I kept all my true feelings and worst memories inside of myself, with the intention of never thinking of them ever again. I made the Wall to protect me from everything that went wrong in my life, the injustices done to me by everypony I knew. I hid my trauma deep within me.
So all those memories and feelings were waiting for me when I withdrew behind my Wall. All of my most primal fears, all of my foulest memories were laid out before me, practically forcing themselves into my head.
And I’m so, so terrified. I’m pounding at the ground in desperation, calling out beyond as loud as I can for help. I can’t get out of here, no matter how much I try. I’m screaming and crying and near tearing my hair out in sheer terror. I don’t like it here.
But it’s all in vain. All of my shouting and sobbing and self-harm did nothing. I’m still sitting in this chair, staring blankly at the flashing television and feeling the wind rustle my mane. And I'm still trapped inside that prone figure, a prisoner in my own body.
But pleading for help is all I can do.
Help me, anypony, please.
I beg of you, rescue me before I feel any more.
I’m so lonely here.
Just… Would you touch me…?
Would you please just hold me?
“Come on slowpoke!” yelled one of the colts, a brown unicorn, over his back, “You’re holdin’ us all up! We’re never gonna get there if you don’t hurry your ass up!”
I glanced at the top of the hill where the other three colts were waiting impatiently. I grinned sheepishly, “Sorry!” I broke into a gallop and caught up with the rest of the group. “I… uhh… I guess I got a little distracted. Sorry.”
A different colt, a gray unicorn, scoffed. “Yeah whatever. Just don’t let it happen again.” We started walking down the trail again, plodding along in silence for a few moments. The gray colt spoke up again. “What was so interestin’ anyways, huh? What, you get hungry and eat a bit of grass of somethin’?”
My ears perked up at the question. “Nah, nothin’ like that.” I responded cheerfully, “There were some nice lilac colored flowers growin’ on the side of the road so I stopped and smelled them, and-”
The rest of my sentence was cut off by the three colt’s raucous laughter. “You- You stopped and smelled some flowers!?” said one, almost in disbelief, “Jeez, you are a pussy, ain’t you? Come on, what kind of colt smells flowers? That shit’s for fillies!”
“Oh, well…” I was lost for words. I felt as if a stone had settled in the pits of my stomach.
“And what’s li-lac anyways?” said another colt, this one an orange pegasus, “Not only are you a pussy, you’re also a bookworm!” He nudged the unicorn next to him. “Why’d you bring this bitch along again?”
“I don’t know! I thought he seemed cool at the time, but I guess not.” I felt tears spring to my eyes, but I managed to keep myself from crying in front of them. They were being so… mean! “Anyways, we’ll ditch this pink pussy when we get back. Too late to turn back now, eh?”
The pegasus glanced in my direction, a sneer plastered on his face. “I guess…” He licked his lips. “Well, come on then! Let’s go, lads!” The pegasus and two unicorns set off at a brisk trot without warning, leaving me to bring up the rear.
The colts’ words were hurtful. I wasn’t weak or anything like that! I just… I just liked appreciating nature more than most colts my age. I thought maybe they would understand or even agree with me, but it looked like, just like my poetry, I couldn’t ever share that with anypony either. The whole class laughed at me when Sir read one of my poems to them. Some ponies were so… brutish! I sighed and picked up the pace, staying slightly behind the group of rowdy colts.
We walked through the empty fields at the edge of town for a while before we reached our destination. We stood on the edge of a large, bleak canyon that scarred the landscape for miles. The aptly named Ghastly Gorge.
“Well,” shouted the leader of the group, the brown unicorn, over the whistling wind, “Here we are gents! Ghastly Gorge! They fought a couple of battles here a while back! Thought we could scavenge a bit, try to scrounge up some military stuff or somthin’!”
The other two colts yelled out in agreement, making their way closer to the edge, but I hesitated. “Isn’t this place dangerous!? My mum said to steer clear of it!” I yelled over the gusts of air blowing out of the canyon.
The pegasus chuckled. “You gonna listen to your mum or come with us!? You might be able to make up for being such a sissy!” He gestured to the others and flapped his wings, hovering off the ground. “Well, come on then!” He rocketed into the air and dove into the ravine, quickly disappearing from sight, his shouts of joy also dissipating.
The two unicorns glanced at each other, excited smiles spreading across their faces. Their horns sparked with magic and the pair of them lifted into the air, sailing after the pegasus, leaving me standing alone at the edge of the chasm. None of them even looked back.
I gulped and chanced a quick look over the side. The canyon walls dropped in a slant, ending a couple of meters down at a ledge where the colts were waiting. I took a deep breath and steeled my nerves. If I did this, I could maybe win back their favor and be friends with them. And if I didn’t, I’m sure the rest of the school would know about it before the next day.
I had to do it.
I took a hesitant step off the edge, my hoof scrambling for purchase on the rough rock. I found a solid spot that seemed strong enough to support my weight and edged myself over into the valley. I reached down with my other hindleg, almost immediately finding another hoofhold. I continued like this, easing myself down the wall bit by bit until I was at least halfway down.
I glanced down at the three colts waiting below. I saw the gray unicorn’s horn begin to glow and heard a snicker of amusement float up from below on the wind. The dip in the rock wall my right forehoof was holding on to glowed with a distinctive magical aura. My voice shaking with fear, I called down to them, “What are you doing! My hoof’s there! You're gonna make me-“
Then the magic ejected my hoof from its grip, throwing it out into thin air. I flailed wildly for a few moments, desperately trying to find my hoofhold again, but the colt’s magic prevented me from regaining my grips. I clenched my teeth as my other three legs cried out in protest, trying not to focus on the few hundred or so feet to the bottom.
But my young muscles were not remotely strong enough to support my weight yet.
My left hindleg shot out from under me first, followed shortly after by my two remaining hooves. Wind rushed by my ears for a moment and I screamed out in pure terror as I fell. I hit the rapidly sloping canyon walls with a solid thump and I thrashed madly for anything to hold on to, but found nothing. The coarse rock dug into my skin, skinning my pink coat off in some places, leaving a streak of blood where I slid.
I skidded to a stop at the ledge at the hooves of the three colts. I shakily raised my head and looked at the three laughing colts in front of me. “…W-why…?” I croaked, hardly able to breathe. Why had they thrown me off of the canyon wall?
The brown unicorn managed to stop laughing to spit out a response. “Why? W-Why not? You’ll bou- bounce back from it if you’re colt e-enough.”
The pegasus looked at me, a smile on his face. “Besides,” he chuckled, “Nopony’s gonna look for your sorry ass anyways. Pink, what a pussy name. I bet your mum is a drunkard, for givin’ a colt a name like that.” he scoffed.
“…N… No…” I managed to mumble as darkness rapidly took my vision. “Dun… Talk ‘bout… My ma li-like tha…”
The gray unicorn looked down at me, eyes wide. “What was that?
I tried to form a coherent word. “I…”
But that was a far as I ever got. The pegasus kicked me hard in the ribs. “Shut up, pussy.” He gestured to the other two colts. “Come on lads; let’s go find some war gear!”
The three of them strode off, leaping off the ledge down to the bottom of the canyon leaving me all alone on a small shelf halfway down a gorge in the middle of nowhere. Those bastard unicorns and that pegasus abandoned me.
I didn’t slip away into unconsciousness for hours. I called out as much as my weakened voice would allow, hoping somepony passing by would hear and come rescue me.
It was all I could do.
But nopony came by and helped. I laid there all evening and well into the night. Freezing cold canyon air blew over my body to the point where I couldn’t feel any of my limbs, though that was probably better, given my injuries.
I don’t know when I fell asleep and I don’t know when the stallion found me but when I finally awoke, I was lying on the back of a teal, middle-aged pegasus. I picked my head up and looked around. We were walking away from the Gorge back towards town.
The pegasus glanced back at me and smiled. He must have felt me wake up. He smiled at me and stopped, He stooped down and eased me off of his back with his wings, letting the both of us rest a bit before continuing into town.
We sat in the grass for a while, neither of us bothering to say anything. He had tended to my wounds; bandages wound their way around my body, stemming anymore blood from seeping out of my gashes. They still stung a lot, but after hours of lying in the dirt, I was used to the pain they caused.
The pegasus was decked out in armour, signifying that he was in the Equestrian Army. Must have been patrolling the Gorge that night and found me, I figured. Right now, he was leaning back, helmet resting on the ground next to him.
He glanced in my direction. “So,” the stallion finally spoke up, breaking the silence, “What happened to you then? What’s a colt your age doin’ all the way out here?”
I didn’t respond, and the stallion seemed to take as a cue to to continue speaking. “I hope you weren’t trying to join the military or somethin’, kid. There’s no glory there, I’ll tell you that much.” He glanced at me expectantly, but I kept my head down. I didn’t feel like talking much.
The stallion seemed to understand though. “Alright,” he sighed, “you can keep your secrets. Celestia knows I’m no interrogator. But I’ll help you get back to town, alright? I’m sure you can find your parents or somethin’ from there. I’ll leave you be.”
I grunted in affirmation and he smiled in response. We rested for a little longer. I looked up at the night sky, but the stars had all been obscured by clouds, leaving the night seem all that emptier. I yawned and curled up in the grassy field, thinking about the colts and their bullying.
After a while, the stallion stood up and walked over to me. “Can you walk by yourself, or…?” I tried rising to my hooves, and for a moment, it seemed like I was steady enough to walk, but then my left hindleg shot out from under to me and I fell back on the ground. The stallion chuckled as I slowly shook my head no. He bent down so I cold clamber onto his back, pushing me up with his wings.
He set off at a steady pace back towards town, trying not to jostle me around too much. I yawned again, exhausted by the day’s events and wanted nothing more than to just fall asleep in my own bed. I could only imagine what mum would think when she saw me. She must be worried sick about now.
When I returned to school, I would never talk to those unicorns or pegasus ever again. I thought they were cool, but they proved me different after today’s events. They couldn’t be trusted.
The stallion spoke again, interrupting my thoughts. “Will you at least tell me your name, kid?” I didn’t respond and he sighed. “You know, I got a son back home that’s about your age and same coat color too. Your name wouldn’t happen to be…”
But my eyes had already closed and my mind already drifted asleep. His words floated through one ear and out the other.
My hoof itched and I couldn’t scratch it.
I was lost, alone and afraid in the dark, unknown recesses of my mind. There were things here I never wanted to see again. Evil thoughts and memories that stalked through my mind, hungry and lean after years without anything to latch on to and suck dry. I was fresh meat in the lion’s den. They ate into my brain.
It was so empty here and I was the emptiest of everything. My eyes were hollow and lifeless, looking out over the immeasurable nothingness without a spark of recognition. I was bled dry. My skin was cold and plastic-like to the touch, garnering no warmth from the void around me.
But I could still feel the chair I was sitting in, like a phantom touch. I could turn my head and see my hotel room out of the corner of my eyes. I could hear a mare on the television lecturing me on the proper use of thyme and hear her oven’s timer ticking away the moments until her soufflé was finished.
And my hoof itched, and I couldn’t move to relieve it. I was stuck, unable to find the energy, will and means to move my body. I was stuck inside my own mind with no means or hope of escape.
In my mind, I was crying, screaming, hollering, venting, shrieking, shouting, bellowing until my voice grew hoarse and I could hardly move my limbs anymore, lamenting about how unfair it was to be locked away by my own devices. I banged on the ground that wasn’t there, sobbing into my hooves until I was out of breath.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I was weighed down by so much and with nopony to help carry my heavy burden of stones; I was being crushed under its bulk.
I couldn’t breathe.
I couldn’t blink.
All I wanted was for somepony to hear me, to see me, to help me. There were so many ponies out there, but none of them noticed me because none of them were near me. All I wanted was for one to hold me, to help stave off this cold loneliness, to help chase away this fear.
I just wanted somepony to help me, to rip me from my own mind and save me. I wasn’t strong enough to escape this torment on my own.
All I could do is hope.
My hoof twitched and slowly but surely, moved over to my other hoof and scratched the itch that was plaguing me.
“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the passing…”
The old pony up on stage was talking about something. I didn’t know what. I was standing next to mommy, who was holding a handkerchief up to her eyes, dabbing at something. We were in a small crowd of ponies, all wearing black and we were all staring up at the old stallion in the front and the black, pony-sized box behind him.
Mommy had been crying all this morning, but I didn’t know why. She got all dressed up in a frilly, black dress and insisted that I put on some smelly old, black suit that she got from Celestia knows where. She said we had to go to a thing called a fun-eral but I didn’t want to go. I told her that, but she persisted and dragged me out to this room and introduced me to all sorts of strange ponies I didn’t know. They all seemed to look at me in pity, but I didn’t know why
Whatever this fun-eral was, it didn’t seem much fun. Nopony was laughing, nopony was enjoying themselves, nopony was having fun. All we were doing was listening to this stallion with the black box up on stage. I didn’t know what we were doing here; this was so boring. I shifted around in my seat, slowly losing my attention in the whole affair. Mommy glanced down at my and wrapped a comforting hoof around my shoulders. Her face was streaked with tears.
As time went by, the old stallion got down from the stage and several other ponies from the crowd went up there and talked about things. It sounded like they were talking about some stallion friend of theirs. From the stories they were telling, he sounded like a fun pony to be around; I wondered if he was in the crowd somewhere. Maybe this fun-eral was some sort of party or something?
Oh, he must have been in the black box, hiding, waiting until the end of all these ponies’ speeches to pop out and talk to us.
I couldn’t wait for that, I decided.
And then mommy went up to the front, leaving me alone in the very front row. She was silent for a few moments but then she started to cry and unsteadily walked back to her seat next to me. A few ponies came over to her and talked to her while the first stallion went back up on stage. He said a few words that I missed and left the stage, letting the few ponies in attendance break out into quiet murmurings, as if they were too afraid to talk normally.
It stayed like this for a while. Ponies whispered to each other and mommy sat there crying, a few others patting her on the back and whispering to her as well. I started to fidget again as things began to wind down. I didn’t’ have anything to do and none of the adults wanted to talk to me. I was so bored.
Eventually, a long time later, the ponies cleared out, leaving me and mommy all alone in the room with the black box. Mommy took a deep breath and stood up, walking over to the box. She looked at it for a few moments in silence and put her hooves on the top of it, stroking it. I could hear her crying again.
I got up and crept over beside her hunched form. I glanced at the box questioningly. Where was the stallion that everypony was talking about? I was confused; this entire day had been so confusing.
I tugged gently on my mommy’s dress and she looked at me, black makeup melting down her face. “Mommy,” I began to ask her, “Mommy, who’s in the box? Is he gonna come out soon?”
My mommy looked at me for a few seconds, with the look of a mare who had lost everything. She blinked and began to wail even harder. She fell to her knees, clutching me tight. “Ooh, Pi-ink, darling!” she cried in between her body-racking sobs.
“Ooohh Pink! Y- You don’t know! I’m soooo sorry…!”
I think she would have said more, but I don’t think she could have.
So I stood there, my mommy wrapped around my body, crying into my shoulder, wondering why she was so sad.
So I hugged her back.
I found an end to the darkness.
It was my Wall.
It stretched up so far into the heavens that I started to think the blackness I was in was merely the Wall’s shadow. Its gleaming white bricks stood out from the empty void in stark contrast so much that it almost hurt to look at it after seeing nothing but black for so long.
I approached it, staring at the black under my feet, trying not to look directly at the Wall in case it blinded me. Its bricks slotted perfectly together; there was no space between them, no visible signs of mortar. No weakness.
No escape.
I banged on the Wall In frustration, begging to be set free, but no help came. I was alone, as I had always been my entire life. I screamed in anger and scraped at the Wall, hoping I could pry a brick loose. I scratched and kicked and punched the bricks until my hooves dripped with blood and the Wall was stained with smears of red. But nothing worked.
I sighed and sat down, facing away from the towering mass of white. I didn’t know what to do. I was trapped in here with everything I never wanted to remember again and I couldn’t escape. Nopony would come to my rescue; these bricks were too solid, too thick, for any sound to carry through to the outside.
And even then, who would help me? Who would I want to help me? Everypony I knew and used to love left and abandoned me. There was nopony I trusted anymore besides myself, and I was of no use to myself right now.
I was still sitting in my chair in the penthouse room of a Canterlot hotel in the middle of the night and I could hardly move myself. Sure, I could twitch my hooves a bit or roll my eyes around the room, but that was all I could manage at the moment.
I was removed from my own mind, and yet I resided in it, like a prisoner in maximum guard. The Wall was meant to protect me but all it did was trap me inside myself.
I gave the Wall one final punch and galloped away from it as hard as I could. I didn’t tire, I didn’t falter, and I didn’t look back until I was far away from the boundary of my mind.
Maybe I could find something out in the darkness, besides even more pain. Maybe I could find some help.
And in my room, I strained every muscle until my previously limp form rose out of the chair and gazed around at the debris scattered around the floor.
It was all so… disorganized.
I was walking down the dark, empty streets for a bit. Light shone out from the windows of buildings lining the road, but it did little to illuminate the night. Even the sky was dark; the stars and moon were blanketed with a thick cover of clouds, casting the city into darkness.
It was a lonely, desolate scene. I hadn’t seen another soul since I left the recording studio a few minutes ago and set off for home. Granted, it was around one in the morning and I had spent a few more hours in the studio than I should have, but the city seemed almost dead. The quiet, almost eerie stillness made me nervous and I began to walk faster, hoping to get back home sooner. I pulled my saddlebags snugger around my middle as if they would protect me against whatever my panicky mind would create out of the shadows.
Up ahead of me was the dull, flickering glow of a streetlamp. It barely illuminated a few feet in any direction, but it was enough for me to nearly gallop toward it, desperate to get out of the dark. I reached the lamppost and leaned on it, slightly out of breath and silently berating myself for being so silly. I knew there wasn’t anything in the dark, except for what my over reactive imagination could imagine up, but that didn’t stop me from becoming scared.
But the light managed to stave off my nervous terrors and I felt myself more calm and relaxed than I was a few seconds ago. I sighed and started off down the road again, whistling a tune I had woken up with in my head one morning. I was thinking of some lyrics to but to the music when I thought I heard hoofsteps behind me. I stopped and listened, but heard nothing and continued on, my heart beating faster in my chest.
A few minutes later, I could have sworn I heard some voices behind me and again I stopped to listen, but the noises stopped as soon as I did. By now, my body was alert and my mind was plaguing me with fanciful thoughts of beasts lurking in the shadows.
I picked up my pace, as did the hoofsteps behind me. I was now convinced I was being followed by something and I broke into a full gallop. Behind me, I heard a shout of “Afta’ him!” and a frantic scrabbling of hooves on the cobblestone road.
I ran forward blindly and erratically, hoping that I could lose my pursuers with pure speed, but I knew I couldn’t; I wasn’t any sort of athlete. Thankfully, up ahead, I saw an alleyway and darted into it, hoping that it led through into a different, safer, well-lit street.
But it didn’t.
Immediately, I was faced with a high brick wall, a dead-end. I spun around just as my pursuers turned the corner to follow me. I was trapped. “Aha! Got ‘chu now!” yelled one of them. I could make out the silhouettes of five or six ponies, unicorns and pegasi by the looks of it, as they slowly approached me.
One of the unicorn’s horns lit up, dousing the alley in a sickly bluish light. “Well, well, well… Lookie ‘ere boys, this dirt pony sure is lively, ain’t ‘ee?” muttered the unicorn, who I could only assume was the leader of the group.
I gulped and took a step back, feeling my tail swish against the bricks behind me; I had nowhere to go. “N-Now…” I stammered, “Now, I’m sure we can c-come to some so…sort of agreement here…” I trailed off as the stallions continued to approach me.
The leader chuckled. “Oh, I’m sure we could, luv, if you weren’t some piece of shit dirt pony!” I flinched at the stallion’s words. They were Sweepers, aptly named for their deep-seated belief that we ‘dirt’ ponies were inferior to the unicorns and pegasi and did their best to sweep away the dirt. A lone earth pony was lucky if he got away from Sweepers alive and even then, they tended to not be able to move for the rest of their lives.
Fuck me. Why did I have to stay out so late?
They were almost on top of me now. The unicorns’ horns were sparking with magic and the pegasi’s wings were fluttering in anticipation of putting down another lowly dirt pony. The pegasus on the left leapt on me, holding down my backlegs. I kicked out, trying to buck him off, but he hovered above the ground and hung me upside down before I could. I watched the wrong way up as a different pegasus approached me and slugged a punch directly into my stomach, laughing while he did it.
My breath was forced out of my body in an instant and before I even had the chance to take another gulp of air, a volley of kicks and punches landed on just every part of my body. I couldn’t even see who had done it to me before I felt the strange itch of magic twist my right foreleg behind my back, eliciting a shout of pain from me.
Another pony kicked my head to the side, sending blood spurting from my mouth. I vaguely heard a voice complain about the stain of red I got all over his coat before I was hit again, harder than ever before. I think that hit broke the pegasus’ grip on my legs, because I abruptly fell to the ground, landing on my head with a solid thud and barely rolled forward in time to avoid snapping my neck.
It went on like this for a few moments, each pony taking turns beating the life out of me. Another pegasus hung my upside down by my legs again. After a while, I couldn’t see or hear from the amount of blood that was dripping down my face. Thick, warm blood dripped down into my mouth, ears, nose and eyes, clogging up my senses and leaving me even more defenseless than before.
I don’t know how long they attacked me for, but all of a sudden, they stopped. I fell to the round again, sending pain coursing through my body. I laid there on the ground for a moment, taking deep breaths, trying to regain some sense of composure. I was mystified as to why they suddenly vanished; Sweepers never stopped until their victim was dead.
I groaned and managed to wipe some of the blood out of my eyes. I blinked a few times only to find that my assailants had indeed vanished. In their place was a lone dark blue pegasus wearing glimmering gold armor, identifying him as one of the city’s guards. He walked forward, shining a small light around the alleyway that was attached to his helmet; presumably a unicorn-made light source. The sharp beam of light fell on my body, shining into my eyes, blinding me for a moment.
The pegasus stallion rushed over to me, dimming his light. I could see his mouth moving, but my ears were too congested with blood to hear him. Seeing that I didn’t respond, he flipped me over and managed to hoist me onto his back, with some difficulty. He began trotting away as fast as he could, hopefully bringing me to a hospital.
As he trotted, I watched the cobblestones pass beneath the pony’s hooves and the drips of blood that marked our trail from the alley. We passed the time in a half-silence, the only other sounds being the clip-clop of his hooves on the street and his labored breathing.
A few more seconds of this went by before I realized that I could hear again. Enough of the blood must have dripped from my ears. “...Hey…” I groaned, “T-Thanks…”
The stallion glanced over his shoulder at me, relief breaking out on his face. “Oh thank Celestia! You’re still alive! I… I thought those damned Sweepers got another one…” He trailed off. “Well, hopefully not. The hospital should be able to patch you up pretty well. You don’t look half bad, and hey, all of your limbs are still attached, unlike other victims, so you’re doing alright…” He was silent for a few more moments before he spoke up again. “Uhh… What’s your name?”
“…Puh- Pink…” I managed to reply.
“Pink Floyd?!” exclaimed the stallion, “The Pink Floyd? The musician Pink Floyd?” I could hear the excitement in his voice. Must be a fan.
I smiled weakly and tried to sigh, only to start coughing up blood. “The one and only…”
There was something forming, coalescing in this void.
I ran further and further into the blackness, but what I was escaping from I didn’t know. Nothing seemed to work. My terrors and nightmares chased after me, hunting me down and forcing their ugliness back inside my head. And I continued to run, faster and farther than ever before.
But I couldn’t outrun myself.
There were times that I heard faint echoes of sound emanate from all around me, calling out to me. The emptiness wasn’t silent any longer. I think something was coming but I didn’t know what, so I kept running further and further back.
The blackness continued to swirl around me, turning darker and gloomier every seconds I thundered forward. If I couldn’t feel my hooves attached to my legs, I wouldn’t even know they were there.
It was then that a form stepped out of the shadows, nearly a hoof’s length away from me, coming into my path. I skidded to a stop, nearly avoiding hitting him and scrambled away from the stallion.
Why was there somepony else in my head?
The pony slowly approached me as I backed away from him, but his legs seemed to stretch unnaturally and in a few strides, he was upon me. Despite the darkness, I could make out his every feature as if he was standing in stark daylight. He was a light gray stallion, around the same color of my eyes, but his coat was patchy and what little of it was left hung off of his clearly emancipated from. His face was scarred and blotchy, his pink skin showing through his sparse coat. He had a pink mane that hung limp and matted down his back.
He towered over me, staring at me with contempt. I trembled under his gaze and tried to back away, but I never seemed to get any further. He leaned down at me and sneered, his teeth yellow and crooked.
He opened his mouth to say something, but I quickly jumped to my hooves and shoved him to the ground. He stumbled backwards, obviously startled and I took off running before he could follow, leaving him behind in the darkness.
I ran away from the pony and never looked back.
He was me, I realized
He was the part of me made up of all the anger, repressed memories and feelings I had locked behind the Wall. He had laid in wait for so long, living through everything I never wanted to experience again, never seeing the light of day.
And now we were both trapped here.
Neither of us could help the other. Neither of us could escape. All we could do was play hide and go seek with each other in this dark void. But I never wanted him to find me again.
I retreated further into that black emptiness, hoping that he wouldn’t follow me.
Divided, I stand strong. I’m sure I could find my way out of here and away from the other me.
But together? I would rather fall even lower than meet him again.