//------------------------------//
// chapter 41. Implosion 
// Story: Becoming Fluttershy 
// by Hope 
//------------------------------//

The night is calm and cold as I walk, and I start to sing.
“As I walk the Everfree, I cannot stop the thought,”

I begin, looking at the dark and foreboding trees that surround me.
“Who shall think of me? When all comes to naught.”

I turn my eyes from the forest and keep them to the path ahead.
“My years I have spent, fighting darkness within.”

There is nothing in this forest that could truly hurt me.
“Where my fear went, I visit again and again.”

But it contains so many things that remind me of who I am.
“A mask I have worn for so long...”

“What will happen when I am gone?”
“Shall I be the warning tale of a creature too scared to fly?”
“Shall I be the pretty vale, in which no creature is said to die?”
“Or shall my friends see only the shadow I cast...”
“Is my darkness the only part of me that shall last?”
“I sing to the moon, in hope and in pain.”
“I wish only to see my own light again.”

I come to sit next to a chilly pond in the smallest of clearings, and dip my hoof into the shimmering water, watching tiny ripples echo outwards.
“my reflection is twisted, can’t you see?”
“I am told by nature what I am to be.”
“I am driven and hidden in turn by my heart”
“I only hope, I can stand for my part.”




The world of dreams falls away, and for a time I wander through figments and fog before the next dream occurs.




I set one hoof in front of another, keeping my eyes on the ground in front of me. If I keep counting, if I keep drilling the quartet of steps into my head, I won't hear the screams. Ahead of me lay all the good in the world, the elements and the means to wield them, everything I need to defeat Discord.

I had planned and calculated, and I know he will prey upon my kind nature, so for this one time I must be cruel.

As the world around me burns, I have to steel my resolve, lock away my emotions as my slightly curled mane drags in the grey dust coating the pavement.

I have a short moment to wonder if the powder has dyed my mane grey or if I have already succumbed to Discord's magic, but I can't focus on it, I can't let myself dwell on the sense of loss and suffering that is weighing me as though a lead saddle on my back.

One....two...three...four How many steps would it take to reach the dais that holds the elements?
it seems like an eternity that I count, flinching each time a mortar or grenade would shake the ground nearby.

They are all illusions, none of it is real and all of it will fade as soon as Discord is defeated.

"One...Two...Three...Four...." Does my voice really sound so scared? does it shake like that everytime I speak?

"One...." Twilight had been ripped in half, sacrifices had been made, nopony could be blamed for that... Why do I feel like I was the one that held the knife?

"Two...." Applejack had shown up out of nowhere, proud and powerful, our backup leader when Twilight fell, she fought with all her might, why do I feel like my help could have made the difference between victory and her still form in the rubble behind me?

"T...Three...." Rainbow Dash had been loyal to the end, not only brave but steadfast in the face of overwhelming odds... Why did I see a glimpse of hate and fear in her eyes before she left my side for her own fateful battle?

"F..." I can't finish the word. Pinkie Pie. She had smiled and laughed in the face of death itself, she had scored blow after blow against enemies that should have ripped her apart... Why can't I hear her laughing anymore?

My mouth won't make the words I want so badly to repeat, and I fall out of rhythm. I stumble and my knee scrapes the ground, leaving a drop of vivid red. Rarity... Rarity had stuck by my side, a living shield as I cried and whimpered. She had let me get this far, but the blood.... I forced myself to stand.

I finally looked up to the dais.

I was only hoofspans away, my eyes narrow and my heart cold. "Is this what you wanted Discord?" I scream

"Is this all you ever wanted, to see us broken?"

I don't hear anything. The howling wind is my only answer.

Of course this is all he wanted. I take the last few steps onto the Dias and the illusions behind me fade, but the memories do not.

My bloodied leg drags across the stone as I approach the delicate wire frames that hold up the elements.

I slowly take the element of magic, and let it fall to the ground.

Discord is behind me, but I don't turn around.

I raise a hoof above the crown, and Discord clears his throat.

My hoof comes down and crushes it, and I keep stomping until the element of magic is nothing but dust.

Then, when my grizzly task is finished, I finally turn to face Discord.

I have never seen a god look so frightened.

"Isn't this what you wanted?" I whisper.

"You have some serious issues, sister." he says. no props or quips, just his opinion. I take a step forward. He steps back.

"Isn't this what you wanted?!" I scream. "To reduce us to the monsters you can't control? Chaos! You seem to love chaos. But you know what I just did?" I shout, as I drive him back against a wall.

"I just did the kindest thing of all." Suddenly I am whispering, and the mismatched creature has to lean in to hear me.

"I just gave you what you wanted." I continued. "Game over, you win." I smirked, and I turned to walk away.
and slowly, with the creeping corrosion of rust, I made a god cry.




Again, I wander through this confusing and deceptive place, before the next dreams grabs ahold of me.




I am standing on a plush carpet, for some reason the feeling of the fibers against my hooves puts my hair on end. It feels like a horn against a chalkboard. I raise my head wearily from the floor and look at the steel surgical table that has appeared somehow in the middle of my living room.
Erica’s living room. So why is a surgical table imposed upon this half remembered environment? Because I am performing surgery of course.
An injured bear lays on the cold metal, with vermillion blood dripping from a deep stab wound in it’s side.

I am not alone in this operation. A pony stands to each side of me, one a monochrome, the other the grisly incarnation of Nightmare Whisper that had been described to me.

“Morphine, to dull the pain.” She hisses, as my grey copy sneers. “If it doesn’t hurt, the animal will only hurt itself again.” Is her reply. Both of them are wrong, by definition they are evil, but why do they both make so much sense?

I block them out and apply a local anesthetic, before opening up the wound and seeing that somehow the wound is much worse than I could have thought, internal organs may be bleeding.

“End it, let him sleep...” The whisper advises, full of mercy, tainted by a desire to end all suffering no matter the cost. “Open him up, if he dies at least you will have learned how to help the next one.” The grey version of me says, putting “Help” in quotation marks with her hooves and smirking.

I struggle to go on, my stomach churning and making me feel light headed as I carefully open the bear’s side, moving deeper to find the perforated liver, which I immediately start to work on, desperate to finish this, to rid myself of these two unwanted helpers.

“He will likely die already, the recovery would be painful....” From one side. “You don’t need to bother with him, it will only be a waste of time. Even if he makes it, he will just get hurt again.” From the other.

I repair the gash, sweat dripping from my face and my stomach heaving despite my experience as a vet in the past. I know how to do this, I have done it before, but I feel like I am making a terrible mistake.

“He will be a cripple, unable to live a full life.” My cruel reflection snarls. Nightmare whisper shakes her head. “He will be in pain all through recovery... There is still time to put him to sleep.”

“It’s not sleep!” I finally cry out, spinning on her, my voice cracking. “It’s death you are talking of!”

Silence, and I retch and vomit, coughing and gagging as I release my stomach onto the terribly scratchy carpet. “D... Death...” I gasp, before turning back to the two inscrutable shards of myself.

“You two are sickening!” I scream, my legs shaking. “How could you... Take other people’s self determination away from them! Life... Life is precious.” I pant, glaring at them. “Just as precious as self determination.”

They simply watch me, impassive as granite.

I look back to my patient and all else vanishes. Reid lays on the table, eyes open in a dead stare, blood soaking his clothes and pink fur.

“NO!” I scream as I awake.