//------------------------------// // Chaos // Story: Song of the Draconequus // by Ownageburrito //------------------------------// "Ahh... this butter feels good." We join our... hero... in his new home located outside of Ponyville. If you can call it a home that is. "Hey, I never said I wanted to be called a 'hero'. Call me a protagonist. Sounds much better." "...Alright." Our protagonist currently seems to be enjoying a... "Is that butter?" "Why yes! And it feels OH so lovely." Discord Draconequus. Our he- "I JUST told you not to use that!" A quick moment of furious scratching and the real hero of our story begins anew on his page, looking more then slightly irritated. PROTAGONIST, relaxes at home after a long day of magicking for Princess Celestia. "Oh and what a bore that business is. I mean if not for the fact Fluttershy asked me to do so, I'd probably have just turned her into a cupcake with legs, and let a bunch of Pinkies chase her around. Oh, now there's an idea... Still, I will admit it was kind of fun creating some of the new structures. With a few surprises." By now you're probably asking why I'm here with one of the most dangerous, and to my recent discovery annoying, creatures in existence. I have been given the duty to study this rare and powerful creature known as a Draconequus. Which to be honest, not many ponies seem to actually know what it is. And with Discord being somewhat... tamed, this is the perfect opportunity. "Oh don't tell me you're just going to sit there and blah blah blah on about my history are you? By Celestia that's boring." "Well how would... wait, how the hell can you hear me anyway? I haven't said a word! I've just been thinking..." "God of Chaos." "...Right. Don't you think talking to thin air would make you look crazy though?" "...Again, God of Chaos. Crazy may as well be my middle name! Sadly it's just Gregory though." "... Discord Gregory Draconequus?" "What? That makes no sense at all. My names not Gregory!" "But you just...ah forget it." "Oh you're fun!" Rising out of his butter bath, and consequently ruining the sculpture of Celestia he had been building in a rather seductive pose as he steps over his reversed staircase into the kitchen. "So you want to know more about the Draconequus kind ah? Well I might be willing to oblige." Reaching into a refrigerator that blasts out a wave of fire he pulls out a tire iron and munches on the thing as if it were a pastry. I just simply watch with a small gape, closing it as soon as he turns to look. It only serves to illicit a laugh from him. "Tell you what, I'll answer three questions truthfully just out of boredom!" "Really? That easily? Well... first off what exactly ARE you?" "A Draconequus. One down, two to go!" "That didn't answer my... " "Yes it did. I'm a Draconequus. What else were you expecting?" "...Ugh." Okay. Let's see... "Are there more of you? I mean like as in are there more Draconequus besides you?" "Only two exist at the moment. But as far as I'm concerned, I'm the only one that matters!" Casually summoning up a chair to sit in and donning glasses as if he were a celebrity during an interview. "Two? Dear Celestia I hope the other isn't as bad as you are..." "Oh please. He's far worse then me. He's all about Order and keeping things tidy, clean, and boring... makes me wonder how we are even related!" "He? A brother?" This was the first I'd ever heard of there being more then one Draconequus. I wonder if he was just as insane and crazy as this one... "Sadly." He nods solemnly then immediately smiles as he conjures a tiny battlefield in front of me and idly begins doing... I'm not even really sure. It looked like a bakery contest? "Er... alright... well can I ask you a few things about him?" A new pen and paper come from the bag to copy down his accounts. And in probably the best Big Macintosh impression I've ever heard he replies, "Nope." "What? But you have too! You were told to tell me everything in exchange for letting you live here. We need to know more about your kind!" "Sorry, but no. I'm not going to talk about that stuck up fat head." He actually had the gall to stick his tongue out at me and raspberry all over my paper, ruining it. "Wha- I... Fine! I'll go ask him myself, you're obviously no help you childish..." I'd probably better not repeat what came after that. Fillies could be reading these notes years later after all... "That would be a very bad idea my little pony. My brother isn't as nice as I am. Well he thinks he is, but he's not." "Hmph, I don't care I'm going to interview him regardless." "Whatever you like, if you want him to bore you to death be my guest... Oh and I mean that quite literally." With a quiet sigh I decide to give the unruly Discord one last chance to work with me, "I've still got one last question for you to answer. I'd like to know where you originally came from." "...Really? No one has ever bothered to ask about where I came from. Anyway it goes a little something like this... Mommy and Daddy loved each other SO much that they decided to..." What followed I dare not write down, though I can say it involved rubber chickens, glue, mayonnaise a lot of duct tape, and graphically done pictures with small dolls. Thoroughly shocked and appalled I gather up my paper and pens with a magical hue (I mentioned I'm a unicorn right?) and pass everything into my bags. "I'm done with you. Maybe your brother will be more cooperative." Sure as hell couldn't be worse... "Wonderful! Now get out so I can get back to my game." And by game he meant pitting two miniature armies that had grown out of the tiny bakery contest on the ground against one another, one made out of cheese and dairy products with the opponents being monsters of chocolate and gingersnaps. "Yes my minions! Entertain your master! Release the Chockren! Muahahah!" Ugh... And so I left the upside mansion Discord had created to live in, taking a moment to facehoof until I felt was satisfied. Needless to say, I was there for close to an hour before I finally left towards my new destination...