//------------------------------// // My Book of Theories // Story: The Pinkamena Diaries // by FlutterDash777 //------------------------------// -My Book of Theories Darkness is all I can see. I feel nothing but coldness down my spine, and every once, and a while I will have a sudden jolt inside my chest. I'm not sure why I always seem to feel that strange feeling inside me. I've tried to understand it for such a long time, but I could never really comprehend what brings it upon me. What a strange feeling it is. If before I said I could only see darkness, then I was of course exaggerating. It is night time, and deep within the soul of this pony I lie; looking up for light, but I am stopped by those closed pink eyelids. This is routine of course, so I am by now used to it. But I can't help but want the pony to awaken. I don't sleep much, and being stuck inside a dark room per se isn't my idea of a good time. It's not that I actually know what a good time feels like though. My guess of a good time is being able to see around me. And at the moment that is something that can't be accomplished. Yet, all I can do is wait for this pony to arise. At least I don't feel alone. I can hear her breathing, so I know she is there. But I still can't feel her. But would it be wrong of me to want to touch her....if she is me? Pinkie Pie could feel a warming beam glare upon her forearms. She turned over onto her side trying to avoid the light from piercing her eyelids. Stretching one arm over her face, and using her other arm to pull up her blanket, Pinkie was not ready to wake up. She had a rough sleep, and at the moment she wanted to make up for all that lost time. However, her nose was cringed by the smell of freshly baked goods, and her ears were singed by the cries of Pound Cake, and Pumpkin Cake. The pink pony softly grumbled, and buried her muzzle into her bed pillow. But no matter how hard she tried, she could not find her way to go back to sleep. With tired eyes opening, and weak forearms reaching forward, Pinkie finally found herself getting out of her lazy position. Pinkie's eyes slowly made their way over to the mirror mounted on her wall. Her mane was flattened on one side, and poofed out on the other. She slightly began to smile at the ridiculous reflection, and then shook her head wildly causing her mane to fluff out. Cute, pink curls bounced about as Pinkie could smell a sweet cotton candy like scent coming from her lively mane. Pinkie's eyes finally adjusted to the morning light, and she could feel her usual smile sitting upon her muzzle. The rest of the morning, Pinkie cleaned up, and ate some breakfast before leaving Sugar Cube Corner. She hadn't forgotten the picnic plans she had made with the rest of her pals. It was midday before Pinkie walked out of the door of the sweet shop, and began her short trek to the meadow that her, and her friends always had picnics at. She hopped about with a large grin plastered upon her face. Pinkie could see that Ponyville was already up, and running, and ponies were out doing their usual things. Shopping, playing, working. Nothing out of the norm it seemed, and Pinkie greeted everypony that came along her path. Her journey didn't last too long, and Pinkie could already see the meadow. In the distance the pink earth pony could see that only two ponies were out there. The blanket was spread upon the ground, and a few baskets were set out. Pinkie could make out Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash sitting on the picnic blanket. It seemed as if they were talking, and laughing. Pinkie's eyes lit up at the sight of two of her friends having fun. Her wide smile became wider as she continued to walk over to her two pegasi friends. "Hey there Dashie! Flutters!" Pinkie waved one forearm rapidly in the air as she made her way over to her friends. "What's up Pinkie?" Rainbow Dash warmly smiled, and then made room for Pinkie to join them. "How are you?" Fluttershy greeted with her timid grin. Angel hopped out from behind one of the baskets, and jumped into Fluttershy's lap. He rubbed his head against her hoof gesturing her to pet him. Rainbow Dash stared at Angel with mischievous pink eyes. She slightly grinned at the little bunny who glared back at her angrily. "Why do you have to be such a pain to Fluttershy, Angel?" Rainbow Dash hissed, and then mockingly giggled. Angel Bunny stuck out his tongue, and picked up a small pebble that was on the ground. He lunged it straight for the cyan pegasi's head. "Hey!!" Rainbow growled. "Now, now. Let's not throw things, Angel Bunny." Fluttershy soothingly, yet sternly said. Pinkie giggled at the feud against Rainbow, and Fluttershy's pet. Angel got up from his pony cushion, and stormed off into the meadow to get away from the enemy. Rainbow Dash crackled at the frustrated rabbit, but soon did she stop by Fluttershy's concerned glare. "Oh Rainbow, why did you have to tease him." The yellow pegasus whimpered. Her large turquoise eyes quivered at her rainbow maned companion. Dash softly rubbed the back of her head trying to avoid Fluttershy's sad eyes. She quickly turned to Pinkie for a change in subject. "So, Pinkie do you have any clue where the others are?" Dash pretended to be interested in Pinkie's reply, but secretly looked to make sure Fluttershy was alright. When she saw that Flutters seemed to be interested in the question, Dash sighed with relief, and then turned back to Pinkie. "I have no idea. I thought you guys would know." Pinkie scratched her fluffy mane in thought. Pinkie watched as Dashie, and Flutters discussed the matter. But something wasn't right. Pinkie could see them talking, with worried looks, but for some reason she couldn't hear what they were saying. Lips were moving, but no words seemed to make their way into Pinkie's alert ears. The earth pony rubbed her hooves into them, but she still couldn't hear anything. What was going on? A sudden jolt surged inside Pinkie's chest. Her eyes dilated as the strange feeling continued to shoot through her body. 'What is this?' Pinkie thought to herself. But even her thoughts could not be made clear to her. Even her own thoughts could not be heard. Pinkie could feel something inside of her. Before she could even try to understand what it was, Pinkie blacked out completely. Finally! I can see much better now. Now...who are these ponies again? Oh yes. That must be Fluttershy. Oh, and that's...Dashie? Yes, Rainbow Dash! I'm getting better at this! Now where are those other friends of hers? They must be late, or something. I would like to see them so I could write more about them. So I could learn more about them, but I guess learning about these two will work too. I, Pinkamena have waited all night, and morning to get to this picnic. Yesterday, Pinkie Pie didn't go anywhere. She was busy at the shop, and I didn't get to see any of her close friends. So I couldn't study them, but today I will be able to learn more about these two pegasi. I looked closely at the two friends of my dear Pinkie's. They were rambling about their other friends. I guess they were wondering the same thing. I studied the two contently. I could see a blue hoof laying atop a yellow hoof. I mentally wrote that down. They were obviously a couple. Did anypony else realize that? As I continued to watch them I could see their eyes slowly moving towards my direction. They looked slightly confused at the sight of me, and I tried to make out a smile, but I already knew that my smiles were more creepy than anything. "What's up with your mane, Pinkie?" Dashie looked at me with a dumbfounded expression upon her face. I slowly moved my hooves to my head, and stroked my soft long mane. It felt normal. Straight, as always. Wait, doesn't Pinkie usually have a curly mane? Damn. I forgot that my mane is different from Pinkie Pie's. I looked back at Pinkie's friends, and grinned in my best possible way. "Oh it must be the humid air. Always makes my mane flat..." I tried to laugh it off, but Pinkie's pegasi friends didn't seemed too convinced. "Since when?" The blue pegasus arched an eyebrow at me. Out of all of Pinkie's friends, she was my least favorite... "Since always..." I looked down for some way to get Dash's mind off of it. I reached out for a basket, and opened it to reveal it's edible contents. "How about we eat? It doesn't look like the others are going to show." I looked at Fluttershy, hoping she would agree. To my relief she reached into the basket, and pulled out a few treats. "We might as well." Fluttershy pushed a piece of pie in front of her marefriends face. Dashie looked at the desert unwillingly, but she accepted it anyways; however, she continued to give me more questioning glances. That night I couldn't sleep. Though I didn't usually sleep, but I could hear Pinkie softly breathing as she normally did in the middle of the night. I was rather excited about the things that I happened to pick up from Pinkie Pie's two friends. In the dark room of the pink ponies mind I picked up my only companion. My book of theories. Rather, facts about Pinkie Pie, and the ponies around her. I opened it up, and strolled through the pages until I came upon a blank page. I titled it Fluttershy and Dashie. I scribbled a few things down. Mostly about their reactions towards each other, the way that Fluttershy would speak, the responses Dashie would give to her, the things that they talked about, and how much I really didn't like Rainbow Dash. As much as I thought I learned it didn't really seem that I learned that much once I wrote it all down. It only filled up almost a page, and usually I would be able to write two, or three pages minimum. I guess it was because there were only two friends to study, and not the usual five. I bit down on the pencil between my teeth, and scrunched my eyebrows together. I could still hear the small, comforting sounds coming from Pinkie Pie. I felt a small smile come upon my face as I could almost feel a warm feeling inside of me. I never had been able to feel actual contact with Pinkie Pie before. That was due to either me being locked inside of her mind, or her being locked inside of mine. Why was that? Would I ever be able to look at her directly? Would she ever know that I even exist? Was it meant to be for us to be apart forever? I slowly looked down to my book. I turned the page over to the next blank sheet. I began to write down something with the pencil between my teeth. I titled this page My Pinkie Theory. As I began to let words pour out onto the blank pages I could feel a small wet object in the corner of my eye. A small water drop fell upon my paper. What was this coming from my eyes? I had never experienced such behavior before. I wiped my eye with one pink hoof, and then focused back upon my writing. Once I was finished, I dropped my pencil into the darkness, and read what I had written down. How can one tell if they're real? Who's to say that we're not all part of something else's imagination? Do you believe someponies real by the warmth of their skin? Or the feeling of their breaths down your neck? How can one tell? But that is only one of my many theories. The real question in mind is, how can one be able to figure if their own self is alive? Could I be alive? Or am I just an imaginative being within Pinkie Pie's mind? Or maybe it's her that isn't the real one, and I am just insane? But what if my problem is much more greater than questioning my own reality? What if it is much more difficult to discuss, or harder to deal with? If that were the case then I wouldn't know where to begin, or what to do to help myself. Unfortunately that is the case. My true problem isn't knowing whether, or not I am real. My true problem is that I have fallen in love with Pinkie Pie. Now one might say that it is natural for one to fall in love with another pony. But in my case that doesn't apply at all. How does one love another if that other is themselves?