Soarin's Gluttony

by asmcint


"Alright, everypony, let's go around the circle here. Just give us your names and addictions, or just your addictions. Whichever works." Such were the words of Twelve Step, owner and chief counsellor of Twelve Step's Twelve Step Programs: Your Cure to Addiction. The dusty brown stallion sat at a table along with six other ponies, his cutie mark of an anti-drug sign plainly visible. Around him sat six other ponies, each with their own various addictions.

"Alright, let's start with... How about you there, the one with the navy mane."

"M-me, sir?", stammered Soarin, his nervousness evident in the sweat building upon his brow.

"Yes, you. Go on, now."

"M-my name's S-s-soarin, and I-I'm ad-d-ddicted to pie.".

"What was that last bit, now? Speak up man!"

"M-my name's Soarin, a-and... I'm addicted... to pie."

Seeing the confusion and offense beginning to build on Twelve Step's face, Soarin quickly hoofed the counsellor a set of photographs. Upon viewing these, the dusty stallion turned pale. Never had he seen such appalling scenes of gluttony in his lifetime.

"Well then... That's... interesting. Anywho, next up would be you there, with the pink coat and mane."

"Well, my name's Pinkie Pie aaaannnnd... I'm addicted to sweets in general! Cupcakes, chocolate, candy, ca- OOF!" Pinkie was quickly cut off by a mass of blue tackling her, which was quickly revealed to be Soarin.

"I heard you say pie!!! Where's the MOTHERBUCKING PIE!?!?

"Right here, silly. PINKIE PIE!!!!", exclaimed the bubbly pink mare, her hooves managing to slip free of Soarin's grasp in order to point at her torso. Or rather, where it would be were it not covered by about a hundred pounds of pie-crazed athlete.

"Must... have... PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!", exclaimed Soarin, his head rising high, mouth white open and frothing with foamy saliva.


Spitfire, having accompanied Soarin to his meeting, had been sitting in a waiting room down the hall when she began to hear Soarin's explosive exclamations. Wearily resigning herself to her fate, the fiery-maned pegasus stood up, stretched, and proceeded to check on Soarin. Upon entering the meeting room, she was met with the sight of five ponies cowering in a corner, whilst Soarin did unspeakable things to a bright pink mare.

"Welp, I'm just going to sign out of reality, now." Promptly after saying this, Spitfire proceeded to faint.