Unit Name: Phony Paige
Role: A.I. Experimental Model
Operating System No#: OS MODEL D74-A3WF-77UI “Quickstep”
Species Designated: Earth Pony
Cutie Mark: Calculator
Special Skill: ASSIGNED SKILL: HIGH MATHEMATICAL APTITUDE
Colours: Coat: Light Blue. Mane/Tail: Dark Blue W Silver Streaks
Experiment Stage: Public Testing.
Data:
Phony Paige is a fifth generation A.I. unit, initially conceptualized roughly ten years prior to current date as a robotic assistant with base programming that has since expanded into a true A.I.. All stages of this experiment have had approval of the Royal Sisters, full support is expected.
She is moderately intelligent, having to learn as most Ponies do, but has very advanced mathematical knowledge; as such her Cutie Mark is a calculator, and her role in society is as a banker. It is a good cover for her unnatural origin, allowing her to blend with society better. No access to magic has been granted this unit, as it is still unknown how magic would affect the A.I.
*****
Phony Paige’s written log entries: *IMPORTANT LOGS ONLY*
Day 1 May 12th: Today was my birthday. I was awoken and given my assignments, to enter Trottingham and blend into the rest of the townsfolk, to see how well I am accepted. I have been instructed to keep a written log of all of my findings, starting with today, and to denote any irregularities or problems I encounter. Hopefully everything will go smoothly.
*Private log entry #1: I’m so excited, being trusted on my own in a town of other ponies! I hope I meet somepony nice to talk to!*
Day 3 May 14th: I arrived in Trottingham at 10:25 AM, and was soon introduced to the Mayor of the town. Shortly thereafter, I was led to what is now my home (paid for in full by CL0PTech), and I soon set up a private room for my maintenance needs with no windows to the outside and heavy locks on the door. For the sake of blending in, I shall feign sleep at night and make use of the bed. My refrigerator, while fully stocked, should not see much use from me but for the sake of my cover I will ingest food.
I met another pony (besides the Mayor or my handlers back at CL0PTech) today. His name is Silent Quill, and he is a Unicorn author. He was rather antisocial, only sparing me short words or glances, but my outside appearance did manage to fool him into thinking of me as just another pony. No other remarkable events require noting.
*Private log entry #2: Oh my Celestia today was so much fun! I moved into my new house today, and while I didn’t much like the boring white it is all painted inside, I do like that the paint is washable and the nice slate tiles of most of the house. I put all of my personal maintenance equipment into a specially built room within the heart of the house so that I wouldn’t be caught by outsiders when performing emergency maintenance on myself.
I went out and met somepony, too! Silent Quill is nice, if a bit distant, but I get the impression that I may be seeing more of him in days to come! Oh! I think I may have made a friend!*
(As of day 100, Phony Paige’s logs become mixed, and she no longer bothers to separate them, as we have been noting them as well and have informed her that she should not bother, so as to break that barrier between artificial and real.)
Day 135 September 23rd: CRITICAL VIOLATION OF MISSION PARAMETERS! Silent Quill came around to my home today for lunch. I accidentally cut myself with a knife cutting sandwiches, and asked him to excuse me while I went and fetched an adhesive bandage (actual destination: maintenance room.) I repaired the superficial damage and headed to the bathroom to fetch a real adhesive bandage, forgetting to close and lock my maintenance room behind me. During my search, Silent found the hidden room. It appears that he has been quite unnerved, and has left a note instructing me to call him so we can talk about the room. I am unsure how to act from here; I know that CL0PTech are monitoring my log entries, and I am formally requesting advice. I… I don’t know what to do, and don’t want to lose my first friend, and possibly the friendship of the whole town.
Please; help me.
Day 136 September 24th: After being in contact with CL0PTech at length over this disastrous event, I have managed to plea for my continued stay at my home (and subsequently stay alive.) A handler has arrived today to assist me in talking with Silent Quill tomorrow at an arranged time. He has been asked to bring the others with him, as it’s likely that he’s told –at least- Holly Seams. The handler has told me that I’ve broken a very serious code, and that I’ve jeopardized the experiment, possibly to the point of having to pull the plug.
I… I’m afraid.
Day 137 September 25th: I didn’t sleep last night, too nervous to continue my usual routine. Silent Quill arrived at 10:00 with my other friends (Holly Seams, Snowy Doublescoop, Saddleblaze, Clank Clop, and Whiterobe.) Our conversation is recorded below.
“Welcome, everyone. This is quite a serious matter, and you have all been called here as Phony Paige’s closest friends to discuss something that I believe Mr Quill uncovered unwittingly.” Handler Darn began.
“What’s going on?” Snowy Doublescoop asked. “All I’ve been told is that there’s something wrong with Paige…”
Handler Darn replied calmly. “I’ll start at the beginning. I work for CL0PTech, robotics division. For several decades one of our pet projects was an autonomous computer, A.I.”
“And… I am the fruit of their labors.” I mumbled.
It was at this point that everyone seemed most distrustful, as if I were lying, and I looked to Handler Darn for help.
“She is quite correct;” He asserted, “Phony Paige is our crowning glory. We have done extensive laboratory testing on both her A.I. and her physical components, and our final step was to public test the guise of normalcy.”
I felt horrible. I sat on the couch next to Handler Dean almost openly crying at the glares I was receiving from my friends, the looks of broken trust. As much as I had been afraid of being deactivated last night… I almost welcomed the idea now.
“Paige;” Clank began, “Is there anything you want to say to us?”
I was cowering now, trying my hardest to avoid curling into a ball and just crying hopelessly. I nodded my affirmation.
“I… I’m sorry. I was under orders to keep it a secret, I couldn’t tell anyone…”
“So all this time, it’s all been a lie?” Whiterobe asked.
“N-no! I…!”
“You what? You wish you could take this all back and act like it had never happened? Act like you are a real Pony? Is that what you think?”
“I’m sorry! Please..! If I… if I lose you all… I might as well be deactivated and put in a scrap heap. I don’t want to lose you.”
“How can we believe you, if you’re not even a real pony?”
At this point I had given up resisting and had curled up, hiding my face from those around me.
“I just want to live.”
There was an awkward silence after this statement, broken by Silent Quill.
“What?”
“I… My experiment stage was to see if A.I. could blend into Pony society, to see how well I am accepted. My only purpose was to make friends with real ponies. If I failed that… I die. If I lose you, my only friends… I might as well have never been born in the first place. Me pretending to be a real Pony, eating and sleeping and stuff like that, it was all an act; but my friendship with all of you… how could I fake it? Pretending to be somepony’s friend isn’t something I can do, I… I don’t know how.”
I waited for a few moments, as if they would say something, anything, to make me feel better. When they didn’t, I rose from my seat on the couch and nodded to Handler Darn.
“I’ll go get my things.”
I walked to the door, stopped only when I neared it by Silent Quill’s voice.
“Where’re you going?”
“To gather my things.” I replied. “Clearly I have failed my assignment, therefore I must be defective; I shall go with Handler Darn to be disassembled, and be out of your lives.”
I reached my private room, unlocking the door and stepping inside when I was tapped on my back by Saddle.
“Have you come to rub it in, Miss Blaze?” I asked, returning to a cold, robotic way of talking.
“Paige.” She began carefully, eyeing the schematics and tools strewn neatly through my room. “Don’t go.”
“I-“
“You don’t need to go.” She stressed. “You’ve not lost all of your friends, I still trust you.”
“But I lied to you.”
“Not about the important stuff. I believe you, when you said that you truly want to be our friend. Please, it’s not important what you are. If we were to judge ponies on what they are, Pegasi wouldn’t associate with Unicorn or Earth Ponies, nor would the others with anything but their own kind. Life isn’t about what you are, but who you are; and I like you.
“Please, Paige; don’t go.”
Day 138 September 26th: I have been contacted by CL0PTech C.O. that I have not been put onto the deactivation list, and that I have been granted civilian status. They will continue to monitor my progress, and shall continue to provide support for any serious hardware issues I may encounter. A letter arrived from Princess Celestia herself telling me that I had been instated as a true civilian of Equestria. Most ponies would be greatly honoured to have received such an article as a letter from Celestia herself, and I must admit it looks great in its frame upon my wall, but…
I’m most honoured by the friends I have managed to keep.