//------------------------------// // It's like chemistry! But illegal! // Story: Dash and Twilight get The Munchies. // by Steventheman //------------------------------// "C'mon Twilight! You're into all that chemistry stuff!" the rainbow-maned pegasus protested. "It's just another chemistry lesson!" "Yes, Rainbow." Twilight Sparkle said. "But what you are asking me to do will get me forty years of dodging rape every time I want a shower. That's not what my parents or the Princess, or me want!" "Same as every day for me." Rainbow Dash said. "Listen, you won't go to prison for it! It's just chemistry!" "You sound like everypony with a shed in Nebraska!" Twilight said. "And are they in jail right now?" "Okay, fine." Twilight said, surrendering. "I'll mix poison joke and Pinkie's special cake frosting if it would really stop you asking me to be a drug dealer!" "You're not a drug dealer, you're my friend! Friends make drugs for their friends!" "Sure, whatever..." Twilight said. She put on a pair of rubber coverings for her front hooves, before walking outside, towards the Everfree forest. Rainbow Dash looked out the window nervously while Twilight worked on the drug. She bit her lip and turned around. "How long until it's ready?" "It's almost ready." Twilight said. She opened a bag of frosting, and was hit by a terrible stench. "Fucking hell! When was this made?" "1989. The Cakes had their wilder years." "So you want me to put rancid frosting into this!?" "Yes! It'll make it last longer!" Twilight put the frosting in with the joke leaves, and mixed the concoction. Finally, it was ready. Rainbow picked up the beaker with her mouth, and set it down on the floor, before reaching into her saddlebag and taking out a glass vessel. She poured the Frosted Joke into the vessel, before lighting it, and waiting for smoke to start rising. She placed her mouth over it for a while, before staring at Twilight. "Try it." "What?" "Try it, now. This is the best shit I've ever had, and I went to Flight School. Can't get any higher than Flight School." "Well...if you count the outer atmosph-" "Twi, just trust me. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you. Just trust me..." Twilight and Rainbow leaned against the wall. The air was thick with smoke, and Twilight and Rainbow were giggling quietly to themselves. Soft hip hop played from Twilight's iPod, although it wasn't very loud. "Hey...Dashie..." Twilight said, turning to Rainbow. "What?" "Your mane...it's beautiful. Where can I get one?" "I don't know! I found it on, like, my head. And I tried to get it off, but then it went to my tail. So I decided to keep it...Hey, Twi?" "Yeah?" "How come you're so smart?" "I don't know! Isn't it weird?" "What's weird?" Rainbow Dash said, groggily. "I'm smart, but I don't know why!" Rainbow Dash laughed. "Yeah! Like, how come I'm so awesome?" "Because you have that mane! Duh!" Twilight said. "...Oh yeah." "Hey, I have a brilliant idea, Dashie!" "What?" "Let's get some tacos!" Twilight shouted, jumping to her hooves. "Hell yeah!" Rainbow replied, looking around. "Where are the tacos?" "Shit, I don't have any..." "There's a Taco Bell in Washington D.C." Rainbow said. "But that's the other side of America." "Oh yeah...Like that's gonna stop us!" "Fuck it. Let's go!" Twilight said. She ran over to the door. Rainbow and Twilight barged open the library door, releasing a cloud of dark smoke, and two very hungry mares. Ponies looked at the library, which had smoke pouring from all the windows. From Canterlot Imperial Castle, Celestia watched the plume of smoke from the balcony facing Ponyville. She turned to the guard behind her. "Captain, assemble a scout team to ensure there isn't a dragon there again. If it is, I want it eliminated. I hear that their scales make excellent body armor and I wish to overhaul troop equipment. The world is a dangerous place, what with the Anglo-French Bloc imposing martial law upon the Spanish colonies, and the Neo-Soviets issuing the public statement that the Western world is going home in a fucking ambulance - Their words, not mine." "Yes, Herr Princess. Anything else?" the guard said. "You wanted me to remind you that the latest Deadliest Warrior is on in thirty minutes...The one with the Lunar Guard versus the British Community Support Officer?" "Oh, lovely!" Celestia said, clapping her hooves in delight. "Please place a request down to the Royal Kitchen for a bowl of plain Doritos, salsa dip and five large bottles of Mountain Dew. It is to be delivered to my television. If they screw the order up, decimate the staff. Two staff for every five staff." "Yes, Herr Princess." Dash and Twilight walked through the streets of the Human-Equestrian Cohabitation Area. Dash looked into a window, at a human woman and a stallion cuddled up on the sofa, watching the news. Dash couldn't hear anything, but the picture showed a man being tortured, followed by the words This is what goes through a child's mind every time you think of rebelling against the State. Think patriotic. Love the State. Dash turned to Twilight, who was moving her head backwards and forwards, looking at her reflection in a window, to the bemusement of the pony inside. Eventually, Twilight stuck her tongue out at the pony, and walked on. A loudspeaker over their heads crackled into life. "Citizen reminder: Inaction is conspiracy. Report counter-behavior to your local protection unit immediately. " "Pfft." Twilight said. "What a load of shit."