The bright and sunny light flashed warmly in Blitz’s face. He was slightly disgruntled at being blind for a few seconds, but shrugged the feeling off as he continued his time at mailing. The pony strode with confidence, but faltered his step at times as he pondered his dream about yesterday. ‘Why did that Celestia-forsaken thing happen,’ Blitz thought groggily. ‘Bluebelle, Fuzzy, me.’
He halted his walk and closed his eyes, the sun’s rays reflected off his body with playful intensity. ‘Why is always what I’m asking, why. I hate this, I hate not knowing. Why did she leave, why is Fuzzy not here, why am I still thinking about these things? Why, why...’ “...why, oh why!”
“Erm, Mister Blitz,” a hefty voice called. Blitz jumped, but retained his light walk.
“Woah, Clyde, you scared me there,” he said.
“Oh, come now, Mister Blitz, am I really that scary?” An image of Clyde’s mustache attacking Ponyville and spewing burning mustache juice entered Blitz’s mind and he couldn’t help but giggle.
“…no,” he managed to say between laughs.
“Hmm, indeed. So, I take it the job is working out well?” Blitz nodded firmly and with great joy. He honestly enjoyed the job despite his boss and vowed to keep going at it.
“It’s perfect, Clyde. Everything a pony could ask for in a job, it even came with that old cranky boss.” Clyde’s sudden bellow of laughter caught Blitz off guard. He joined in with nervous, but safe chuckles.
“Oh Mister Blitz!” Clyde cried. “Post Pole may be a parsimonious kind of pony, but I assure you, he is a good stallion. Just give it a little time.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Blitz said. ‘He’s always right.’ Clyde brushed his mustache with great speed before returning his focus on Blitz.
“Ah, have you seen Mister Enzo and Mister Vice, by the chance?” Clyde said. Blitz contemplated the mention of his two mysterious companions.
“Not today, but I saw Enzo yesterday at the market,” he said to at least provide some sort of information on the two’s whereabouts.
“And what was Mister Enzo doing in the markets in the first place,” Clyde questioned even further. This sent a wave of panic trickle down Blitz’s spine.
‘Wait, if I tell him what happened...is he going to freak out? About Fluttershy?’ More images of Clyde’s monstrous mustache appeared and Blitz shuddered this time. His restlessness was ceased as Clyde gave one of his heavy, trademark laughs.
“Mister Blitz, it’s quite alright. I wouldn’t expect you to know that much about one of those two. I wouldn’t even know that much either,” Clyde said still laughing.
“Yeah, they sure are a strange couple.” Blitz paused and wondered about his next question. “Where do you think they came from?”
“I’m not entirely sure. I vaguely remember Mister Vice saying someplace ‘too far away’, but that doesn’t really help. To be honest, I’ve never really put much thought into that. I’ll have to ask them about it sooner or later.” Clyde shuffled the ground and eventually spread his white magnificent wings. “I suppose I’ll be finding out, they can’t be too far.” Blitz watched as Clyde ascended into the air with grace. “I won’t interfere with your work, Mister Blitz; you keep doing your job!”
Clyde eventually zoomed out of sight and left Blitz behind. He somehow ended up at the correct house of delivery and deposited the letter he was holding. The red flag of confirmation was raised and Blitz made his way back to the Emporium. ‘Oh Fuzzy Fry, break this mysterious bond between me and my friends here in Ponyville. If you don’t get here soon-he’ll be here,’ Blitz thought talking back and forth within his mind. The walk would be a long and painful one, mentally.
~~~~~~~~~~
“Alright, chumps, gimme your best smiles!” Vice was back to back with Enzo, both ponies surveyed their enemies. The pony known as Doctor Rivet grunted with intrigue.
“It seems you two are no strangers to combat,” he said with content. Vice simply bared his teeth as a response.
“Yeah, what of it? I bet you’re just one of those candy-ass big bosses who just has everyone do his or her dirty work.”
“You’d be correct, minus the candy ass part. You see, we are an organization with a peculiar intent. Our goals are very refined in nature and you’ll both have to excuse my ambiguity for our plan is a very secretive type of plight. However, I suppose I will announce our group’s presence as the Misfit Marauders.” As if on cue, the stallions surrounding the duo revealed concealed knives and assumed varied fighting stances.
Vice’s mouth dropped with discomfort and raised his hooves in exasperation. “Well, uh, I guess the laws of physics just got screwed and we divided by zero here. These bozos are holding knives in their damn hooves! What witchcraft is this-oh yeah, the fork! Fork! Y’all can hold forks so y’all can hold knives! How’s that fair?”
“It’s not,” Enzo said. Vice peered over to his partner and noticed that Enzo was reaching for his blue wrist band. He tapped on it once and once more with added force. As he finished, a loud click cracked through everyone’s head and a blade extended out. It shot out vertically and curved outward like a hook. It’s thin, silver-blue metal shone elegantly within the clearing.
Doctor Rivet raised his eyebrow in pure astonishment. “Ah, a fine piece of machinery you have there. Nothing I’ve seen ever before.”
Vice whistled vigorously and clapped. “Damn, son! It’s about time you whipped that thing out. But, that means shit’s getting real. We can’t lose this one, otherwise we risk getting a hard dicking by these ass wads.” Enzo gave a very confused face. “…yes I mean physical cock in ass; rape!”
Enzo nodded with conformation. “Yes.” Both ponies stood back to back with their weapons of choice held high. Enzo’s blade and Vice’s wings of metal waved mechanically back and forth as all the ponies surrounding watched with uncertain intents.
Vice flapped his wings and flexed them, causing clinks to erase the silence. He craned his neck and shouted wildly. “Just like old times!” Doctor Rivet raised a hoof and the whole group of thugs rushed in. Vice faced two incoming stallions and raised his wings in pure defense. He swatted away knife lunges with ease and managed to disarm one of his attackers. Enzo followed in his partners actions and held his own line. Knife slashes were flying everywhere, but Enzo kept track and dodged or deflected each one.
The two ponies held their ground parrying, deflecting and dodging all attacks. Not once did either stallion decide to attack. A pony closed in on Enzo and managed to cut away at his red scarf. Enzo gasped in surprise and quickly regained himself by swiping away at the air, scaring away the other pony.
“Enough!” Vice lifted himself into the air and taunted. “That’s right, ain’t got no wings like these!” He gave no time for anyone to react as he dived straight into his two attackers. Caught off guard, the ponies and Vice collided with his metal wings each taking a pony down. He proceeded to pound at both fallen stallions with succession before being swept off by another pegasus.
Enzo called out to Vice, but was interrupted by a close block with a knife. Grunting in pure frustration, Enzo managed to slash at his attacker’s exposed hoof and made a deep cut within the flesh. Blood splattered on the green grass as the pony waved his arm wildly and howled in agony. Enzo stared in shock at what he had done and let his surroundings disappear.
“Wake up, Hotshot!” Vice flung the pegasus pony he battled with into a stallion on the ground and watched with satisfaction as the connection happened. “No time to daze out now!” he turned to face another pony and jabbed him in the stomach with mach speed. He jabbed twice more with his wings before wing upper cutting the pony in the face, sending him hobbling back.
Enzo shook his head and snapped his eyes shut. He reopened them to find the bleeding pony rushing him once more. He gritted his teeth and anticipated his opponent’s actions. The stallion lunged and Enzo sidestepped. With elegance, Enzo lifted his hind leg and balanced on the other. He kicked at the pony’s exposed arm and heard a snap as he struck at the elbow. A terrifying and bloodcurdling screech filled all ears as the bleeding stallion fell back and caressed his presumably broken foreleg.
“Lookout!” Enzo turned to see a body fly past him and collide with an oncoming pegasus. “Strike! Enzo, get ready!” Vice flew over quickly and grabbed for the fallen pegasus. The other body did not stir. He lifted the pegasus and brought him towards Enzo. Sensing Vice’s ambition, Enzo reared back and bucked the swung pony right in the face.
“Aaaaand that’s it?” said Vice dropping the unconscious pegasus. He looked around at all the fallen stallions and grunted. “Titties aside, this is pretty pathetic.”
“I assure you, there is much more in store. You’ll have to forgive me once more and be patient.” Vice and Enzo both turned and noticed that Doctor Rivet was still watching from afar.
“Yo, Docta River or whatever, you done being big ass pussy? Come on, fight us like a real, uh, stallion. C’mon tough guy, do you even-”
“Don’t,” Enzo said with his temper rising. “Now, Doctor Rivet, explain to us who exactly you are and why your band of…”
“Assholes.”
“…are stealing apples?”
“And more importantly, why does everyone have a knife? That’s awfully suspicious, but I’mma let you talk, doc.”
Doctor Rivet smiled and raised a hoof. “I thank you for your gentlecoltly manner. Allow me to explain,” he said adjusting his glasses. “We, the Misfit Marauders, are composed of several ‘outsiders’ and various ponies that have been shunned from society. We are the lost causes, the ones who were thought to be useless. We are the misunderstood and we suffer together.” The words were said in pained refinement. “Me? As you know, I am a doctor.” He motioned towards his cutie mark which consisted of a scalpel and a wrench positioned into an X shape. “The medical knowledge I hold is that of high quality. However, my superiors did not approve of the particular field of expertise.”
Vice and Enzo peered at the assorted ponies lying around. Some shuddered and slowly rose. Others simply lay still. “Unfortunately, my work is considered a taboo in the medical field; considered a sin against Celestia herself.”
“Certainly getting creepy,” Vice said to Enzo in a hushed tone. “So, what the hell is that taboo, huh?”
“Neuroscience, my dear gentlecolts. The study of-”
“The brain.” Vice narrowed his eyes and huffed at the doctor. “So you’ve been tampering with other people-excuse me-ponies’ noggins?” Doctor Rivet sighed and fixed his glasses once more.
“I prefer the term experiment over tamper. It really was what I was trying to get at, to learn how the brain operates and what I could do with that. It’s taking Equestria’s simple, basic studies into something much more grand! It’s the next step in scientific progress.”
Vice laughed outwardly at the statement. “Well then, it looks like we just shook up the cuckoo’s nest. Are you out of your goddamn mind? What makes you think that shit’s gonna help anyone?” Enzo stayed silent as Vice went at the doctor.
“Let me show you. Behold my greatest achievement yet!” The doctor raised his hooves and pointed towards a dark, concealed bush. A low growl echoed off into the clearing. “Step forth, my pet!”
“Pet? What the hell-” A grunted laugh sputtered through the air as an orange creature spilled forward on its two hind legs. It stepped with a falter and made a low snarl as it drew near Vice and Enzo. It’s slightly deteriorated face smiled with its eyes wide and wild. Drool slowly oozed out through its exposed grin and a large cut was lined around the pony’s cranium. As it closed in on its targets, it raised its hooves and showed the duo its deformity. Large, metal hooks were jammed within both the pony’s hooves. They arched like claws and were deathly, dark blue. Doctor Rivet clapped and the pony rushed in.
Vice screamed in absolute horror. “What the fuck is that?”
~~~~~~~~~~
Clyde flew near Sweet Apple Acres and made his landing with ease next to the apple forest. ‘Now then, these boys should be-’
“…my God, Enzo, fucking run!” Vice appeared before Clyde and crashed headfirst into the guard. Enzo followed closely behind and came to a complete halt upon Vice’s impact.
“Mister Vice, what is the meaning of this? Where have you two been off to?” Clyde said as he removed Vice from on top his body. Enzo opened his mouth to speak, but Vice quickly clamped it shut and smiled sheepishly.
“We were, uh, out prancin’ around…collecting daisies!” Vice said as he panted for breath. Clyde gave Vice a serious look and the pegasus shook his head violently. “Just kidding, we were just out there…pulling pranks. Pullin’ each other’s legs.”
“And your pranks caused both of you to run screaming and cursing out of the forest?”
“Yeah, it got pretty hectic. Uh, we started…started a pissing contest. Ran and yelled like babies-er uh, foals?” Clyde’s unamused face watched with a stone impression.
“Hmm.” Clyde eyed the two with doubt, but sighed. “You two really are strange boys. I’m not sure if, erm, urinating on each other is the new normal…never mind.” Vice sighed with extreme relief, but was still tense.
“Yeah, it’s the new cool, heh.”
“I see. Mister Enzo, you’re awfully quiet.” Clyde looked at Enzo with a hint of worry in his eyes. Enzo broke eye contact and spoke with a low tone.
“I’m always quiet.” Clyde laughed genuinely and put a hoof on Vice’s shoulder. The pegasus jumped, but settled down quickly.
“Well then, boys, it looks like Miss Applejack is going to have to have a word with both of you.”
“Cool, we’ll sort that out. Hey uh, Clyde, I think Applejack was in trouble or something. She might have needed help-” Vice stopped as he realized Clyde was already rampaging through the apple forest towards the farm. “Okay, he’s gone.” Vice said with caution. “Now, what in the hell was that thing following us? That is the stuff of nightmares.”
“I don’t know,” Enzo said matching Vice’s paranoia. “But it was a monster, something awful.”
“Yeah, and I hope I never see that shit again. That thing was creepy and that damn doctor got away. Don’t worry, Enzo, we’re gonna get ‘em. The bad guys always fall in the end, right? It’s just a matter of time before we get back at him and his gay ass gang.” Enzo nodded, but with hesitation.
“I’m worried; why would a group like the…Misfit Marauders exist in a place like this?”
“Shit can hit the fan real fast, anywhere. You and I both know that…but you’re right. I got no effing clue. But, we should probably stay quiet about this.” Enzo raised his head and gazed into Vice’s serious purple eyes.
“Are you crazy? I’ve had enough madness today, but hiding this? Why can’t we just tell-”
“Listen, if we tell people, they’re gonna lose their minds. We need to deal with this on our own and make sure we wipe these guys out of existence. There’s no need to cause trouble when we can easily fix these guys up. We’ll go tomorrow again, hear me?” Enzo looked at Vice with utter shock, but reluctantly agreed. “They’ll be toast by the end of the day when we’re done because we’re the best.”
“How long are we gonna keep secrets?” Enzo said now lowering his head again.
“As long as it takes. Now, let’s go piss off Applejack again.”