//------------------------------// // Rap Battle #27 // Story: Epic Rap Battles of MLP // by enigmaMystere //------------------------------// Octavia entered her house, sighing softly. She moved into the kitchen and set her saddlebags down, pulling a few choice vegetables out to put into their fridge’s crisper drawer. That was an eventful trip to the market. The earlier I go, the better. I feel bad about the Cakes, though. Hiring new help, and somepony who hasn’t dealt with Pinkie before, to boot. She glanced over, seeing that her roommate had started the dishwasher. Still can’t believe music can clean dishes. She shook her head, carefully laying a Romaine heart in the drawer. I think I’ll just relax, today. Maybe go to the library, get a nice cappuccino or- “HEY, ‘TAVI! COME TO THE BASEMENT, QUICK!” She sighed, rubbing the side of her head as she walked over to the basement door. “Of course.” She nudged the door open, begrudgingly travelling down the stairs. “Yes, Vinyl? What is-” She stopped mid-sentence, staring in shock at the scene in front of her. “... Vinyl, what are those?” The white unicorn beamed, motioning to the items behind her. One of them was placed on a ponnequin, another on the wall and the third on a special rest. “Check it out! You know how my Bass Cannon is ridiculously bulky and unwieldy? Well, I finally made the Bass Cannon Mks. II, III and IV!” She paused, looking at the equipment behind her. “Or maybe I should just call them ‘Dubstep Guns’?” Dismissing that thought with a shrug, she walked over to the ponnequin, motioning to its forehooves. Fitted on them was a pair of boot-like metal circles, some glowing red wires trailing up the legs to the harness on the back. “This is the Mk. II, for earth ponies - though, to be fair, they're all currently made for a mare's build. Anyways, I call them the Bass Drops!” She tilted the doll up, showing a couple of speakers fitted into the bottom of each ‘boot’. “High-quality speakers, so that it can handle as much bass as possible! This one has the added ability of trapping the target in a wave of energy when shot into the ground!” She pointed at the wires next, two to each boot. “These wires supply power from the magic crystal,” here she indicated the said item, emitting a burgundy glow in the harness, “though, if I'm being honest, they’re mainly for show. It’s essentially wireless power, but they do allow for greater transmission, not to mention a sweet design!” She turned to the one mounted on the wall, smiling. “The same goes for the Mk. III - the Rewind!” She pointed to both of the speakers, larger than the ones in the previous model. “Made specifically for pegasi, these babies have the ability to project a shield for their user when they wrap their wings around themselves. It’s also good for firing in opposite directions at the same time!” She giggled, tapping the green crystal in the center of the device. “For some reason, the only suitable crystal I could find for this was an emerald with small flaw in the middle of it. At least it fits the theme of it.” Said crystal dimmed momentarily as she turned away, showing the flaw, shaped like a pair of wings. Finally, she motioned towards the long, metal rod with a plastic shock absorber, which, unlike the other two, had no visible crystal powering it. “This one is my favorite - the Mk. IV, or, as I’ve dubbed it, the V-Rifle!” She noticed the strange look her friend was giving her and shrugged. “The V stands for both my name, Vinyl, and vivamente, which means 'quickly and lively'. I ran out of suitable musical terms.” She lifted it off with her magic, holding it in the air in front of her face. Her hoof traced along the barrel, a dreamy look coming to her eyes. “It took the last of the mythril I had, but it was worth it! A weapon powered purely by my own magic! I can point this beauty in any direction and it won’t be uncomfortable.” Her smile faltered slightly and she muttered to herself. “Sadly, the one downside is that I can't use it in two directions at once like the other ones.” Soon, though, her glee returned, and she turned towards her friend. “But the best part - the BEST part,” she sat in the middle of the weapons, grinning widely, “is that, not only do they have their own special attributes, they can work in tandem and create a SUPER DROP!” Octavia stared at her roommate, her stoic mask hiding the utter horror she was feeling. “You aren’t going to try those out in the house, are you?” Vinyl scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Yeah, right! I’ve learned my lesson when my first one decimated a boulder outside of Canterlot.” She laid the V-Rifle across her back, walking towards the stairs. “I’m going out to my firing range in a clearing of the Everfree! You’re free to come, if you want!” The classy mare recalled her recent quest through said forest and shook her head, smiling sheepishly. “I think I’ve seen enough of that forest to last a lifetime.” The disk jockey shrugged, smiling complacently. “Suit yourself, ‘Tavi.” She went up the stairs, leaving her best friend in the basement. Octavia sat there in silence, looking at the two remaining weapons. “I hope she doesn’t market these...” Vinyl pranced down the street, making sure that the V-Rifle stayed on her back. The author then proceeded to beat his head on the desk for actually writing that Scratch pranced anywhere. agsrvfrbgverabhsgbarvdjgbzdv He feels better, now that he’s been justly punished. Back to the story! She wasn’t going to let anything distract her. She was going to go to her firing range, and she was going to try out the Mk. IV. “Hello, Scratch.” She blinked, turning to look at the pony who spoke. She mentally facehoofed. Well, there goes that plan. She shook her head to clear her thoughts and faced the pegasus who called her. She was glad she was wearing her shades, otherwise the glare from the pony’s golden coat would have blinded her. Even so, it took her a while to recognize the pony behind the aviator sunglasses. Vinyl beamed in happiness. “Hey, Spits! What’s up?” “Nothing much. Just taking a small vacation.” She motioned to the town in general. “Figured a small place like Ponyville would be a good spot to have some time to ourselves.” The disk jockey giggled, recalling a certain prismatic-maned pegasus. “You may be a little off on-” She paused, just realizing something. “... ‘ourselves’? What do you mean by that?” Spitfire grinned, glancing around to see if anypony was around. There wasn’t. “Good. No paparazzi.” She turned to the other mare, a glimmer in her eye. “I’m here with my special somepony.” The white unicorn laughed, shaking her head and patting the captain on her shoulder. “Good one! The star of the Wonderbolts settling down!” She smiled, nudging her friend. “No, seriously, who are you here with? Is it Soarin’? Fleetfoot?” Her face quickly turned into a mask of bemusement. “Her name’s Life Spark.” Vinyl blinked, putting a hoof to her chin. “I don’t know that Wonderbolt... is she new?” Spitfire’s eyebrows furrowed, her lips parting slightly in an attempt to form words. Of course, she couldn’t, too perplexed by her old friend. Finally, it came to Vinyl. Her eyes widened behind her shades, her jaw dropping momentarily. “So you really... oh, dear Luna...” She gulped, sheepishly smiling. “Sorry I didn’t believe you. So, uh, how did you two meet?” The golden mare rolled her eyes, a small smile wiping her frown away. “You wouldn’t believe me, but alright. It started when-” “Gotcha now!” They both turned towards the sunrise as a whip shot out and wrapped around the stunt-flier’s legs. It became taut and, with a yelp, she was pulled to the ground and dragged away. The disk jockey, concerned for her friend (and rightly so) ran towards her attacker. As soon as she caught up, she pushed the pegasus. “What’s the big i-” She froze, immediately recognizing the monochromatic mane. “...dea?” The mare turned towards her, one hoof resting on top of the hog-tied captain. She tilted her pith hat up, rose eyes studying the intruding pony. “Can I help you?” “No way...” She took a step closer to the being she once thought of as fictional. “You’re... you’re Daring Do...” The tan pegasus grinned, touching the brim of her hat in greeting. “Nice to see one of my fans. Now, if you’ll excuse me,” she grabbed Spitfire by the scruff of her neck, frowning deeply, “I need to retrieve an artifact from this thief.” Vinyl blinked, staring at the adventure hero in confusion. “What do you mean? What artifact?” “The Golden Fleece.” Daring shook the tied up mare. “This pony took it from a temple far to the south. The ancient civilization there hid it to keep their kingdom from falling. Kind of defeats the purpose of it, but I digress. Generations passed, and they moved on, the Fleece long forgotten.” She chuckled, shaking her head a bit. “Their civilization fell weeks later.” “You know what? I’ve had enough of this!” Spitfire rapidly unfurled her wings, flipping herself over and slipping out of her bindings. “You dare to question my honor? I know how to settle this!” “Woah, hold up!” The disk jockey stepped in front of her friend, hooves out to keep her from charging. “No need to get violent, here!” “Who said anything about getting violent?” The captain removed her shades, glaring at the other pegasus. “I want to berate her. Sorry, Daring, but it’s time” she slid her shades back on, smirking, “to pay your dues.” “YEAH!!” They all jumped, staring at the white, muscle-bound stallion. He stared back for a few seconds before slowly retreating back into the house he popped out of. Vinyl sighed, heading back into town, muttering to herself. “I knew my plans were gonna get ruined...” Soon enough, all three of the ponies were on the orchestral stage in town square. Vinyl was calibrating all of her equipment after what seemed like months of disuse. That’s what the current state of her electronics seemed to imply, at least. The two mares stood at either side of the stage. Spitfire wore her sunglasses, while Daring had her pith hat and whip. Both had a headset on, the microphones positioned in just the right spot to pick up their voices without them accidentally hitting the microphone with their lips (something they’d had to do ever since Gilda and Blueblood’s battle). The adventurer smirked, narrowing her eyes at the other pegasus. “I hope you’re ready to lose in front of your marefriend.” The captain shook her head, her expression even. “I won’t have to worry about that, Daring Don’t.” In the crowd, a duo of pegasi stood in awe, the smaller one’s tangerine hooves resting on the messy prismatic mane of the larger. “This is gonna be so awesome!” The mare didn’t even care that her voice cracked. She was too enraptured in the sight of her two idols about to rap against each other. The disk jockey made one last check to be sure everything was working properly. Seeing everything in sync, she started the music and set her magic to work, casting a spell to create a moving backdrop for the rappers. Now that everything was ready, she shouted out to the crowd. EPIC RAP BATTLES OF MLP! VS. BEGIN! Soarin' told me that you’re straight, but I think he is a liar. Don't try to hide that you're bi, it’s in your eyes, Spitfire! I heard all about your years as wing-man predecessor: You bed so many stallions, it was an academy record! Your ONLY good trait is that you don’t fly dirty, Doesn’t mean JACK if your wings crap out at thirty! You talk big, act like you knock the competition out cold But you were out-flown by Dash when she was 4 years old! Alright, that’s enough sass, Miss Jungle Book, Speaking of Dash, why you stealing her look? Actually, the last time you were THAT uncreative You were outrunning aliens and Amazon natives! And I fooled around back in school, so sue me. At least my nickname wasn’t “Daring-Please Do-Me!” Got you pinned down better than Ahuizotl By the time this is done your face will be totaled. That’s freaking IT, you yellow-orange Queer: I see more adventure in a day then you see all YEAR! You say you’re hardcore, I must object – wake up You got knocked out by an insect with make-up! (HEY!) And let’s not forget when a baby owned your dumb flank Now buck up, Spits, or I’ll have to strip you of your rank. You’re gonna die, give it time, but look, strive and you’ll find: In fifty years I’ll be alive in all KINDS of pony’s minds! This whole time I’ve been dropping lyrical boulders and I’m worth my weight in gold; your books? Their weight in sand! No one reads ‘em, that’s why Twilight has so few copies I guess the 4th time around your writers got SLOPPY! Step up to me with that attitude and I'll make you cringe, Do. You'll need more than a fridge when I blow up on you! And you’re right, it’s true, one day I’m gonna expire. But no one will EVER forget the name 'Spitfire'! WHO WON? WHO’S NEXT? YOU DECIDE! EPIC RAP BATTLES OF MLP! As soon as the music ended, Vinyl turned to leave the stage. She jumped slightly at the pony in her path, but recovered quickly. “E, you startled me.” He chuckled, moving forward and nuzzling her cheek. “Sorry, Vi.” He pulled back, an apprehensive look on his face. “...hey, I want to...uh...” He cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck. “Do you wanna, maybe, go out on Friday? I know a little restaurant that is really good. Better than Canterlot’s eating establishments.” She giggled, wrapping her forelegs around his neck in a hug. “I’d like that, E. I gotta do something now, so I can’t stay and chat.” She flipped the V-Rifle onto her back, grinning brightly. “I gotta try this beauty out! Come by my place later and I’ll see if I can get you fitted for one of the other Dubstep Guns!” She raced off before he could say anything else. He sat on his haunches, thinking silently to himself. “...‘Dubstep Guns’?” He reached into one of his saddlebags, withdrawing with a small box in his hoof. He smiled softly, glancing up at the progressively-smaller form of his love. He chuckled gently to himself as he placed the black velvet box back in his bag. A voice called out from the crowd. “It needs to be about twenty percent cooler.”