//------------------------------//
// Nightmare Raven Von Shadowmirk the Dark 
// Story: Attack of the Black and Red Alicorns OC's 
// by Good Christian Ethesto 
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	It was an ordinary day in Equestria. The giant, nuclear, death ball that orbited the planet sat high in the sky, creating huge amounts of energy through the fusion of hydrogen atoms in its core and radiating it down on the unsuspecting ponies below in the form of heat and light. Said ponies frolicked happily through their towns, skin-cancer inducing radiation raining down on them from above, blissfully unaware of how insignificant they truly are, as they continued their meaningless pony lives. 

One such pony (whose life is even less meaningful than the rest) sat on her throne in Canterlot's palace, idly flicking at her magical, swaying hair with one hoof in boredom. In front of her, a unicorn wearing a gray suit top, but not pants because ponies don't believe in pants, was busy explaining the country's current financial troubles. Or he was trying to, anyway. Princess Celestia wasn't paying attention in the slightest and she had given up on even acting like she was over a half hour ago. 

As you can imagine, dealing with ponies everyday is a real chore. They are always coming in and complaining to her as though she cared about their problems. It was always 'economic depression this' or 'political corruption that', they never asked how she was doing. She missed the good old days when she was able to rule over her lands with an iron hoof and she was feared by all. Back then life was simpler. Sadly, the times had changed, and the ponies had come up with stupid concepts like 'civil rights'. What a joke...

Celestia focused her attention back to the unicorn before her, finding that he was still talking about how high their debt to the combined Griffin Kingdoms had gotten even though she toned him out a long time ago. And he just kept talking... Was there no end to this madness? 

As if in answer to Celestia's prayers for a distraction, her sister, Luna, pushed open a side door to the huge throne room, trotting inside in some strange, three-legged gait that was brought upon by the fact that she was using one hoof to clutch a hot pocket which she was consuming with a beast-like vigor. Why she didn't just use her magic is anyone's guess at this point. 

Instantly forgetting the unicorn that was lecturing her, Celestia called out to her kin, "Hey there sister, aren't you normally asleep by now?" Being the 'princess of the night' meant that Luna generally stayed up all night and slept through the day, so seeing her awake in the early afternoon was a rare sight.

"We hath recently consumed a large amount of mountain dew," she shouted back, still not entirely used to the modern pony dialect and clearly having difficulty controlling the tone of her voice in her mountain-dew-filled state.

Celestia shook her head and tsk'd in mock disappointment. Regardless, she couldn't help but smile at her sister's antics. "You really aught to drink less caffein. One of these days you're going to overdose on the stuff, and I won't be there to carry your twitching body to a hospital." 

"Ha! You surely jest! We hath studied caffeine and found it nearly impossible to consume a lethal amount. Not like that time thou overdosed on salt licks." 

Celestia instantly blushed, looking around the room hoping that no ponies were around to hear about such an embarrassing moment in her teen years. Unfortunately for her, the room was occupied by multiple guards as well as her advisor and several of her financial consultants. No doubt one of them would end up spreading this around the palace. Her face was beet red by the time she turned back to her sister. "I was very young and I'd appreciate if you wouldn't bring that up in front of the little ones." 

Luna just smiled deviously. "Art thou flustered, dear sister?" 

Celestia was pretty flustered, but she put on her best poker face as she answered, "No." Luna wasn't buying it, though.

"Dost thou anus beset you?" 

"No!" She said with a little more force while her poker face morphed into an annoyed frown. "You came down here just to annoy me, didn't you? Can't you see I was already annoyed enough?" She asked, gesturing to the unicorn who was still talking about the economy even though it was clear that nopony was listening anymore. 

Luna shrugged in response. "We are so very bored. Annoying you is always amusing, dear sister."

Unfortunately, Celestia was never able to give her response as the large doors to the throne room burst open revealing a panting guard pony. "Your majestyyyyyys," he called, noticing at the last second that both princesses were present, "There's a pony at the front gates demanding that she speaks with you!"

"A pony? Tell us, guard slave, what's so important about this pony?" Asked Luna.

The guard looked around before answering in a slightly hushed tone, "She's an alicorn!" He was met by surprised gasps from every pony in the room, except the one pony who was still talking about the economy, and of course the princesses who looked at the guard with deadpanned expressions.

"You know who Cadence is, you can let her in the gates without our permission." 

"Yeah," agreed Luna. "She used to live here..."

"But it's not princess Cadence who's at the gate!" This time, even Luna and Celestia gasped.

"But... That's impossible!" Sputtered out Celestia, "All the other alicorns are dead. We made sure of it!"

Unfortunately, her fears were confirmed as a new pony stepped into the room, pushing the confused guard out of the way with a hoof. Of course, this was no ordinary, human pony. Her coat was as black as night, highlighting the stereotypical, blood-red stripes that ran across her legs, barrel, and cheeks. Her dark horn was long and looked even sharper than a vietnamese man's machete, and her wings were huge, clearly overcompensating for her lack of character. Her cutie mark was a wheel of fire, earth, darkness, water, air, and lightning, showing off her skill in a vast array of different types of magic. 

She took a few steps forward as her lips curled upward into a devious grin, revealing her sharpened teeth. "Why hello princesses, I've been looking forward to this for a long time," she said in a misguided attempt at sounding mysterious.

Of course, now that the shock of a new alicorn appearing had died down, the sisters couldn't help but notice how ridiculous the newcomer looked. They both began chuckling, Celestia at least having the decency to try to hide her mirth behind a raised hoof. It didn't take long for this to devolve into full fledge laughter that lasted for several minutes. Eventually, they were able to get their laughing under control, and returned their attention to the frustrated looking alicorn who had invaded their castle.

"I'm sorry, do we know you?" Asked Celestia, sounding condescending like always.

"No, you don't know me. But I know you," she answered, still trying, and failing, to sound mysterious.

"Yes, we've gathered that much. A lot of ponies know us. We're kinda' a big deal. So, want to tell us who you are so we know who we're throwing in prison for breaking into the palace? Also, maybe, where you live. Not so we can exterminate the rest of your kind or anything, if that's what you were thinking." Assured Celestia like the smooth criminal that she is.

The black and red alicorn gave a horrible smirk that could only be described as 'sonic-the-hedgehog-esque'. "I am Nightmare Raven Von Shadowmirk the Dark, daughter of Kozilik, butcher of truth and Ulomog the infinite gyre. I was abandoned at birth and a group of vampire wolves raised me as their own in the darkest depths of the Everfree forest where the only rule is to kill or be killed. I got my cutie mark when I defeated a two-hundred foot-long dragon in a magical duel."

By the time she was finished, Luna had already face hooved, and it took every once of willpower that Celestia had not to do the same. "I asked for you name, not your life story," answered Celestia in an annoyed tone. "Either way, I hope you didn't enjoy not being in a dungeon for the rest of your life because now you're going into a dungeon for the rest of your life."

Nightmare Raven Von Shadowmirk the Dark began chuckling at this, prompting Celestia to clarify that she wasn't joking. "I'm serious, we're going to kick your shit and then you're going to rot in prison until you're dust. In case you're retarded, which is pretty likely all things considered, there are two of us, not counting the horde of ponies at our command, and only one of you."

"But you misunderstand, Celestia. There is not simply one of me," she paused for dramatic effect, but it only served to annoy everyone further. "I am simply a messenger."

Finally Luna spoke up, clearly annoyed by the conversation and wanting to get to the point. "A messenger for whom?"

"Ha ha ha! You've never heard of us. We call ourselves the Deathshadows. We are a nation of red and black alicorns that have been plotting revenge on you in secret for generations. Our numbers will darken the sky! Muahahaha!" Now she was just being obnoxious... Celestia was gettin' real tired of this shit, and was about to start firing magical lasers, when Nightmare Raven Von Shadowmirk the Dark suddenly teleported away, leaving the throne room silent.

That is, until Luna spoke up. "One black and red alicorn is bad enough... But a whole nation of them? God help us all..."

--

Meanwhile, somewhere in space!

The pristine blackness of space sat undisturbed like it had for billions of years, content with simply being there for all eternity as a vacuum. It was nearly empty, aside from a few free-floating particles, and extremely boring. 

Then, as if to spite me for saying that it's empty, space began to distort before finally opening up into a massive portal into the warp. Moments later, an equally massive space ship emerged, and the portal disappeared as though it was never there at all. The bulky metal vessel, easily several kilometers long with the words 'SS Butterfly Kittens' written on the sides in huge, blocky letters, floated along without a care in the world, propelled by its super advanced turbo jet engine technology.

The bridge of the ship was considerably less carefree as its crew shuffled around tending to one task or another. At the center of it all, admiral Ashley Tisdale, and commander of the Sunshine Smiles space marine chapter stood by, a frustrated frown dominating her helmetless face. She wore a set of hot pink power armor decorated with immaculate golden flowers and covered by a pink and yellow tabard that depicted a pair of butterflies smiling happily as they pollinated a hapless flower. On her belt's magnetic lock rested a storm bolter which was also colored pink and was bejewled all over. 

She continued frowning as she thought back to their ship's recent battle with an electrical daemon in the warp. Thankfully, the deamon wasn't able to do much aside from pelting the ship with several EMP grenades that it fired from its cavernous chest compartment. Even so, it did enough damage to force them to stop here. "Michelle!" She called out in the most obnoxious valley girl accent you can possibly imagine. "Like, give me a damage report!"

Michelle, a stereotypical, sassy, chubby black woman working on a nearby computer terminal, turned around in her chair and fixed Ashley with a disbelieving look. "Girl, I know you aint tryin' to tell me what to do," she said while waving her finger and head around for emphasis. 

"Like, oh my god, Michelle. Just, like, answer the question!" Shot back Ashley who wasn't in the mood for this right now. 

Michelle rolled her eyes in annoyance as she turned back to the computer screen. "White girls..." She muttered as she hit a few buttons with her overly-long fingernails. "The only real damage we took was some a' our systems gettin' fried like chicken'. Mmmmmmm mmmmm. Communications and our long-range scanners be offline. That's about it."

This just worsened Ashley's mood. If the communications were down she couldn't update her twitter or facebook. "Tech priest Vanessa! Tech priest Vanessa!" She yelled out as loud as she could with her annoying voice. A moment later, another space marine walked up to her. This one was wearing baby blue power armor with big white sunflower epaulets and had several metal appendages extending from her back. As she walked up she used one of those appendages to remove her helmet, never taking her eyes off the iphone 40k that she was clutching in her gauntletted hands.

"Vanessa, like, the communications are down!" Complained Ashley.

Vanessa replied with an equally annoying valley girl accent, though it came out in a machine-like tone as is the norm for tech priests. "Like, I know. I'm like, trying to commune with the machine spirits in my iphone, but it's, like, totally not working."

"Well fix it!" Demanded Ashley. "Like, my dad is paying you all so you, like, better do your jobs or else I'm going to be, like, really mad!" 

"Oh my goooood. I'm like, working on it! Now shut up while I try to contact Brad." She named the spirit in her phone Brad. 

Ashley just rolled her eyes at this, though. "Like you could ever have a shot with Brad. Like, you're the flattest tech priest on the whole ship!"

"Like, shut up!" Shot back Vanessa as she continued to furiously type away at the tiny keyboard on her phone with practiced speed. "You don't even know what you're talking about. Besides, my dad, like, is going to pay for me to get, like, robot breast implants."

"Yeah, you need those you whore. Mine are, like, all natural."

Tech priest Vanessa scoffed at such a heinous and obvious lie. "Like, your boobs are more fake than, like... Like..." Sadly, even her augmented brain couldn't think of anything more fake than Ashley's boobs, so she said the first thing that came to mind. "Styrofoam balls." Nice save Vanessa. 

"Whatever. You're just jealous." Waved off Ashley. Unfortunately, while waving her ungauntletted hand she accidently scraped her perfectly manicured nails against a nearby bulkhead. This elicited a scream from her, which was followed by her calling out for a medic. Thankfully, chief apothecary Hannah was nearby and came to Ashley's aid almost immediately.

She was wearing white armor with baby blue and yellow highlights and her shoulder pads and chest plate were emblazoned with dozens of kitten stencils. The only thing that made her stand out as a medic were the pair of comically large syringes mounted on her cuff links. 

"What's the emergency, admiral Ashley?" She asked in a soft, timid voice that didn't match the furious scowl shaped into her helmet.

In a dramatic display, admiral Ashley Tisdale held her uninjured hand to her forehead and waved her other hand around in Chief Apothecary Hannah's face, making it quite clear that IT was the problem. "Like, I think I broke a nail!" She exclaimed. 

Hannah sighed in annoyance. Captain Ashley was always calling her over for stupid stuff like this. Reluctantly, she took a look at Ashley's hand, noting that her nail looked completely fine. "You're fine," she stated, eliciting an annoyed groan from Ashley.

"Like, whatever. Just go back to fucking your cats or something," commanded Ashley, being a real bitch like always. Chief Apothecary Hannah just walked off, bearing mental scars from countless insults delivered by the popular space marines. One day she'd show them all, though. One day...

During Ashley's dramatic show, the hundreds of tech priests aboard the ship finally managed to get everything working again, and Vanessa was able to once again flirt with Brad via text messages. More importantly, the long-range scanners were back online and the ship's terminals were instantly flooded with all kinds of information. 

The bridge crew quickly sifted through the information like crabs sifting through refuse, looking for anything important, or, to complete the simile, anything edible. Within moments, one of them found just what they were looking for and called out. "Our scanners are picking up strange activity on a nearby planet. It could be inhabited."

"Like, finally!" Called out Ashley, more than fed up with being stuck on the ship for so long. "Let's like, land there and kill xenos and stuff!"

She was met by a round of cheers from the crew. Being a space marine meant it was basically their job to go around and murder everything that moves. As though summoned by the declaration of impending slaughter, her second in command, guard captain Helga, walked in through a nearby bulkhead. She was a massive woman, easily a head or two taller than Ashley, and more muscular than a grizzly bear on steroids. She pulled off her helmet, revealing her scarred face and insanely muscular neck. 

"DID SOMEBODY SAY KILLING XENOS?!" She yelled out in a thick russian accent since people 40,000 years in the future still speak russian. 

Ashley simply nodded, not in the mood to start a conversation with the overly-loud guard captain. With all the ship's systems fixed and all the major characters introduced, the bridge crew turned the massive vessel towards the unsuspecting planet and sped off through space.