//------------------------------//
// His and Hers. 
// Story: Flanking Maneuvers 
// by Mandroid 
//------------------------------//

-Theme Song-

Breakfast. Toast. BURNT toast. Again.
"And on her last day of our bet, she decides to be a cunt and burns my food to carbon."
You toss your ruined toast and watch it break into a million pieces.
"It slipped." Celestia says.
"How often have those words been uttered around you?"
Celestia rolls her eyes as you start buttering a sweet role.
The Royal Family was rather small today, just Luna. Armor and Cadence were off in the Crystal Kingdom cleaning up after Sombra's crap.
You remember that week, you had been on Celly's tits the entire time wondering why she was sending six kids instead of going herself.
She spouted some crap about it being a test for Twilight. Meaning it smelled like a case of the "bad ex"'s to you.
But that was the past now.
"So how you been, Luna?" you ask as you butter your bread.
Luna sips her tea and arches an eyebrow. "I have been...well, In-law. I have been spending time out with some friends out in the city."
Luna.
Having friends.
Ha.
"And how's that been?" you ask.
"It has been well, I even had a social date the other evening."
Celestia sighs. "Spending time with those you care for is so nice..."
You nod "That it is."
"I wish I could get out more often."
"Yeah, it's a bit boring here all the time."
"So you'll pick me up at eight?"
"Yeah, su-"
Whoa. Wait. What?

-Music-
You and Celly were in your Sunday best sitting in the middle of the "Le", Canterlot's premier fancy restraint. You thought the name was flank-on-head retarded.
Everypony else sat around the outer edge of the establishment eating and being merry.
You catch a few glances to your table still.
"Everyone is staring."
Celly continues to eat her food. "We're royalty, it comes with the territory."
"Don't talk with your damn mouth full."
"I'm the Sun, I can do what I want."
"You're a Princess, don't be a cunt."
Celly waggles her eyebrows and puts a few leaves of salad in her mouth before saying "No."
You resort to your last choice and flip her the bird.
"Body language, dear. We're in public."
"Since when has public image been something you care about?"
"Since I've had to pick up after you."
"Just keeping life interesting, don't want you going back into Hyper-Whore mode."
"It keeps life interesting~" Celly says as she downs her wine.
Hmm...should fix that.
Your waiter returns to your table levitating a notepad. "And can I get the royal family anything else this evening?"
"A bottle of Asgardian Black, if you don't mind."
The waiter balks a bit but regains his composure. "Is His Highness feeling particularly daring today?
You toss a smile to Celly.
"No, I just like to get wined and dined before I get fucked."

Celly sent your drink back as soon as it arrived, denying you and sort of fun you had planned and forcing you to do the thing you dreaded doing.
Talking.
"So what's the plan for next week?"
"The Prench president is stopping by for a bit of a chat about the situation of Horsaille and later in the week I was thinking about helping teach magical theory at the university."
"So you're gonna smell like cheap cheese and booze for a week, brilliant."
Celly arches an eyebrow. "You'd prefer if I smell like you do? Sweat and whatever food was tossed at you?"
"Feck off."
"Always a way with words, dear."
"One of us here has to."
"And what are your plans for the week?"
"Figured I'd work most days, come home to your bitchy ass, and drink until I can't feel feelings anymore. You know, stuff normal people do as opposed to your God-king schedule."
Celestia grins down. "Don't tell me you're still jealous~?"	
"Don't fucking start that shit again."
Celly titters and goes back to her meal, letting you spot two familiar faces over her shoulder.
"Hey, check five-thirty and seven."
Celly looks over her shoulders at Filthy Rich on her right and Fancypants on her left.
"Small Equestria."
"And you fucked one of them."
"I have not slept with EVERYONE, dear."
You roll your eyes "She said totally believing herself."

Your soup came in time, one of the only filling things you could get outside of the castle.
"They burnt my soup..."
Celestia starts on her food. "That's what you get for being picky."
"How do you burn soup?"
"Honestly, I thought the royal chef was going to quit a few times."
"It's SOUP."
"Why is it that you make half the castle staff almost quit just by being you?"
"Is Sweetie Belle working the backroom or some fucking shit?" 
"I swear that's the reason I don't take you out on diplomatic missions, you'd start a war in an hour."
You continue to glance around the restaurant as an older stallion come to your table.
"Princess Celestia." he began.
Yeah, just ignore you.
"It is my great honor to have you in my establishment tonight, and I would just like to ask if there was anything I could do for you to make your evening any more pleasant."
"You burnt my soup." you say.
Celly and him talk around you.
"Oh thank you sir, but the dinner was positively lovely."
"Except for my burnt soup."
"Your praise warms this old heart, Princess, thank you." he says with a bow.
"Do you have a little white filly working in the kitchen?"
"The praise is well earned, good sir."
"About this tall? Unicorn? Pink hair and a high pitched voice?"
The stallion bows deep as he continues to ignore you.
Okay, that's it.
You grab his ear. "Hey, can you give me a hand with something?" you whisper.
His eyes dart between you and her. "What did you have in mind, sir?"
Oh. Something good.

You kick in the door to the royal apartments.
"Luna! We're home!"
You hoist the moaning Celestia further onto your back and trudge into through the door, grunting all the way.
"And I could use some damn help here!"
Luna trots out of her room and balks when she sees you holding a Celestia who frankly looked like death on your back. "In-law! What happened!?"
You take a few more steps as Luna helps lift Celly off your back. You massage the small of your back and groan as Luna looks her sister over.
"WHAT HAPPENED HERE!?" she shouts.
"Ease up on the Royal Voice, she ate pears."
Luna twists her head a bit. "Pears?"
"She's allergic. Stomach cramps."
Luna nods her head. "Ah..."
"Care to help me lug her to bed?"
"O-of course, In-law."
You help Luna carry your wife upstairs and dump her fat ass on the bed. Once Luna is out of the room, you collapse on the bed next to Celly and give her your best grin.
"How ya feeling, Sunshine?"
She mumbles something, you're sure you hear the word "revenge" in there.
You pat her head. "Now don't be like thaaaat, it's all in fun."
She groans and rolls over as you hop up next to her.
"You gonna warn me if you vomit?"
She moans again. "Uuhhhhgggggggg...yes..."
She was totally lying, but that was the price you paid.
You flip on the TV and nudge her as the show comes on. "Oh look, Dirty Jobs."
Celly moans and groans under the covers at the thought of a show about sewers with poop.
You sigh contentedly. "I had a good night too, sweetheart."