“Ugh, this town of crazy ponies! I hope it’s almost over.” Trixie had been wandering the streets of Ponyville interrogating its citizens until after sunset. A great deal of suspicion was aimed towards her, and she could never get away from the awkward, almost malicious stares that followed her wherever she went.
“Once I leave this town, I’m never coming back here again! Such rude behavior, and by such odd-mannered ponies, like that unicorn that sits vertically, or that dragon that burps up letters. Eeuughh!”
She looked over the list of names one more time. There were a number of ponies left that she had not seen, and none of the ones that she had seemed suspicious. There was that one pony, though, who was away “on vacation”, who fit the clue pretty well also.
It was pitch black outside, very late, or rather very early in the morning. Not a soul was wandering the streets. It was time to investigate.
She crept along as stealthily as she could manage. A few ambient sounds caught her attention, and soon had her wary and jumpy. At one point she thought she heard hoofsteps behind her. ‘Don’t worry, Trixie, nopony wants to hurt you, no matter how unfeeling they may be to travelling performers who get in over there head from time to time. Eek, what was that? ...nothing. Sigh, I’m sure I’m just getting all worked up over nothing.’
‘Is this the right building? No, the next one.’ She approached the correct door, then turned to scan her surroundings. ‘All clear. Now just a simple unlocking spell and... voila! Trixie, you are great and powerful indeed.’
Entering the building, she noticed a great many fans of various shapes and sizes lining the walls and shelves of the store. The floor creaked a bit under her as she walked towards the stairs to the suspect’s private rooms above. ‘Another locked door, as expected.’
The door squeaked open, revealing a room dark enough to make the outside night seem like high noon in comparison. She used an illumination spell, which covered the room in a faint purple glow. ‘Dim, but still better than no light at all...’ She looked around the room as her eyes adjusted to the dim light. A bed, a wardrobe, a desk, no windows. ‘It think I may have found it at last. She looked through the desk drawers, all completely empty.
“Hmmm, so you think you can outsmart the Great and Powerful Trixie?” Her horn started to glow, and the magic enveloped the desktop, which then started to jiggle ever so slightly. “I knew it. Now, there’s probably some sort of latch, or secret switch, or something... oh, the heck with it!” She focused all her strength into her telekinetic powers, the desk started to creak, shake, and finally the desktop snapped off, sliding to the side to reveal a secret compartment underneath. “Trixie, you are amazing.”
A few files and some pens were inside. She briefly glanced over one labelled “Flutterbreeze” and then put them all into her bag. ‘He’s going to owe me a big favor after this one... then again, he did save me from those lizard things that one time. But they only did it to set a trap for him... but he did let me eat all of his snacks and use his cable TV...’ ’She replaced the desk top and dimmed the room again, closing the door behind her as she left.
She opened the front door, and then stood frozen in terror. Outside waiting for her was Twilight Sparkle, and she did not look happy. Trixie let out a shriek and sprinted, fleeing from the other unicorn that chased after her. Twilight caught Trixie’s tail in her magic, who then fell to the ground.
The purple unicorn stood over her menacingly and began the interrogation.
“Why did you come back, Trixie? Are you seeking revenge?”
“no...”
“Are you stealing bits?”
“no...”
“Why did you break into Mr. Breezy’s shop?”
“I... he...”
“Why have you been going around looking for ponies you don’t even know?”
“I... I’m helping a... a f... a friend...”
“You have a friend?”
“Yes, I have a friend!” Trixie was now fighting back tears. “The Great and Powerful Trixie can have friends too!”
Twilight thought about her words, realizing they may have been a bit hurtful. “Well, who is this ‘friend’ of yours?”
“You wouldn’t know him.”
“Just tell me the name!”
“It’s... Flutterbreeze.”
“Whaaaaaaa? You know him?”
Trixie nodded meekly. “He’s my neighbor.”
“Flutterbreeze is your... wait, I thought you didn’t have a permanent home?”
“I have an apartment now. Thanks to what happened last time I was in Ponyville, I’ve had to stop my life as a travelling performer... for now.”
“Oh... I suppose you did lose your whole cart and ran off without your things...”
“Let me go.”
“First tell me, what does Mr. Breezy have to do with Flutterbreeze? What have you been doing?”
“I can’t tell you. All I can say is I was looking for somepony who’s been trying to harm Flutterbreeze, and I now know that it is this... Mr. Breezy.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“Let me go.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Let me go!”
“...alright Trixie.”
She released the magic spell holding Trixie, and the blue unicorn sped off, not once turning back. ‘I can have friends too...’
Twilight was left puzzled by all she had heard. She knew there was something more to Flutterbreeze than just a simple mailpony, but she didn’t know what. She also had serious doubts to his trustworthiness. His actions had seemed honorable, but he hid the truth about himself, which led her to believe that he had something to hide that was at best unusual, and at worst malevolent.
His association with Trixie further added to her doubts, and she certainly could not trust much of what the showmare had said, even if it didn’t sound like the kind of story she would make up. She decided she would talk about it with her friends later, and together they would decide whether or not to report this to Princess Celestia.
As the first morning light forced its was through the curtains, Shetland Hames stood over the sleeping Flutterbreeze, holding a bucket of water. Gummy laid unconscious on the floor nearby. He spoke in a soft tone that wouldn’t rouse an insomniac from their dreams.
“Flutterbreeze... I say, old chap wake up. I’m warning you, get up or I’ll dump it on you.”
He tipped the bucket over, dumping its contents on the face of the pegasus, who then suddenly leaped out bed. “GAAAAH!”
“I warned you.”
“WHY? Why do you insist on tormenting me like this? I told you not to come in here!”
“You said not to come in during the night. As you can see I waited until morning.”
“I don’t care! Stay away from me when I’m sleeping!” He looked over at the comatose alligator laying on the floor. It was clearly not a natural sleeping position.
“What did you do to Gummy?!?”
“Just testing a mild anesthetic.”
“I told you not to do this anymore!”
“You said not to do it to you. You never mentioned alligators.”
“Stop doing these things! Get out of here, I don’t want to talk to you right now. Besides, I have to explain our situation to Gummy when he comes to.”
“Clearly.”
“You’ll be lucky if he agrees to help us after what you did. Go on, shoo!”
“What would I ever do without him?” the detective mumbled, leaving the room.
“Well, you’re in luck Hames. Gummy’s a very patient agent, and he’s still on board with this mission.”
“I was worried there for a minute.” The detective was looking over his notes on Turnip Stew with great detail.
“Well, are you coming or not?”
“Going where?”
“Lunch?”
“I have no time for lunch. Besides, even if I wanted to eat I could just ask for somepony to bring my something.”
“Again I am reminded why I wonder whether you are alive or not. Fine, just sit here... and take off that uniform!”
The streets of Manechester were abuzz with activity. Street vendors peddling their wares, businesstallions and gentlecolts on their way to things far too important, and every other manner of citizenry. “Alright, what does the Manechester cuisine have to offer? What do you think, Gummy?”
The alligator looked around and sniffed the air, then hopped off Flutterbreeze’s back and began walking down the street. Gummy led the pegasus through the filthy streets of town. He seemed to know where he was going, but Flutterbreeze couldn’t figure out his plan, and was growing more hungry by the second.
Rounding one last corner, his jaw dropped. He stood speechless as he watched the alligator walk over to a particularly familiar and completely pink pony. Gummy bit and tugged on her tail to get her attention.
“Oh there you are, Gummy! You sure do like to wander off.” Pinkie Pie lifted him onto her back before noticing the awkward blue pegasus who was staring at her. “Flutterbreeze? Oh my goodness what a surprise this is to see you here, not that that’s a bad thing I mean I love surprises but what are youdoingherewereyouwithGummythewholetime- Oh, I mean. Hi!”
She started bouncing up and down. Flutterbreeze scratched his head and started to reply. “Hello. I certainly wasn’t expecting to see you here...”
“Oh, well Gummy really really really wanted to come to Manechester for some reason that I still don’t know, so I decided I would take another trip and take him here and that’s OK because I like travelling cause you can see so many new things and meet new ponies which is fun... but Gummy wandered off as soon as I got here and I’ve been looking around for him and here he is. And here you are too, SURPRISE!”
“I’m here on... vacation. Gummy’s been with me since yesterday, by the way.” His stomach growled. “And we were just about to get some lunch.”
“Lunch sounds really good right now.” she groaned. “I’ve been walking, well more like bouncing around all morning and I haven’t eaten anything so I’m hungry and I bet Gummy’s hungry cause he’s always hungry, not that I think you haven’t fed him or anything it’s just that he gets hungry a lot and sometimes he sneaks cupcakes or muffins when nopony is looking-”
“I see. So, the only question that remains is: what to eat?”
The two ponies and alligator managed to find an open-air restaurant in a part of town that didn’t reek of coal smoke. Instead, the delicious fumes from steamed vegetables and fruit salads filled the air. Pinkie nibbled on sugar cane and Flutterbreeze enjoyed a dish of broccoli with cheese sauce while Gummy shoved his face into a bowl of applesauce.
“So how long are you planning on staying here?” asked the pegasus.
“I’m not sure. It’s really up to Gummy, but he hasn’t told me what he’s doing here yet. He was with you, though. Did he tell you?”
“He hasn’t spoken a word about it. But, I think he may be involved in what I’m doing here at the moment.”
“What are you doing right now?”
“Umm... I shouldn’t really say.”
“Why not? Is it a secret? I can keep a secret. Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!”
Flutterbreeze became a bit nervous. Luckily their attention was diverted by a pegasus flying wildly into the awning above them, then bouncing off and falling to the sidewalk. A face popped up into view from below the table and looked at Flutterbreeze with crossed eyes.
“Are... you ok Derpy Hooves?”
“Muffinz?” She shook her head. “Uhh, yes I’m fine... and I finally found you! I knew I would, but you haven’t been at the post office all day and- Oh, hi Pinkie!”
“Hi!” Pinkie smiled and waved.
“Anyways, you haven’t been at the post office all day and I have a letter for you, but now I found you!”
“I’m not delivering mail on this trip-”
“I’ll say. You’re clearly on a romantic getaway with Pinkie Pie.”
The two other ponies gave each other a confused glance, then looked back at Derpy Hooves, who started dramatizing.
“Don’t worry, I’ll keep your elopement a secret. I bet it’s a romantic and tragic tale, all your friends and relatives disapprove but nothing can ever separate you from your true love!” Her expression returned to normal, or at least what is normal for her. “Anyways, here’s your letter.” She waved at Pinkie Pie as she flew off, who returned the gesture.
“What was all that about, Flutterbreeze?”
“I don’t know... I think she’s writing a fanfiction story or something... oh my. Its’... a letter from the princess!”
“Reeeeeeeeally? What does Celesia have to say?”
“Not Celestia... Luna” he said her name softly, recalling fond memories.
“Princess Luna? What does she want?”
“I think I know what it’s about, but I can’t open it here.”
“Why not?”
“It’s a private matter.”
“Why are you keeping all these secrets from me?” Her tone was becoming more irritated. “Don’t you trust me?”
“Of course I do. It’s just... the fewer people who get involved, the better. For your own protection, the less you know, the better.”
Pinkie was still looking at him with big, sad eyes.
“I’m sorry, but that’s the way it has to be... But if there’s anything else you’d like to talk about, I’m more than willing.” He gave a weak smile.
There was a short period during which neither of them spoke. Flutterbreeze was worried about causing a rift between them, but Pinkie broke the silence at last.
“I’ve been wondering... why does your cutie mark have a balances thing in the middle of the envelope thing?” Flutterbreeze facehoofed. “Is it cause you carry such a large weight of mail, or do you eat a lot of balanced breakfasts, or is it for the large “scales” at which you deliver mail, or... what?”
He sighed. “What I normally tell ponies is that it’s because I deliver so many jury duty summons, but...” Pinkie started giggling at this. “but that’s not the truth.”
She stopped laughing as a look of intrigue spread across her face. “What is the truth?”
He sighed again and murmured. “I don’t think I can do this any longer...” He raised his voice now. “All right, can you swear to me that you will not tell anypony?”
Her eyes widened in excitement. “Yes!”
“Even your friends and family?”
“Yes...”
“This is very important, and very few ponies know this. It must remain confidential.”
“I Pinkie promise not to tell anypony, and I NEVER break a Pinkie Promise.”
“Ok then...” he glanced over his shoulders quick and whispered to her. “The truth is... I am really a secret agent, and I’m here on a mission.”
“Really? Oh that’s so cool! I-”
He hushed her, and she started to whisper excitedly. “I’ve always imagined what it must be like to be a secret agent, using all sorts of cool gear and doing exciting missiony things, saving ponies in distress, fighting the bad guys.” She karate chopped the table, sending a fork flying into her hair, which stuck.
“You know, me and my friends did something like that once where we became the Mysterious Mare-do-Well. It was a lot of fun. We should do it again some time. I guess this explains why you were battling monsters in Ponyville that one time. Normally mailponies don’t do that. Or do they? You know, I’ve never really asked that, and I’m not a mailpony, obviously, so I wouldn’t know, it just seems like the sort of thing they normally wouldn’t do. It’s good that you’re a secret agent and not something bad like a mafia hit-pony or an evil genius or a vampire or...”
On the way back to the castle, Flutterbreeze was stopped by a shady-looking stallion in a fedora, who stared at him and spoke in a sinister voice.
“The master wishes to speak with you.”
Flutterbreeze raised an eyebrow. “Really, because I rather doubt that.” He recalled the fact that these henchmen still thought he was actually Shetland Hames.
“He wishes to meet with you at his office, regular hours.”
“The tooth fairy’s only supposed to see you when you’ve lost a tooth.”
“Do you want me and the guys across the street to help you with that?”
Flutterbreeze looked at the mentioned thugs. They seemed pretty sturdy, and were well armed. “Alright, I’ve been overdue for a check-up anyways.”
“Bring your crocodile, but nopony else.”
“Actually he’s an alligator-”
“I don’t care! Just bring him. Now move along.”
Flutterbreeze warily walked away. ‘Some ponies just have no sense of humor.’
“Hames, what can you tell me about...” as Flutterbreeze entered the room, he found Shetland Hames surrounded by empty toothpaste tubes and sitting on a now ruined carpet. he was furiously brushing at his teeth. “What are you doing this time, Hames?”
“It seems the fiendish dentist has added several addictive substances to the toothpaste and dental floss. In addition to being an effective way to end Equestria’s poor dental hygiene, it’s put him in a position of leverage over the susceptible youth.”
“You really need to get out more.”
“What makes you think I haven’t been out?”
“Anyways, I wanted to ask you about this evil dentist of ours. How would you rate him as far as maniacal genii go?”
“He’s among the most intelligent criminal minds I have faced, and more importantly he has the ambition to see his plans through. Still, he’s no Marearty, and he’s no match for my intellect.”
“Marearty?”
The detective sighed and faced the fireplace. “She was the greatest criminal mastermind that ever lived, and the only one to have ever outsmarted me... twice. Evil, psychotic even, pure genius, cunning, manipulative, seductive... and then we went over a waterfall and that was that. I am here, and she isn’t.”
“You don’t honestly believe she’s dead?”
“There is no evidence of her survival... but they never found a body. I will remember those days both fondly and with horror.”
“Hames...” Flutterbreeze had a smirk on his face now. “If I didn’t know any better I’d say you had feelings for Marearty.”
“You don’t know better. How could I possibly have feelings for... a criminal.”
“Let’s see, a mare who’s as smart as you, yet whose mind is just as warped, someone who has seductive charms...”
“You are being absolutely ridiculous.”
“Says the pony who’s eating toothpaste.”
“I’m not eating it... well not all of it.”
“Anyways, where is Turnip Stew’s dental office?”
“...What are you planning?”
“He wanted to meet with me.”
“That can’t be true. If anything he’d want to see me.”
“Yes but they think I’m you.”
“Still? My goodness they are more slow-witted than I thought. It’s on Mane Street, open from eight to four. And... don’t do anything too stupid.”
“There goes my plan.” he joked, and the two finally exchanged a laugh.