The weekend passed quickly for the young heroes, and the dreaded Monday finally came. Twilight took the liberty of informing the Princess of what they were doing, and was surprised to receive bits to pay for the needed school materials, though Rarity made custom saddle bags for them seeing as a normal saddle bag wouldn't fit a human. The end result was a simple brown leather satchel.
Though they dreaded the thought of going to school, they all (eventually) conceded that it was for the best. They were not children, they were all adults, and were capable of understanding that they might be there for a long time, and if that were the case then they'd have to learn the history and receive a proper Equestrian education to become fully functioning members of that society.
They all walked up to the front door and piled into the tiny classroom with a couple dozen other Foals. It was a lovely little room, indeed. As a matter of fact, it was just so absolutely lovely and little that Tyler scraped his head on the ceiling as he walked in. In a lovely way.
As soon as they walked in, the atmosphere changed drastically, as they knew it would. All of the little fillies and colts stopped talking and gaped at them. Except for the CMC, who waved at them with giddy smiles. Ms. Cheerilee, who was reading the paper, looked up when she noticed the sudden quiet, and looked at the humans. She stood up from her desk and walked up to the four humans, giving each one of them a quick hug, which brought a confused look from the four boys, which they quickly shrugged off as normal pony behavior.
"I'm so glad to meet you four! It's always wonderful when I receive new students and I was so excited when I heard it would be you four joining my class." Cheerlie stepped away from the three humans and turned to address the rest of the class. "We have three new students coming in today, class. They are not ponies like we are, but instead they're what are called 'hoomans.'" She turned to her new students again. "Now we'll go around the room one by one and give our names, our favorite activity, our hobbies and/or special talent. Starting with you three."
Noah and Andre, in an impressive coordinated movement of dickery, pushed Tyler forward by the shoulders. He stumbled forward, regaining his balance in the middle of the front of the classroom. Noah and Andre gave a subtle fist bump as they watched Tyler start to freak.
"Uh, my name is Tyler, and I am a human, and I like to...to....uh..." SHIT! Why do my interests only include things that don't exist here!? "Harmonica. I love playing harmonica." They all went 'ooh' and 'ahhh' at this.
"Well maybe you can play a song for us sometime," Ms. Cheerilee suggested.
"Oh, sorry, I don't have my harmo-" Tyler was interrupted by something hard but light striking the side of his head. He looked down and saw his lucky harmonica at his feet. He looked over to Noah and Andre, who were both wearing smiles that said 'Do it, faggot!'
Tyler picked it up and stared at it in his hands; the class waited quietly. He looked over at his friends, giving them a subtle I-will-strangle-you-with-each-others-intestines look. He looked back to his harmonica and placed his lips to it, and drew in a breath. The harmonica screeched a bit, but when he began to play, the tune came together harmonically.
'Harmonically'?
Yes, that's how the tune came together.
On the harmonica.
Yes.
You mean to tell me that there was not a SINGLE other word you could have used to describe the melody?
Well, what would you suggest?
Perhaps melodious?
'The melody was melodious.' I can't write that, Andre, get your crap together.
But it's fine to write that the tune for the harmonica came together harmonically?
YOU HAVEN'T WRITTEN A DAMN THING SINCE CHAPTER TWO, YOU DON'T GET AN OPINION
Thought so.
The humans recognized the tune as that of Nearer My God To Thee, Tyler's first and favorite song he learned to play on a harmonica, and one which he had spent hours practicing over and over again. Tyler always enjoyed old church hymns and christian music, even though he wasn't religious. In fact he was agnostic when it came to his beliefs. Old Hymns and christian music were just comforting to him in a non-religious way he couldn't explain, and he enjoyed it just as much as any other type of music.
A little insecure in our beliefs are we?
Shut up, I am not.
Come on Tyler, Jesus loves you.
Shut up Noah.
The ponies, however, had never heard such a tune. In the interest of making sure it sounded right, Tyler played it slowly. To Noah, the sound was magnificent, as he had always grown up with hymns like this in his life, being the good little Mormon Jew-berry that he is. The ponies had a similar view.
Ms. Cheerilee was in awe by the time Tyler was playing the chorus notes. Her mouth was slightly agape and she simply stared. A few of the children, including the CMC, were rocking themselves slowly back and forth to the tune, and they were all smiling contently, as if being sung a lullaby. Tyler was very surprised at how the tune's intensity was seemingly amplified relative to the last time he played it. Tyler thought about this and came to the conclusion that it must be like how Adam can do Pinkie Physics and how the environment appears bright and colorful.
In his absentmindedness, Tyler inhaled on one of the holes when he should have exhaled, and the entire tune was lost. He fumbled, trying to regain his place, but as any harmonica player knows, once you stop it's almost impossible to get back to where you were. The result was a version of Nearer My God To Thee that sounded like a harmonica version of the 20th Century Fox flute edition. It was a glorious failure, and Tyler quickly stopped playing. He could hear Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon in the back trying to contain their laughter. With a red face, Tyler walked back to stand among his fellow humans. Ms. Cheerilee was aware of how Tyler felt, and decided to move along to take the attention off of Tyler.
"OK, next student! How about you, with the black saddlebag?" It took Noah a second to catch that she was referring to his backpack.
"Oh, OK." Noah walked to where Tyler was standing before and face the class. As little as he cared for My Little Pony, he could hardly contain his d'awww when he looked at the classroom full of adorable foals. "Hello, I'm Noah. I am interested in programming. Don't worry about what that means, it'd take literally hours to explain it properly to a scientist, let alone children. My hobbies include vide- uh, I mean, playing games and listening to music. My special talent would be...huh. I actually have no idea what my special talent would be. I'm not particularly good at anything. Maybe leading, I don't know."
It was true; Noah was a good leader. In some cases, he could be a fantastic leader. When he was assigned to talk about something, he wrote his plan/speech on a paper and practiced it many times. Then, when he was actually speaking, he combined his writing with charismatic display and light comedy to command his audience. He could also lead a group just as effectively. Well, most of the time.
Well we definitely know who wrote THAT paragraph.
"Well, I certainly hope you're good at working with others!" Ms. Cheerilee said with a smile. "We don't really have leaders when we split into groups for projects or anything like that."
"That's OK, I'll just deal," Noah replied with a forced smile. With that, he walked back next to Tyler. Andre stepped forward without his name being called and got the class' attention.
"OK, my name is Andre, and my favorite activity is reading. Uhm, let's see, I don't think I have any special talents. I mean, I read really fast, but I don't think that that counts."
"OF COURSE IT DOES!" Andre turned to Ms. Cheerilee, slightly surprised. "Andre, do not ever let anypony tell you that your special talent isn't special, because you are special in your own way and NO PONY can ever take that from you." She was frowning slightly, as if she was a coach giving some advice to a player to cheer him up. Andre was caught slightly off guard.
"Uh, OK."
"I'm serious," she said, walking around her desk to Andre, meeting his eyes the entire way. "The very idea of somepony implying that your talent is useless it the epitome of meanness! There is no greater lie than that of somepony not being special!" Now she had turned and addressed the entire class. She went on a tirade for a good hour before finally calming down, and by that time the humans had just sat down in front of the door waiting for her to finish. The class was profusely bored, but she took no note.
"Oh, sorry for taking so long. You," she said, pointing a hoof to Adam. "We still haven't introduced you yet. Why don't you do that?" With a smile, Adam got in front of the class.
"Hi, I'm Adam, my favorite activity is fap-"
"SHUT UP!" his friends yelled. Everyone in the classroom, including the teacher, looked between the humans with confusion. Adam just laughed stupidly.
"Ok ok ok, my favorite activity is Star Wars: The Old Republic. Don't ask, it's a game you guys don't have here. My hobbies include gaming and being disgusting. My special talent would be disobeying the laws of physics."
He then proceeded to pull out a hacksaw from the midst of his inch and a half long beard and inserted it into Noah's-
Giggity
-backpack which he somehow procured. He waddled over to Noah and handed him his backpack and sat back down. Ms. Cheerilee blinked a couple of times trying to figure out what in Celestia's name she just saw, then remembered that they were far behind schedule.
"Oh my, it appears we are a bit behind scheduled students, so if you four would find a seat we ca..." She stopped when she realized that there was no way these four humans would fit in the seats. "Actually, for the time being you four can sit in the back against the wall, I'm afraid you're a bit too big for our desks." The four shrugged and walked to the back of the class, Andre and Adam sitting down against the wall while Noah and Tyler stood against it because they were both more comfortable when they were standing.
"Okay class, today we will be starting the day with a journal entry. You are to write about a fun time you spent with your family." The foals in the room pulled out their note books and began scribbling various things down from a time they went to a park, or a birthday party they attended or some other little kid stuff.
Andre rolled his eyes, the memories of doing this crap in grade school flooding back to him, as he couldn't see any real reason for him and his friends to be here. Tyler and Noah had similar reservations, but they were not one to question authority, so they took it like little bitches.
The time passed slowly for the four humans as they quickly wrote a few BS'd lines in their journals, eventually just whispering among themselves until Ms. Cheerilee shushed them, as she was about to begin the days history lecture. She stood in front of the class, a picture of the Equestrian flag on the chalk board. She quickly went over some of the flags meaning and history for her students and the beginning of Equestria's government. Noah and Tyler were diligently taking notes, finding this simple grade school lesson on another countries history fascinating. Andre sat there staring out the Window, showing no interest in learning whatsoever, and Adam was sitting in a human-sized chair in front of Diamond Tiara, with eyeballs painted over his eyelids, snoring softly. His peers wondered where the chair had come from, but couldn't figure it out, but they also hadn't the courage to wake the sleeping giant and ask.
The rest of the class seemed to share the same enthusiasm as Andre and Adam, and at first Ms. Cheerilee didn't notice, but a vacuum of attention is hard to ignore. After a few minutes, she caught on, and felt the need to make lesson more exciting. The first class with my new students shouldn't be boring! After a moments thought, an idea hit her. This is a wondrous opportunity for my students to learn of another species' culture and history first hand! She smiled widely and set her chalk down, barely containing her excitement.
"You're all right, this is boring. I have a new idea for a lesson plan." The students looked up, interested in an escape from this boring lesson. "If our new students feel up to it, maybe they could share a bit of their history with us!"
The four looked between each other and shrugged; Noah and Tyler were probably the more knowledgeable when it came to history, Tyler's knowledge pertaining largely to war and military, and Noah to government and economy, while both sharing a reasonable amount on the foundation. Noah spoke up at the challenge.
"Yeah, sure, why not? Tyler and I know our history well enough." Tyler and Noah approached the chalkboard and picked up a few pieces of colored chalk, Tyler began drawing an american flag on the board, figuring it was as good a place as any to start.
"We come from a country called the United States of America, and this is our current flag, sometimes referred to as 'Old Glory'. The thirteen stripes represent the thirteen original colonies our nation formed from, and each star represents a state within our union, which currently numbers fifty. We four live in the state of 'Virginia'. Our nation is a constitutional republic split up by a two party system and consisting of three branches of government, the executive, judicial, and legislative branches. Our nations current Motto is 'In God we trust', though a more traditional motto is 'E Pluribus Unum ' which is 'Out of many, one' in an ancient language called Latin. It's meant to symbolize unity." Most of the foals were fairly attentive throughout his quick little spiel, and when he was done, Noah took over.
"So we lived in America, and we were the best in almost every regard. Now that sounds like it's just talk, but it's true. No one ever doubted that we had the strongest military, that's just a fact. We also had the best healthcare in the world. Our quality of medical care was so high that people would come to America from other countries just to get it." Now almost all of the class was listening intently.
"We also had the biggest economic influence in the world. If America's economy was crappy, then most of the world would soon follow. Unfortunately, our country, while I love it, is filled with morons who put bad people in charge, and it has been devastating to us. We won't be the best for much longer, but for awhile things were pretty fantastic."
"So, yeah, that's most of the basics of our country. We don't really have a specific culture per se, but like a bunch of cultures have added to and blended into the American 'culture'."
"If all that's true, then how come we've never even HEARD of the United State of America?" Diamond Tiara asked. Her voice dripped of sarcasm, and her cohort laughed quietly as Diamond smiled smugly, believing herself to somehow have gained a minor victory of some kind.
After her remark was silence for a few seconds. Tyler opened his mouth to answer, but he was cut off by a loud screech. Adam's eyes shot open and he suddenly two feet off the ground, and held it for just long enough to shout "LUNCH TIME!" before blazing out of the classroom like a rocket. The foals quickly rose from their seats to follow their oversize classmate, shuffling past the three others. Last out, but before the humans, were Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. They stopped in front of their large classmates. Oh no, Tyler thought.
"Hey! Down here!" They all looked down at the two fillies before them. "Listen up. I'm Diamond Tiara and she's Silver Spoon. We're the best ponies in this classroom, and we're in charge. Got it?" Noah, Andre and Adam looked at each other for a moment before erupting in thundering, cacophonous laughter. Adam came back with a mouthful of cafeteria food already jammed in his hamster-like jaw.
"Oh that's rich!" Noah said, wiping away tears. Diamond Tiara's face contorted with anger at being disrespected.
"Hey! Don't laugh at me!" she squeaked.
"Then don't act like such cu-"
"ADAM!" they all shouted. Adam rolled his four eyes and sighed.
"Oh yeah," Silver Spoon said. "By the way, if you think we're stupid enough to believe any of the garbage you told us about your stupid little country, then you're sadly mistaken. Best military in the world? Please, I bet you're soldiers are a bunch of wimps."
It's a good thing that Adam had beard powers. His beard grew three tendrils which latched onto his friends' mouths just before they spewed a volley of curses and insults at Silver Spoon in an attempt to verbally, in the vernacular, 'fuck the bitch up'. One thing you never do in front of those three men is insult the troops. They will have your ass on their fireplace. Unless, you know, beard powers. The two fillies instantly took the hint and ran off, not before sticking their tongues out at the four humans. Once they were safely out of sight Adam let his friends go.
"Geez and I thought it was me who needed to watch the language." Adams friends grumbled a few unkind things before turning and heading towards the cafeteria. It wasn't very big, not to the humans at least, but then it didn't need to be in a school with less then a hundred students. They noticed a table at the back, a few tables away from the rest of their peers, and bee-lined straight for it. They sat down, talking about how they remembered doing that exact same thing when they were in Middle School. They all nostalgia'd all over the place. Until Ms. Cheerilee walked over.
"Excuse me, boys. I couldn't help but notice that you four aren't eating anything. Did you bring lunches?" The humans looked at each other before turning back to Ms. Cheerilee and shaking their heads. Ms. Cheerilee's eyes went wide and her jaw dropped. "What!? What do you mean you boys don't have lunch!? Oh my, I have to get you four something to eat right awa-"
"No," Tyler interrupted, "we're fine, really. We're all used to not eating lunch."
"Yeah," said Andre, and Noah chimed in with with a 'yep'. Adam rubbed his large gut with both hands and softly cried, but no one saw this. Ms. Cheerilee tilted her head in confusion, as is becoming increasingly common in this story, and kept her mouth open slightly.
"What? But, you four are so big, you must need a lot of food to keep you satisfied. How can you skip a meal and be fine?"
"Because we eat enough already," Noah replied. "Really, ma'am, it's not a big deal. But we're very impressed that you care." He gave her an "any-adult-who-doesn't-know-me-will-do-whatever-I-want-if-I-give-this-type-of" smile at her and said, in an overly innocent voice, "You don't need to worry we'll be just fine." Ms. Cheerilee still looked concerned, but then (probably) forced a smile.
"Well, alright. If you need anything, let me know."
"Will do, Madam Fruit Punch," Adam said as his teacher walked away. They all turned back to face each other, and Noah started off the conversation with "Like a friggin' charm." They laughed heartily at his joke, and continued talking and sharing stories from their younger years.
They all talked and laughed and joked almost all the time nowadays. With no computers to speak of, no Internet, or anything of the sort, they had to resort to the old styles of hanging out with friends. And what's more, they found that they missed it dearly. At one point in time they all saw each other every school day and talked and laughed and hung out. However, the following two years were not so kind. Matter of fact, they missed it so much that it seemed like that was all they wanted to do when they were with each other.
All was good for about twenty minutes. Ms. Cheerilee asked that the students start cleaning up before they went out to recess. Five or eight foals dumped their food in a trash can right next to the humans table, and the foals gave the humans interested glances before turning and heading towards the door. The four humans didn't do anything since they didn't eat, but just sat in silence, since their conversation was now lost to them due to their bad short-term memory, Andre because he smoked weed all the time, and the other three because reasons.
Is it because I'm black?
Yes and no.
Yes AND no? Explain.
It's partly because you're black, and also partly because we can.
Because you can.
Yep.
If that's an issue take it up with the beard powers.
What? Why the beard powers?
It got promoted to Head Executive Producer and got the property rights. It's also biased because it saw an African with a beard that was bigger than it.
The foals cleaned up their plates and filed in front of the door to leave, but the humans just stayed seated, hoping that they could just stay inside as they were all used to doing back home. They were about to restart their conversation when Ms. Cheerilee called them out shortly before exiting herself. The three non-fat humans complied in silence, while the largest of them stayed behind.
Adam noticed that Diamond Tiara was staying behind as well. They eyed each other with mild discontent. Diamond Tiara walked over, not breaking her stare. She stopped about two feet from Adams seat, jumped onto the one next to him and put her hooves on the table, holding herself up high in a feeble attempt at looking more impressive. She met Adams gaze with intensity now.
"Listen up you fat lard." She was slightly unnerved by Adams bearing; usually people recoiled in shock at such an insult. "I'M the top foal around here. I know you might have some degree of control over your little clique or whatever, but when it comes to the social scene, I control the school. Got it?"
The words were barely out of her mouth before Adams beard once again extending tendrils in every direction like a glorious, Fuzzie Slenderman, only this time the tendrils ended in six-inch-long spikes. Immediately they darted into the trashcan, turning it over and spilling out milk cartons and half-eaten food. When the food was on the floor, the tendrils impaled the food, and began pulsing as they transported moisture and nutrients back into Adams body.
Diamond Tiara looked on in horror and disgust as the leftovers were consumed, leaving nothing but pale brown mush. After twelve seconds, all the trashed foods were gone, and the tendrils sneaked back into place on Adams face as a four inch long beard, an inch and a half longer than it was beforehand.
"What were you saying?" Diamond Tiara said nothing for a moment, but ran out of the lunchroom screaming. Adam smiled smugly and pet his beard, which purred in delighted response.
The three other humans piled into the courtyard with their tiny snack-sized classmates, instantly noting the incredible amount of fuck-all to do. They sat down in a shady spot behind the schoolhouse, wanting to get away from the children. They all decided to just sit and talk before going to class. That is, until Noah heard something.
He looked over to his right, and noticed a young colt crying softly while a small orange filly put a fore leg over his drooping neck, probably trying to console him. Noah gave an annoyed sigh. The crap I put up with. He silently rose, and began walking over to the two foals. If Noah had one true, real weakness, it was kids. He couldn't stand seeing them hurt, crying, or otherwise in distress, and everyone back home knew it.
They didn't see him coming, as he was walking behind them. They didn't know he was there until he was standing right behind them. The orange filly, actually a pegasus, as Noah found out upon getting closer, turned first. Noah recognized her as Scootaloo, one of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. She looked at Noah with a cocked head.
"Hey, Noah. What do you need?" Noah looked at her with a serious expression. He said nothing, electing to ignore her question for the time being. Instead he walked around in front of the colt who was crying. The foal had a deep navy blue coat, with a lighter sky blue mane. He sat on his haunches, head hung in sorrow. Noah took a knee in front of the poor child, running his hand through the colts mane.
"Hey, there. My name's Noah, in case you don't remember," he said softly. "What's your name?" The colt sniffled loudly and looked up. His eyes, a pale yellow, were large and watery, and tears had darkened his already solid coat. He had a half-inch thick scar running vertically over his right eye, onto his eyelid; it expanded an inch in both directions over the eye socket, as if he had closed the eye and held it against a white-hot brand for a few seconds.
"Navy Blue," he said, hiccuping the last syllable. Noah gave him a warm smile.
"Hello, Navy. Why are you crying?" Navy put his head down again and sobbed once.
"Lickety Split called him out about his scar," Scootaloo said. Noah smiled at them both.
"Oh, is that all? Come on, that's-"
"Not really. Do you know how Navy got his scar?" Noah shook his head. "His parents died in a fire a few years ago, and that scar is where a burning piece of wood dropped on him. It's the only thing he has to remember his parents, and Lickety called it ugly and that his adoptive parents don't love him because of it." Now Scootaloo's eyes were watery as well. Though she didn't cry, her voice was no longer even. Noah's expression hardened, and he stood up straight.
"Where is he?" His expression, to the young strangers, was unreadable - blank even. But his friends would have known better had they seen his expression; Noah was about to slap a bitch. Scootaloo looked up at him for a moment before pointing over to her right. Noah looked and, about 75 yards away, a couple of foals were sitting next to a small collection of trees. Noah turned and immediately began walking.
His gait was determined and he was standing tall, and even from behind, Scootaloo couldn't help but be impressed as the size of a human. She watched for just a moment longer before looking back to Noah's friends, now engaged in conversation underneath a few trees. She turned back to where Noah was heading when she realized that she wanted to watch whatever it was he was about to do. She stood and used her hoof to motion her friend to stand and follow her. Navy resisted, wanting to sit and wallow. Well, Scootaloo wasn't having any of that in her presence.
"Get up! Come on, don't you wanna be there when Noah tells them off?" Navy's face went thoughtful for a moment and, though he was still sniffing softly, he gave in to Scootaloo's suggestion.
There were three colts in total, one of them slightly, though noticeably, larger. His cutie mark was a boom mic. Noah approached quickly, and they noticed him almost immediately.They stopped talking and looked over to him, seeming interested until they noticed Scootaloo and Navy walking behind him, at which point their expressions went sour. One of the smaller colts spoke first.
"Yo, what you want, bro?" He had a jet black coat and mane with bright green eyes. His mane was cropped short, as was his tail. Noah stared him down, and the colt stayed silent. The larger of the three didn't like that.
"Eh, you tryna start something? Name's Lickety Split," Noah's eyes darted to him as soon as he said the name, "and this is my crew." He gestured to the colts next to him. The other colt was a dull green with a darker green for a mane. In contrast to the others, his mane was long and shaggy, covering his eyes. Lickety was about two inches taller than both, and had a bright red mane with a purple mane, a few shades lighter than Scootaloo's. His mane was average length, with his tail behind longer than usual.
"This here's Mikey Boom," he said, gesturing to the black colt, "and this is Dr. Jay."
"Call me DJ, cuddla," DJ said.
"Anyway, what are you doing with those two?" He pointed a hoof at the two foals standing behind Noah. Noah didn't break his gaze.
"You said something terrible and hurtful, and you're going to apologize right now." The trio looked back to each other before falling backward in uncontrolled laughter. After a few moments they got back up, wiping their tears away.
"And why the crap would I do that?" he said, giggling the whole time.
"Because you're a worthless sack of meat and a pathetic excuse for an individual, and being nice is the only way to change that." They all stopped, shocked at Noah's harsh words. Lickety's face contorted with rage and he stepped closer to Noah.
"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME!?"
"You heard just fine," Noah replied.
"Alright, alright. DJ, give me a beat!" Taking his cue, DJ started beatboxing an admittedly impressive beat. You gotta be joking, Noah thought as all the pieces clicked into place.
"Yo, check this out:
This colt-cuddler is bigger than usual, he eats his vegetables
By the time I'm done the damage will be irreparable.
No giant gonna scare me off, I'm the dissing king
How you gonna threaten me, you're already shaking!
You hang out with an ugly blue 'cuddler, and
not to mention his stanky blank flank filly friend!
Back off this is my territory, you overgrown douche,
You stepped on my crew, so now FUCK YOU!"
When he was done, his 'crew' was basically 'ooh'-ing the way people do when they witness someone get dissed. Noah turned to look behind him and now Scootaloo's eyes were watering at Lickety's words. That was it.
"DJ," Noah said, "give me a beat." DJ was confused for a second, but then he started giving a slightly different variation of the same beat. Noah cleared his throat.
"Ok, I see how it is:
Look at this raggedy, maggoty little faggot. He can't hack it,
He just be mad at me cuz I'm in a higher tax bracket.
And he feels so low, about himself he gotta pick on foals
He says he spits just for fun but we all know his goal:
Bully cuz he feels inadequate, and we know he'll never quit
He insulted a poor kid, who's innocent. That's it!
Your rhymes are faded and jaded and constipated,
If I had to rate it: hate it. Gotta a good rhyme? Then state it.
So far all I've heard is a load of crap, it's second-hand
You dissed these kids, your stanzas lit the fires and fanned.
Now it's an inferno consuming all in it's path, you little crap.
Get the hell out, come back when you know how to rap."
Noah.
Dude, come on, let me have this.
Eeyunope. Tell them or I will.
Fine! I didn't actually rap against Lickety Split. But I wanted to.
When Lickety was done rapping, Noah reached down and picked him up. "HEY! PUT ME DOWN!" the tiny colt whined. However, his pleas went unheeded as Noah began manipulating Lickety. Within a moment Noah was clutching a tight, ellipse-shaped object that vaguely resembled Lickety Split.
"HEY TYLER! CATCH!" Noah shouted as he punted to poor foal at Tyler. Tyler looked up and let out an uncharacteristic squeak as he saw the colt falling toward him. He quickly jumped up and caught the foal safely in his arms and hugged him close.
"NOAH!? WHAT THE HELL! WE CANT JUST USE A FOAL AS A FOO-"
"He made one of Scootaloo's friends cry," Noah said cutting Tyler off.
"Anyone up for a game of 500?" Tyler said with a blank expression.
"Nah, let's just play football with him," Noah said chuckling a little.
"What's this? Playing football with a bully as the ball?" Andre asked standing up. "I'm game!"
"PUT ME DOWN YOU STUPID COLT-CU - AAAAAAGGGHHH!" With a mighty toss, Tyler sent the fickle foal flying ferociously at the fourth human, who caught it in the tendrils of his fucking beard.
"I don't want this," said Adam. "I'm not your trashcan!" Adam tossed Lickety to Andre, who caught the ball, er, colt, midair like a freakin' quarterback.
Quarterbacks don't catch balls, they throw them.
Fine. Linebacker then.
WIDE RECEIVER! Oh, just let me write this you retard.
Noah and Tyler immediately began playing Smear the Queer with Andre, who was obviously the queer. Andre was about to get 215 pounds of Tyler smashing into him, so he threw the still-wadded-up foal to his side, who quickly uncurled and ran back to his friends. Andre got the wind knocked out of him as both Tyler and Noah collided with his chest and brought him to the ground. When they got off, Andre was gasping for air.
"Not...cool... I threw...the colt...away!" Noah just laughed at his friend.
"Dude, we were playing Smear the Queer, not tackle the guy who's holding a wadded up foal. Last I checked, you're still a huge queer." They all laughed (Andre quite painfully) and helped Andre to his feet. They continued to support him by the arms, subtly reminding him of how they totaled him, implying that he was hurt so bad that they needed to support him. Andre responded by shaking them off and smiling.
They walked back to their previous spot to hang out, talking and laughing as they usually did. Noah stood, as he preferred, while Andre, Tyler and Adam continued a conversation. Noah turned when he felt a tug on his right pant leg. He looked down and saw both Scootaloo and Navy looking up at him. He smiled softly and took a knee next to them, looking them in the eyes. It just occurred to him that he totally forgot about the two little foals. He felt a twinge of embarrassment.
"Hey, you guys alri- oh." They both jumped on Noah, wrapping their forelegs around Noah's neck, prompting him to catch them by putting his arms around their haunches to support them. Noah could feel his left should get slightly damp where Navy put his head.
"Thank you, sir." Noah smiled. His immediate reply, which he stifled, was 'Don't call me sir, I work for a living,' as was the common saying among enlisted members of the military. "Now he won't bother me ever again!" Noah noted that Navy, despite being the same size as Scootaloo, was significantly heavier.
"Yeah, thanks Noah! You're a cool dude, you know that?" Noah gently pulled them away and put them on the ground, and followed up by petting them both on the head. Holy crap, these little guys are adorable. Perhaps the bronies were on to something...
"No problem guys," he said quietly. "If you ever need help with anything, and I mean anything, you give me a shout, alright?" They both nodded in acknowledgement. "Alright, now go play." They turned and did as instructed. Noah returned to the conversation, somewhat lost in thought at how it felt to see others being made so happy by his help. He was brought out of his thought by Adam.
"Ok, Noah, settle this for us. What's worse, sucking Bad Luck Brian's dick or being molested repeatedly by a younger sibling?" Noah's mouth dropped and he sputtered a broken "what?" His friends just laughed at his confusion.
"That's what happens when you're absent from the conversation, Noah," Tyler said, glad to not be the butt of the joke... for once. Noah smiled and shook his head a few times and joined their conversation. They just talked and joked until the end of recess, when Ms. Cheerilee called them all inside. When the humans were seated, Ms. Cheerilee addressed the humans again.
"Noah, Tyler, I don't want to put you on the spot again, but Diamond Tiara asked a question earlier, and I'm sure we're all wondering what the answer is. Would you mind sharing?" Noah and Tyler looked at each other and shrugged, Tyler silently gesturing for Noah to answer.
"Well, to put it simply, we're not from this world. We come from a planet called 'Earth;, but we all have no idea how we got here. There's nothing more than that that I can tell you, really, and that's why you've never heard of humans, or our nations."
"Oh. Wow." That was all Ms. Cheerilee could manage. The class began quietly whispering about this revelation. Ms. Cheerilee saw what kind of confusion this could cause, and immediately stopped it so she could keep her class on track. "Kids, quiet now. The boys probably don't want you talking about them, and thinking of home might be painful for them, so for now we're just going to drop the subject entirely."
It was class time again, Ms.Cherilee launched right into a lecture on something or other. The three smaller humans would know the subject matter where the bearded one would not. For no discernible reason Adam was sitting in a throne made of solid pepper jack cheese.
The unorthodox chair was not what disturbed his focus, but rather little Silver Spoon kicking his chair repeatedly. One could hear her chuckling and muttering taunts, like "Come on, stop me hairball!". The large man in his melting throne would tolerate this no longer, and so he turned around to address his annoyance.
"If you keep hitting my chair with that hoof I'm taking it".
Diamond Tiara closed her eyes and quietly laughed at the response only to open them up again and see Adam with an entirely different beard style. He went from your basic unkempt four inch beard to a dwarf-style double braid that went below his abdomen, topped off with a large handlebar mustache that seemed to challenge all testosterone-heavy organisms to a friendly game of fisticuffs. Adam began to manipulate the braids to pick up a fanny pack from within the fondue armrest, which still dripped with cheese.
The fanny pack was unnaturally small, even compared to a filly. The lips of the pack remained open as the second braid removed a 28-inch hacksaw from what was effectively a wide-lipped coin purse. Adam grabbed the hacksaw and jammed it into the back of the melting chair at a 17-degree angle.
"Your move, Second-rate Soup Utensil." The small filly was too terrified to correct him. Ms. Cheerilee brought their attention back to her with a loud throat clearing.
"And as you can see, Adam and Silver, the sine coefficient is approximate to that of the inverse cosine equation." Noah quickly scribbled this down, trying to make sense of the random shapes and figures in his notes. Andre wrote it down but didn't get it at all, and Tyler was simply dumbfounded. Apparently foals were doing advanced trigonometric equations in their early school days, which was hilarious since when Tyler and Noah were asked to solve an equation, and they somehow ended up with pi. The correct answer, of course, was 23.
After this inhumane humiliation at not being able to do what is considered basic math, the two just put their heads down until the next bell rang. Luckily, it just so happened to be the bell signalling the end of the school day. With a hurried pace, they all made for the door and exited into the courtyard just ahead of their equine classmates. They stopped, trying to figure out what to do now that school was done. Andre was just about to make a suggestion when they heard a tiny voice behind.
"H-hey guys. What's up?" They all turned and looked down at a tiny little foal with white fur and brown spots, including a large one surrounding his left eye.
"Nothin' much, snack cake, how you doing?" Adam was still hungry.
"Oh, uh, I'm alright." He shrank back just a hair, as if he was trying to muster courage. "Actually, I was wondering if, maybe I could...uh, hangoutwithyou?" He sputtered the last four words out quickly, ending with a nervous smile. All four of them looked at each other, then back to Pisqueak. How could they refuse those big pony eyes?
"Uh, sure," Andre said, knowing that allowing him to hang out with them would be bad for the young colt. If only he wasn't so damn adorable! Pipsqueaks eyes lit up like a Christmas tree at this. He cheered and darted to Andre's leg, rubbing against his shin. He looked up and, for just a second, Andre could have sworn he saw a perfect f-pointed yellow star in the colts eyes.
"Sweet! So, what are we gonna do first?" He was smiling broadly, looking between the four of them expectantly. Again, the humans looked to each other, wondering what they were going to do now that school was over. And then they all conveniently remembered that they were all going separate ways - to work.
"Well, he can't come with me," Tyler said. "He can't exactly work on a farm."
"He shouldn't come with me," Noah said. "A club is no place for a colt."
"And," Andre said, "he can't go with Adam because-"
"Bad influence, corruption, yeah yeah yeah," Adam finished. "So I guess he's going with you, black man." Andre shrugged at the thought of this.
"Alright, I'll see what Fluttershy thinks of this." He looked down at his leg and smiled at the colt. "We'll have to talk to Fluttershy first, ok?" Pipsqueak nodded furiously, his smile as broad as ever. Andre stood, staring at Pipsqeuak. He looked up, and around, fidgeting slightly, waiting for Pipsqueak to let go. He didn't.
"So, uh, you wanna let go of my leg?" Pipsqueaks smile was replaced by a blank look for a second before Pipsqueak realized that Andre couldn't properly while he was attached. Pipsqueak let go and blushed slightly, not that anyone could see it beneath his coat. Andre smiled and began walking the path to Fluttershy's cottage. Andre stopped when Adam called out his name.
"Andre!" Andre turned slightly and looked over his shoulder at his fat friend.
"Yeah?"
"Call him 'Pip' from now on, it's easier to write!" Aaaaaaand Andre accepted this unquestioningly and so did Pip. And they went their separate ways, the end.
loljk
Andre continued on his way, Pip in tow. His three friends watched him walk away, wondering if Andre was any good with children. Noah turned to his friends, ready to suggest they go home, and was surprised by the notorious lack of Adam.
"Where'd Adam go?" Tyler noticed what Noah was talking about, and did a full 360.
"Uh, I dunno." Noah rolled his eyes and gave an impatient sigh.
"Ok, well, anyway. We oughtta go home. I don't know about you, but I'm tired. And I still have work." Tyler's eyes glazed slightly as he instantly began reviewing his mental checklist of things to do back at the farm.
"Damn. So do I," Tyler said, frowning deeply. "Man, I thought I was fucking done with this shit when I graduated." Noah stared at the ground.
"Yeah, I know what you mean, bro. It's messed up."
"Hey!" came a voice from their right. They looked up and over to the source of the voice, and noticed two shapes becoming larger and larger. One was light green, the other white. "Whatcha two doing?" Noah smiled.
"Hey Vinyl. Hello - Lyra?" Lyra smiled in return.
"Yeah, that's right."
"So whatcha guys doing right now?" Vinyl asked quickly. Noah looked at Tyler, who shrugged, then turned back to Vinyl.
"Uh, we were about to got back home to get ready for work."
"Oh that won't be necessary," Vinyl said, raising her shades. She revealed her amazing ruby eyes and stared straight at Noah. "I got us off tonight. You too, Tyler," she added. Tyler's eyes raised in surprise.
"Oh, how did you manage that?"
"She," Lyra interjected, "did nothing. I got you out of work tonight. I asked AJ really nicely to let you off tonight." Tyler looked at her blankly.
"Uh...why?" Lyra closed her eyes and smiled in that stereotypical anime way that girls apparently always do.
"Because I wanted to get to know you better!"
Giggity.
"Yep," said Vinyl, "tonight, we're gonna go to Sugarcube Corner, we're meeting up with Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Caramel and Big Mac to go out partying tonight. How does that sound?" Noah and Tyler looked at each other, and Noah shrugged.
"Sure, I'm in, how about you Tyler?" Tyler looked between the three momentarily, feeling his antisocial insecurities swell up at the mere mention of going out partying.
"Errr well, I'd love to but I really think it'd be better if I went back to the farm and got some work done, besides I have a bit of homework I should be doing anyways..."
Lyra, Vinyl, and Noah sighed in disapointment that Tyler didn't want to go, and Noah frowned in annoyance.
"Oh well...alright...next time maybe?" Lyra asked.
"Yeah sure...I'm really sorry girls, but I really shouldn't slack off on this, I do appreciate you trying to get me the day off Lyra," Tyler said, doing his best to try and fix everyone's mood...and failing miserably.
Lyra cheered up a bit and put her smile back on. "Nah don't worry about it, like you said, maybe next time. Come on Noah, Vinyl. Those milk shakes are just waiting for us!"
"Awwww yeah!" cried Noah. "See ya later Tyler."
"Later man," With that Tyler continued his walk back down to Sweet Apple Acres while the others went their ways.
Princess Celestia sighed as she finally finished the mountain of paperwork sitting on her Royal Mahogany. She sat back on her haunches, taking a short rest before standing back up. She took a few moments to stretch her wings - one of the rare pleasures she could take freely in her line of work. After all, she had to remain prim, proper and presentable at all times, being a princess.
She walked over to her large, luxurious bed and plopped on top of it like a watermelon from the top of a Manehattan building, savoring the feeling of relaxing her previously tense muscles. It was glorious. By her estimates, she had roughly an hour before she had to get up to start her court appearances, which would flow right into another eight straight hours of your usual princessy bullshit. She was just about to fall asleep when a loud crash brought her back to full consciousness. And battle stance.
Her horn was engulfed in bluish-white magic, enough of it to level the east wing of the castle. She pointed her horn in the direction of the noise, and waited a single moment for the dust to clear. A figure rose out of the wreckage and splinters, gray in appearance, with large, glowing yellow eyes. Which were looking in different directions?
"Derpy?!" Celestia gasped.
"That's me!" she replied. "I have this letter for you from some griffon dude." She reached into her bag and puled out a rather glorious-looking envelope. By the time Celestia looked up again, Derpy was already gone, leaving Celestia with the letter. She carefully opened the letter with her magic. She recognized the handwriting as that of Cesare, current leader of the Griffon tribes. Her brows raised slowly as she read the letter, growing ever more surprised at its contents. When she was done, she simply stared.
"Oh my..." She turned to her table and magicked some ink, a pen and a piece of parchment in front of her and began to write.
A/N
Adam, that fondue chair was absolutely mortifying.
You mean IS.
Is? What do you... OH JESUS WHY THE HELL IS THAT THING IN THE HOUSE!?
I wanted a souvenir.
ADAM, THE FIRST DAY OF EQUESTRIAN SCHOOL FOR US WAS LIKE FIVE YEARS AGO! GET RID OF IT!
Only when you can pry it from my dead, cheesy ass.
In all seriousness, sorry for the long wait. The next chapter will be up in in the next 2 or 3 days as we are already almost done with it. We'll try not to let this happen again, and we have a new work schedule to make sure that we are getting work done every single day. We all love you very much and hope that you'll continue to put up with our crap. Thanks and have a nice night!