Ghost ran, full-pelt, back to his studio, to see what AJ and Pinkie were up to. He approached the door, and put an ear to it, to listen in on what the duo were doing.
"513, Radio Equestria." RADIO EQUESTRIA? RADIO GODDAMN EQUESTRIA FER CHRIST'S SAKE?
"I am now officially declaring myself the king of NIGGERS!" Splice.
"He never said that! HE NEVER SAID THAT!" Applejack shouted. For a pony, she had guts. "This is how ya treat him?" Applejack grabbed the microphone and threw it hard against the studio wall. It ricocheted off of a pile of empty apple juice cans. "He's sick 'n' tired, why are ya doing this? Ah can't believe it!" Ghost smiled, broadly. He almost forgot why he hated ponies. "347, Radio Equestria." He remembered again.
"Hey, AJ?" A voice! A real, human voice! This could be promising, thought Ghost.
"Yeah?"
"Hey! This is Tina." Crap. Ghost made his move, burst into the studio and snatched the mike from Applejack.
"TINA! IT'S GHOST! GET ME OUT OF HERE!" he shouted desperately.
"How?"
"Were you not there when my studio disappeared?"
"That happened? Amy Daly told me, but I thought that was just a rumour!"
Ghost rolled his eyes. "It's not. It happened and I need to get out of here!" Silence. "She hung up. SHE HUNG UP. MY ONE HOPE OF GETTING OUT OF THIS PLACE JUST HUNG U-" Ghost rocketed the microphone across the room, smashing many cans. Pinkie covered her mouth with her hooves to stop herself laughing. Applejack displayed a look of concern, one that amplified when Ghost started crying.
"There, there, sugarcube." Applejack escorted Ghost out, while motioning for Pinkie to carry on. She'd stopped eating her sweets, and could talk again.
"Anyway, let's take another call! 506, what's going on?" Pinkie blabbed.
"Hey, Pinkie, did you hear about the BP oil leak?" A male voice asked.
"Uh, no." Pinkie quickly took the caller off the air-nothing else was to be learned from this one. She let out a deep sigh as she read off Twitter names.
***
Applejack took Ghost behind the studio. He was still crying madly, and couldn't find his balance, slumping against the studio wall.
"Please stop cryin'," Applejack said, patting Ghost on the head.
"Why should I? I'm trapped here now."
"You're not trapped. Ya just need to calm down."
"HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO CALM DOWN WHEN TINA HUNG UP ON ME!?" Ghost raged. He looked up, and saw Applejack, staring at him with a quivering bottom lip.
"Easy, Ghost, easy. She's not your only caller. Me 'n' Pinkie know that. We skimmed through your archives. Ah bet Pinkie's found some right now." Both sat and listened out for regular callers.
"...we've got DarkRazorZ in the place, OFisher93, what's going on? Here's one more: AsianTigerShrimp. Well, now, it's time for everypony's favourite part of the broadcast, it's RADIO EQUESTRIA!" could be heard.
"You know, you two are actually doing quite a good job of running my show." Ghost's tears had stopped, and he looked at Applejack with a broad smile. Applejack smiled back. "Just don't call it 'Radio Equestria', please. It's always been 'Radio Graffiti'."
Just then, Pinkie Pie poked her head around the side of the studio and whispered "OK, Ghost." before dashing back in and shouting "I MEAN, RADIO GRAFFITI!" Ghost's eyes widened.
"She...she just called me 'Ghost'. I thought she was scared of ghosts?"
"Maybe she's just not scared of you." AJ winked at the Texan, his face still wet with tears.
"Goddammit, now you got me blubbin' like a whale!" Ghost laughed and wiped his eyes with his arm. "Now, let's finish this broadcast." AJ gave Ghost a hand as he got up, and entered the studio again.
***
"Who else have we got? BrinkOWar, Radio Graffiti!" Pinkie was in the middle of a call. Some light violin music played; Ghost didn't recognise the tune (but hummed along anyway), but it gave Pinkie Pie and AJ a simultaneous shiver down their spines.
"Applejack, have you heard that music before somewhere?" Pinkie asked, giving the orange pony her seat.
"It does sound familiar, but ah can't think where from. Pretty good stuff, BrinkOWar, nonetheless. 765, Radio Graffiti."
"-round out here in Texas, uh, with my strap-on."
"Ghost snatched the microphone. "Yeah, real funny, idiot. I said that out of context because I knew you dumb perverts would-" he caught sight of Applejack beaming at him. "Never mind. 404, Radio Graffiti."
"-assive universe, you can join the adven-" An advert.
"Shut up. Shut up. How about 951, Radio Graffiti."
"Yeah, shoutout to Pinkie Pie and shoutout to all the True Capitalists, like the advertisers who know how to make a buck. KEEP CALLING!" Pinkie laughed when the male caller mentioned her. AJ snickered at the word "buck". Maybe that's what Ghost meant back in Sweet Apple Acres.
"Hey, SHUT UP ya stupid moron, what are ya talking about? Those aren't CAPITALISTS! Those are MOOCHERS! Those are LOSERS! Advertisers pay for their advertising, always remember that, there, jerk. Advertisers pay for their advertising, ya moron."
"Ghost, calm down." Applejack worriedly looked at the Texan.
"I don't care! Stick a fork in me, Pinkie, I'm done!" Ghost played his outro and ushered AJ and Pinkie out of the studio.
"Didn't you learn anything?" Applejack asked as Ghost pushed her out.
"Maybe I'll learn something next week. Now SCRAM!" Ghost slammed the door. It was getting late. Just then, Ghost realised he had nowhere comfortable to sleep. Ah, well. He could just clear some space from his desk and sleep on that.
But then he noticed what was on the desk.
Applejack's hat.
There was a scraping at the door, and a Southern-accent said "Can ah have mah hat now?"
Ghost snapped back with "It's JUST A HAT!" Ghost threw everything from his desk to the floor, AJ's hat, the microphone, the cans filled with apple juice, everything. And as soon as his head touched the desk, he fell asleep.