//------------------------------// // Chapter 23: Pain & Circumstance // Story: Trip Of A Lifetime // by Tailslover13 //------------------------------// “But, Josh, what happened? Please, tell me!” Twilight Sparkle insisted, continuing to pester Josh while the stallion recovered from his latest interesting experience. “It wasn’t normal what you went through, and I was very scared. Even if you hate me, I don’t want anything to happen to you. Do you have some kind of disease or illness I should know about? Did you go play with some more poison joke? Did you eat something for breakfast that you shouldn’t have? Tell me, Josh!” “Jesus, Twilight, calm down!” Josh snapped, putting one of his hooves onto the unicorn’s mouth and gently pushing her away, “You talk more than a mockingbird on cocaine! For the last time, it was nothing but a bad dream. The most logical thing I can think of is that I was concentrating too hard on your stupid magic lesson and it lulled me into a deep slumber, where I had a freakish nightmare. It was nothing to worry about, I assure you.” Twilight narrowed her eyes at Josh, giving him the ‘stern mother’ look that parents gave their children when they were caught in a lie. “Josh…you weren’t breathing. Your body was numb and cold. You even looked…dead…a few times. You were shaking and trembling, despite the fact that you weren’t breathing, which technically doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. You also got a bruise on your nose right out of the blue, not to mention your entire body was sweating profusely. You cannot lie to me; I may not be Applejack, but I know when you’re lying. That was no normal ‘nightmare’, and you know it.” Josh grumbled to himself, hesitating slightly before deciding what to say net. He hated to admit it, but Twilight was intelligent. In fact, most of the ponies he’d encounter so far were intelligent. For the first time, Josh was beginning to see that, through their girly appearances and their irritating personalities, these ponies were a lot like humans. They each could think and process information, and when it actually mattered, they almost seemed to be more intelligent than human beings. The more Josh stared at the serious pony in front of him, the more he began to understand Equestria. “Look, Princess, maybe my ‘nightmare’ wasn’t all that normal, but sharing it with you isn’t gonna help matters,” Josh finally stated, staying calm and trying to get Twilight off his case, “I’ll just tell you what I tell everyone back on my world: don’t worry about me. I hate having others worry about me, because it’s not their problem, and I’M not their problem. I don’t like involving others with my life, okay? So, do me a favor and just back off, dark magician girl.” For possibly the first time, Twilight didn’t even flinch at Josh’s snippiness. She allowed him to finish his speech before pushing her face right into his, still giving him that stern, motherly look. “Josh, tell me what happened. Now.” His eyes widening and an uncomfortable chill tingling down his spine, Josh tried to back away from Twilight, but it was almost like a four-year-old facing down a pro boxer and trying to back off. His body wanted to move away and just leave Twilight; after all, what could she honestly do to him? Nothing! She couldn’t actually force him to share his nightmare and his unusual out-of-body experience. Why couldn’t he just turn away from Twilight and leave? Was it because she was so persistent and so direct? Was it because she was acting scary? Was it because…she was showing a deep concern that Josh hadn’t known since being with his mother? Gritting his teeth, Josh finally caved in. “GOD, YOU’RE AN ANNOYING PEST! FINE, I’LL TELL YOU, JUST BACK UP ALREADY!” Pleased with getting what she wanted, and knowing that it was for the best, Twilight gave Josh a warm smile and did as he asked. She took a few steps back and sat back down upon her cushion, but kept her eyes locked on the stallion, anxiously awaiting his story. Grumbling a little, Josh sat back on his haunches, struggling to face the observant purple unicorn. He couldn’t believe he had been coerced into sharing what had happened to him. But, he found it almost impossible to back away from a very persistent and stubborn female who was staring right into his face. Even though he feared males more than he did females, due to being physically abused by them his entire life, Josh admitted on several occasions in his life that females were by far scarier when they wanted to be. Even though he hadn’t been physically struck in this case, Twilight was pretty scary. Coughing to clear his throat and purposely trying to stall for time, Josh hesitantly began explaining to Twilight Sparkle everything that had taken place from the moment she began coaxing him into using his “inner magic” to the instant he opened his eyes again and found himself lying on the floor. Twilight tried to keep her expression stoic and calm during the entire story, but she couldn’t help but widen her eyes in shock and even minor terror at the descriptions that Josh was painting for her. Plus, since Josh was very good at using expressional storytelling, his story sounded that much more horrifying the longer it went on. Since he was getting it all off his chest, he added in that the same thing happened at Applejack’s last night. How can what he’s telling me be true? Twilight pondered, her mind spinning with almost a million different possible explanations to what she was hearing, It doesn’t sound anymore like than a normal nightmare…well, not a NORMAL nightmare by any stretch. But, what else could that possibly have been? What Josh is describing has all the makings of a nightmare, but…I saw the convulsions his body was giving. I saw him stop breathing. I saw him start to sweat. I’ve never known a nightmare that could do THAT to a pony. Maybe this is another effect of the poison joke? Perhaps this is a side effect of him being a pony after having been a human his whole life? Hmm…this is baffling, to say the least. “Uh, hello? Earth…or whatever the hell the name of this place is again…to Twilight?” Josh frowned and stamped his hooves on the ground, muttering about the annoyance of not being able to snap his vanished fingers. Fluttering her eyes in surprise, Twilight violently shook her head to clear her daydreams and gave Josh a weak smile. “Oh…sorry, Josh. I listened to every word you said, don’t worry. I was just pondering what you’ve could’ve experienced.” “Well, I’m SO curious, Pony Einstein. Why don’t you explain to me your thoughts, hmm?” “Uh…who’s Einstein?” “Just continue, please, before I start pummeling you with books for continuing to aggravate me.” “Ugh, Josh, you…okay, fine.” Twilight cleared her throat, then began to relay some of her thoughts to the annoyed stallion. “First, I believe that the poison joke from yesterday could be giving you these lucid nightmares or whatever they are. If not, perhaps it’s because you were once a human and now you’re a pony; the shift in bodies could be influencing your thoughts while you’re asleep or when you’re locked into a deep trance.” “Damn, are you telling me that that stupid blue flower is messing with my head AGAIN?” Josh snarled, “You’ve GOT to be kidding me! What the hell kind of world is this where flowers keep screwing with you and ponies don’t know how to leave you alone?” “I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that. Now, there’s no proof of my hypotheses’ being correct just yet, so I might need to run some tests on you.” Twilight gave Josh a weak grin, preparing for what she knew was gonna come when she asked her next question. “Josh, would it be alright if I…hooked you up to my machine that I have in the basement and use it to scan your biological signature and your brain while attempting to see just what type of body you have?” Josh stared at Twilight Sparkle as though she were holding a gun to his face. He had to rack his mind three times to fully comprehend what this pony had just asked him. Was she basically telling him that she wanted him to be her guinea pig? Immediately, the former human began to slowly ease himself towards the door, all while keeping his eyes locked on the grinning pony in front of him. He suddenly felt very, very scared, and the only thing on his mind was getting far, far away from this crazy bookworm. Sensing what Josh was doing, Twilight tried to explain to Josh her reasoning behind wanting to hook him up to a machine, among the other curious thoughts she had given. “Josh, wait, don’t go! It’s not what you think! All I want to do is…” “Oh my God! Twilight, someone is stealing one of your books!” Josh interrupted, gasping and pointing a hoof behind Twilight’s back. Instantly, Twilight whipped her head around, her eyes blazing and her horn immediately igniting. “Who is it? Put down that book at once!” All she saw was an empty library, and when she heard a slamming door behind her back a second later, she hung her head and slapped her forehead with a hoof. “Okay, I REALLY should’ve seen that coming. I’m glad Dash wasn’t here to see that.” Outside the library, Josh was already galloping away as fast as he knew how with his clumsy hooves. Knowing how these ponies acted, he wanted absolutely nothing to do with Twilight’s “studies”. For all he knew, she could try to affect his brain to like only butterflies and rainbows and hugs and kisses and all that other junk that this world had been trying to make him like. Josh wasn’t about to fall victim to a crazy pony’s desires. Deep down, he didn’t really think that Twilight would’ve done anything malicious to him if he had agreed to let her study him with her unknown equipment, but he didn’t really want to take that chance. The thought of him becoming a happy, giggly, playful pony who loved and tolerated everything made him shiver and want to throw up. If she follows me, I’ll simply scream out that she loves Rainbow Dash again; that should give me enough time to escape once more, Josh thought, casting a quick glance behind his back to make sure Twilight wasn’t following him, And if she CONTINUED to follow me, I could keep saying the same things. These lesbian ponies are so in denial of their feelings for each other, so it’s easy to get under their skin with the simplest of insults. You know, seeing Applejack with that prissy white unicorn would be very funny and…OUCH! Thanks to his daydreaming, Josh failed to really watch where he was going. Wanting nothing more than to just get away from Twilight, the stallion had blindly charged along the streets of Ponyville without any direct course or designated stop in mind. So, when he smashed face-first into the side of a familiar and luxurious building, his loud cursing was to be expected. When he fell back onto his rump and once again hurt his face from running into the building, the stallion groaned when the colors of the place brought back memories of the tour from yesterday. He had a good memory, so he knew what this place was and who was going to be inside. Sure enough, thanks to the loud banging of his hard head against the side of the building, the front door to Carousel Boutique soon burst open and the same white unicorn that Josh had been thinking about pairing with Applejack raced out. “Oh dear, whatever was that horrible crashing sound? It shook my entire home!” Rarity wailed, looking both angry and concerned at the same time, “What callous, thoughtless, rude pony dared hit the side of my beautiful and exquisite boutique? Come out and show yourself, right now!” She scanned the area, and after taking a step to the left, she saw the dazed Josh and instantly rolled her eyes. “Ah…yes, I really should’ve been expecting this. Hello, Josh. How are you this fine morning?” Goody, it’s the SUB…the stuck-up bit…well, I won’t use the last word, but…yeah, it’s her, Josh thought grimly, already developing another migraine to go with the splitting headache he had just gotten from running stupidly into the boutique, Well, she can’t be any worse than Twilight. Since I have nothing else to do, and since driving ponies crazy is so very fun, I may as well humor this brat. “Josh, it is quite rude to not speak back when spoken to, especially to a lady. I will ask you again. How are you this fine morning?” Rarity narrowed her eyes slightly as the stallion slowly staggered to his hooves and shook his head violently to clear his dizzies. “Ugh…do you not even care that I crashed into the side of this stupid building?” Josh snapped, frowning at Rarity, “I could’ve seriously been injured. I could’ve broken my neck!” Gasping, Rarity instantly ran over and began examining the boutique. “You crashed into my building? Oh no, oh no, oh no! Did you put a dent in it? Did you break anything? You clumsy oaf! Do you not even watch where you run?” When the unicorn found a slight dent in her home, she screamed and looked like she was about to faint. “Oh no, this is simply HORRIBLE! Look at what you’ve done! Do you know how long it’ll take to get this dent out?” “How about if I put one in your head instead? Then perhaps you’ll forget all about the freaking one-inch dent I accidentally put on your stupid home.” “Oh, the money I’ll have to pay to have this polished and fixed! Oh, the hours that’ll have to be taken to make sure it looks just the same as ever! I must make sure my boutique looks the exact same in every nook and cranny, or else the balance will be all off and I will be ruined! Josh, you are paying for this!” “And how do you expect me to do that? For one, I’ve been here only a day, and I don’t even know what type of currency you idiotic horses use. For two, you’d have to gag and beat me, because the day I pay for something that doesn’t belong to me is the day I ask Applejack to be my girlfriend.” “Now you listen to me, you arrogant, self-centered, lowbrow, rude, hateful, spiteful, deceitful…wait, what was that about Applejack?” “It was just an example, you idiot.” “Thank heavens. No offense to Applejack, but you two being in a relationship would do more harm than good, and I would fear for the wellbeing of the town and my friends…and maybe even you.” “Gee, thanks. It feels so freaking good to get a compliment shrouded by an insult.” Narrowing her eyes, Rarity halted the back-and-forth between herself and the sarcastic stallion. She slowly stepped away from the near-invisible dent in her home and stalked towards the former human. “Our little chat has been most…delightful…but I fear that I have lost my patience for it. Josh, I think it’s time you and I had a more…personal…heart-to-heart about how to respect ladies and how to pay for what you’ve broken.” “Oh, crap, not again…” Josh groaned, quickly starting to scoot away from the narrow-eyed, stalking white unicorn easing herself towards him, “First I have to deal with a hotheaded, smelly farmer. Then, I get the crap beaten out of me by a retarded walleyed pony while in the presence of a lesbian with a cliché rainbow mane. Next, I have to deal with an insane, lecturing bookworm. Now, I have to suffer through dealing with a bossy, psychotic, moneygrubbing bit…female dog!” “WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!?!” Rarity snarled, her eyes almost looking like they had ignited with flames at Josh’s insulting descriptions of her and her friends, “OOH, THAT IS IT, JOSH! PREPARE TO MEET YOUR BEAUTIFUL MAKER!” “Hey, Rarity, I finished threading that needle that you needed!” Rarity paused before attempting her death-lunge at the horrified Josh. Glancing behind her back, her demonic expression and body posture quickly dropped to her usual graceful pose instead. Seeing Spike walk out of the boutique and stare over at the two ponies with widened eyes, Rarity quickly regained control of the situation. At least for the moment. “Thank you, darling. It’s so much easier having you thread my needles for me, with your strong, careful hands. I don’t know what I’d do without you, Spikey.” “Aww, shucks…anything for you, Rarity.” Spike blushed, giving Rarity a shy smile as he kicked at the ground and hid his hands behind his back. “As you can tell, our new…friend…has stopped by for a visit. I was just tending to him right now. If you would be so kind, Spike, could you sweep up the mess that Sweetie Belle made in her room a few days ago? I haven’t had the time to clean it up, seeing as how our new…friend…has taken up a lot of my time since he arrived.” She gave Josh a very forced, angry smile, which was enough to nearly freeze Josh solid in a block of ice. “Of course, Rarity! I’ll get right to that!” Spike gave a salute, and after casting Josh a little glare of his own, he hurried back inside of the boutique. Being a male, a part of Josh had really hoped that Spike would’ve stayed; at least he would’ve had some company in the presence of the psycho pony in front of him. Sure enough, as soon as Spike had vanished, Rarity’s sweet and graceful disposition was instantly replaced with her enraged one. She went back to stalking Josh, darling him to run away. “Sheez, are all you ponies mentally unbalanced around here?!?!” Josh kept backing away, now wishing he had stayed behind with Twilight to actually learn some magic. He also had once again forgotten about his wings, which remained frozen in place at his sides as he scooted away from the white unicorn bearing down on him. After constant stalking by Rarity and quick back-stepping by Josh, the stallion soon found himself backed into a tree. Knowing he was trapped, Josh cursed loudly at how cliché this was, but like it or not, without magic and without the use of his wings, he was left facing down the smirking Rarity. He REALLY didn’t wish to be beaten up yet again. After having already had his butt handed to him by a Pegasus and an earth pony, he didn’t want the trifecta with a unicorn. Dammit, what do I do about this? I can’t just apologize and grovel for mercy…that’s not my style, and it’s downright insulting! Josh’s thoughts quickly raced through his head as he tried to come up with a quick way out of this deadly situation. I can’t use any magic…dammit, I should’ve stuck around and tried again with that stupid bookworm. These stupid wings are useless; they won’t even open up! As much as I wish I could sometimes, I refuse to physically strike a female; it’s wrong and downright evil. Ugh, HOW do I get out of this? “Thinking about what a jerk you’ve been?” Rarity whispered, shoving her face into Josh’s as the pony had reached the trapped stallion’s position during his thought process, “Good, but until I hear an apology, I’m afraid that I’m gonna have to show you a thing or two about manners around ladies.” “Oh, for the love of God, SHUT UP!” Josh roared, opening his mouth without even thinking, “Just because you’re a female doesn’t mean I have to show you respect if you don’t show it to me, too!” Rarity gave Josh an exasperated smile, but it just screamed sarcasm before she even began talking again. “Ha…Josh, you ran into my home and left a dent in it, then proceeded to once more insult me and my friends right to my face. Instead of apologizing, you just add more salt to the wound. So, you expect me to show respect to you after that? Are you delusional or just stupid?” Josh’s eyes widened until his eyelids nearly popped right out of his head. No one had ever dared called him stupid…at least not to his face. Having this white, fashion pony directly call him stupid was almost more than he could take. However, something about Rarity’s bluntness made him stop before he opened his mouth again, and the more he looked into Rarity’s angry blue eyes, the more he thought about what she had said to him. Since the mare wasn’t hurting him at the moment, Josh glanced to the side and had another thought process. I…I guess she…kinda has a point. I mean, I DID kinda run…blindly…into her home. Ugh, but that dent wasn’t even big enough to fit your nose into! She’s just making a mountain of a molehill! Josh frowned to himself, but then grit his teeth and clenched his eyes shut. Her friends ARE idiotic and my descriptions of them fit them to a tee, not to mention my description of HER, too. It’s not my fault that I speak the truth. Isn’t Applejack the spirit of honesty or something like that? Surely they put up with HER honesty, right? The more Josh tried to deny and justify his actions, the angrier he felt. This is so stupid…I’d rather take another beating from a female than have to admit I was wrong. “Hmm?” Rarity raised an eyebrow as Josh turned back around and reopened his eyes, as though she had been hopefully anticipating this. “Something you want to tell me, Josh?” Josh stared hard and long into Rarity’s eyes, their faces a few inches apart. Expecting Josh to say what she was hoping to hear, Rarity kept her smug smile locked onto her face as she stayed pressed up against the stallion. The dark blue irises that stared back at him were so mesmerizing and powerful. Josh’s emerald eyes gazed down Rarity’s body as he observed her up close and personal for one of the few times that he had actually cared to do so. He had to admit that she was one of the most beautiful creatures he had ever seen, human or animal alike. She’s a stuck-up you-know-what, but…man, she’s HOT! Josh mused to himself, It’s no wonder that dorky little dragon likes her so much. Her coat is so elegant and regal…I bet it’s really soft, just like a marshmallow or a pillow. Those tattoos on her butt…cutie marks…are very dazzling and bring out her eyes. Speaking of her eyes, they’re so glamorous and stunning; it’s like staring into a beautiful abyss. Her mane and tail…somehow, I think they’d look better down than up, but…they’re still very pretty. She’s so clean, she speaks in a royal voice…man, she’s like a queen! “Josh…my eyes are up here.” Rarity frowned, clopping her hooves on the ground and snapping Josh out of his trance as she pointed up at her face. “Now, did you or did you not have something to say to me?” After lifting his eyes away from Rarity’s hooves and mentally bleaching his mind for ogling nothing more than a talking horse, Josh quickly looked back up the stern Prima Donna’s face. This was the moment; he didn’t have any more time to stall. She wanted to hear a sincere apology, or he would obviously be getting another beating and he would get the trifecta of pony beatings via a Pegasus, a unicorn, and an earth pony. Slowly, Josh cleared his throat, then gave a curt nod. “Yeah, I have something to say to you.” “And…that would be…?” “You…have a big…butt.” From inside the boutique, Spike was humming to himself as he cleaned up the messy bedroom of Rarity’s younger sister, the window open to let some fresh air in. However, as an incredibly loud ruckus began blaring from outside, the dragon winced and instantly held his clawed hands to his ears to drown out the painful noise. It sounded like a combination of irate screaming, mashing, crunching, pounding, and slamming. However, since Rarity had given him a job to do, Spike didn’t bother to investigate. He simply went and quickly shut the window. “Huh…thought I heard a scream of pain…eh, it’s probably just Pinkie playing with Fluttershy’s animals again,” Spike chuckled, twirling his broom in his hands, “Well, whatever. This room isn’t gonna clean itself. Back to work!” The giddy little dragon went right back to work a moment later, never noticing the bushes, tree branches, and other random things being thrown into the air from the brutal slaughter that was going on right outside the window. He had a pony to please, after all.