Steady Beating
At the same moment that Twilight and company were arriving in Blue Chime Station, Rarity and Spike found themselves tumbling down a dirt tunnel. Before too long, they landed at the base of the hole. Rarity was the first to get up, dusting herself off and moaning about her predicament.
“Oh, the Equestrianity of it all! My poor coat is filled with dirt! My precious curly mane is fraught with disaster! Whatever will become of my hooficure!?”
Spike, on the other hand, said nothing. As he lay on his back, he stared down the sharp, metal lance pointed directly between his eyes. When he shifted slightly, he saw that both he and his friend were surrounded by a gang of lance-wielding ruffians. Large, dog-like creatures in full suits of armor shuffled and scuffled to get a better position in line.
Rarity slapped the lance away from Spike with a pristine hoof. “You beast! Point that someplace else, you could hurt somepony with that!”
The armored dog in question turned to his partner and mumbled something, then turned his weapon back to the small dragon. Rarity once again pushed the point away. “Stop it! You’re going to poke somepony’s eye out!”
A loud, scratchy voice rose above the clatter of chain mail. “We’ll poke more than your eye if you don’t SHUT UP!” The crowd of soldiers parted as another dog creature walked up. He was slightly taller than his kin, and his red vest displayed his higher rank.
“Really, I thought that we’d been down this road before,” Rarity huffed. “You were doing so well the last time we met. Almost the perfect gentle-dogs…”
“Not this time, pony!” He scratched at his diamond necklace as he continued his belittlement of the two captives. “This time, you do as we say; no whining, no complaining, and no making other little pony noises!”
Rarity pushed out her lower lip in a pout. “You would bring such annoyance upon your fellow Diamond Dog without a second thought? You are a monster!”
The leader of the pack bared his jagged teeth in a grin. He waved to his soldiers, and they advanced on the pony and the dragon. “No, just monster’s pet.”
Two large mutts grasped the white unicorn by the shoulders and shoved her along the dark tunnel ahead. Another manhandled Spike and threw him over his shoulder, despite the purple reptile’s protest. “Hey, lemme go! I’m warning you!”
The red-vested dog raised a hand and barked an order, “Take them to the audience chamber!” He turned to the dogs beside him and yelled in their faces. “Spot! Fido!”
Spot was a short, stubby little Diamond Dog. He saluted at his leader with jowls flabbing. “Aye, aye, Rover!”
Fido, on the other paw, was a towering behemoth of a Dog. He ran a finger under his gemstone-studded collar when he replied. “Yes, bo-ahss?”
Rover scratched at his necklace again before continuing. “Is anti-whining technology in place?”
Fido nodded enthusiastically, “Oh, yes bo-ahss, mattresses all over the place. They muffle pony noises!”
Spot bit his lower lip. “We got the biggest rock we could finds. Those two aren’t gonna get out.”
Red-vested Rover rubbed his hands together in fiendish glee. “Yes! Master will be so pleased!”
Rarity and Spike were led to a large cavern, deep within the Diamond Dog’s home. At the far end sat a mountain of gemstones, every dog and dragon’s dream. Rarity’s eyes widened. “Wherever did they get so many?”
“The Master gives them to us, if we bring him something in return!” The leader of the Dogs walked awkwardly on his knuckles. He shuffled into the chamber with his two aides by his side. “But there is something we need you to find us!”
Rover grasped a large ruby from the stack and held it out to the purple and green dragon. “You want a taste, don’t you?”
Spike gazed hungrily at the delicious gemstone for a moment before reining his stomach in. “You’d better let us go; you won’t like me when I’m hungry!”
“Ha!” The harsh bark of laughter echoed through the hallways of dirt and dust. “You are almost as annoying as the pony!”
“She has a name, mutt-head!” Spike stood on his tip-toes in an attempt to look as menacing as possible, but he was just too darn cute to have any effect. Howls of laughter surrounded him as Rarity pulled him close in a one-armed embrace.
“What do you want us for!?” the unicorn mare shouted. “Let us help you, and we can be on our way!”
The alpha-male climbed up to the top of the gem mountain and addressed the entire congregation. “The Master came with a pile of gems, and the promise of more!” The Diamond Dogs shouted in agreement. “He only asked one thing of us, in return!”
He raised the ruby into a shaft of light, and the entire chamber glowed red. “We are trackers of valuable things, we can find anything! But we could not find the thing he wanted, no matter how we searched!” This was met with a chorus of boos and hisses. “So we find the one who can search! We find the one who has seen the thing!”
He leaped off of his perch and walked up to Rarity, his decayed breath causing her to gag. “You found the thing, and you hid it, also!”
“I, *cough* I haven’t the slightest idea of what you’re talking about!” She glared at the Diamond Dog. “Also, in case you had forgotten, it is Miss Rarity to you.”
“We have not forgotten!” the Dog declared. “We just do not care!” He pushed Rarity down with a heavy front paw, leaving her sprawled in the dirt.
“Leave her alone!” Spike roared. He bit down on Rover’s tail with his rock-crushing jaw muscles. The Dog squealed like a filly as he raced around the room. Fido reached out and grabbed the small dragon off of his boss’s tail. When Spike proved to be too unruly to hold, the large Diamond Dog resorted to sitting on him. So contained, the dragon could only watch in horror at what happened next.
Rarity’s head was lowered aggressively as Rover Redvest lumbered over to her. “If you dare harm a single scale on his cute little head, I will-”
Her diatribe was cut off when the Diamond Dog grabbed her lower jaw in his rough paw, sealing her mouth shut. He lifted the purple-maned pony until she was at eye level, forehooves dangling in the air. Her cheeks puffed out as she tried to speak, but she only succeeded in a few unladylike raspberries. The brute’s narrow eyes glared at her as he spoke. “You will do nothing, pony. We are in charge now! We are the Diamond Dogs!”
“Diamond Dogs! Diamond Dogs!” The rousing cheer sprung forth from the throats of the assembled mob. Lances, spears, and pickaxes were waved overhead as the creatures cheered. Fido began beating his tail into the ground evenly, its hefty end narrowly missing Spike’s head. The steady beat was joined by two… five… twelve others. Before long, the entire chamber rumbled with the one-two-three of the Diamond Dog’s creed.
Diamond Dog!
Diamond Dog!
Gems we find and
Gems we hog!
Moving rock!
Digging dirt!
Gems uncovered
By our work!
Carts to ride!
Swell with pride!
Smash the boulders
'Till they hide!
Diamond Dog!
Diamonds found!
Sweat off your back
Reaps the ground!
As the pack continued to chant, Rarity and Spike were brought to a small cave, lined with old, threadbare mattresses. Rarity’s frightened expression was temporarily replaced by a quizzical one. “What on earth?”
Rover grinned deviously at her. “To muffle little pony noises.”
He pointed at a large boulder sitting just to the side of the cave entrance. “Now you helps us, or we trap you in cave until you are ready to helps us!”
Rarity sniffed dismissively. “You wouldn’t dare.”
Rover once again gave the unicorn a shove, and she landed atop one spring-loose mattress. “Dare!”
Spike gritted his teeth, every last shred of patience flung out the window. “Just tell us what you want!”
The Dog scratched at his diamond necklace one final time before turning to Rarity. “We needs you to say where you hid the Alicorn Amulet. Our master needs it. Needs it badly.”
Rarity and Spike were flabbergasted. They exchanged a quick glance as their mouths dropped open simultaneously. The white mare put on a not-nearly-genuine smile as she addressed the alpha-male. “The… Alicorn Amulet, you say? Whatever would you need that for?”
“Don’t give me that pony rubbish!” Rover tossed Spike into the cave beside the curly-maned mare. “Where did you hide it? Tell us!”
Rarity’s smile disappeared. “I wouldn’t tell my own mother, and I’m certainly not going to tell you.”
“We expected you to say that, pony!” the leader of the pack growled. “We will be back, and you will tell us where the thingy is!”
Several Diamond Dogs began to rock the boulder back and forth, slowly gathering enough momentum to roll it into place. When the dust had settled, the two captives were sealed inside the cave.
Rarity sat down in emotional exhaustion, but sprung up just as quickly when she felt a loose spring poke at her rump. “Ouch! How dreadful!”
Spike sat down, a little more carefully than the mare did, and clawed at a rusty metal spring protruding from the large cushion. “What the heck was that all about?”
“I haven’t the slightest,” Rarity said as she planted her bottom upon a relatively soft portion of the floor. “I had assumed that only unicorns could use the amulet.” She rubbed her head at the base of an ensuing headache. “What could the Diamond Dogs use it for?”
Spike bared his fangs and claws as he replied, hunching his back. “For the Ma-a-astah!”
The white unicorn giggled despite their predicament. “Yes, I suppose that if we knew who their master was, we could devise his intentions.” She gazed around at the padded walls of their cell in resignation. “It’s a shame that I told Fluttershy that we’d be gone all day, there’ll be no one to rescue us this time.”
Spike snapped his claw. “Then we’ll just have to rescue ourselves!” He scrambled over to the large boulder and began examining it; sniffing, scratching, and-- much to Rarity’s disgust-- licking the giant rock.
“Spike, you can’t move it, it took a dozen enormous Diamond Dogs just to budge it!” She trotted over to the small dragon, worry creasing her forehead.
“That’s a lie, you know,” Spike said plainly. “I could move this if I really wanted to.”
“Huh!?” The beautiful mare’s exclamation of confusion snapped Spike out of his exploratory reverie.
“You remember when I… Eh… ‘Grew up?’” He twiddled his claws awkwardly at the not-quite-welcome memories of a monster rampaging through Ponyville.
Rarity gave a half-smile, eyes anywhere but on the rotund creature standing in front of her. “Ah… Ya-huh.”
Spike sighed, his ears drooping. “You know how everypony jokes about Twilight’s OCD? Well… It’s not OCD, not really.”
He began dragging a mattress aside as he continued. “Sure, she likes everything neat, tidy, evenly spaced…” He gagged briefly. “But that’s it; she’s just really, really neat.”
When the mattress was moved, it left a bare spot of dirt on the cavern floor. Spike began to draw the outline of a square in the dust. “People with an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder get… urges. Urges that they know are wrong, and could hurt themselves or others…”
He ran his claws deep into the dirt, turning the square outline into a trench. “To avoid these urges, to get their mind on something else, OCD people have to stick to a set of ‘rules’ they make for themselves. Y’know, do things in a specific way. That’s the part that most ponies see.” He rolled his eyes. “That’s the part that’s funny to talk about.”
Rarity shuffled around to get a better look at what Spike was doing. “You sound like you’re talking from experience.”
Spike looked up at her with heavily lidded eyes. “Gee, yah think?”
His friend’s eyes became as wide as dinner plates as it all came together. “My word… You didn’t stop wanting to horde when you changed back on the mountain top, did you?”
Spike carried a small pile of dirt to the back of the cave. “Nope.”
Rarity shook her head in sorrow. “Oh, Spikey, I had no idea… How do you hold it back?”
“Like I said, I keep myself busy helping Twilight.” Spike spread his hands out to take rough measurements between the wall and his square. “And if I get the urge to horde, I think of y-… Something else.” He sat down in the center of the outline. “One little slip-up, though, and I’m back to climbing up mountains and deep-frying Wonderbolts.”
He took a deep breath. “So really, I could lift the darn rock anytime I wanted to.” The purple dragon smirked. “Thing is, I don’t have to.”
He disappeared in a shower of dirt, nearly covering Rarity in a mound of excavated material. A cloud of grime and filth filled her vision as the tiny reptile dug a wide tunnel through the floor, under the rock, and to the outside of their prison. When he was finished digging, Spike poked his head back through the tunnel. “C’mon, Rarity, let’s go!”
She raised a hesitant hoof, not wanting to get any dirtier than she already was. Her dragon friend grabbed a leg and dragged her along with him. “Look, it’s perfectly safe.”
A few minutes of crawling, shuffling, and traumatizing later, Rarity and Spike stood on the outside of their prison. Spike hurriedly collapsed, and then filled, their escape tunnel. Rarity levitated him onto her back and began trotting down the empty corridor. “So, what’s part two of your escape plan, Spike?”
He shrugged. “I dunno; I was busy thinking of a way outta there.”
His eyes brightened. “Wait, when the Diamond Dogs kidnapped you, we found you by following the path with the most crystals in the wall.”
Rarity looked back at her companion. “So how does that help us now?”
“If we follow the path with the least amount of crystals,” Spike related, “Then maybe we can avoid the Diamond Dogs long enough to find a way out?”
Something about that plan didn’t seem to click with Rarity. “Just because they’ve already mined a corridor, doesn’t mean it’s not a heavily-traveled road.”
“No, but until we have a better idea…”
The unicorn shrugged and activated her Gemfinding Spell, lighting up the cavern walls with glowing gemstones. Taking the darkest corridor, they set forth into the unknown.
Diamond Dogs were well-known for their tracking abilities, but not so much for their organizational abilities. The tunnels twisted and turned in haphazard directions. The escapees had yet to encounter a single enemy; Rarity chalked that up to about half of a victory.
They continued on in silence for some time. The two of them always took the upwards slanting corridors, and were constantly alert for a breeze or light to show the way out.
“Psst…”
Rarity halted at the unexpected noise. “Did you just ‘psst’ me?” she whispered to Spike.
“Wasn’t me…”
“Psst!”
Rarity spun around so fast that she nearly knocked Spike off of her back. Standing in a small off-shoot to the main trail was a small Diamond Dog. He motioned them closer with a shaky paw, but was surprised when he found a hoof trapping his throat against the wall.
Rarity’s horn glowed as she threatened the short creature. “I swear that if this is a trap, I’m going to make you beg to be eaten by my dragon friend, here.” Spike bared his teeth with all the effectiveness of a picket fence against a tsunami.
The Dog was cowed, nonetheless. “No trap, Miss Rarity, no traps!” He struggled to get a word in edgewise as her hoof dug into his neck. “We are sorry for the Diamond Dogs; they should remember to respect you!”
Rarity let him drop to the ground. “Well, what do you want… Spot, wasn’t it?”
Rover Redvest’s aid leapt to his feet and nodded, his loose jowls taking a second to catch up to the rest of his face. “We know that the master is bad. Bad! He beats the Diamond Dogs, and he threatens us. He will kill us if we do not help him!” Spot shifted his eyes nervously. “We fear him, but some like the fear.”
Rarity tilted her head understandingly. “Like Rover, he enjoys the power that your master gave him.”
Tears sprang unbidden out of Spot’s eyes. “We used to be good friends! But now Rover is a big bully!” He kneeled down before the dusty unicorn and brought his hands up in a praying position. “Please helps us, Rarity, you’re our only hope!”
Rarity cupped his paws in her hooves and lowered them down. “Of course, I’ll help you. But to do that, I need to get help from Ponyville.” She raised the Dog’s head up so that he could look into her eyes. “Now tell me, Spot, who is the master?”
Spot snuffled loudly before answering. “He is called Sombra, the Unicorn King.”
Pinkie Pie rapped her hoof against the doorway and sat back. She heard muffled noises coming from the other side of the door, one male voice, and one female. Before long, the door opened and a gracefully-aged donkey invited the pink pony in. “Pinkie! How nice to see you!”
“Hiyah, Miss Matilda! I brought cupcakes!” Pinkie held the tray aloft, and the sweet, sweet aroma of baked goods wafted into the house.
“Is that Pinkie with the cupcakes?” a gravelly voice asked. “Well, what are you waiting for? Let her in!”
Pinkie skipped inside, cake tray balanced on one hoof. She was beaming ear-to-ear as she greeted her most recent Ponyville friend. “How’s my buddy?”
Cranky Doodle Donkey grinned back at her. “Fine, just fine! Eh, you can put the desserts on the table there…”
As she did so, Pinkie got an eyeful of the setup in Cranky’s living room. A projector, several rolls of film, and a white sheet were set up in a makeshift home-theater system. “Ooh! Your films finally shipped in from Fillydelphia?”
Cranky Doodle smiled as he adjusted his pompadour wig (The “Dreamboat Special,” according to Rarity). “’Bout time, too! Feels like I’ve been waiting on those packages for a whole season!”
The pink pony got a closer look at a reel of film. “Actually, it’s been three seasons since you moved here. Fall, winter, spring, and now it’s summer!” She set the reel down very carefully, and proceeded to play around with the projector. “It’s gonna be so cool to see all of your adventures on film, Cranky! I’ll bet you’ve got some real stories to tell!”
The donkey smirked. “Oh, do I ever. We can get started as soon as everypony arrives.”
Matilda walked into the room, flanked by an elderly pony with a comb-over, and a peach-coated mare with a poofy blue/pink mane. “Sweetie Drops and Mr. Waddle are here!”
Cranky shook hooves with the elderly earth pony. “Wiggle Waddle, how have you been? I haven’t seen you since that excursion in Marelin!”
Mr. Waddle squinted through his enormous glasses. “Right as rain, Cranky. I’m looking forwards to the films.”
Sweetie Drops smiled as Cranky kissed her hoof. “And how are you, my dear?”
Matilda leaned in and whispered into her ear. “You’d better watch that charmer, he’s taken.”
Sweetie blushed. “I’ve been fine, but it’s been very quiet without Lyra being home.” She chuckled. “To think, I’ve actually gotten used to my friend’s antics.”
Pinkie hugged the peach mare. “It’s been said that after meeting me, nothing is surprising anymore.” She then sidled up next to Wiggle. “Saaay, that’s a snazzy tie, Mr. Waddle!”
“Aw, thanks, Pinkie.”
Cranky got everypony’s attention with a rap on his cup. “Alright, since Lyra’s gone, that means that we’re all here. Let’s get started!”
Much fun and laughter was shared by the collected friends. And candy. Lots of Sweetie Drops’ candy was consumed.
Both Cranky and Wiggle worked together to turn on the projector without the instructions, while the three mares gossiped about this and that.
“Oh, you can’t be serious, Pinkie!” Sweetie Drops planted a hoof on her face. “The way Lyra told me, I had thought that Twilight actually invited her on the adventure.”
Noting that her friend was close to dying from embarrassment, Pinkie attempted to amend her previous statement. “Well, I wasn’t really there, so I don’t know all of the details.”
“Please,” Sweetie interrupted. “You had just described Lyra to a ‘T.’”
“Well, yeah…”
Matilda shook her head and smiled. “Well, even if Twilight and Lyra aren’t the best of friends, Rainbow Dash will stick by their side, no matter what.”
Pinkie stuffed another piece of hard candy into her mouth and savored the sweetness. “Yeah, it’ll all work out in the end.”
The three mares turned to a loud noise coming from the projector. It seemed that Cranky Doodle and Wiggle Waddle had managed to start a small fire with the lamp. They turned back to their conversation without another glance.
With a little coaxing, the stallions of the group had managed to get the equipment up and running. The assembled friends had watched a few films, with many more to go. Cranky’s journey to find Matilda had taken him far and wide across Equestria.
Cranky Doodle narrated the current film with no small amount of pride. “Ah, here’s me and my pal on the steam ship from Aves Felidae to Marelin.” A younger Cranky stood beside a hefty griffon, waving at the crowds assembled onshore. “Captain Tawny couldn’t fly worth a darn, but he sure knew his way around the sea!”
The film ended, and Cranky popped it off of the projector. When he started the next roll, it showed a snowy mountain and several creatures in heavy coats.
Pinkie squinted at the screen, that snow looked very familiar. “Hay, where’s that? I think I’ve been there.”
Cranky had to think a moment, but when he remembered, his eyes grew wide. “Oh. That’s the Northern Equestrian Wastes. I got a lead that Matilda was living with a heard of mountain goats and went to investigate.” He shook his head. “I’m thinking that the llama guide lost something in the translation.”
He tapped his chin, a bemused look on his face. “Then again, this is one of the most exciting films I recorded. Maybe it’s not all a waste.”
The party of searchers had camped in front of a snow-covered cave. Cranky could be seen walking up a series of steps to the cave mouth. “Heh, my guide wouldn’t come into the cave with me, he said that it was haunted.” His face became a blank mask. “Kinda wish that I’d listened to him.”
Pinkie watched carefully as Young Cranky and another pony entered the cave. Once they were inside, she could see that it was actually a pony-constructed building, and not at all natural. Sparkling gemstones reflected their lantern light as they trotted though the hall. Cranky picked up a carved crystal chalice, and held it into the light.
Sweetie smiled at the beautiful gemwork. “Amazing! Did you bring it home with you, Cranky?”
The donkey shook his head. “I would have, if not for the next couple of seconds.”
The pony who was with Doodle Donkey clip-clopped forwards, he looked like he was shouting. At the end of the hallway was a large crystal resting on a pedestal, lying in front of an enormous door. When he touched the shining object, it tipped off of the pedestal and shattered on the floor. The shards then began to swirl around in a tornado of deadly shrapnel, severing the poor pony’s tail. Cranky dropped the chalice, cracking it, and ran for the exit, his partner close behind. The swirl of crystals expanded into a cloud, and two evil eyes could be seen appearing in the devilish whirlwind.
The film turned white, signifying the end. “Needless to say, we got out safely and high-tailed it back to Manehatten.” He chuckled. “I’m still discussing the movie rights with Daily Dreams.”
Pinkie was speechless. That was Sombra, the eyes were unmistakable. “C-cranky, how long ago was this film made?”
“Oh, about ten years or so ago, why?” Cranky turned to the pink mare, but only met with empty air. The door to his home swung in the breeze, left open by a rapidly retreating pony. “Huh, she didn’t even eat a cupcake…”
Pinkie bounded back into his home and grabbed a cupcake, eyes rolling upwards as she savored the pastry. “Thank you so much for you hospitality! I have to go right now! Somepony might be in trouble! EnjoythecupcakesBYE!” And she was gone in a puff of pink smoke.
Cranky scratched his head. “Sometimes, I don’t understand that girl.”
Matilda gave him a peck on the cheek. “I learned a long time ago that it’s all much more fun if you just ‘go with it.’”