Two ponies drag me across the cold, snowy ground. It doesn’t matter how much I scream or flail my legs. They just keep dragging me along, ignoring my protests. And as they keep dragging me, the jagged stones and rocks on the ground scrape my skin and dig into it. I can now see a trail of blood being left behind in my path, but I don’t care. The bleeding I can tolerate. The pain I am used to. But what I can’t take… what I absolutely won’t allow, is the place these two guards are taking me.
“Okay, we’re here,” one of them says, in a gruff voice. I close my eyes tight and shake my head. It can’t be true, it just can’t be! I can’t be here. Not again, not after I had finally escaped! “You’re back where you belong: Equestria!”
“Now go on! Get out of our sight, and don’t let us catch you crossing the border again!”
“Please,” I beg, refusing to get up. “Please don’t. I don’t want to be here. Anywhere but here. Send me to the Arctic North. Banish me to the Badlands, hell even lock me in the moon! Just, please… don’t send me back there.”
“Too late. You’re here, and this’s where you’ll stay.” I am yanked up to my hooves by one of the guards, and forced down a cobblestone path, where I can see a small town in the distance. “Go on. I’m sure you’ll find somewhere to stay there.”
‘No I won’t. I know what will happen if I go there…’
Hesitantly, I begin to move down the cold path towards the town. All is quiet around me. No sounds of ponies, wolves, or the wind blowing. Even my hoofsteps produce no sound. I eventually reach the town, and stop at the entrance. There are two ponies staring at me, both of their faces hidden by a mysterious shadow.
“Hey, look who it is!”
“It’s the Great and Powerful Trixie!”
I smile nervously and take a step forward. It seems these ponies aren’t going to mock me. There may still be some hope yet-
“Didn’t she run away?”
“Man, so pathetic! And she has the nerve to call herself ‘Great and Powerful’!”
“How dare she show her face here?”
“C’mon, let’s show her how welcome she is!”
Something hits the side of my face, and I take a few steps back, hurriedly charging my magic to create a barrier.
“Got her!”
“Nice throw! Lemme try.”
A few tomatoes fly towards me, but all are deflected by my barrier. I’m safe in here. If I just wait it out, they’ll surely give up and go away soon. Right?
My barrier begins to waver, and I let out a loud yelp as I try to pour more magic into it. But it’s no use. My barrier is too far gone. It breaks, and I’m left completely vulnerable to these ponies’ abuse.
“Stop it! Stop it, please!”
“Stop? Why should we?”
“Know you place, Trixie! You’re not one of us!”
“Nobles live in luxury! Commoners live happily so long as they work hard!”
“But trash, will always be trash!”
“Mother Faust only created you for one sole purpose: to be even lower than us! To be the trash of the pony race!”
“Your only job is to sit there and stink! You have no right to happiness!”
“No right!”
“Trash!”
“Vermin!”
“You’ll never belong!”
“Never!”
“Never!”
“Never…” I mumble as I slowly open my eyes. I’m suddenly no longer in that town, receiving abuse from those ponies. I’m now in an unfamiliar room, though I recognise the features. Crystal fireplace, crystal lights, crystal furnishings… Everything is made out of crystals. Where have I seen this before?
Oh, that’s right. The Crystal Empire. I travelled there by mistake, and met that pony… Appletini. She said that she would protect me. That I wouldn’t have to go back to Equestria if I didn’t have to. But she’s lying, I know she is. After all, who in their right mind would protect me?
I’ve already accepted the truth… The only reason I live, is so that others can feel better about themselves. I’m a kicking bag, as far as everypony else is concerned. I didn’t ask for this fate, and I certainly don’t like it… but there’s nothing I can do about it. I belong nowhere. I can never be with others. I’m cursed to forever be… alone.
“Good mornin’.” I turn my head to my side. Appletini is standing there, smiling at me from a doorway on the other side of the room. “Well, that’s what I’d like to say, but it isn’t morning yet. You were only out for about an hour.”
“… So you haven’t sold me out yet,” I mumble. Amazing. She really intends to drag this façade on for as long as possible, huh?
“Hm? Your coats a little darker than it was earlier… I guess you got pretty dirty going through that cave.”
I look down at my hoof. Indeed, my coat seems to be rather dim. Even in this low lighting, I can tell that it isn’t quite as blue as it usually is. Wait. “Why is there so little lighting?”
“Well, because we’re in hiding, of course.” Appletini begins walking towards me. I try to move, but my legs are completely unresponsive. “I treated the wound on your head, but just to be on the safe side, I think you’d better let me take a proper look at you.”
“I’m fine.” Despite my protests, Appletini reaches over and places a hoof to my forehead. “I said I’m fine. As soon as I can walk, I’ll be out of your hair.”
“Don’t worry about it. I don’t mind giving you a place to stay for a while. In fact, I think I’d rather like the company. It’s been pretty lonely since my parents…”
“There’s no need. I’ve already made up my mind.”
“Oh? What about?” Appletini backs away and gives me a smile. A warm, gentle smile. I’ve seen those before. Those smiles that are worn by the ponies of Equestria when they talk to their friends or family. It’s amazing how quickly such a beautiful face can become so wretched. So vile and disgusting as scorn and hatred take over.
Kindness doesn’t exist.
“It’s none of your business. It’s not like you’d care anyway.”
She’s been lying to me this whole time, I’m sure of it. Ponies lie to get what they want. They lure you in with sweet words, and then turn on you at a moment’s notice. If you have no use in this world, there’s no reason for them to keep you around any longer.
Honesty doesn’t exist. Neither does loyalty.
“Try me. I may not look it, but I’m actually pretty good at giving advice. Azure says I’m quite wise for my age. Though sometimes I think he forgets that I’m older than I look.”
A giggle escapes her lips. Laughter. More bait to lure me in. The sweet, melodious sound of laughter lure ponies in, and lulls them into a false sense of security.
Laughter – true laughter – doesn’t exist.
Generosity doesn’t exist either. Ponies only give when there’s something to gain. If she were to give me anything, it would only be until I have nothing left to give her. Then, she would toss me aside. It’s happened too many times before. I won’t fall for it again.
“There’s no point in me staying any longer. I can’t outrun the Royal Guard, that much is clear. And I have no intention of going back to Equestria.”
“Then like I said-”
“But I’ve realised something. Living for the sake of living… just isn’t worth it. What do I have to look forward to each day? I wake up, and am faced with a choice: go out hunting for food, or do a job I don’t like, just to earn enough money to eat. Then I go to sleep, alone and miserable, and repeat the cycle. What is the point of that? A life like that… I may as well be dead.”
I see Appletini’s smile fall. Don’t give me that. You’re not sad. You’re not feeling sorry for me! You’re just trying to extort me as much as you can before you throw me aside! Well I’m through! I’m through being everypony’s plaything! I won’t allow you ponies to have the last laugh!
“Then, what do you want to do?” That’s not quite the reaction I was expecting. “What would make life worth living for you?”
“… I like magic.” My gaze moves down to the floor, and when I look back up, I notice that she followed it towards my flank. “I like to tell stories, and to entertain others with my magic. But I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“What do you mean, ‘why not?’?” She seems genuinely confused by this. “Nopony will allow me! Nopony likes my shows! The moment I appear on stage, I’m immediately booed off and chased out of town! Could you even begin to imagine what that’s like?! A pony’s special talent is their destiny! Their reason or being! So what reason is there to live, when your destiny is something that everypony hates?! Something that you’re denied from following, and that only brings you pain, because nopony will even GIVE YOU A CHANCE?!”
I haven’t vented like that in a long time. Truth be told, I haven’t really had anypony to vent to in a long time, and now that I am in the zone, I can’t stop just yet. “Nopony will give me the chance! They judge me on one incident! One little story that they’ve heard, and refuse to even acknowledge that I have feelings too!” Tears are starting to pour out of my eyes. I have to stop them! I can’t show my weakness in front of the enemy! “That’s why… I can’t stay here… Nopony will accept me. I’ll just be shunned and ostracized again…”
My entire body suddenly feels warm, and heavy. Why is that? I feel something tightening around me, and decide to see what’s happening… Appletini is holding me. She’s wrapping her forelegs around me, and squeezing my tightly. What is she doing? Trying to kill me herself?… No, it’s too gentle for that. Then, what?
“Trixie… if performing is what you love, then perform here.”
… What? Wasn’t she listening? Has she even heard a word I said?! “I can’t perform! Nopony will allow it!”
“I will! And Azure will, too!” Appletini pulls away from me, and places her forehooves onto either side of my face. I try not to meet her eyes, but she won’t allow me to turn my head away. Those eyes… That stern, steady gaze. “I’ll have a word with the others, but I’m sure there’ll be no problem. After all, ever since King Sombra’s defeat, we’ve been looking for new entertainment to add to our Crystal Fairs.”
“Why should I believe you?”
Appletini moves her head forward. Her gaze is drawing me in. I can’t… Why can’t I bring myself to doubt her right now? I shake my head. This can’t be happening. It’s impossible! Ponies aren’t supposed to be-
“Trixie. I can’t read minds, you know? You’ve got to speak up, if you want ponies to understand you.”
“… Ponies aren’t kind.” Her gaze doesn’t falter. What’s wrong with this mare?! “W-What is wrong with you? Ponies aren’t kind! They don’t give others chances! They’re horrible, despicable creatures! You’re not supposed to be cheering me up right now! You’re supposed to be kicking me while I’m down! Hate me, detest me! Tell me I have no right to live with others! That’s what you’re supposed to do!
“This… doesn’t make any sense…”
I continue to stare straight into her eyes as I pant heavily from my rant. She remains silent for a bit. “… You done?” I give her no response. “Listen, I don’t quite know what could have given you such an… interesting view on ponies, but you’re only half right.”
“I… Wha?”
“Ponies aren’t kind, or generous. They’re not sweet, or loyal, and they’re certainly not saints. But at the same time, they aren’t hateful, or wicked, or greedy, or anything else you might think they are. Those are generalisations. Ponies are just… ponies.
“And each pony is different. Each pony is unique, and while there are those that will hate you, and never accept you…” She leans in and wraps her forelegs around me again. “… There are also those that will accept you for who you are, and who will always offer you a place to stay. There are always ponies that are right for you… you just haven’t found them yet, that’s all.”
I should push her away. I should push her back and make a run for it. Some feeling has returned to my legs. I think there’s a knife in the distance. If I can grab it, I can end it all now. I can finally be free from all of this pain. I’ll do it. I’ll push her away, reach the knife, and end it. I’ll do it. I really will…
Why are my tears flowing faster? Why is there sobbing coming from my mouth? Damnit! I’ll bury my muzzle into her shoulder! I can’t let her hear me making such weak sounds! Now to push her away… Why am I… reaching my forelegs around her neck? S-Stop it… I don’t need her… I don’t need anypony! I… I…
“C’mon, what have you got to lose? I promise you, you’ll feel right at home here.”
That’s it. I can’t take it anymore. I hold onto Appletini tightly, and just let myself go. The room is filled with the sounds of my wailing, and I’m sure I’m hurting her with how hard my hooves are digging into her back. Yet, she doesn’t seem to mind at all. Instead, she simply strokes my mane, and pats my back, telling me to let it all out.
Who is this pony? Just seconds ago, I was resolved to end my life! Now, I’m bawling into her shoulder, and not from sadness, either! I’m smiling! I’m happy! Happy that somepony is accepting me into their life! Happy to find that she isn’t lying! Happy that I… have a shoulder to cry on.
“All done?”
My tears have dried up now, but I still don’t want to part from her embrace. I feel so warm and secure like this. I feel like I’m shielded from the rest of the world. Nothing can reach my right now. Nothing can hurt me, as long as I’m protected by this warm light. Wait, light?
“I thought so.” Appletini pushes me away, and looks over my body. “The Crystal Heart’s influence is reaching you. Look.”
I look down my body, and see that my coat, which was so dark just moments ago, is now so bright and sparkly. And it almost looks like crystals… “What’s happening to me?”
“The Crystal Ponies don’t always look like this, y’know? When we’re feeling down, our coats get dimmer, and our sparkles disappear. But when we’re happy, we appear as bright and radiant as you do right now. It seems the Crystal Heart is reaching out to you, and changing you appearance to match your feelings.
“See? I told you you’d feel right at home here. Why, if it weren’t for the horn, I would think you were just a regular Crystal Pony.”
If it weren’t for the horn… I feel something being placed on my head, and shift my eyes up to see something purple hanging over my forehead.
“You dropped this in the tunnels earlier. It covers you horn pretty well… Now it’s hard to think you’re anything but one of us.”
I feel something tugging at the corners of my mouth. I turn my attention back to Appletini, who is now smiling at me the same way she did earlier. This time, I can’t help but smile back… I smile back, and let out a little bit of laughter. “Y-You think?”
“Most certainly! And, once things die down, and you’ve recovered your strength, you can put on some shows down at the park! If anypony tries to give you trouble, just come to me or Azure! We’ll no accept anypony bullying our friends!”
“Friends?” Why did my voice sound so hopeful then? I was trying to show how ridiculous I found such sentiment!
“Friends.” Stupid! Don’t fall for it again! Don’t be lured in by pretty words!
“I see… I have a friend now.” My hoof moves up to my eye, and wipes away a tear. “And I can trust you… right?”
“Who knows? That’s up to you to decide. Do you trust me?”
“… I would like to.”
“Then do it! You only live once, y’know? If you see something you like, take it! Grab life by the horns! Enjoy the ride! Do whatever makes you happy! Etcetera etcetera…” I let out a louder laugh than earlier. “I can’t wait to see your show, Trixie. We don’t have many stage magicians here in the Crystal Empire. ‘The Spectacular Trixie’, I bet they’ll call you!”
“… That… sounds great…”
“Did you have something else in mind?”
“Um… I used to go by another name…”
“Can I hear it?”
“… The… Great and Powerful… Trixie…”
“Great and Powerful?” I nod. “Ooh, sounds nice! ‘Great and Powerful’, huh? Sounds like a show you don’t wanna miss!”
“Not many ponies liked it back in Equestria.”
Appletini tilts her head to her side. “Why not? Y’know, ever since the current Princess took over, we’ve heard nothing but good things about that Country. Yet, from what I’m hearing now, Equestria doesn’t sound it’s all that great a place to visit.”
“What more would you expect from a-” I quickly silence myself. I’ve finally made a friend, so I want to be careful with what I say around her.
“Go ahead. Tell me what’s on your mind. Showponies are supposed to have high self-confidence, right?”
“… It’s… I was just going to say, what more would you expect, based on its origins?”
“It’s origins? Ooh, you mean the windigo incident, right?” I nod my head.
“It’s not something I’ve really thought about until recently, but Equestria was founded on the premise that we love each other, or we die. Obligated love. False love.”
Appletini raises a hoof to her chin. “That’s how it is, huh? Y’know, I’ve been saving up for a ticket to Equestria once they finally release this quarantine around the Empire, but now, I’m not too sure I want to visit that place.”
“Well I for one will never visit that place again.” I suddenly yawn, and feel my eyelids beginning to close. I hear giggling coming from Appletini’s direction.
“Tired? Come on, let’s get back to my place. Azure should be done with the guards by now.”
I silently nod, and try to stand on own two hooves. The entire room won’t stop spinning, though. Stupid room. I trip over my own hoof, and fall onto something soft.
“I’ll carry you back.”
“… Sorry.”
“No need to apologise. It’s what friends do. Didn’t you know that?”
“I didn’t.”
Appletini giggles again. “Okay, then while you’re recovering, I’ll teach you all you need to know about friendship! How’s that sound?”
“Sounds… okay, I guess…”
“Trust me. When I’m finished, you’ll be begging for more lessons.”
I only acknowledge her statement with a silent nod as I feel myself being carried away. My eyelids begin to flutter shut, and I let out another loud yawn.
This is stupid. This is crazy. There’s no way she’ll let me. I can’t do this. I have to stop. I’m just being ridiculous.
I extend my hoof quickly, using my magic to enhance my kick as it hits the bed below me. The mattress explodes, and feathers begin to fly everywhere. Well, no going back now. I pick up the pillow at the head of the bed with my teeth, and begin moving towards the door leading outside of the bedroom.
This is stupid. Idiotic. Foolish. Ridiculous!
“Trixie?” Appletini turns over in her bed, and makes eye contact with me. “What’s up?”
I open my mouth to speak. The pillow drops down to the floor. “I, um… My bed b-broke, so I, um… have nowhere to s-sleep now…”
My entire face feels like it’s on fire. I knew this was a stupid idea! I need to get out here! I think there was a closet I passed on the way here. Maybe I can hide in ther-
“Okay, then I guess we’ll have to share for tonight.” I pause for a second to make sure that I had heard that right. “C’mon, get in. I don’t want your cold getting worse.”
“… Y-You don’t mind?”
“Not at all. What kind of host would I be if I made my guest sleep on the floor?”
I swallow the lump in my throat, and slowly make my way towards the bed. It’s only a single bed, but it’s just about big enough to hold both of us at the same time. If we squeeze close together. Which, I guess, is what I wanted in the first place. The nightmares still came to me, even though I have my new friend. Maybe… Maybe I need to be close to my friend, to make them go away.
It was that line of reasoning that led me to this. Sleeping in the same bed as my new friend, Appletini, with our two bodies practically pressed together. This won’t work, surely. What possible scientific reasoning could there be for friendship being able to deter nightmares? I was a fool to think this would work…
“G’night, Trixie.”
“… Good night.” Oh well. At least I’ll have somepony to wake me up when the nightmares come for me.