//------------------------------// // Do you know what you're doing french horse? // Story: Screaming Eag...Pegasi! // by mineturtle //------------------------------// "THIS TOWN IS FILLED WITH WUSSY'S" Screamed out the soldier as he let go of the corn sale's pony that ran away crying the soldier has been walking into shop's all day and has been demanded the pony's to tell him if there is anybody or pony in this case who knows about other dimentions. "Maybe if you didn't YELL at everypony then maybe we could have gotten some answer's hours ago." said the spy as he was deciding if he should kill the soldier and leave him in a tomb for all the unfit ponies. He quickly shook off that idea, he may need the soldier later on so instead of a back stab the spy only smacked the soldier at the back of his head and blamed it was the wind, the soldier being stupid believed him. "Well what do we do now we asked all the horse's in town...."Said the soldier as he began to walk in the direction of where Dinky told him where he could find a hat repair pony, the soldier still needed his helmet repaired so far he has been using a bucket to cover his overgrown hippie hair so that he dosn't get pulled into a rally to help the indangered species or something like that. "What!? We did not ask all the hors... I mean ponies in this town you imbacile, we only asked well more like yelled at 4 ponies. And where are you going we still need to look for help you dimwitted American." The soldier stopped listening to the spy. The soldier eventually got close enough to the store his daughter told him to go to. The building looked like one of heavys little russian toys, the soldier just wanted to destroy the ugly house it looked like a carousel but it also looked all strange and girly. Sure the spy and soldier are in a world of talking horse's but so far this world has been quite awesome for the soldier let alone for the spy who seemed to have gotten inside a bakery with a pink pony wonder whats that all about. The soldier just shrugged it off and walked inside the boutique he hated the inside more then the outside, the smell alone from the store reminded him of france and how bad it smelled when he was there. The door rang as the soldier was entering suddenly a flash of white appeared infront of his face causing the soldier to fall on his rump. From the flash appeared a white horse with a purple mane, she smelled exactly like the spy. The smell was that of rose's with a hint of after sex, appairently that line of perfume was sold here aswell. "Hello darling how may I help a handsome colt like yourself today? Oh my is that a bucket on your head that will not be aloud, come here come here let not time be wasted on this crime against fashion." The soldier was then levitated and taken to deeper inside the shop. As the soldier was floating in the air he noticed lots of pieces of fabric thrown all over and pony mannequin's on the floor. "Uhm frenchie where are you taking me? I just wanted my helmet fixed." asked the soldier he didn't want to stay in the shop any longer than he had to. "Oh well that won't do eather darline now lets see you look without that bucket on your head." Rarity began to lower the soldier letting him stand back up but suddenly felt a tug on the bucket. The soldier put his hooves on his head not letting go of his temporary helmet. "No I shall not let you take my helme.... ow oW OW stop pulling you are going to rip my head off." Rarity was not listening how could she, she needed to destroy the vile thing that was on the poor colts head. "Not.. until.. I ...get that that thing...off." with one last tug with her magic Rarity has succesfully taken of the bucket the soldier was wearing. "Ok now that, that's over lets see how you look without that monstrosity on your hea........" Rarity was completly awestruck she has never seen a male with hair as luscious as his. Rarity could not hide the blush on her face this colt was handsome, he had a face that said "I will protect you with my life, and I shall give you rose's for the rest of your life as I fight off the thousend's of colts wanting you." Well thats what she thought his face looked like. In all honestly the soldiers face had a scar on his right eye and a normal looking face if it wasn't for his hippie hair this white pony would not have been gawking at him. "Hey crouton are you alright, can we hurry up I really need to beat down some hippies." "Oh how rude of me but may I ask you your name?" Asked Rarity. She wanted to know if he was already taken because if not she was going to go wild on him. One thing not many ok maybe a few ponies know but thats besides the point the point is that even though Rarity acts posh most of the time she is still a wild mare who likes to get freaky from time to time. Rarity has been with more men then Queen Chrysalis has sucked love out of ponies and lets just say Chrysalis has sucked whole cities dry. "That is classified information only few may know my name but you crouton, may call me Soldier." "Ooh a soldier boy now, why would a strong soldier like you be in little ol Ponyville. Shouldn't a big boy like you be out protecting the inocent like a big strong colt you are." Rarity was beggining to walk closer to the soldier after a few steps she had her face with his and began to sniff his hair, it smelled of smoke and blood, this made Rarity feel very excited. The soldier was beggining to feel very uncomfortable and wanted to leave. "you know what, maybe I should just go to another shop that will help me fix my helmet." said the soldier as he began to walk backwords Rarity knowing when hard to catch is being played used magic to close the door. The soldier was now freaking out if this was a man holding the soldier captive he would have stuck his boot so deep inside the mans anal caviity that he would need a doctor to surgically remove it. "Now darling why would you want to leave so early we barely started having FUN." With her last word Rarity jumped for the soldier but being quicker the soldier moved out of the way causing Rarity to smash her face on the wall. She got up and looked a bit crazier her hair was now frazzled and messy her nose was begining to bleed and she started to smile. "Oh will you look at the time I have to go." Said the soldier looking at the fake watch on his wrist. Rarity wasn't buying it she wanted the soldier even if she needed to use force. "Darling I'm sorry if I may be acting unladylike but I AM GOING TO MAKE YOU WANT ME!" Rarity then pounced on the soldier causing him to be unable to move. "I have a daughter you can't do this!" Said the soldier frantically he didn't want to get raped by a horse even if it did smell good. Rarity did not listen and was leaning to kiss the soldier in the lips. The soldier then head butted Rarity causing her stagger back and fall on the floor writhing in pain. "Oth you bathterd I think I chippethd my toof." The soldier taking the advantage of the hurt pony quickly picked up his bucket. He then looked back at her and said "there is no word that could describe how much I hate France right now." Rarity was confused "What in Tartarus is a France?" With that said the soldier was running away hoping to never meet the crazy horse again. When the soldier was far away from the crazy French pony he was taking deep breaths he then noticed the spy at a nearby fountain vomiting. "What the hell is wrong with you frenchie?" "I don't want to talk about it." Said the spy wiping away colorful vomit off his mouth. "Hey why do you have whip-cream on back?" Asked the soldier noticing a splotch of what appeared to be whip-cream on the spy's suit the only responce that was given was another painful sounding upchuck. The soldier just decided to ignore it and hoped that maybe some one in town may know how to get him back home, but sadly the day was ending and the night was falling so the spy and soldier needed a place to stay luckily an inn named Berry's Punches bread and break fast was close by.