//------------------------------//
// Broken 
// Story: Forgotten Bookcases 
// by Cynical 
//------------------------------//


Forgotten Bookcases
By M3lancholy



The chimes rotate,
A haunting tune
Of chilly wind
And closed blooms


Broken

If there's one thing that all these experiences taught me, it's that anything can happen at any time, and that being prepared for every single possibility is a pipe dream. I remember that I was like that once though, that I couldn't go through the day without a schedule and five checklists on hoof at the time.

Then Rarity left with her sister, and my checklists got shorter with a lack of items to gift.
Then Applejack moved to Manehatten and my schedule had more free time.
Then Fluttershy started working in Canterlot, and my checklists were now a single checklist.
And then Spike left, and I stopped organising myself.

It wasn't as bad as I would have expected. If a problem arose, I'd go and deal with it there and then. If activities overlapped, I'd prioritise them and work from there. That was a high-point for my obsession with organisation, the tamest it had ever been, until the Princess cancelled my studentship and I became reckless to an absurd degree.

That month consisted of some of the most exhilarating and stupid things I've ever done. I took a dive from a carriage around three weeks later. The rush was indescribable and finally gave me some relief from my marred thoughts, that is until I landed and laid in bed that night, remembering the activity. Remembering how I had the single chute, no reserves or magical spells to slow me down. Recalling how I never even considered that something could have gone wrong.

A week later, I received a letter from a legal office I'd never heard of, telling me that my parents were dead.
I packed a reserve chute that time.

So why is it that I kick myself every time I remember this next part?

---

Dash was in the Wonderbolts, I had my life back, and life was going smoothly for the two of us. Rainbow had been rising up the ranks steadily during the two months that she'd been on the team, bringing the Wonderbolts to new heights as she performed her own daring tricks to the populous. She still finds time to complain to me though, on her weekly Sunday visits, about how she's never allowed to truly let go and show Equestria 'just how it's done.'

And I sit and I nod, agreeing with her because fighting would only waste the previous time that we had with each other. Things were certainly getting better, if a bit monotonous. Rainbow had extracted a promise from me to not do anything exceedingly stupid while she wasn't there. It wasn't one that she had to fight for that much though, I think that the Base jump was my last hoorah, after all, what reason was there to be sad for now?

I had the mare I loved by my side and a life worth living, what point would I find to throw that all away?

But sitting here now and writing my memoirs, I now realise just how lax I was. It was on a Sunday, around ten weeks after we'd started dating, and myself and Rainbow were in my house, snuggled against my sofa with me. We'd gone out earlier for a meal at one of Fancy Pant's new restaurants that had appeared in Ponyville, as per the instructions of an old friend of mine apparently.

It was a lovely meal, me and Dash both ordered the same thing and were talking constantly, chatting about the Wonderbolt's latest manoeuvre and how the library was going to need re-stocking sooner or later. Both me and Dash took a walk under the moonrise after, Dash preferring it because it was cooler, and I because I walked under the stars.

Afterwards, we left the night alone and went inside to cuddle up on the sofa with a cup of cocoa and a fire crackling in the hearth.
"I'm going to do it, Saturday's show, I'm going to show Equestria just what I can do." Rainbow said with determination. She clutched the half-empty cup towards her and looked into the fire.
"Saturday's no good, I need to re-shelve the history section on Saturday." was my sleepy reply, my cocoa already drained and my head lolling on Dash's shoulder.
"I don't care, I'm doing it then or else I'll never do it."
"Well, just make sure that I can see it from here Dashie." I replied.
"Don't you worry about that Twi, I'll give them a show they'll never forget." Rainbow proclaimed, her hoof pointing straight up in the air and spilling the cocoa on the floor.

"Rainbow…"
"Erm… oops?"

---

The bitter pill in all this? I could have stopped what happened next, I could have told Dash no, and I like to think she would have listened to me. But I didn't, so Rainbow had no reason not to go ahead. It was beautiful you know? In a morbid way. Rainbow's trick turned out to be a Rainboom that could be seen from a hundred miles away, and I watched it. I watched it and thought of my Dash, having the time of her life as I stacked books on Griffin history.
Ten minutes later, there was a knock at my door, telling me to come to the hospital quickly, that there'd been an accident at the show. That was all I needed to hear, not letting him finish as I left in a hurry.

I don't think I've ever  run as fast, galloping towards the hospital like a madpony, ponies jumping out of my way as I made no attempts to avoid them, my only goal to reach the hospital and my only hope that this accident did not involve Rainbow. Slim though my hope was, I still held onto it.

I held onto it as I skidded onto the path to the hospital, seeing the press piled up against the door,
I held onto it as I appeared inside the hospital and was met by the Wonderbolts,
And I held onto it as I looked around for the missing Wonderbolt.

I let go of my hope when I found her.

"Where's Rainbow?" I asked in a small voice, dreading the answer. None of the Wonderbolts answered, but Soarin, I think he was called, glanced at a room to my left, which I started walking to, determined to find out what was wrong with my Dash.
Dash's boss, Spitfire, unfroze herself and darted towards me, trying to stop me from opening the door with a shout of "Twilight, wait!" a moment too late. I opened the door and saw my Dash.

I won't go into it, there was a lot of red and a lot of ponies wearing red coats were swarming around the red body on the red table.
I let Spitfire pull me away, too numb to resist her as I followed her back to the other Wonderbolts who were all wincing at an expression which I can only assume was my own.
"Easy there." The captain of the Wonderbolts said, guiding me into a chair before standing up again, "Would you like a coffee?" She asked.
I nodded and she left quickly, returning moments later with a cup of steaming liquid which she placed into my hooves and I held steady. "What happened?" I asked, my powers of speech only now returning.
Spitfire sighed, collapsing into a chair behind her as she looked at me.
"Rainbow crashed."

"Everything was going well, it was exactly the same as the other performances, we all had our roles to play and we all played them. Everything was normal, and then, just after the last trick, she flies back and up high, coming shooting back down moments later with a Rainboom that I'll never forget. Then- then- then that happened. And all because… because… because-"
"Because Rainbow didn't follow the program,"
Soarin continued, patting Spitfire gently as the Wonderbolts Captain broke down in sobs.
"Because Rainbow put in a stunt which was never meant to be there and is going to cost Rainbow her status as a Wonderbolt if nothing else." Soarin continued, his voice harsh as he listed the facts.

"And it was all- it was all because of- because of me." Spitfire choked out, her head still in her hooves. "If I'd given her more free reign, if I’d let her perform a solo stunt… then this would never have happened." she managed, her eyes still filled with tears.
"And who's to say that it wouldn't have happened even if you'd given her the opportunity?" Soarin replied, focusing completely on Spitfire as she broke down, the rest of the Wonderbolts carefully looking away from their unflappable boss.
"But now- now we'll never know." Spitfire muttered, still sobbing.
"Now we'll never know." Soarin echoed, "So let's focus on what we do know, ey?"

I left them alone to their sorrows, leaving my still-full cup of coffee on the table next to me, wandering over to the reception desk instead. I was in shock, that was plain enough for anyone to see, and the look the receptionist gave me was one of worry befitting my current situation. I didn't give him a chance to see to my own needs though, Dash's were above my own at this point.
"How is she?" I asked.
"She's lost a lot of blood and she's broken her left wing, it's a miracle she's not dead." came a voice from behind me. I turned around to see a unicorn, one of the ponies from Dash's room, without his red coat. He had bags under his eyes and his voice told me just how tired he was.

"She's stable, for now, but there's still a lot of work to be done. I take it that you are Miss Twilight Sparkle?" he asked me,
I nodded, before speaking, "Yes, that's me."
"Come with me, you're in shock." he asserted, leading my unresisting body over to a smaller room on the other side of the floor. Inside there was a small bed in the corner along with a chair and a few pieces of equipment dotted here and there around the room. The doctor led me to the chair and sat me down, opening a drawer and extracting a few tools from it with his magic.

"Follow the light with your eyes please Miss Sparkle" he told me, holding what looked like a small torch up to my eyes and moving it from side to side. I followed it without realising I was doing so, much like a moth is drawn to light. I think he realised this though, because he started speaking again, and for some reason, it sounded muted, like he talked to me through a wall. "So, tell me about Rainbow Dash Twilight, you're good friends right?"

If I thought it was hard to listen, it was harder to speak, it felt like I was moving my mouth through treacle, yet move my mouth I did. "Yes, she's my… friend."
"We've sent word out to your other friends, a Miss Pie, Rarity, Fluttershy and Applejack, they should be here soon."
The doctor put his light away, turning to pull something else out from the drawer as I said quietly, "They won't come… they never come."
He didn't reply to that. He didn't say anything else through the whole examination for that matter, the last words he said to me when he'd finished checking me up were, "You're free to stay in the hospital while your friend gets better."
And then he left me.

I laid in bed and went through the motions for sleep, but sleep never came.
I tried to count sheep, jumping a fence, yet all I saw was the infinite monotony.
I tried to put my thoughts out of my mind, yet they still came, marred and twisted.

Sleep, I decided, was a pipe dream at the moment, so when night had fallen and I laid awake, staring at a ceiling inside a sterile box, I got up and made my way through the door, sneaking past the snoozing receptionist and over to the door that Dash had previously lain behind. I slid it open and looked through, only for my eyes to meet an empty room with no Dash.

I slipped inside and shut the door behind me, starting to scour the whole room for a clue as to what happened to my Dash. I found nothing but a sterile smell and sheet metal. I still held onto a sliver of hope though, maybe she'd just been transferred to a different room, this did look more like an operating theatre than a room for sustained care. So it was with some trepidation that I slipped out of the alien room and into the foyer once again, my target this time was a board which was hanging behind the night-receptionist. I frantically scanned my eyes from side to side, looking for the name I needed to be there, and finding nothing, I narrowed my eyes and read over the board again, this time murmuring to myself.

"Golden Apple? No."
Another line.
"Forgotten History? No."
My eyes flicked down again.
"Rainbow Shine? No."

Each time I scanned the board, hoping for the name I wished to be there to appear, I became more frantic, my murmuring quickly turning into desperate shouting as I searched the board over and over again, not finding her. I stopped when the receptionist, who was still sleeping soundly despite my increasingly desperate shouting, fidgeted in his sleep, displacing a small piece of paper which had been trapped beneath his head on the desk, causing it to float down in front of me.

I sighed, my hope all but lost as I picked up the paper in my magic, my heart already sunken. I gave the paper a cursory glance, and my eyes spotted the word 'Dash' pencilled in, causing me to do a double-take. It couldn't have been this easy all along, could it? I raised the paper up against the dim light provided by the low-powered lighting in the foyer and read,


Rainbow Dash has been transferred to room 83,
Only Friends and Family are allowed to visit.


I replaced the note where it had first lain, already moving towards the stairs in search of room 83, and damn to the visiting hours.

Room 83 was on the first floor and was the third door on the right after first taking a right and then the second left. It looked just the same as any other door, translucent glass through which a slightly blurry image could be seen, the number of the room extended on two pieces of brass just to the right of the door.

I slid it open and slipped inside, careful not to make any sound, lest it wake any of the other patients who lined the hallway. Once inside, I looked around, my eyes scanning over the bare walls and the empty flower pot on the desk, seeking the occupant of the bed instead. It was a small comfort, all I could see was a small lump in the bedsheets where Rainbow must have lain. A lump rose in my throat to match the lump under the sheets and I walked over to the single chair that occupied the room, sitting down on it and looking at the lump under the sheets.

Spitfire had thought it her own fault that Rainbow had grown bored and impulsive, that she had caged Rainbow up and not let her fly free. 
Soarin had blamed it on Rainbow, that she was responsible for her own actions and that it was her fault.
None of them knew the truth, that it was me that was the instigator for this. That I had given her my blessing to go and 'prove herself'. 

'To who?' 
I found myself asking. She knew that she didn't need to prove herself to me and she'd already proven herself worthy enough to be invited into the Wonderbolts, what more did she need to prove now?
What was it she'd said?

I couldn't remember.
I'd been too caught up in the fact that Rainbow was with me as per usual, to listen to what she'd actually said.
My vision blurred as tears formed in my eyes.
If I had just paid attention and listened to Dash, I could have stopped this.
A sob wracked my body as I realised just how idle I'd been.
I should have been there with her.
A sadistic voice in my head asked me if reshelving the history section was worth this.

"Twilight?"
I could have stopped this. I repeated to myself. Trying to ignore my mind, conjuring her voice up to torment me.
"Twilight, is that you?"
I could have planned for this, I could have planned for the possibility that Rainbow would crash on this show, and I could have made a plan for how to deal with it.
I looked over to the small lump in the bed, and the pair of violet eyes which peeked over the top of the sheet into my own.

"Rainbow." I whispered not getting up from my seat.
"Twilight." she replied, watching me with teary eyes.

We stayed like that for a time, maybe it was a few seconds, maybe it was a few minutes, but after a while, Dash turned over, looking straight up to the ceiling and began to talk.
"I've screwed up, Twilight." Rainbow started, her voice heavy. "The Wonderbolts are going to kick me out of the team now, no-matter what, aren't they?" she asked, not giving me time to answer, even if I could have, "Not that it matters anymore. " she said with a bitter laugh that chilled me to the bone, "Not that it would ever matter now." she said, her voice quieter and more subdued than before.

"Wha- What do you mean?" I asked tentatively, dreading the answer.
In response, she simply rolled away from me and lifted the cover of the bed. It took me a moment to realise what was wrong, then I saw it, or rather the lack of it. Rainbow's wings, both of them, were gone, the only reminder that there was once something else there, two lines of red against her cyan coat, both stitched tightly closed.
"Oh Rainbow." I said mournfully, leaning back into my chair, the emotion in my voice almost palpable as I saw what my mistake had cost her.
"Twi?" came Rainbow's voice, her small, vulnerable voice, so different from the one I knew.
"Yes Rainbow?"
"Can you keep me company tonight?"

I was about to reply when I started thinking, about how it was all my fault, that Dash didn't know what she was asking and how she should hate me. The synapses in my brain going into overdrive as I thought about it, and thought, and thought. Before realising that I was overthinking everything again.

"Twilight?" Rainbow asked the empty air, knocking me back into reality. I stood up and slid into the bed with her, holding my Dash close against me in an effort to protect her from the world.
"Did you need to ask?" I replied, holding her to me.

I held her to me all through the night, as she started sobbing, I held her to me.
When she begged forgiveness of her parents, who'd passed away years before I'd met her, I held her.
And when she finally quietened down and went into a peaceful sleep, I held her.
I wasn't even sure who was comforting who.

---

Morning found us there, Rainbow held in my hooves as we both tried to deny reality. I was the first to awaken, the tapping of hooves at the foot of the bed drawing me from my dreamless sleep. I looked up from my position in bed to see the doctor who'd looked after me last night, wearing a smirk as he watched the two of us.
"I see you decided that your room wasn't good enough Miss Sparkle." he said, feigning anger.
I blushed, already opening my mouth to reply when he raised a hoof and cut me off, 
"No, I'm not mad at you. I probably should have expected that you'd find your way here. In fact, I'm glad that you did, as are a lot of other ponies on this floor I presume."

I looked at him, puzzled, my brain still muddled from my slumber.
"Look at her, she's sleeping peacefully and has hardly made a noise all night, you've certainly given her comfort Miss Sparkle, and maybe that's all she needs at the moment." He finished, smiling.
I glanced next to me at Dash, my eyes immediately drawn to the wounds either side of her chest again, before I forcibly looked away and into her face. Some time in the night, she'd turned over and was now facing me, her eyes closed and a faraway smile on her face. She truly looked relaxed.

"I'm Doctor Horse by the way, Medical Professional. If I'm right, we should just need to keep Miss Dash in for a bit longer to look at how her sides are healing, then we can discharge her. Could you follow me please, I'd like to get some of the paperwork filled out for when we do so." The doctor said, but I was only half listening, my attention primarily focused on Dash. But I still extracted myself from her, smiling slightly as she sighed in her sleep. It was nice to know that she still noticed me, even when she was sleeping.

I followed the doctor out of the room and across to a small office at the end of the hall, thanking the doctor as he held the door open for me. I stood around the front of the desk within as he made his way around the other side and withdrew a stack of forms from a small drawer behind the desk.
"Am I right in thinking that you two are more than just friends?" he asked me as he shuffled through the papers, withdrawing one or two sheets from the stack and laying them on the desk in front of me.
I nodded.
"Good, then we need you to fill out a few forms please, just to say that she's going to be staying with a competent carer-" he paused, "I'm not assuming too much here am I?"
I numbly shook my head, giving thought to what he was suggesting. Rainbow needed a place to stay, yes. Going back to her cloud house was going to be out of the question with her in this state and I'd be  willing to hazard a guess that Pinkie would be less than willing to offer Dash a place to stay again. I tuned back in to what the doctor was saying after another moment or two.
"-Then in that case, could you sign here, here and here please." he said, crossing a small line on each of the three documents that he'd laid before me.

I nodded again, taking the proffered pen within my magic and signing my name with magical precision on each of the three lines.
"Excellent, I believe that's all Miss Sparkle, we'll notify you when we're ready to discharge her."
"Wait." I said, my voice dry and cracked from lack of use. "One question, why did you have to remove her wings, you said that only one of them was broken."
I could see that he'd been hoping I'd forget to ask this question. "Ah. Yes. That. Well, when Miss Dash arrived here, she had an open fracture on the left wing and we had to deal with it by cutting off the blood flow to her wing which is standard procedure while we attempt to set the bone, and we managed it, setting the bone that is, and that's when I left to see who had opened the door for a moment."

"It turned out that she had a fracture in her right wing too, closed and almost invisible, the first we knew that it was causing a clot was when the tip of her wing darkened and her feathers started falling out. Things only went downhill from there. We attempted to do what we could for the other wing, applying another tourniquet to block off the blood and reduce the pressure on her bones. But by then it was already too late, the tissue had already died and the wing was past saving. So we had to… remove it." 

"And within all the hubbub, we forgot about the first fracture… we forgot to set the blood flowing in her other wing. Again, the tissue died, and we had to remove it. I'm sorry Miss Sparkle, I truly am. It was our utter carelessness that caused Miss Dash to lose her wings, and if you want some form of compensation, then I wouldn't blame you for suing the hospital for malpractice." the doctor finished, his sympathy clear in his voice.

I wanted to be angry at him, I wanted to curse him for his lack of foresight, to banish him for his negligence. The doctor looked at me with something akin to fear in his eyes as I looked into his own, seeing the reflection of a mare of nightmares, her mane ashen and eyes a dark light. The mare looked incensed and ready to pounce upon the worthless pony below her, to punish him for what he did to Dash and to make him feel her wrath. But the mare of nightmares was not Twilight Sparkle.

Twilight Sparkle still cared for all ponies, and Twilight Sparkle didn't truly want to hurt the doctor.
That was the nightmare, but it would be nice, just for once, to let go.
To let the ponies feel the wrath of the Nightmare.
To make them rue the day they had taken the sky from her marefriend.
To force them to burn beneath her will.

No. That was the nightmare.

And with that, I set my boundaries once again, and breathed in, my coat changing to a light purple and my mane flopping over my eyes, as navy blue as I remembered it to be. I breathed out again and blinked, my eyes back to normal.
"Miss Sparkle?" came the tentative voice of the doctor, pressed up against the wall with fear in his eyes.
"Get. Out." I said, biting the words off as I fought to control my emotions, pushing down any errant thought that occurred.
He fled out of the room, needing no further invitation from me.

I stayed in the office for a bit longer, regulating my breathing and my emotions before I set out again to seek Dash.
I re-entered the room to find her asleep still. I walked over to her, sitting on the edge of the bed and stroking a hoof along her shoulder, tracing the scar down her side, causing her to shudder and open her eyes, looking up at me. I smiled at her, leaning forwards to kiss her on the nose.
She offered me the ghost of a smile before saying "You left me here." her voice hurt and accusing.
"I had to fill in some paperwork to say that you'd be staying with me while you healed." I said with a smile
Rainbow rolled her eyes at me, her familiar smirk back in place, "And why can't I stay where I live?" she asked.

I looked down at the scar on her chest and she followed my gaze, her eyes coming to rest on the stump.
"Oh. I forgot." she said in a small voice, laying back against the bed with resignation and saying no more.
"They're going to let you out today though Rainbow, as long as your sides have healed." I offered after awkwardly rubbing her shoulder for another minute.
No response.
"I can let you use the guest bedroom while you're staying with me, and we can take a trip to your house later to collect your things." I said, trying to get her to say something.
No response.
"Maybe take a trip to Sugarcube corner afterwards to let Pinkie know you're ok?" I asked, my hoof simply kneading her shoulder now in nervous anticipation until I felt another hoof take its place over it and hold my own steady.

"No, if she wanted to know if I was ok, she could have come to see me." she said with a sense of finality. It was with the same sense of finality and hopelessness that she answered the other questions, "That's good, I guess, we can get some of my stuff later. I'd like that." she said, her tone at odds with what she said, completely flat and emotionless.
I nodded my understanding of what she said, climbing into the bed with her and holding her close, trying to reassure myself and her that everything would be alright.

---

From there, the nurse found us, cuddled together and each of us offering the other their comfort, neither of them finding their own. Dash had her test and she was discharged an hour later, sent home in a wheelchair as her legs weren't quite healed yet. I offered her the use of my guest room and she accepted, only for me to find her later that night, sobbing helplessly beneath her bedsheets. I offered my comfort to her in whichever way I could, holding her close and stroking her mane, trying to soothe her and make her forget about her loss.

The next day, we went up to her house in my balloon, the wheelchair and myself now supporting a cloud-walking spell as we floated up to Rainbow's house. I stayed at the door, watching as she went from room to room, bringing nothing with her. Then she went to the foot of the stairs in her house and just looked up at them, without waiting for me, she simply left the confines of her wheelchair and started climbing the stairs on hoof, wincing as she did so. Around the fifth stair, she collapsed backwards, her hind legs unable to support her as she fell into my magical embrace.

I think something died within her then, that she couldn't even climb the stairs in her own house. It must have done terrible things to her pride. Anyway, the only object to come out of that trip was a small book and a picture frame that Dash had placed next to her bed. The book was bound in cyan cloth and bore her cutie mark upon it. The picture frame was a light pine thing with gold trailing around the rim. She showed me neither of them and I didn't ask. They were her possessions, and if she wanted to talk to me about either of them, that was up to her.

Then we came to my house and settled in for a night on the sofa. We talked to one another, well, I tried to talk to her and she just stared into the fire.

I caught her once or twice, on a day or two, just looking out the window or standing on the balcony, looking up to the stars or the sky, standing on tips of her hooves as she strained her neck, trying to re-join her sky.
I never interfered on those days.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had.