Honestly, when this whole deal had been made, I expected Discord to be the one doing the bad and me being the victim.
There hadn’t been a lot of scenarios in my mind about me brutalizing anypony. I couldn’t tell if it was innocence, naivety or plain stupidity. Obviously, if he could brainwash the heroes of the show, then the side-story’s main character was just going to get run over by the whole griffon nation.
Ironically, now I held the fate of a world (two?) between my hooves.
My mind had drawn a blank. This was a bit beyond my usual scope of responsibilities.
“Feeding my cat…” I lifted my right hoof. “Unleashing Discord on Equestria and the rest of this world.” I lifted the left one and mimed counterbalancing their respective weight.
So far, the fate of Equestria was still heavier. Big shock here.
I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t ask for something this big. Heck, I had anticipated the thorns on the rose, but not the dragon ready to bite off my hand behind it.
“Urgh!” I grunted, taking my head between my hooves. “I’m getting nowhere with this!”
‘Talking to yourself never solved anything,’ my brain remarked.
“Oh, like you never had any short-comings!” I snarled.
‘Touché,’ my brain conceded, ‘and nice burn against yourself there.’
Wow, outwitted by my own brain. Was there such a thing as hitting rock-bottom?
I did not get the occasion to find out however as knocks on my door startled me.
Obeying my first reflex, I went on to the door, though opening it with my mouth turned out to be a struggle. Nonetheless, any concern I might have had flew out of the window in the face of a wooden harness. My jaw dropped and my eyes widened at the sight of Big Mac.
As one might have expected, a moment of silence took place between us, though not entirely out of my free will.
I simply had no idea what to say to the red stallion. Well, other than… ‘Holy crap, you’re huge!’
“Granny made pie,” he said, breaking the silence.
“Huh…” I blinked.
“Had an extra…” Big Mac muttered, rummaging through his saddle. It took him a moment, but when he lifted his neck, he was holding a small package in his mouth.
Neither of us moved. I stared. He stared.
It probably would have gone on longer if he didn’t clear his throat and make a small gesture toward the inside of the house.
Pushing asides all my superfluous thoughts, I stepped aside, finally letting the red stallion in.
Big Mac lost no time with unneeded details or small talk. He went directly for the table and placed the pie on top of some lingering plates. As I could expect of him, he made no attempt at small talk and trotted back outside quickly, which I may have found vaguely insulting had I not known his character.
Just outside my house though, he stopped, glancing back toward me. His eyes were half-dropped and his expression was just as peaceful, just as calming as it ever was. However, a piece of me shrank down in fright in front of those eyes. They pierced through the mask and made me wonder why he wasn’t the Element of Honesty instead of his sister.
He then proceeded to baffle me… by talking.
“T’day is a mighty pretty day. Ye might want to spend some time outside.” Big Mac raised his head a little, very nonchalant about all this.
That’s about the moment I realized I was the one being silly. Big Macintosh was talking to me about the weather, not throwing accusations around.
“Y-yeah, I was just about to do that!” I replied cheerfully.
Internally however, I was taken aback by my own words. Now that I had worded out the idea, it seemed like something to do. Taking a moment to breath, looking at what I was going to face (or let go of…) instead of just making my choice on a second’s notice.
We exchanged a nod as goodbye, as I suspected was the usual way for the big stallion to save his breath, before he turned around and left, carrying away that calming aura away with him.
Right, well, great, I finally had some clear idea of what I could do.
I could not keep a childish grin out of my face. I was in Ponyville! That fact alone made me giddy. It was like a childhood dream come true!
…Except I did not watch the show when I was a little snotty kid.
Details!
I was in Ponyville!
Proof? I just trotted past Lyra Heartstring. Thankfully, she had no idea I was really a human in disguise. Not that I was really afraid, but I happened to have read a few fics with an insane Lyra recently.
‘Hands! Real human hands!’ Her imaginary copy started shouting madly in my head.
Shiver material.
Aaaaanyway, I was already past the park and I could see why the Everfree Forest was so unspeakably scary to ponies. This place had marvelous weather.
This had to be the single most beautiful day I’ve lived through. Seriously, even in the minutest of details, the temperature, the atmosphere was clearly regulated to a pony’s best comfort zone.
The breeze on my fur was just right to be refreshing and the number of clouds in the sky was just enough to lessen the strength of the sunrays.
It… it almost felt alien.
Neighing, I shook my head, calling myself silly. Seriously? Regulated weather felt nice? That’s what got me weirded out and not the fact that I was a quadruped?
What was wrong with my brain?
‘HEY! Watch your tone!’ Said organ yelled, offended.
‘Sorry,’ I apologized sheepishly.
Budding duplicate personality aside, I really ought to relax a little bit more. After all, I was here to enjoy myself. I never got the chance to, so I should make the most of this little reprise. A certain someone seemed to have left me to ponder on my decision, which was unbelievably great.
Besides, if I were to give up, then he’d rewind time and none of what I had done would stick. Caramel would wake up in his bed without ever knowing what might have happened… what could…
Oh Lord, I was going to throw up!
Panicked, I jumped forward toward the first garbage can I could find. Bending my body toward, I retched up and lost my breakfast, feeling a bit disoriented by my own sudden manoeuver.
Dizzy, I sat down, rump resting in the grass with glassy eyes.
‘Shut up, Conscience, I really don’t want to talk to you today.’ I shuddered.
The lack of surging guilt rising up my throat was sign enough that my conscience was appeased for now. Apparently, being sick was a great display of moral fortitude for my subconscious.
…Someday, I would have to see a psychologist and let him diagnose me. It could probably be great study material. I could already see the title: ‘The mind at its breaking point, by your trusty Dr. Maboule.’
I snickered. That was just so stupid.
“Heya, Caramel. You seem happy today!” A feminine voice greeted me.
Startled, I looked up to see a well-known pony in the fandom, mostly for an unfortunate imagined drinking habit, namely Berry Punch.
“H-hey!” I replied, not entirely sure what my relationship with her was supposed to be like. Did Caramel ever interact with Berry Punch on the show? “I just remembered a good joke.”
“Really?” The mare smiled, moving a little closer. “I’d like to hear it then.”
Typical, really.
“Well… hum… ” My head spun to my left and right, what’s with me trying to spot a good inspiration for one, with a really big lack of inspiration coming. “It’s… huh… the story of a cook, a Canadian hockey player and a blonde supermodel entering a bar and-”
“What’s a Canadian hockey player?” Berry Punch tilted her head to the side, frowning.
Ignoring that blasphemy made my heart and my mouth bleed, but I had no choice, instead letting my poor excuse of an improvising talent do the talking.
“Nothing! It’s a word Lyra invented!”
Smooth.
She stared, which served as a good reminder that the idea Lyra was obsessed with human was not actually canon, or at the very least, wasn’t touched on in the show itself...
“Huh…” The purple mare sounded taken aback, glancing in Lyra’s direction. “I wonder what goes through her head sometimes…”
“Yeah, but whatever!” I threw my front legs up in the air, hoping very hard that this would be forgotten and wouldn’t bit me in the ass like everything else. “What about you? You look positively radiant today!”
At that, she chuckled.
“Gee, you sweet talker. You know I’m too busy for a relationship and generally not interested.”
“Which means it’s one hundred percent sincere!” I quipped with a growing grin.
Berry Punch was definitely amused now. “Hum… I’ll remember that.”
“I bet the whole town will.” I chuckled, delighted to have a semi-normal conversation for once.
“Now I know you’re flirting with me.” The mare looked at the sky, sounding a mix of exasperated and amused.
“What? Oh no, I’m not that kind of stallion.” I waved my hooves around dismissively, though not without a hint of playfulness.
“Riiiiiight,” she said, skeptical. “In any case, Carrot Top and I are going to the karaoke tonight; do you want to come with us?”
She had to be messing with me in return.
“Hum… sure.”
“We’ll stop by your house after we check up on Thunderlane. Rose will join up with us there. Is that fine with you?”
For a few seconds, I stared at her. I didn’t have a problem with it, but the fact she implied I should worried me.
“…Yeah?” I nodded, gauging her reaction.
“Great,” she said, smiling. “Then we’ll see each other this evening then! Later, Caramel!”
With a smile of my own, I waved her goodbye as she went on her way.
“Maybe this will be a worthwhile experience…” I whispered, feeling strangely weightless at this nice and friendly moment. It was a great reprise from the usual pace.
Even better, I still could not find any trace of him anywhere, external or internal. It was like he was leaving me alone!
Feeling giddy, I almost hopped my way deeper into Ponyville.
“Best. Cupcakes. Ever!” I squealed (yes, I’m not proud of it…), letting the sweet goodies melt on my tongue. Oh Celestia… this was heaven.
I could die happy now.
Not that I wanted to, but if it happened, at least I would have eaten Pinkie Pie’s cupcakes before.
Another bite and I fainted out of sheer delight.
“Hum… why are you smiling like that?” The tiny dragon asked me, his claw and the quill stopped just over the register. “You’re just borrowing a book.”
“I knoooooow!” I danced on my hooves, my tail excitedly flailed left and right!
“Listen up, girls. We’re definitely going to get our cutie mark this way!” A small orange pegasus filly said, flapping her wings at high speed.
“Ah dunno, Scoot,” her friend replied, glancing between the filly and the enormous ramp she had built.
“Yeah, Rarity forbid me from doing anything that qualifies as ‘dangerous’ or ‘uncouth’.” The last of the trio, a little unicorn filly, looked around nervously trying to spot her big sister in the deserted street.
“Oh come on, Sweetie Bell! Rarity thinks everything is dangerous or uncouth.” Scootaloo rolled her eyes, placing a badly fabricated white helmet over her head.
“She’s got a point,” Applebloom agreed.
“Hum…” The poor filly looked away, unsure of where her loyalty should lie. Big sister or best friends? Tough call. “O-okay!”
“Sweet!” The pegasus filly hoofbump, handing helmets similar to her own to her friends.
When all three where firmly attached to Scootaloo’s scooter, they all took a deep breath, which was my cue to cover my ears. It wouldn’t do to be discovered because of pained audition.
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS ASTRONAUTS YAY!”
Then they threw themselves on the ramp.
Lesson of the day… no, wait, let me say it right.
Clearing my throat, I placed a hoof on my chest, trying to sound polite and formal.
“Dear Princess Celestia… Ponyville is AWESOME!”
The day couldn’t have gone smoother. Serious kudos to the pony behind today. Not a single ridiculously convoluted event to darken my mood, with the exception of the blueberry incident, but no one will ever speak of that again.
Rainbow Dash, for example, had been a real sight to behold. No episode could ever correctly show how extraordinary her flying techniques were. The Sonic Rainboom one came close, but… seeing her do it just above my head had been an incredible show.
However, now I was beat.
With the grace of a cat falling in a flight of stairs, I plumped down on my couch, with very little care in which position I would get myself into. Right now, my only desire was to close my eyes and fall into a deep slumber.
A goofy grin on my lips, I let my mind drift away.
This… this was the stuff I had dreamed of, making that deal. Just some friendly faces, a nice day, taste something delicious, laugh a little… It had all happened.
Perhaps unwillingly, Discord had just given me a really great gift. I could see the manipulations behind it, but, at the current moment, my heart was still fluttering with happiness. Ponyville had just given me the break I wished for.
Content, I listened to the ticking of my clock, my sole companion for the evening.
Tick, tick, tick…
Was this the kind of existence ponies usually lead? If this was a dream… I’d rather not wake up.
Then again, I hadn’t dreamed ever since that deal had been passed between Discord and me. It probably was for the best, considering... some of the rounds.
“Argh!” I shouted, burying my face in a pillow. “No thinking about that crap! Today, focus on today!”
However, I had a bit of trouble doing that now. At most, I could force myself not to think of anything, by focusing exclusively on the noises around me.
Tick, tick, tick…
The clock on the wall. Relentless. Unstoppable, unflappable clock.
The idea had a silly effect on my mind, making the desire to laugh in my chest bubble up.
A series of impetuous knocks on my door blew that away instantaneously, which was not exactly surprising when the shock had made me fall off the couch.
“Caramel! Hurry up!” Berry shouted, urgency in her voice.
“Coming!” I shouted back, scrambling to my hooves.
Not a second had passed since the moment I had unlocked the door that it was thrown open at lightning speed and Berry Punch ran inside. I barely had the time to move aside, saved only by my oh so great reflexes.
“Where’s your bathroom?!” She turned to me with a snarl.
“O-over there.” I pointed with my hoof, backing away fearfully.
Berry Punch disappeared in that direction, leaving me staring with dilated eyes…
“Oh, don’t mind her.” I jumped when another mare made that comment. “She was a bit excited about this so she started early.”
I eyed Carrot Top wearily. “As in…”
“Yup, she dove headfirst into the punch as soon as Fluttershy picked up Ruby Pinch and Rumble,” she explained with a fond smile. “The poor mare’s been holding back for a week now.”
“Hu-uh…”
“Oh yeah, it was kind of scary actually,” a distinctively male voice added, prompting me to look outside. Yup, Thunderlane was flying just above the window.
When he noticed me, he grinned. “Hey Caramel, how’s it going?”
“I was doing pretty well, but now I’m just a little lost for words…” I scratched the back of my head sheepishly.
“Ah, Berry has that effect on stallions. Don’t worry.” Carrot Top shrugged, her smile growing a bit wider and slightly mocking.
That had me blushing…
“It’s not like that!” Sweet mother of Celestia, no! I was still very much attracted to humans, thank you.
Huh… would that ever become a problem if I chose to live here…?
‘AAAAARGH, why do I keep thinking about this?! I’m just taking a moment to relax!’ I gritted my teeth together, now a bit angry.
“It’s never like that,” Thunderlane snickered. “Right until the moment a certain earth pony brings back the mare back home and…” His voice trailed off and he poked me in the ribs with his elbow.
With that kind of grin, no need to draw me a picture.
“Alright,” I conceded, affecting a sheepish tone. “Maybe, it is sometimes like that, but this time it really is just because she almost ran me over.”
Carrot Top started laughing.
“Oh for goodness’ sake…” I muttered, which sent them both over the edge.
Because comedy is the guiding force of this universe, apparently, Berry Punch chose that exact moment to dramatically open the door of the bathroom.
“Alright, ponies! Time to rock this place!” She neighed, her voice even louder than before.
“Maybe later,” Carrot Top said, making me look at her with wide eyes, “Rose must be waiting for us.”
“Oh, okay then,” Berry quietly agreed, making her way to us with a little wobble.
“Let’s go!” Thunderlane declared, grinning and flapping his wings faster with the excitement.
With no one willing to argue over this, we all left my house and we trotted our way to the bar.
Actually, scratch that. I should have known that karaoke in this world meant one heck of a theater built specifically for that. It was not an exaggeration. My neck was getting stiff with me trying to see the giant neon words on the façade.
“You know, it’s a good thing there aren’t many flies around here, Caramel.” A new voice joined in on the teasing bandwagon. “You sure wouldn’t be hungry for a while…”
With some difficulties, I closed my mouth and tore my eyes off the five stories tall karaoke building to focus on the pale earth pony mare.
“Well, huh… I didn’t remember this place being so big!” I protested, raising my arms toward the building, because five stories tall karaoke house! In Ponyville?!
“W-whatever!” Berry Punch loudly declared, puffing her chest out. “Who cares?! We’re going to crash this place!”
Carrot Top shrugged, which prompted the others to do the same and ignore the boisterous mare. She was more than a little sloshed already. I was lucky she hadn’t confused my bedroom with my bathroom, apparently.
“This is going to be fun,” Rose said, completely deadpan.
“You bet it will be!” Berry boasted, putting one front leg around both the other mares’ necks.
“Sounds like my kind of night,” Thunderlane grinned.
“Get going!” Berry Punch finally lost her – non-existent – patience, pushing both her friends inside, prompting Thunderlane and I to follow.
‘Do not contradict the drunk.’ My father always told me and I could definitely see the wisdom in that…
As soon as I stepped inside, dodging the rotating door, I took in the luxurious, electrifying atmosphere.
Soft red carpet below us, neon blue lights above us, we trotted up to the counter, where a pony reminiscent of Vinyl Scratch greeted us. Well, technically, the others did. A weird pamphlet had caught my eyes just next to the door.
“‘A night to enjoy’, presented to you by yours, truly, Beat Record…” I read out loud, eying the image of a pony diva and a griffon rock star on the cover.
Curious, because hey, I’d like to be prepared for once, I deployed the whole thing in front of my face.
‘Here at Karaoke Nights, you may enjoy the liberating experience of a good song. As you know, the magic of music, brought by the Creator and the presence of Harmony, pushes you to sing together, but Karaoke Nights is the outlet for a good time not reliant on divine influence! We believe in bad raspy voice and out of synch singing, as a way of enjoying your night just as well as perfect pitch and soul touching melodies.’
Huh… Well, that answered some questions. Like why nobody liked Pinkie Pie singing out of nowhere but always ready to join in on a musical number.
And why I had joined her in that one song.
But maybe I ought to be grateful… After all, I wouldn’t have realized the truth of this game otherwise…
“Hey, Caramel!” Thunderlane called, the only one still in sight. “Come on, the mares have chosen our spot!”
With a smile, I ran to catch up.
Looking ahead for the rooms, the pegasus started an explanation, though it bordered on rambling.
“They’ve decided to go into the room for a private session first, then we’ll end the night on the stage, for a little sendoff laugh.”
“The… stage?” I asked, coming to a halt.
At that, Thunderlane turned around to look at me, a skeptical frown on his face.
“The big stage… You know, where the ponies go to sing in front of the crowd?” He went on, with a tone that implied I should know this.
“O-oh, right…” I replied hastily, ignoring the shiver that went down my spine at the notion of singing for a crowd…
Were tomatoes allowed in this place? If so, then I’d have to find an umbrella…