You Didn’t Really Think It Was Going To Be That Easy, Did You?
The train never comes.
Luna gently suggests that we should head back to the palace as darkness falls. After all, she needs to raise the moon before she heads out to patrol the city for changeling activity. I let her lead me away, but not before casting one last look down the track in the vain hope that I might see the train around the bend in the mountain, just late after all.
I don't.
We walk back to the palace in silence. Luna keeps looking over at me and I can tell she wants to say something to me but can’t find the words. Looking up at the skies, the battle above is still a stalemate. The area around the palace is safe, but some of the the districts on the outskirts of the city have fallen to the changeling menace. For every enemy the guards strike down, four or five rise up to take their place.
As we get closer to the palace we find the streets clogged with ponies, refugees fleeing from parts of the city the changelings have already taken for the safety of the palace. Luna lifts me onto her back and soars over the crowd, already stretching nearly a block and a half from the front gates and growing even as we watch. Some guards hover over the walls and move to challenge us, but they back down when they see that it’s Luna.
The crowd is being funneled through two little side doors, where a team of unicorn mages are checking each one to make sure they aren’t changelings. It’s slow going, and as I watch they manage to uncover one which is destroyed on the spot in a hail of magic. At the rate they’re going processing this entire crowd will take weeks.
We enter the palace and Luna stops. “I must return to my duties now Twilight. Stay here, you will be safe.”
I don’t bother to reply as I begin to walk away.
“Twilight?” says Luna. I stop. “I’m sorry. I loved them too.”
I just keep walking.
When I reach the great hall, Celestia is pacing back and forth, all hints of regal bearing and composure forgotten. Seeing her this way only makes everything else about the situation feel that much more unreal.
“Twilight? Where are...” she trails off as she realizes that I’m alone. So alone. I just shake my head. “Oh Twilight, I’m so sorry,” she says as she walks over to give me another hug. As if that would fix anything. I step forward, shoving her away and she rears back from me. I try to speak, but it takes a few tries before anything comes out.
“Did you... fix the Elements?” I’m finally able to get out.
Celestia hangs her head. “Only somewhat. Over the next few days I will be able to correct them permanently. They’re... I’ve never seen them like this before. Though it will be taxing I can keep them contained, but I was counting on you and your friends to, well...”
I understand her well enough. ‘To fix everything for her again’ is the phrase she’s looking for. I look up at her and want to scream at her, to condemn her for everything my friends must have suffered. I just want to blame somepony for everything that’s happening so I can stop blaming myself.
“They’re gone,” is all I can say. A million pictures are raging in my mind, thousands of possible ends that they might have suffered, most of them horrible. Because I invited them to come here on the worst day I could have possibly chosen. My fault they suffered, probably suffered terribly. “It’s late,” I say knowing that it really isn’t. “I’m going to bed,” I say as I begin to walk away.
“Twilight, wait,” she says and I do. “I heard some of the preliminary reports about the attacks along the rail lines. Based on those... if it’s any comfort at all, I think.. they likely died well.”
“Compared to what?” I spin around and spit out the question before I can think better of it. “To what, Princess? Please, tell me all about your experiences with the best and worst ways to die. How many times you’ve felt death reach into you, permeate your whole being, and yank you away from everything you love and hold dear? Of the two of us, who do you think knows death better? You’ll probably never know it at all. But what about me? I’m uniquely credentialed, after all. I’ve actually felt it. Not just once but scores of times. Ask me how it feels Princess. You must be curious after all these years. Now’s your chance to find out.”
She doesn’t say anything for a long time. In fact she seems a little taken aback, but my glare doesn’t relent. Finally she collects herself. “Very well, Twilight. Please tell me what death feels like,” she says, almost but not quite keeping her voice from wavering.
“Awful, Princess. I’ve died so many times and every one has been awful. Even when I believe in what I’m doing, the last moment before I slip away is always the same. I’m always alone, Princess. No matter what I do, or why I do it, or where I am in that last moment before I slip away I always feel completely alone. More alone than I’ve ever been.” I walk back up to her, and lean in close. “All my friends died alone.”
I’ve never seen the Princess shaken this badly. I don’t want to wait for her to recover. I’m so tired. I turn away and leave to find a place to rest.
I don’t even make it to the quarters I usually use here in the palace. I find an out of the way room and lay down on the couch. Technically, I haven’t slept for weeks and right now I can feel every minute of it. I’m out cold before my head even hits the pillow.
My dreams are vague but intense impressions. Flashes of my time with my friends and of all the times I’ve died all mix together. Everything is tinged with regret and fear. After what seems like only a few moments I’m being shaken by some guard.
“Good morning, Ms. Twilight. The Princess asked me to see how you were feeling,” says the guard.
It would be rude to tell him to go run himself through with his own spear, wouldn’t it?
I only groan. The Princess probably needs to talk to me. Canterlot is under siege, and thousands of ponies need my help. I’m not so petty that I would leave them hanging. Heh, what would Rainbow Dash think of me if I did?
Nothing. Because she’s dead.
The thought comes unbidden, but is immediately followed by more guilt for what happened to her, and all of my other friends. I invited them here. It’s my fault they were on the train in the first place. I should have been there with them. I should have died there with them, and gone on to whatever comes next.
What does come next? I’ve never really thought about that before. My friends were all good ponies. I hope I’d deserve to go to wherever they went.
No time to consider it right now. I force myself out of bed and follow the guard to the dining room, where both Princesses are quietly munching on pieces of fruit. I don’t think either of them have slept since I’ve last seen them. Luna hasn’t even taken off all her armor. She’s all scratched up from fighting the night before. It’s deeply unsettling to see a Goddess bleed.
“Luna, Celestia,” I say. I think we’re all too tired for formalities. They both nod to me and go on eating. “Do you have any idea what might have happened to my parents, Princess?”
It’s Luna who answers me rather than Celestia. “From what I saw last night their neighborhood was among those infested by the changelings, but they may have gotten out. Perhaps they are among the refugees coming into the castle.” She cleans the last bite of fruit from her plate and picks up her helmet. “I apologize for my abrupt departure, but the battle outside goes on and I cannot be away any longer.”
Celestia lifts some of the scrolls beside her and passes them to Luna. “Please give these to Spike, sister, and have him send them to the front,” she says. I smile. That’s just like him, always finding a way to help out. I wonder if any pony’s told him what happened yet. If not he should hear it from me.
Luna departs and leaves me alone with Celestia. An awkward silence descends over the room, occasionally interrupted by the scratching of quill on parchment as Celestia writes something down.
I finally end it. “Princess, I’m sorry that I snapped at you yesterday. What happened to my friends wasn’t your fault.”
Celestia puts the scroll she’s writing on down onto the table. “You have nothing you need to apologize for. This day has been trying for all of us, and worse for you if you have relived it so many times due to this spell you say you cast.”
“About that, can you do anything to make it stop somehow? Not that I want to die, but am I going to be stuck in this loop forever?”
Celestia squints across the table, examining me for something. “I can sense it, I think. I’ve never heard of a spell doing what you describe but at the same time... well for lack of a better term you aren’t quite as real as you used to be.”
“I’m not real?” Great. Because what I really need right now is an existential crisis on top of everything else.
Celestia smiles. “You are very real, Twilight, don’t worry. There just seems to be something about you being held apart from the rest of you. I cannot make any promises, but I will certainly do everything in my power to assist you once things have settled down.”
I would have preferred something a little more certain but that will have to do for the moment. “Princess, what should I do now? How can I help?”
“I need to attend to the Elements, but I’m sure a talented unicorn such as yourself can find something useful to apply yourself towards. Why don’t you help out in the courtyard? You must have picked up quite a bit of practice spotting changelings by now, put it to good use. Don’t leave the castle grounds. We’ll meet back here for dinner this evening.”
That sounds perfect. A task to help me keep my mind busy, see Spike, and maybe spot my parents. I could really use a bit of good news.
****************************
Luna doesn’t make it back from her patrol.
Reports from some of the other guards say that there was an ambush. Hundreds upon hundreds of changelings leapt out from every direction at once through alleys, windows, rooftops, even up from the sewers. There was panic and confusion as Luna tried to hold the ranks, but even she was overwhelmed by the sheer numbers. There wasn’t even a body left to recover, just the bloody and twisted remains of what had been her glorious silver armor.
The mood in the palace is subdued, to say the least. News and rumor intertwine as ponies tell one another what they know and what they’ve heard. Some of them refuse to believe it. If I hadn’t heard it straight from one of the two guards who was there I wouldn’t have believed it myself.
The changelings left two guards alive intentionally. They wanted us to know.
It’s after ten at night, or what should be night, but the sun still hangs in the sky. I find Celestia on the balcony outside her bedroom just staring straight up into it. Now I’m the one with nothing to say and I just sit with her.
I said plenty last night. I have never, ever regretted anything as much as I regret saying what I did. It’s echoing through her head right now, I can tell.
“I wasn’t ever supposed to raise the moon again, Twilight,” she says. “Maybe as a favor, or if she was sick, but not because she was gone. I waited so long for her to come back, and I only had her again for three years.”
“I know,” I say, leaning against her. She isn’t soft and yielding like she usually is. She’s rigid, every muscle fiber in her body stretched taut.
“It’s not real yet, in my head. As long as the sun’s still up, I can tell myself she’s just running late. Probably overslept again, that’s so like her. When I do this, then it will be real. I just wanted a few more minutes, just to hold on a little bit longer. Selfish, right?”
“No, it isn’t. Everypony understands. Take as long as you need.”
Celestia’s horn glows, and without any fanfare or glory the sun sets and the moon rises. I turn to look into Celestia’s eyes, and I get to watch something inside of her just sputter out and die.
Without a word she stands and turns to go. I follow her. I really don’t think she should be alone right now. We go down the stairs and through the throne room, through the main hall, and down again into the dungeon. The guards scatter as Celestia walks up to the only cell that holds a prisoner and opens it.
“Hello, Princess. Come to talk?” asks Chrysalis. She’s bound in heavy chains against the wall, but from her smug grin you would think she was right where she wanted to be. Maybe she is. “I see you even brought your little pet student. How’s my invasion going? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, I can feel everything my swarm is doing out there. I’m probably better informed than you are.”
“You won’t win, Chrysalis. We’ll push you out of our city. We’ll wipe out every last one of you. You lost the minute Twilight uncovered what was supposed to be your surprise attack,” she says with a confidence she can’t possibly feel. “Even if we can’t do it alone my reinforcements are already on their way.”
“Which ones will get here first do you think?” asks Chrysalis. “The battalion from Trottingham coming from the north, or the one from Manehatten approaching from the west? I’d say they’re both about three days away, maybe two if they hurry. You don’t really think that Canterlot is the only city my children have infiltrated, do you?”
“It doesn’t matter if you know they’re coming. They’ll crush you.”
Chrysalis’ smile fades. “Yes, I don’t deny you have the advantage in that matchup. But if it looks like we’re losing, what do you think we’ll do to this city before we go? We haven’t killed very many ponies yet, in the grand scheme of things. Just enough so the rest would panic. We’re keeping most of them nice and snug in cocoons, all wrapped up and ready for transport. We’ll take half this city with us when you force us to retreat.”
My heart surges. If they aren’t killing the ponies they capture then maybe-
“Is that hope I taste? Sweet, but not very filling. Make no mistake Twilight, your friends are dead. I refuse to take chances where the Elements of Harmony are concerned.” Her smirk returns in full force. “Would you like me to tell you the order we killed them in?”
I want to lunge for her but I keep my cool, for the Princess’ sake if nothing else.
“Give me a reason not to kill you, Chrysalis, because right now I’m finding it very hard not to,” says Celestia. I can tell she’s serious, and that’s not a line she would cross lightly.
Chrysalis turns her head and taps a hoof to her chin, drawing out an exaggerated ‘hmmm’ sound. They were really thorough when they restrained her; there are even chains running through the holes in her legs that slide and rattle as she moves. “Well besides the fact that I have several lieutenants any one of whom is more than capable of taking over command at a moment’s notice, if you kill me you won’t even get to hear my offer of surrender.”
“Surrender? You want to surrender?” I ask.
“Well, your Princess makes such a compelling case for how doomed I am. Of course, it wouldn’t be unconditional,” says Chrysalis.
“What are your terms?” asks Celestia.
“First, we want to live openly in Equestria. No more hiding in the shadows, trying to stay on the run from your guards.”
“That could be arranged, in principle, if you were to agree to be bound by certain laws and restrictions,” says Celestia. I shudder. Who would want to live next door to a changeling?
“Splendid! See how easy this is? Next, we would get to keep all the ponies we currently have cocooned here in Canterlot.”
“No way!” I shout but Celestia doesn’t answer. She can’t seriously be considering this, can she?
“Keep in mind that most of them have been ensnared for nearly a full day now. Plus, well, they say an army marches on its stomach. They’ve been fed on heavily, far more frequently than most minds can sustain. Most of them likely aren’t all there mentally any more.”
Celestia still says nothing so Chrysalis continues. “Finally, we want tribute. A few hundred ponies a year or so. You can pretend we’re friends and you’re giving us a gift if you want. That is something you ponies do, right?”
“Absolutely not,” says Celestia finally drawing the line. “I will not barter with my subjects’ lives.”
“Think about it. You’ll lose far more if you don’t agree.”
“You have my answer.”
“Aww... that’s a shame. I know how you see us, but I’ve always thought we would make a good team if we put aside our difference. Your magic and armies, our information gathering and subterfuge abilities, think of the possibilities. Griffin pride is almost as tasty as ponies’ love, and I know there’s no love lost between you and the Empire.
“As if I would ever agree to work with you, or your hive.”
“Is it the bug thing? If it’s a question of aesthetics we can be flexible on that point. Maybe you’d prefer this form?” There’s a flash of green magic and when it clears it’s Luna chained to the wall. “I’ll even let you call me little sister if you want to.”
The temperature in the room spikes what must be fifty degrees in the space of a single second, and Celestia’s eyes ignite with white-hot fury.
“YOU DARE‽”
Chrysalis just laughs, a cruel laugh that doesn’t match the body it’s coming out of.
“Wow, sis, you are spicy when you’re angry.”
Celestia lets out a scream of the rawest agony I’ve ever heard and there’s a flash of bright white light. I half expect to wake up back in the library having been incinerated but when I see again I’m still alive and in the jail cell. More surprisingly, so is Chrysalis. Celestia has vanished.
“All that and she still won’t kill me. You ponies are all the same; pathetic wretches.”
“It’s because she’s better than you, Chrysalis. You wouldn’t understand but she’d never kill a helpless prisoner, even one as disgusting as you. Because it’s wrong. That’s strength, not weakness,” I say. I don’t know why I bother. Something like her could never wrap their mind around that idea.
“Last I checked, my species wasn’t the one well on their way to being lunch, so maybe you don’t know as much about strength as you think. Why don’t you go find where your pretty pony princess teleported off to?”
Maybe I should. Celestia needs me now more than ever. Before I leave though, there’s one more thing I need to say.
“Hey, Chrysalis?”
“What now?”
“I’m not better than you.”
Celestia taught me dark magic for a reason. I reach into the blackest parts of my soul and dredge up all the awful things that have been piled onto me over the course of the day and pour it into a spell; a spell that won’t only kill but will cause the maximum amount of suffering in the process. I can’t cause as much pain to her as she’s inflicted on me, let alone on Celestia. But I sure can try.
It’s actually a little disappointing that the cacophony of the spell in these tight quarters means I’ll never know if she had time to scream or not. All I know is that when I’m done there’s nothing left of the changeling queen. Or the chains. The wall isn’t looking so hot either.
I should have done that back in Celestia’s bedroom, even if it wouldn’t have saved Luna.
There’s nothing more that needs to be done here so I head up, up, up to the highest balcony. I lean over the railing and I can see what I think might be my parent’s house, the roof top covered in something organic looking. My Mom and Dad may well be in there right now, hanging in cocoons from the ceiling of my childhood bedroom. I lean further over and imagine that I can see the wreckage of the train that became my friends’ tomb.
I lean all the rest of the way over and let go.
Even if the Elements never explode and we repel the invasion, my world’s been destroyed anyway. This future has nothing left for me.
------------------------------
“Well that didn’t work.”
I get up with a sigh. As usual I start to head for Luna’s room to wake her up. Halfway there I stop, so suddenly that a chambermaid walking behind me accidentally bumps into me and drops the stack of towels she was carrying.
After apologizing and helping her pick them back up again I wonder what, exactly, my plan is now. I don’t even know if I could get out to the train before the attack, much less how I could do it with enough time to wake Luna, save Celestia, and prevent the Elements from exploding. Doing the same thing I did last time will only get me the same result, and that result wasn’t acceptable.
What would be acceptable? What if I end up in a timeline where my friends and family make it, but half of Canterlot burns? Would I really be fine with that?
I turn back towards the library. By the time I’ve gotten back there Spike is halfway through reshelving the books I used to cast the spell in the first place.
“Spike, just leave that for now. Let’s go for a walk.”
We leave the palace, and I remember the last time we just went walking like this, back when I was naive and unaware that a cloud of doom was hanging over my head. Maybe I can recapture just a bit of that.
“Hey Spike, I’ve been thinking...”
“You’re always thinking.”
“More than usual then, wise guy,” I glare at him but he flashes up a cherubic grin, the perfect picture of innocence. Yeah right. “Say something bad was going to happen in Ponyville, and I couldn’t save everypony. Do you think there are some ponies that I would have to save, and others I could try to save, but if I didn’t it wouldn’t be the end of the world? Not that I don’t like them or they aren’t important, but if I had to choose.”
“Geez Twilight, why would you be thinking about something like that?”
“Oh, you know me, always thinking about some crazy idea. But seriously, what do you think?”
“Hmm...” Good, he’s taking this seriously. I was worried it might be too weighty for his young mind, but I need somepony to bounce my own thoughts off of. “Eh, you’re Twilight Sparkle. You'll find some way to save everypony.”
“Thanks Spike, but if I couldn’t and I had to choose somepony who would die how would I do that?”
“You know, if I’d known that Starswirl had been researching a ‘Turn Twilight Sparkle Into A Total Downer’ spell I wouldn’t have helped you cast it,”
“Spike, would you just be serious for one second? I’m trying to have a real conversation with you here.”
“I am being serious. You have to save everypony. Look, some ponies have to be on the list, like the Princesses or our friends, right?”
I nod emphatically. Now we’re getting somewhere! “Yes, exactly.”
“But take Applejack for example. You can’t save her but not save Big Mac, Granny Smith, and Applebloom, right?” he asks.
I frown, but I see where he’s coming from and I agree.
"So now you've saved Applebloom, and Sweetie Belle too since the same goes for her and Rarity. Now you have to save Scootaloo, I mean those three are inseparable. And think how much they would freak out if you didn’t save Cheerilee, or one of their classmates. Well, they might be fine with you not saving Diamond Tiara, but Filthy Rich is a pretty good guy and he certainly wouldn’t be fine with it-”
“-and it all spirals out from there,” I finish for him.
“Pretty much.”
“But that doesn’t help. Like I said, it’s impossible.”
“Eh. That’s never stopped you before,” he says. Then he looks over at the storefronts we’re passing. “Hey, Glittering Gems and Gorgeous Gewgaws! Can we stop Twilight? Can we can we can we please?”
I’m slow to track the change of topic. “Sure Spike, you go on ahead.” I watch him run towards the jewelry store, thinking about what he just said. From the mouths of baby dragons.
“Hurry up, Twilight,” says Spike. He stops and waits for me to catch up with him. When I do he doesn’t keep going right away. He just stays where he is for a second, looking contemplative. “Um... Twilight... If you did have to make a list. I’d be on it, right?”
“Are you kidding? Who do you think I saved the very first spot for?”
He brightens right up again, and dashes into the jewelry store.
I join him inside a moment later. The proprietor, Ruby, is a red (shocking, I know) unicorn mare and a friend of ours who’s always happy to let Spike take any scraps or filings that are left over after she cuts the raw gemstones into the shapes she needs. The little guy munches them up like popcorn. Naturally, he’s a big fan of hers.
“Hi Ruby! It’s Spike!”
She chuckles. “Really? Are you sure? I think you might be one of those other baby dragons who’s always coming by my store.”
“No, it’s really me! Wait. Ha ha, Ruby, very funny.”
She laughs out loud this time at his angry little pout. I can’t blame her; it is pretty adorable. “How are you, Twilight?”
Not bad. Just trapped in a time loop and getting ready to be murdered, again mind you, by an angry swarm of changelings. “Oh you know, same as always,” is what I actually say.
“I hear you.”
You really don’t.
“Hey, your parents’ anniversary is next month right?” she asks.
“Mmm-hmm,” I say. My attention’s drifting to the same spot it always does. A pair of dangly amethyst earrings that I’ve wanted for years. The perfect color to complement my coat. The perfect shape to complement my cutie mark. My dream earrings. Oh, and way way outside of my price range.
“Come in Twilight, Equestria to Twilight,” says a voice nearby. I look up and see Ruby looking at me, half annoyed and half amused. “You didn’t hear a word I just said, did you?”
“I’m sorry, Ruby, I didn’t mean to ignore you like that. I just really like these earrings.”
“Want to try ‘em on again?”
“The last time I tried these earrings on, I wrote an eleven page report on why Princess Celestia should let me sell a kidney so I could buy them from you.”
“Well, whatever it takes to get the sale right? Give me a second, I’ll go grab Spike his gem scraps, then maybe we could work out a payment plan or layaway sort of thing. You don’t really need to eat every day, right?”
Ruby walks into the back where her tools and workshop are. I look down at the earrings again, and I suddenly realize that there’s a huge unexplored upside to this whole time loop thing. It wouldn’t really be stealing. I’d just be borrowing them. Without permission. Not for long though. Just until the end of the world.
Before I can think better of it, I’ve grabbed a cobblestone from the street outside and dragged it in here. I lift it and bring it down hard on the glass case as Spike watches, gaping. The glass shatters.
“Hey! What’s going on out there?” asks Ruby’s voice from the back. In one smooth motion I scoop up Spike and the earrings in my magic and teleport away to a nearby park.
I let Spike down and slip the earrings on, checking my reflection in a nearby pond. Oh wow, they’re even prettier than I remember them.
“Twilight, what the buck was that?” asks Spike. My first instinct is to chide him for his language, but then I realize I probably don’t exactly hold the moral high ground right at this moment. “You just stole those!”
“Technically, Spike, when you do it during a war or natural disaster it’s called looting.”
“Do you see a war or natural disaster that I don’t?” he asks, gesturing broadly at our surroundings. There’s a mother and her foal having a picnic on the next hill over. Out on the waters of the pond, a duck quacks picturesquely.
“Well, you know, I figured I’d start early. Avoid the rush.”
Spike gasps. “Oh my goodness, I just figured it out. You cast a time spell, you’re asking angsty hypothetical questions, you’re flagrantly disobeying rules and authority like you don’t even care about the consequences...”
My blood runs cold. He couldn’t possibly have figured it out, could he have? That’s not a conversation I’m ready to have right now.
“...That spell made you revert into a teenager!”
Huh. I guess he really couldn’t have possibly figured it out.
“Don’t do it, Twilight! Don’t dye your mane all black and start calling yourself ‘Darkness Nightshade’ again. It doesn’t sound nearly as cool as you think it does,” he begs.
“Spike, I thought we agreed never to speak of that again,” I say. Because... yeah. Not my proudest moment.
“I have to tell the Princess!” says Spike. He turns and runs off towards the palace.
“Darkness Nightshade is a perfectly respectable name in some cultures, I’ll have you know!” I call after him.
He’s probably not coming back here. Oh well. I look back down at my reflection. These earring really do look good on me. You know, maybe there’s something to be said for this whole ‘looting’ thing...
*********************
When the changelings arrive, they discover one who would stand against them. A lavender unicorn in absolutely phenomenal amethyst earrings and a hoofband of intertwined platinum and crystal, wearing a slinky black cocktail dress I thought would make my flank look good. I was wrong about that last bit, though. This dress makes my flank look spectacular.
She’s also hauling several shopping bags full of things that she may not have, if you want to get really technical, ‘paid for.’
The changelings think I’m some sort of high society easy target, and three of them dive down at me.
I’m not sure when exactly the realize their mistake. Maybe it’s when I blast one of them on the approach. Or maybe it’s when I reach into one of my (for a legally questionable definition of ‘my’) shopping bags and pull out the baseball bat that I use to knock the second one out of the sky. Either way, the third one pulls up at the last second before coming around for another pass.
That’s when I pull out the duct tape. I toss it in the changeling’s direction before letting my magic do the rest, unspooling it and wrapping it around the changeling’s body and wings.When I suddenly tighten it again, the changeling’s dive turns much steeper and it crashes to the ground stunned. The last thing it sees is me casually wandering over, baseball bat hovering beside me before I lift it up to deal the killing blow.
Eew, I got changeling splattered all over my new dress!
Rarity probably wouldn’t approve of accessorizing a dress like this with a baseball bat, but even if she didn’t she’d have to agree that I am pulling it off.
Sticking to the shadows and assaulting changling that are patrolling two or three at a time, I wrack up a pretty respectable body count. Fifty changelings down already. Will it save Equestria? No, almost certainly not. Is it satisfying? Oh, you better believe it is.
I feel the ground rumble and shake. The time has come, the Elements are giving way. I see one more pack of three. I reach into my bags, almost depleted at this point. Why did I even take a rock climbing harness? I don’t rock climb. Who cares, it can be converted into a pretty respectable straight jacket.
That immobilizes the first changeling, and the second goes down when he turns to look right where my bat is swinging. I chance a look up towards the castle, and sure enough the Wall of Horrible Shiny Death is spreading outwards, ready to burn up all of Equestria rather than see it compromised by disharmony. All that’s that’s left in my bags is a scrap of eggroll from the mediocre chineighse restaurant I... uh... borrowed my dinner from. Tossing it into the air it catches the changeling’s attention and it lunges to grab the morsel. It's lunge to grab it exposes a vulnerable neck. I bring Home Run (did I mention that I gave my bat a traditional Equestrian name? He’s earned it) down with all my might. I only have a moment before the Wall takes me, but it’s enough.
Score to beat? Fifty three changelings.
--------------------------
The bell over the door to Pony Joe’s donut shop jingles as Spike and I walk in.
“Hey Pony Joe, how have you been?” asks Spike. He waves at the stallion wiping down the counter.
“Well, if it isn’t my two favorite customers. Haven’t seen you in awhile, thought you were living in Ponyville these days.”
“We’re just visiting for the week, but what visit would be complete without one of your donuts?” I say. I really did miss this place. It was my favorite haunt back in my academy days. “Actually Joe, I have a more serious question. You know most things about donuts, don’t you?”
“That’s what my cutie mark tells me.”
“To the best of your knowledge, do you know if there’s ever been a toxicological study done to determine the LD50 of frosting and chocolate sprinkles for a mare of my size and weight?”
“I don’t even know what some of those words mean.”
“Excellent, then this will be groundbreaking original research,” I say and open up my saddle bag, removing a piece of parchment and a quill for record keeping. Sure my notes won’t survive, but if I’m really doing this then I’m doing it right. “Joe, I need a random assortment of four dozen donuts, and make sure you thoroughly document your selection methodology.”
Joe rolls his eyes. “Whatever you say, Twilight. Coming right up.”
Spike and I take opposite seats at one of the diner’s booths. When I look over at Spike I’m shocked to see he’s actually crying with happiness.
“Twilight, I don’t say this enough to you, but you are the greatest boss I’ve ever had.”
“Spike, I’m the only boss you’ve ever had.”
Before he can say anything else the conversation is interrupted by Joe placing a platter in front of us stacked with a veritable mountain of donuts. Plus two cups of coffee, even though we forgot to ask.
“For science!”
DONUT TOXICITY EXPERIMENT FINAL REPORT
Subject: Twilight Sparkle, Unicorn, F
Donuts Consumed: 23
Variety: 4 Original Glaze, 2 Strawberry Frosted (w/ sprinkles, rainbow), 1 Strawberry Frosted (w/o sprinkles), 3 Maple Glazed, 4 Cruller, 3 Jelly Filled (powdered), 3 Jelly Filled (glazed), 3 Traditional Cake.
Cause of Death: Inability to flee attacking changeling due to stomach cramps
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Remember when I said my high score was fifty three? Eighty seven. Take that, everypony. To be fair, the chainsaw helped a lot.
------------------------------
“More tea, Twilight?”
“Certainly, Queen Chrysalis. Could you...”
“Oh, yes, of course.”
After all the life and death struggles I’ve been through, it’s weirdly comforting to know that I can always just walk into the throne room, explain to my mortal enemy that I know everything that’s happening but don’t have any plans to stop her, and be offered tea and scones in return.
Of course, it would more comfortable if Chrysalis hadn’t first adhered my body to a nearby wall with some weird green gunk that she hacked up from I-don’t-want-to-think-about-where, but I’m a glass half full sort of pony. It’s not like I can really expect her to trust me, and if things start to turn really bad I can still teleport away.
The queen levitates a cup up to my face so I can lean forward and take a sip. It’s good tea. “So Shining Armor has always talked in his sleep?” she asks, prompting me to continue what I was just saying.
Fate of a kingdom hanging in the balance or not, what kind of little sister would I be to pass up the opportunity to swap some embarrassing stories about my big brother?
“Since I was a little foal. That’s how I learned about his crippling fear of beagles.”
Chrysalis giggles, which is a bit disconcerting coming from a giant bug monster. “No wonder he looked so freaked out when I asked him if he ever thought about getting a dog once we were married! Oh, did he ever tell you what he secretly wants to do when he retires from the guard?”
“What?”
“Be in a mariachi band.”
“Shining? No way. You’re pulling my tail.”
“I swear it’s true! He and some of the other guards have the whole thing all planned out, and they even have secret practice sessions together every other week. He confessed the whole thing when I caught him wearing the hat one evening.”
“You know, a couple months ago he left town for a week saying that he had some ‘important training exercises’ he couldn’t talk about down in Mexicolt. Do you think...”
The queen and I share a laugh, and for just a moment the animosity between us is forgotten. When we stop a moment later she actually looks a little embarrassed. “You know Twilight, despite everything that’s happened between us you’re not such a bad pony. I wish more ponies could be like you and look past, well, what we are. Maybe things could have been different.”
What can I say to that? This is a side of the queen I never even knew existed. Before I can find the words to reply she stands up from the table and regains a bit of her menace. “I... have to go. I should probably just kill you now, but I don’t really feel like it. I’ll figure something out later.” She walks away. The gunk she stuck me in doesn’t really allow me to turn my head to watch her but I hear the throne room doors slam shut as she leaves.
I’m left alone with some turbulent thoughts. Have I been going about this the wrong way all along? Could it be that Chrysalis is only so full of hate and lashing out at us because she needs a friend? Sure, the changelings have done some awful things to ponies, but if I’m being completely honest we aren’t blameless either. Maybe it doesn’t have to be that way. Is that why the Elements of Harmony have gone haywire? Because they’re trying to get me to create harmony between our species, and stop this bloodshed before it starts? Changelings are shunned and hated, of course they would resent that. Maybe they aren’t the real monsters. Maybe the real monsters... are us.
My epiphany is interrupted when Chrysalis’ face pops back into my field of vision.
“Hi again! So I did some thinking and changed my mind about that whole ‘not killing you’ thing. Thanks for the chat, but I’m just gonna go ahead and lay some eggs in your brain now.”
Or maybe not.
------------------------------
I’ve been staring at my parents’ front door for the last ten minutes.
Pretty dumb to waste time like that. I’ve only got about an hour before the changelings get to the city. I shouldn’t be wasting it. Maybe it would be better to leave and come back next loop.
No. I’ve put this off for much too long already. I have to find out what they’ll say, though I doubt I’ll like it. All these loops spent on weird little impulses and distractions have just been another way to avoid doing what I’ve been most afraid of ever having to do. What I’d forever regret not taking the opportunity to do now.
I knock, and a moment later I hear somepony coming to the door. It opens.
“Hi Mom.”
“Oh, Twilight, come in. Are your friends here already? I wasn’t expecting them for a little while but I can put something out while dinner’s cooking.”
“It’s just me. I was hoping I could talk to you about something,” I say as I step inside. It’s been a while, but everything in the house is just like I remember it. A wonderfully familiar scent fills the house. Mom must be roasting beets, my favorite. We head into the family room and settle onto the dark green velvet couch. The springs are totally shot from all the time Shining and I spent bouncing up and down on it as foals who thought we might grow up to be acrobats, but it’s still quite comfortable. There’s a pitcher full of ice water and some glasses already set out for company.
“What did you want to talk about?” asks Mom.
You can do this Twilight. You practiced this in your head a dozen times just walking over here. Sure, that ended with a dozen different ways it’s probably going to blow up in your face, but try not to think about that part.
“Mom, do you remember Star Gazer? My friend from way back?” It seems like a safe enough place to start.
Mom smiles as she recalls the memory. “The only filly you actually asked me to invite to your birthday party every year. Of course I remember. You haven’t mentioned her in years, though. Whatever happened to her?”
I pick up a glass of water from the coffee table. There are persistent little ripples in the water from my trembling hooves. I take a big sip and put it back down. “There was a class we took together at the academy. We were studying for the final in my room one night, sitting next to each other comparing notes from the lecture, that kind of thing. Then she looked up at me to ask me some question and she was just... so pretty. The way her mane was falling over her eyes, and the light from the lamp danced over her face. I kissed her.”
Mom raises an eyebrow, but if she’s about to say anything I cut her off and plow ahead. I need to finally get this out of me.
“She freaked out. She shoved me away and knocked me off my stool. Remember when I came to Hearth’s Warming dinner with a twisted ankle? That’s how I really got it. I didn’t slip on any ice. She was so mad. I’ve never seen a pony that mad before. She called me.... she called me a freak and all sorts of other awful things and she said she never wanted to see me or talk to me again. I don’t want to keep lying to everypony anymore, Mom. I like mares. I mean I like them like them. Romantically. I always have, and I’m so sorry I never told you but I just couldn’t.”
There it is. Now I’ll know for sure. Will she scream in my face that she hates me too? Tell me to get out, that I’m no longer welcome in her house? Or maybe she’ll just give a condescending little pat on the head and tell me that ‘oh honey don’t worry someday you’ll meet the right stallion and we’ll clear this whole misunderstanding right up’ but while she’s saying it she’ll look at me like she doesn’t even recognize who I am any more and-
“Yes, dear. I know.”
“You... know?”
“Yes, and so does your father. We found out a few months after you moved to Ponyville. I was cleaning up in your room and I found a box under your bed. Full of... magazines.”
Whoops.
“...Well it didn’t take a pony as smart as you to connect the dots.”
I sit there in stunned silence for a few seconds. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Well we talked about it and decided that we didn’t want it to feel like we were accusing you of anything or pressuring you. We didn’t know about what had happened between you and Star Gazer. You’d just gone off to start a whole new life in Ponyville and we figured when you were ready to tell us you would, maybe once you had a marefriend who you wanted us to meet,” she says as she takes a sip of water herself. I might as well have just told her that I prefered the taste of raspberries to blueberries for all she seems to care.
“What about those little comments you made about how you wanted grand foals before you were too old to enjoy them?”
“I still do, but I hear they’re doing some incredible things with magic these days. Plus, with two uteruses you’d be able to give me twice as many, right?”
“Mom!”
She chuckles. She’s saying something about an article she read last week discussing mare/mare fertility treatments but my mind is elsewhere. I’m looking back over the last two and a half years. Every time I made sure not to brush up against somepony or thought twice before I reached out to touch them, or the times I changed the wording of one of my friendship reports so that the Princess wouldn’t get the wrong idea. Or more accurately the right idea. All the times I convinced myself I needed to keep what I felt repressed and under control or everypony would reject me again.
All that time, Mom and Dad knew, and they didn’t even mind?
While I, on the other hoof, only even came over to tell them the truth because I knew that in two hours nothing I told them would matter. I’m a coward, not to mention a terrible daughter.
Mom stops talking when she notices the tears welling up in my eyes. “I thought... I thought you wouldn’t....”
“Wouldn’t what? Wouldn’t keep loving you? That is never going to happen, Twilight. Certainly not over a little thing like this,” she says as she reaches across the couch to pull me into a hug. I lay there bawling with my head in her lap while she strokes my mane like I’m a little filly again. “Shh.... It’s okay Twilight. Everything’s going to be okay.”
I’m going to make sure she’s right. No more running away from it. I won’t live in a future where my parents don’t get to watch me walk down the aisle to marry whatever mare turns out to be the pony of my dreams, while my best friends look on and Princess Celestia officiates. I don’t care if it’s impossible. Somehow, I’m going to make everything okay again.