//------------------------------// // Chapter 4: Obla Di Obla Da // Story: Stranger than Animated Fiction // by Citpo //------------------------------// You don't care who said riding in the wind is an amazing feeling as you adjusted the headphones on your head, riding a pegasus-pulled chariot back to Ponyville sucked. Your face was frozen in a permanent scowl in order to block out the wind and bugs kept flying into your face. "This bloody sucks..." You manage to mumble to yourself. Hey, beats kicking back in the dungeon after what Celestia promised us. You mean 'Trollestia'? And don't even get me started on that innocent act she pulled when she came back eight hours later. Hey, at least she had the courtesy to let you use one of her personal chariots. You're right, Brain. In fact, we should get her a gift. I agree. Something that compliments her as the Goddess of the Sun. How does bananas sound? Sometimes I don't know why I even bother asking you... In truth the dungeon wasn't actually all bad, once the stone floor became comfortable and warm enough. The spilt breakfast helped alot with the insulation as well. After a few more minutes of incoherent reflection, mostly on why bananas are a good/not a good gift to give to a Sun Monarch, the town of Ponyville was coming into view, triggering the removal of your headphones and hitting the off switch of your Ipod Touch to save power. The chariot circled around in the air before coming in for a smooth landing. However, there was no such thing for smooth landings in your books as you slipped off the chariot seven feet beforehand and landing comfortably on your face. Oww.... I... I think my nose is broken... and maybe a few loose teeth.... Obla Di Obla Da, life goes on Brah. Oh how the life goes on Mr. Brain... However, the chariot ponies didn't give a second thought to your well being as they took to the skies once more, eager to get back to Canterlot and do whatever it is they did. "Alright," you say to no one in particular, "I'm gonna have to find this... Twilight Sparkle that Celestia spoke about... And maybe even a dentist." You feel your nose and find out it was indeed misaligned, albeit only slightly misaligned. You adjust it back into shape, followed by a lone tear, and give the rest of your body a quick check. You look around and find the town rather... abandoned than what you thought. Alien life form dropped out of the sky and scares everybody away says what? Hey man, that's not helping the situation.... You know what will? What? Stop talking to yourself and maybe look around. Oh and for the record, you said what. Ignoring the latter part of your conscious, you decide to look around and gather your bearings. You brush what dust you could off your shirt and pants, although being the third day in Equestria the soil didn't do many miracles to cotton materials either. Starting your investigation of the town with a single step, you look at the buildings and discover the signs are simple yet effective due to showing their purpose of business through a simple picture. You soon find a sign with a picture of a tooth hanging outside a simple white house, finished with a blue roof. You knock on the door and find a blue mare with a two toned mane, consisting of a darker and lighter blue, open the door with a beaming smile and pearly whites. "Welcome to Colgate's Oral Care," she started off, "My name is Colgate and our motto is "See the Wh...iteness...Feel the Shine..." This was followed by prolonged staring from her to you and an extremely awkward silence. You broke the silence abruptly as you cleared your throat in order to speak. "Uhh... I was wondering if you could perhaps by chance give me a quick oral check?" "Huh?" she said idly as she continued to stare at you. "You do oral check-ups right?" you reply, ignoring her bland response. "I-I... umm... Y-yes," she stammers out, "I do oral." Don't you dare... Pfft.... She said.. DON'T. "I bet you do indeed do oral," you slip out accidentally, "I bet it's a very well done job as well." "Oh yes indeed," She says, oblivious to your innuendo, "What seems to... b-be the problem?" Either she knew and is just hiding it or she's a complete nitwit. Who needs to meet the Fockers when you got the biggest one right here... What? She didn't find out. I will break down this mental door and I will hug you with it, like the bears. I swear to God. .... What? You're dead to me. "Just a quick check up and I'll be on my way." "Alright, just step inside and we can get started." You walk in, only to hit your head on both the door as you straighten up and on the ceiling. You proceed to the dentist chair, fully equipped with a dental engine, and lie down, allowing your legs to hang freely and flail about in pain should it come to that. "You seem rather calm about an extraterrestrial being coming into your establishment Ms. Colgate." You say to her as you get more comfortable in the dentist chair, a tad too small for you but you weren't one to complain. "Well," she starts off, "I don't get alot of customers so I suppose I take what I get." "That's one delicate way of putting it...." You murmer to yourself. "Did you say something?" "... No." "Good," " she says as you then see an assortment of dental tools encased in an aqua glow fly over to you, "Open wide then." You then see those tools work their dental magic on your mouth as she checks your close-to pearly whites very efficiently. "Wow," you say in awe as you wipe the drool escaping your mouth away, "Someone is quick with the knife, or rather dental tools." "A mare knows a thing or two about oral related issues," she then replies with. If you say one more thing about oral I'm gonna... "I bet you do know a good thing or two about oral, Ms. Colgate." "At least buy me dinner first before anything else happens," she teases as she then breaks into a hearty chuckle. Do not say anything, I swear to God. I wasn't gonna say anything I swear. Bullshit, don't lie to me. I seriously wasn't, why would I ever do that to you? Whatever... ".... So," you begin to say, "H... How much?" "Free," she says with a genuine smile. "Because you see I don't have any form of money, currency, gold, doubloons, whatever you c.... Free?" "Yup." "Why's that?" "First time's always free." "You say that to all the stallions that waltz in here?" "W... What? No!" "Then explain." "It's business strategy to make sure they come back. That and once you get behind the fact you look like an alien you're just like every other pony in Equestria." "So it isn't because of my dashing good looks?" "No, it isn't." "Way to shoot a man's self esteem down," You say in a false attempt to look hurt, "Shenanigans aside, I suppose I'll see you around town Ms. Colgate." "And the same to you Mr. Scary Alien Thing." "The name's Phil Warrel and I'm a human, not a scary alien thing." Colgate proceeded to show you out the show, followed by a wave of her hoof in which you countered with a pulling down of an imaginative hat. You then scout out the rest of the town, marking out the outskirts before moving in slowly, before you headed to the park where you rested your head and gathered your thoughts. (Image of Reference) (The... Other Reference...) Alright, so we're currently in the West End Park. Yea, also near the Library and the school house. Who would've thought the Library was an actual tree... Screw the blimmin' tree will ye? We got wee lil' kiddies nearby and they'll shout out the whole flippin' neighbourhood alright? Calm down Gerry Conlon, you'll land yourself in the slammer again for false accusations. Whatever, I suggest we move somewhere a bit more hidden, secluded, out of sight. Colgate didn't freak badly when she saw us... These are kids fuckhead, you know, little sentient beings that probably still think Cooties exist and the Boogey-Man is under your bed or in your closet. I'm sure us being locked up in sight will add another nightmare to their list. Alright man we'll move. Sheesh talk more like that and you'll blow a blimmin' casket. You stand up and walk about for a good fourty minutes or so before you find a tree surrounded by some shrubs, enough for you to be hidden were you sat up against the tree. Alright we're hidden. Happy now Blue Boy? Yes. I am actually. That's a first, last time you were happy it was when we were with... her... C'mon we're in a fucken different dimension, who knows what might happen? ... You're right Pip Boy.... Stop it. Stop what? Stop giving me names like Blue Boy and Pip Boy. Ok.... Soulja Boy. .... I'll let that slide for now, because I recommend we get some sleep. Perfect weather to catch 1337 winks or so. I'll agree to that... Oh by the way you know about what happened at Colgate's? Yea? Fucken told you not to say anything. Shut up. Also it's sapient. (Thanks Mellowhoof.... all the ways good and bad) You're dead. However, high up in the skies, positioned right in front of you was a certain nemesis that loathed your existence. A very well known mare that also happens to have a blue coat and a very distinct rainbow mane. Some know this mare as the Champion of the Young Fliers Competition and a potential member of the Wonderbolts, most think she's too brash and needs to learn how to be humble. However, all you know is, she's called Rainbow Dash.