Pinkie walked to the alley behind Sugarcube Corner. She glanced left, right, up, down, and used a mirror to look into her mane. After the mirror disappeared, she quickly produced a small brown box. She nosed it open and looked inside. After a few seconds a smile broke out on her face. She was struggling now, to contain the laughter; but after a second glance around for intruders, she quietly started giggling. The giggles turned to laughter which turned to full on, rolling on the floor guffawing.
Ponies passing by the alley cast strange looks but went about their business. One Pegasus, passing above, noticed the laughter, however. She blasted through a cloud, leaving a nice Pegasus shaped hole, and landed on the roof of Sugarcube Corner. On the street below she could see a pink mare, rolling around in circles, laughing her flank off. And next to her was a box, one that looked strangely familiar to the pegasus…
She waited for a short break in the laughter to make her move.
“Hey, Pinkie Pie!”
“Whoa!” gasped Pinkie, falling on her back. She quickly righted herself, stuffing the box inside her mane. “Hey Rainbow! What’s up?”
“Oh, nothing… what’s in that box, Pinks?” asked Rainbow.
“It’s a secret! A secret box!” exclaimed Pinkie, bouncing up and down in excitement.
“Can I see what’s inside it?” asked Rainbow, gliding down to the alley.
“Well, it wouldn’t be a very good secret if you knew what it was, silly!” explained Pinkie Pie, giving Rainbow a very teacher-like look.
“Oh, c’mon, Pinks, just tell me what’s in the box and I’ll get out of your mane.”
“Nope!” said Pinkie, cheerfully.
“C’mon! Please?”
“Nope!”
“Well, it can’t be anything cool or something like that. You’re… well, Pinkie. You’re not like me. If I had a secret box it would only have the most awesome stuff, probably the Wonderbolts dolls I have in my- eep!” She covered her hooves with her mouth, realizing her mistake. Pinkie just giggled.
“Oh Rainbow, you have no clue, do you? The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma. You wouldn't understand.”
“What?” said Rainbow, a dumbfounded look on her face.
“Huh?” asked Pinkie, quizzically.
“That last part. What was that?”
“What, when I said nope? Sheesh, even a slowpony like you should understand that word.” Said Pinkie, condescendingly.
“I know what nope means! I meant the- oh never mind. Just let me see what’s in the box.” demanded Rainbow, reaching for Pinkie’s mane with her hooves. Without warning, a green blur came flying out, snapping onto Rainbow’s hoof.
“Ow!” she gasped, then realized there was no pain when he clamped down. “I mean what? He’s just… sticking there!” Her face was one of shock and confusion as Gummy slowly looked Rainbow dead in the eyes.
“There you are, Gummy! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” She said, sliding him off of Rainbow’s front hoof. Rainbow’s hoof was covered in slobber, and she angrily shook it at the wall of the bakery. She stalked close to Pinkie, her hooves planted on the ground this time.
“Tell me what’s in it or I’ll find out myself!” threatened Rainbow Dash.
“Never!” shouted Pinkie Pie. In that instant, she was gone, leaving a slight burn on the road where she was. Rainbow’s jaw dropped, colliding with the street. She moved a hoof, collecting the remnants of her bottom jaw, before sulking away. “So random…”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Rainbow Dash plopped on her couch, giving a big sigh. She had searched high, and she had searched low, but to no avail. Pinkie seemed to have simply disappeared. She thought she had seen the top of Pinkie’s mane, but after paying a hefty fine to the owner of the cotton candy machine she quit and went home.
She couldn’t get that box out of her head! What could be in it? Was it food? Or, maybe it was how Pinkie got around town so easily! But that didn’t make any sense- she was laughing at it. Unless the way she got around was by a portal made of pudding, or a wormhole rubber chicken, that was bust.
“Could it be the… no! I burned all those,” she quickly reassured herself. She wondered if maybe Pinkie had…
She quickly spread her wings and flew up the stairs, past her family portraits and pictures of her friends. She stopped at one of Pinkie and her, about to surprise Twilight. Was she hiding something from her?
Rainbow double timed it up the stairs, knocking her cloud door to the side. She charged over to her counter on which lay paper, some unused pencils, and a red box. She slowly grasped the box between her hooves and brought it to her snout. She bit the lock and pushed it up, opening the case.
She sighed in relief, as her Wonderbolts were still in the same positions she had left them in. She giggled quietly, looking at the scene she had created the last time she broke out the box. Soarin’ was perched on top of a pack of crayons, about to tackle the dust bunny threatening Spitfire, who was slumped on the ground. She found herself playing with the toys when an idea struck. It was brilliant. It was so awesome! And, most importantly, there was no way it could fail!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
It was dark outside of Sugarcube Corner when Rainbow arrived, perching on top of the roof. She looked off into the distance, eyeing the windows of the other buildings. Confident nopony was watching, Rainbow put on the suction cups she had borrowed from Twilight. She would give them back later, of course, but this was a mission she couldn’t let wait, even if Twilight had locked the doors!
Rainbow peered over the edge of the roof, looking at the street below. There weren’t any ponies out and about this late at night, but you never knew in this town. Derpy could pop up in the least expected places, and Pinkie Pie- well, that one was self explanatory.
Rainbow suctioned on to the wall of the bakery, slowly climbing down the side. She reached the first window and looked in- just an old attic. She reached the second window fairly quickly, and glanced in.
A face greeted her.
Rainbow shrieked and tried to fall backwards, but she was suctioned to the wall. She struggled against the cups, pulling out of them and hovering near the window. It was much louder than the cups, but it gave her a better look at whoever was in the window. She flew a little closer and realized it was Pound Cake, the little filly the Cakes had just had. He was looking at Rainbow with big, curious eyes. His mouth opened wide, and Rainbow flinched. Luckily, he yawned and flew over to the crib, where he joined his sleeping sister. How he could already fly, Rainbow didn’t know, but she had respect for the little guy.
She tried positioning herself back in the suction cups, but it was too difficult to do while they were suspended on a wall, a story above the ground. She gave up- that was becoming a recurring theme nowadays- and tried to quietly fly, as slow as she could, to the next window. She flinched a little at every tell-tale flap, until she finally reached the window. In it, she could see a sleeping Pinkie Pie. Where had she been that whole day?
Rainbow slowly pushed against the window, which was surprisingly unlocked. She would return Rarity’s bobby pins at another time then, she guessed.
She snuck into Pinkie’s room. It was vibrantly pink, but in the shadowy night it was dark, the pink not really showing up. Rainbow glanced over at Pinkie- she seemed so peaceful, but she was really hiding something from her. It made her mad, and her wings flapped harder as a result. She tried to correct herself, but she heard Pinkie moan a little in her sleep.
“Never… take me alive… coppers!”
Rainbow wiped the confused look off her face. She had work to do, and that would only distract her. She dropped down onto the floor of Pinkie’s room, eyeing the surroundings. Where would she hide something she didn’t want her best friend to see?
Rainbow immediately went to the drawers, crossing the streamer-laden floor. She honestly didn’t know what to expect from Pinkie’s drawers- she seemed to have a lot of costumes, and she could easily hide a little brown box inside them. Or maybe it where she kept her bits, or something.
What actually happened was a bit louder.
The drawer exploded when Rainbow opened it, shooting confetti and balloons everywhere. She was knocked down by the force of a present firing at ninety miles per hour. She lay on the floor, a big present on her chest, waiting for Pinkie Pie’s inevitable discovery of her. But she heard nothing, and after a few minutes she pushed the present to the side and got up. Pinkie was still lying in her bead, mumbling quietly.
“Ninja pirates… watch out… Pinkie!”
Rainbow wondered whatever crazy dreams Pinkie could be dreaming. Probably something action packed- she liked the sound of that...
“Ninja pirates, huh…” she accidentally whispered out loud. Her eyes went wide when she realized what she said and she froze next to Pinkie’s bed.
“Ninja Pirates? Where!?” shouted Pinkie, eyes closed.
“Um, back there Pinkie! They’re back there!” she warned her, thinking fast.
“Of course! Charge!” cried Pinkie as she jumped up and swan dived into her pillows. Rainbow could hear a faint biting noise from the bed. She decided she had pushed her luck far enough, and was only going to quickly check under Pinkie’s bed. She got down low to the floor and began scooting closer to Pinkie’s bed. She crawled past a stray cupcake, Gummy, and a nightcap- wait, was that Gummy? Rainbow turned her head and saw nothing but the cap and the cupcake. Silently thanking Celestia, she turned around- straight into the big pink eyes of Gummy.
“Augh!” she yelped, backing up and hitting the dresser. Another shelf opened slightly, and Rainbow groaned.
She was prepared for the streamers and balloons, and expertly dodged the present, but she was not prepared for the chocolate cake that sailed out of the drawer. She was splattered against the wall, stuck there by the cake, as the impact of her hitting the wall shook the bookshelf. The bookshelf, already off balance due to the numerous weights Pinkie used for her balloons, fell and toppled the nightstand, where the alarm clock started blasting “Equestria Girls” extremely loud.
Rainbow wished she could be absolutely anywhere else at that point, as the toppled nightstand hit another drawer of the dresser. The present bounced harmlessly on the floor, but this time the streamers stuck to her chocolate covered body, and the second cake- coconut this time- smacked her straight in the face, rendering her temporarily blind.
Rainbow paused from struggling against her pastry booby trap to listen for any sign of Pinkie, or anypony else in the house, waking. But apparently they were used to loud sounds from Pinkie’s room at night, and not a noise was heard except for more mutterings from Pinkie.
“…’ve got you now…”
Rainbow sighed for the millionth time that night, nodding her cake covered head. A candle fell off the top of the cake and clattered to the floor.
Pinkie bolted up from her bed. She jumped off the covers with astounding speed, approaching Rainbow’s sugary trap. She appraised the chocolate chokehold, before hearing a quiet little whimper from inside.
“…Pinkie?” came the quiet voice from inside. Pinkie Pie frowned, and then a look of recognition crossed her face.
“It’s you! I knew it would be you! I saw the signs- I heard the noises! I’m not a stupid pony, I know who you are! You’re-“
“-I’m sorry Pinkie-“
“-Pinkie Pie! I knew it after I saw those deadly pirate ninjas hijack the chocolate barrels on the way to the front! All these years, and I finally have you in my grasp!”
“-honestly, I didn’t- what?”
“Don’t play dumb with me, Pie; I know it was you who ordered those barrels hijacked! You couldn’t escape me forever! No one escapes from Pinkie! Not even Pinkie!” She spat, glaring at the chocolate and coconut combination stuck on the wall.
“Pinkie, what are you talking about? My name’s not Pinkie Pie!”
“Oh ho ho, yes it is, nemesis, but soon you’ll be strung up in the dungeons of Princess Pinkie’s castle! I’ll finally be rid of those blasted pirate ninjas!” she exclaimed, happily.
“Wasn’t it ninja pirates?”
“No, you silly filly! Those are under the command of Pinkie Pie, my other nemesis. C’mon, Pinks- you should know this by now!” she explained.
“Look, cut me down and I’ll tell you where Pinkie Pie is hiding, and how you can get her- you just gotta let me go free. I promise I’ll never send another raid again!” Rainbow pleaded, mind working on overdrive to get her out of that room.
“Hmm… an interesting offer, Pie… but you’ll have to do The Promise!” demanded Pinkie Pie.
“What promi- ohhh. Well, you gotta cut me down first. I’m stuck here!” Rainbow begged.
“Fine, Pie, but I’m watching you. Like a hawk. Or maybe an owl? I always forget which one has better vision, cause owls can see at night but-“
“Pinkie!” Rainbow interrupted, eager to move things along. “The Promise?”
“Oh! Yeah! I just gotta cut you down with this handy-dandy saw!” Pinkie explained, happily.
Where did she get a saw? Rainbow thought, and was about to protest when she felt gravity take hold of her. She plopped down on the ground, eye level with under the bed. She remembered what she was here for, and started crawling towards the bed, but was stopped by Pinkie standing on her back.
“Already trying to get away! I shoulda known. You got one more chance, Pie, or I’ll break out the party cannon, point blank! I’m warning you!”
“Okay, just get off of me first!” gasped Rainbow, unable to breathe. Pinkie hopped off and Rainbow struggled to her feet. She did the complicated series of movements and nearly poked herself in the eye, but closed it just in time. She looked up at Pinkie- but her eyes were closed. How had she seen where she was going? How had she done anything at that point?
“Why are you staring at me, Pie? Tell me how to get Pinkie Pie, or I’ll break out the cannon and-“
“I know, I know, point blank. Okay, listen- you gotta go ten steps east, and two north, and then down that hole is Pinkie’s secret base. It’s behind a bush- it was right under your snouts the whole time!” Rainbow said, feeling proud of herself for coming up with such great ideas. Rainbow, you’ve really outdone yourself this time.
“How did you know?” Pinkie gasped, looking ten steps east- which, in the real world, led straight to her bed. “Let’s get her, girls! Thanks, Pie- I’ll see you another time! Remember, you promised!” She sang out, charging straight to her bed. She did another swan dive into her pillows, and grabbed on to one, flinging it into the air. “Ha ha! We’ve got you now, Pinkie Pie! Your ninja pirates are no match for my secret agent pirate ninjas!”
Rainbow suppressed a giggle at Pinkie’s dreams, and instead decided to head out the window. She had had enough close calls, and she had a better plan for the next day, involving her favorite thing in the world- a rainbow.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Rainbow Dash was on a mission. She had painted herself with her Dash- patented Rainbow Camouflage™, and now flew near one of her rainbows, created for the occasion. Well, stake out would probably be the better word, but still. She watched as Pinkie Pie merrily went about making cupcakes, muffins, and finding Gummy in about seven different places, although Rainbow never saw Gummy actually move anywhere. She started glancing over her shoulder, expecting Gummy to have somehow climbed the rainbow. But that was ridiculous- nopony could climb a rainbow. You’d have to totally ignore the laws of… physics…
Rainbow chanced a glance at the rainbow behind her. Luckily, there was no pink pony scaling her creation, and she sighed as she turned around.
“Hey Dashie!”
“AUGHH!” shouted Rainbow Dash, finding herself face to face with Pinkie Pie in a hot air balloon, which had somehow made it past her in the time she had looked for Pinkie on the rainbow.
“Whatcha doin’?” Pinkie asked, completely curious as to why Rainbow was floating outside her window, coat colored like an actual rainbow and a pair of binoculars dangling from her neck.
“Uhh… just…” she looked at Pinkie. She didn’t seem to remember any of the last night, and her eyes were big and blue and sparkly, and… she couldn’t hide something from those eyes. “…look, I was trying to find out what was in that stupid box you have,” she said, grudgingly “I wasn’t stalking you or anything… I just really, really, really, really wanna know. Please?”
Pinkie looked her over shrewdly, trying to see if Rainbow was telling the truth. Honestly, Pinkie thought she had another stalker to deal with, and she did not have time for that. She then had a brilliant patented Pinkie Idea™ and looked back at Dash’s face.
“Okie-dokie-lokie!” she said, lowering her balloon.
“Look, I know you- wait, what? It was that easy? Yes! Go Dash!” She said, hoof bumping the air. She grew even more excited when Pinkie exited the bakery, brown box on her back. Rainbow swooped down and nearly tackled the mare, but Pinkie didn’t even flinch. Pinkie reached back and placed the box on the road between them.
Rainbow simply stared at the box. The culmination of all her efforts, right there in that box…
“Go on, open it you silly filly!” encouraged Pinkie Pie. That snapped Dash out of her thoughts of the previous night and into opening the box. She reached down and nosed the opening, slowly lifting the cover. She closed her eyes until the last possible moment, until she opened her eyes and saw…
A picture of Pinkie, wearing the costume she had used when trying to defeat the dragon a year before. Rainbow Dash groaned, slumping to the ground.
“What’s wrong? I thought it was funny.” said Pinkie Pie, glancing up to the sky in a retrospective manner. “Maybe the flippers were a bit much, but the glasses were absofruitly necessary for the whole thing to come together. Rainbow?”
Dash looked up at her, disinterest with a dash or disappointment in her eyes.
“I’m just… I’m gonna go home Pinkie. See ya.” And with that, she flew off towards her cloud house, slowly flapping her wings.
Pinkie waited until Dash was out of sight, and then quickly dashed over to the other side of the box. She grasped a little string with her teeth, giving a slight pull. Pinkie’s face lighted up as she saw what was really in the box-
“Pictures of Rainbow Dash, at the Hearth’s Warming party! Ooooohhh, Rarity would kill for these!”