//------------------------------// // I'm Not Crazy, You're Crazy! // Story: Friendship is Survival // by Shrpsho0ter //------------------------------// (Author's Note: Somewhat grimdark in this first italicized part, it may not be the best for the squeamish.) Darkness...maybe a concussion...but now light! I’m finally in the magical land of Equestria! Fuck the human society and their problems, I’m in Equestria now...me...Tim Weber...after all these months of other people mocking me for believing that other worlds like Equestria existed...finally...I’ve proved my worth. This past week...Dr. Morris...Dr. Steinberg...Dr. Grewal...Dr. Marshall...they didn’t write it down in their reports about my reasons for providing the U.S. government with a way to go in-between alternate universes...but everybody knew...I really wanted to go to Equestria...to see Fluttershy...and Twilight Sparkle...and Pinkie Pie...and Rainbow Dash...and Applejack...and Rarity. I remember coming to the government with the plans months ago...they filed it away for later...ten days ago, one of their scientists found my plans while trying to find a cure for the Green Flu...somehow, they managed to locate me and commission me to help oversee putting together the necessary components...everything but the power core he had been unable to attain...the power core had been planned to be nothing but a simple cordless drill battery, jury-rigged to power up the machine that wouldn’t be powered by the computer. The machine’s original purpose was to transport me to Equestria so I could meet them...the ponies...but...these...scientists...they’ve distorted the purpose into something that the nation “needs”...for the greater good of humanity, they said...who cares about humanity...when I’ve got Equestria. Two hours ago...we finished production of the BF-3000...they tested it by sending an apple to a universe that apparently contained only a single apple...they had determined the apple would have the least amount of effects on this universe...they sent it to the universe...and received an orange in place of the apple...I guess that adding objects to a universe...causes imbalance...and must be rebalanced by replacing it with something that resembles it the most...but not the actual object itself, if it exists in the receiving universe. In a nutshell, we send something over to a different universe; something similar(but not equal) must come back to our universe to bring balance back to the universes involved in this process...but I’m digressing. As soon as the orange was transported back here...I killed them...I personally snapped Dr. Marshall’s neck...I made Dr. Morris bite his own fingers off...one...by one...I drowned Dr Steinberg in the toilet...and Dr. Grewal...I...tore his heart open with the kitchen utensils...and yet...I feel nothing...no remorse...no regret...no joy...just...nothing...the only thing I feel...is blindness...because I lost my glasses trying to find Dr. Grewal’s heart with nothing but a butcher knife...that butcher knife...the way I carved up his chest...how I stabbed it...back and forth...back and forth...back and forth... Of course, they resisted...I would have...they pleaded to me...taking back what they had said about my beliefs...or at least, that they believed they were taking it back...if you didn’t mean it, cocksuckers, you would never have said it in the first place...just like my ma back in Minnesota used to tell me...”If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. At least, not to their face. Behind their backs, you can talk as much shit as you want, as long as you don’t tell them about what you said.” The bodies had to be dealt with swiftly...I dragged them up to the second floor...tossing them through the window at the infected hordes that had began to gather...I left no organ, nor vein, nor body part behind...everything must go! Sale in Aisle 6! I went back to the BF-3000...I pulled up the coordinates to Equestria on the computer...I turned away from the computer to stand up, reaching back to hit the button...and it...it felt like I never hit the button...but I’m probably imagining things...and now, here I am. In Equestria...nothing looks different...maybe my bad eyesight is distorting my vision than what I’m used to...or they made a laboratory just like ours in...Fillydelphia...with the exact same layout...if that’s right...then the exit should be that way. I made it to the exit...it’s so dark outside...I can see figures moving...that one...it...looks like...a pony...it is Equestria! “Rarity!” I ran towards Rarity...and gave her a great big hug...in return, she kissed my face...but this wasn’t a kiss...it felt...more like a bite...and I could feel an aching sensation in my stomach...when I looked down...I saw ‘she’ was sticking her...claws? She was sticking her claws...into my stomach...and...was ripping out my intestines...she was growling at me...I looked into Rarity’s face...and found myself staring into an infected’s face...what wasn’t covered by its hood, that is...NO! I WAS SO CLOSE! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “That’s it! That’s my dream! I saw it through his eyes, like I was actually him! I could hear his thoughts, like he was telling a story!” The pink party pony kept on hopping towards Ponyville, even though the rest of the group had stopped. “Guys? What’s wrong?” “Pinkie Pie...that’s just...sick. Doesn’t that horrify you in the slightest?” Twilight looked like she was going to barf. “I know I’m a kick-ass vampire killer and all, but that’s just sick. Who would do such a thing?” “Meh, it sounds like an average zombie movie to me. 5 guys spending time together in close quarters, while a zombie apocalypse is raging right outside their front door, one of them is bound to go crazy. Even then, he could have done much worse, at least he didn’t-” “Zoey. Please. I don’t want to throw up the little food I have in my body.” Louis' stomach felt like it was going to throw up every piece of food that had ever entered Louis' body. “Why, that’s just...wait a second, what’s a finger?" Rarity wondered Louis stretched out his hand in front of Rarity, and withdrew every finger into a ball except for his index finger. “It’s what us humans use to hold onto things. Without them, we’d be completely useless. Everybody has ten fingers, on two hands.” “That’s crazy! We ponies get along just fine without fingers, I don’t see how you would be completely helpless! You’d have your other limbs to use!” Pinkie Pie said in disbelief. “It doesn’t quite work that way, Pinkie Pie. We only use our other limbs to walk. It’d be a little complicated to use them for every day life. We should probably start using them now, if we want to get where we’re going any time soon.” “Why my dear Louis, you’re right, we have to keep moving. It’ll be time for supper soon.” “You guys will just love supper! We’ll have cake and pie and we can even throw a party for you guys!” “Uh, Pinkie Pie, I don’t think a party would be the best idea. We have no idea about these...humans’ intentions. But first and foremost, I’ll need to run tests and inform Princess Celestia of our situation.” “No party? Aww.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Louis, Francis, and Zoey were sitting inside of a humongous hollowed-out tree. Louis had been in disbelief when he was led into the giant tree, which had actually turned out to be a library. Equestria 1, Logic 0. The others weren’t as much in shock, as Francis had been lost in his thoughts, and had actually shut up. Zoey, on the other hand, was just too mystified by her surroundings, and was thinking of all the possible ways her life would’ve gone if the Green Flu hadn’t surfaced. Rarity and the delightful party pony had gone to their homes, Rarity’s reason being that she needed to watch over her sister, Sweetie Belle, and that Pinkie Pie needed to babysit some rambunctious toddlers. Twilight had let the humans into a large main room, where shelves upon shelves of bookshelves surrounded them, save for a spot where the staircase led up to the next floor, which Twilight had gone up to after giving the humans strict orders not to touch or do anything but sit. So they had sat, and sat there in silence. The only one who made any noise during the entire time wasn’t any of the humans, but a small purple creature, who had green spines sticking out of his back. The creature brought them food, apparently something that Twilight had made the recipe for  herself.  No one attempted to talk to him, nor did he try to talk to them. He walked back the way he came, muttering something about interrupting naps. They ate their food, often glancing at each other, and having unspoken conversations. Louis would sneak looks at Zoey, trying to find how she was taking the whole mess. Zoey was checking to see if she could find any semblance of hope in his face that he was taking this whole ordeal sanely. Francis, on the other hand, was staring in an absent-minded manner out of the window near the staircase. He hadn’t a care in the world at that moment. After about an hour, Twilight finally came back downstairs. She addressed them in a rather calm voice, despite her nervousness. She had come back to her study earlier to find Spike already waiting for her, letter in hand. He had given it to her without a word, and she read over it five times, not missing a single letter. “My most faithful student, Twilight Sparkle. It appears that Ponyville might be in a bind or two over the next several days. I’m writing this letter to forewarn you. You may not have noticed, but over the past few weeks several ponies have been disappearing at night. You need not concern yourself with this matter, for I have instructed my personal unicorn guard to come to Ponyville to help deal with the issue. There may be darker forces than Discord working near Ponyville. I’d rather professionals deal with it. I know you and your friends are the Elements of Harmony, but this is a matter of upmost importance. I have already contacted Mayor Mare about this matter, and she was given strict orders to arrest you if there is any attempt by the Elements of Harmony to find the source of this problem. There’s something very troubling afoot. Luna and I can feel it in our bones. This is for your safety, not to punish you. This very well may be nothing, or this may be the cause of a world war. Princess Celestia.” Twilight was very worried by this letter, both by that Celestia didn’t believe in her abilities, and that these ponies were missing. It’s not like the humans sitting down in her library were going to help in the matter. Even if they did help, they were too exhausted to do anything. No, the humans would have to sit out of any mess that occurred, no matter what. Twilight decided to send Spike to make food for the humans, so she could write a letter herself to Princess Celestia. She outlined that she understood what Princess Celestia meant, and she explained as quickly as possible about the humans’ situations and how they ended up in Equestria. She had to cut her letter short when she heard Spike approaching her study. She quickly closed up the letter, and gave it to Spike to send it off. Unbeknownst to Twilight Sparkle, she had failed to mention the zombies that had plagued the humans’ world, and the apparent disease that had caused so much destruction. After the letter was sent and done, Twilight went back downstairs to the humans. By then, Francis had fallen asleep, Zoey was attempting to find a horror story amongst the various books on the shelves, and Louis was still thinking why this place was so familiar. He was so desperate for ideas, that he thought he was in a TV show he loved to watch. He quickly dismissed the thought as a figment of his imagination, due to exhaustion. Zoey was the first to notice Twilight enter the room, followed by Louis, who had to wake up Francis. An onimous silence filled the room, as the humans seemed to stare down the lone unicorn. “What now?” Zoey broke the silence. “Now? Now, you need to rest. You guys look insanely exhausted, even if you are as tough as you say you are, Francis. Everypo- I mean everybody needs some rest every once in a while. Even gigantic monsters like hydras and- A knocking at the door interrupted Twilight, and she jumped back a foot. “Excuse me a moment.” The knocking continued, even as Twillight opened the door. The hoof that was knocking continued forward and bopped Twilight on the nose. “Derpy? What are you doing here?” “I brought you a letter!” Derpy reached into her bag, and pulled out a small envelope. She handed the envelope to Twilight. Twilight took the envelope out of her hoof, and she kept her hoof out. “Uh, thanks I guess. You can leave now” Except Derpy wasn’t leaving yet. “Muffin!” “Oh. Hold on, let me get one for you.” Twilight pulled a muffin out of a box labelled “For Derpy” near the door. She gave the muffin to Derpy, and she flew away in her unusual(but still perfectly normal for her) manner, bumping into things, but never seeming to lose a hold of her muffin. Before Twilight could close the door, Rarity popped into view, who spotted Twilight. “Yoohoo! Twilight! Sweetie Belle is all taken care of!” Before Twilight could call back over to Rarity, Pinkie Pie jumped off of a rooftop onto where Rarity would be when she landed. “Rarity catch me!” “What?” Pinkie Pie would have struck Rarity at full speed, if it wasn’t for Twilight slowing her fall with magic. “My bad. I was practicing my parkour, and I didn’t see that there weren’t any more buildings off this way.” “Why on Equestria were you practicing parkour? And what about Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake? Weren’t you supposed to take care of them, my dear Pinkie Pie?” “I only had to take care of them for an hour, Rarity! Silly, I wouldn’t leave a bunch of wittie itty bitty babies all by themselves.” “Pinkie Pie, Rarity, this is serious. Follow me inside.” Twilight had left the door open because she had ran as soon as she saw Pinkie jumping off of the roof. The letter had been dropped on the ground when Twilight rushed to lessen Pinkie’s fall. Twilight entered the library with Rarity and Pinkie in tow, and shut the door behind them. “Excuse me a moment while I read this.” The envelope had no information as to who had sent it, but Twilight could tell by the actual contents of the letter who had mailed it. Dear Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia sent our town her personal unicorn guard to help deal with a problem that’s been occurring, as you may or may not know. We were told to expect them to arrive noon two days ago. While this may be an overreaction, I fear they have been spirited away. You understand, of course, that the distance between Ponyville and Canterlot is of a medium distance, however, these ponies left five days ago, and from what Princess Celestia told us, they were equipped with the fastest moving transports alive- five of the Wonderbolts’ top fliers. You can understand my concern. I know Princess Celestia gave me strict orders to prevent you from intervening, but I’m at a loss. I have nopony else to request help from, and you’re the only one who can communicate to Princess Celestia at a fast rate. I’ve had a unicorn enchant this letter so that when you read it, the testimonies of those who witnessed the kidnappings will appear in the main room of your library.          Help us Twilight Sparkle, both as an Element of Harmony, and as a citizen of Ponyville. It very well might be a small filly or colt who’s kidnapped next. Mayor Mare. Twilight took this all in surprisingly well, partly due to the fact that she believed that she expected something of this sort to happen, even if it meant what she thought it meant; that so far fifteen ponies have disappeared due to this mysterious source of power. There hasn’t been these many disappearances since...well never! The testimonies the letter had mentioned appeared on a table in the corner with a loud thump and a shimmering of the air. The stack wasn't particularly large, but it did only contain five testimonies. “What are these, Twilight?” Zoey was right next to the table, and was sifting through the papers. When she saw one that caught her eye, her face dropped from her usual carefree smile to a grim and depressing grimace. “‘The witness claims to have seen a creature walking on two legs that used its tongue to pull in the missing victim and kidnap them. The creature apparently was coughing and was giving off smoke in his vicinity.’ Is this what I think it is?”  “No...no...not here of all places...” Louis was palming his face at the horrifying thought that was occurring in his mind.  “Goddamnit, I’m no scientist, but I’m pretty sure they had no way to follow us, right?”         “I’m sure it’s just a coincidence, Francis.” Louis was trying to remain optimistic of the situation, even though he realized how grim it would be if it meant what he thought it meant.         “No, it’s not, listen to this. ‘The witnesses to this kidnapping claim that a creature was leaping around large distances and emitting a piercing shriek. The victim was pounced, and then the creature attempted to leap away with the victim, but the victim, being a unicorn, used her magic to light up the creature's head, due to the witness being in close proximity, and the witness claimed to see a hood covering the creature’s face, exposing nothing but its nose and wicked teeth.’ Sound familiar?” Zoey said with a smug look on her face. “Zoey, whatever does this mean?” Rarity and the rest of the ponies were confused, although Rarity was the only one to regain her composure. “It means that whatever happened to these ponies, the zombies from our world are kidnapping them. But I don’t get it. They normally attack anything that’s not Infected like a pack of savage dogs.” “Maybe they’re not like they normally are,” Louis said. “Maybe they’ve changed. Or worse, they’re being controlled. Either situation doesn’t change the fact that we’ve got a situation on our hands.” “You’re right Louis. We have a situation on our hands. One that you and your friends won’t be able to participate in.” “What? Why not?” Francis appeared to have a surprised look on his face. Even Francis could comprehend that their little ensemble had the most experience with the zombies in Equestria at that moment. “Because one, you have no weapons. You guys told me that you used guns to kill the zombies back on Earth. Here, in Equestria, the only guns we have are used by the royal guards or ponies involved in the black market. Even if you were to acquire a gun, you wouldn’t be able to use it. They’re specially hoofmade for ponies, and Celestia’s secret unicorn guard at that. The black market did make straps for Pegasi and Earth ponies to use in case they were potential customers, but Princess Celestia never endorsed them for her own needs for fear of it getting in the wrong hands. “Two, you guys are exhausted. You’ve been killing zombies for how many days now? At least 3? Obviously you’ve had little sleep, and the sleep you have had was plagued with nightmares of days long gone. Am I right?” Zoey looked away from Twilight as she said this, remembering her dad’s unfortunate end. Louis appeared to think over this for a minute, and then made his mind and spoke. “I, uh...guess we have been sleep-deprived over the past few days. It’d be nice to not have to worry about anything.” Louis looked at Francis and Zoey for approval. “Uh..yeah! We can stay here in the meantime. I mean, we can read through these books, right?” Zoey seemed eager to get her hands on some horror stories. “What about me? Can’t I get some sleep around here and get some grub?” Francis’ stomach rumbled at the thought of food. Twilight chuckled. “Of course, you guys, make yourselves at home. I’ll make sure Spike and Pinkie Pie keep you company when I leave to deal with this; Rarity will have to come with me. For now,  I guess I’ll have to go write another letter to Celestia. I think I have an idea of how we’re going to deal with this.” “We!?” Rarity expressed alarm at this. Twilight chuckled again for an usually long time. “Oh you’ll see. You’ll see.”