//------------------------------// // Class Dismissed // Story: Pinkamena Diane Pie: Consultant Detective // by Time Pony Victorious //------------------------------// Pinkie Pie sat at her desk. She grumbled under her breath about how execrable everypony was being. They wouldn't think, they were hopelessly dull and stupid. Her teacher in particular was the worst offender. Every time she spoke, she lowered the IQ of everypony there. Mrs. Willow Leaf turned around and grimaced at the pink earth mare. It was not very surprising that the eccentric filly wasn't engaged on the lesson at hoof and opted instead to scribble in her notebook. It was strange, however. Pinkie was the youngest in her class, at a mere age of eight, and has managed to get her cutie mark, a trio of balloons. Something cheerful and happy for such an antisocial and high-strung mare. "Miss Pie," Willow said pointedly, drawing her gaze to the mare in question who looked up, bored as usual, and frowned. "Is there something more important in the notebook than my lesson on Hearts and Hooves Day?" "Observations," she answered arrogantly before returning to her notebook. "Excuse me?" Pinkie sighed loudly. "I'd really prefer not to, if you don't mind. I'd need to excuse a great number of flaws you have." The class of twenty snickered. Willow's face darkened several shades of red before she trotted up to Pinkie's desk, snatched her notebook, and observed it before giving the mare a quizzical expression. "What is this?" "I told you. Observations," she said, shaking her head to punctuate her impatience with the teacher. "Notes on everypony here, including you Mrs. Leaf." Willow chuckled and Pinkie rolled her eyes. The filly still couldn't believe that she was to attend classes in Canterlot with a bunch of dull and arrogant ponies, she'd much rather extend her education on the rock farm, there was no need to associate herself with stupidity. "What's this?" Willow said, reading a few of Pinkie's notes. "'Upturned collar; unfamiliar scent, possibly a stallion's deodorant'?" "Yes, I was noting your infidelity, should I be asked to, ah, make them public." "My… what?!" Willow's face became fifty shades darker as embarrassment clutched her throat, making her mute for a few moments. The class whispered amongst themselves, like busy bees they buzzed. "Pinkamena Diane Pie, what are you implying—" "Upturned collar," she started, "Used to hide the very noticeable hickey on your neck. Having a little fun before showing up to work?" "W-what?!" "Husband is out of town and you take the opportunity to—" Pinkie cleared her throat rather indiscreetly "—Educate other stallions?" "I don't know what you're—" "You've been married for ten years. The pictures on your desk obviously indicate that. Unhappily, however. The pictures and the frame are both the same age." "Why does that matter?" a young filly called out from the class. "Ah!" Pinkie stood up and smiled at the classroom, "A question, excellent. A simply question, but it's a start." "Pinkie Pie, SIT DOWN!" interjected Willow. "Any mare happy in their marriage would obviously keep their prized possessions as clean and orderly as possible. She hasn't replaced those picture frames for ten years, probably because she's unhappy in her marriage, not probably; obviously." "How dare—" "Notice her attire this past week. All brand new clothes, shiny new jewelry and fancy make-up! She even wore new perfume! For her husband? Eh, not likely, he's been out of town this past week, like I said." "Pinkie—" "How'd you know that?" asked the same filly. "I overheard her talking to another teacher." The arrogant would-be detective shrugged at the somewhat disappointed class. "Not everything is deducible." "But her infidelity?" asked another filly. "This past week she's been showing up to class all fancily dressed and all smiles. Weird that she suddenly keeps up appearances after her husband leaves, huh? Probably she's enjoying the freedom, probably a little too much. She smells different today, much different than her very expensive perfume and what's more!" She paused for dramatic effect. "It's deodorant, for stallions." A chorus of oohs and aahs echoed through the class. "That is enough!" Roughly pulling down Pinkie from her desk, Willow held the filly by her mane practically foaming at the mouth. "Now, I have had enough of your ridiculous theories and wild accusations! Now, you are going to report to the principal's office for disciplinary action!" "Are you sure?" asked Pinkie. "Sure of what?" "Sending me off so quickly. I mean, I'm almost done with my 'wild' theories. You may as well let me finish." "I—" Pinkie pointed at Mrs. Willow's desk, to a stack of papers leaving ever so innocently beside several school textbooks. "Letters from your… escort. Addressed to and from a Mr. Gyro Synch. Now, that's not your husband's name, is it? Hm, but why would this Gyro send you rather steamy letters if he wasn't your husband?" Willow turned her back to the class and held Pinkie mere inches from her own muzzle. "Why are you doing this? What have I ever done to you?" Pinkie Pie, the arrogant yet brilliant filly shrugged. "Bored. Why does anypony do anything?" In a hysterical fit, Mrs. Willow Leaf submitted her resignation to the Canterlot School of Excellence posthaste and class was dismissed. Pinkie Pie trotted into the courtyard, by the school gates, and scowled at the sprawling city of Canterlot. How she wished for her peaceful home without all of the noise and distractions. "Pinkie!" a voice called from behind her. Turning, she saw a young, vibrantly pink mare with a matching mane and tail trot up to her with a wide smile. "Hey!" "Come to throw rocks at me?" asked Pinkie. She was familiar with the treatment these Canterlot ponies gave her for being a farm pony in the center of the pinnacle of modern industry. "What? No, I just wanted to say what you did in that class was brilliant!" she jumped to punctuate her point. Pinkie raised an eyebrow and muttered a thanks, she wasn't quite used to compliments, especially from a Canterlot pony. "How did you guess all of that?" Pinkie rolled her eyes, it was a common assumption to think Pinkie guessed all of the time and it was on that was beginning to annoy her. "I don't guess," she corrected, "I noticed. There are little details on everypony, details that are ignored all of the time. If you just take the time to look for them, you can figure things out quickly." "Wow…" the filly was left speechless, awe-struck at Pinkie's ability. "What can you tell about me?" Pinkie looked over the filly for a brief moment and opened her mouth— "Oh, um, sorry Pinkie," the filly interrupted pointing to a carriage waiting outside of the gates. "My father is here to pick me up, I've got to go!" "Right, right," Pinkie answered weakly. "But, I'll see you class tomorrow!" the filly called out as she walked away, "That is unless they expelled you or something." The young filly entered the carriage and sat in the sat opposite to a tall imposing stallion who greeted her with a warm smile. "How was your day Cheerilee?" he asked. Cheerilee giggled to herself as she recalled how confident and arrogant Pinkie Pie behaved in class. "Fun!"