//------------------------------//
// Of Magics and Maniacs (Pt1|Ch5) 
// Story: My Little Argonian: Family is Sacred 
// by Warren Peace 
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Chapter Five: Of Magics and Maniacs


“Damned candle,” I cursed the wax and wick formation in front of me.
Don’t blame the candle, it’s your own damn fault. You should’ve paid more attention to that spellbook.
Be quiet, I snapped back, face beholding a snarl.
Night was still showing no signs of abating, its darkness blanketing everything. I had tried to judge the time of night by looking at the stars and moon, but both were unknown to me. However, were I to guess, I would say that it had been at least two hours since the dream and the riddler in them. This passage of time had worn my patience thin and I was forced to get out of the bed and find something to do.
Stumbling around in the darkness of the room had given me my solution: get some light. After some searching, I’d found a few wax candles in one of the drawers, but had been unable to find a lighting source for them.
My tinderbox had been in the same area as my poisons and I wasn’t reaching through that cesspool of poison and shattered flasks for anything in my life. A search around the room turned up no way of lighting the candle and that left me with only one option: magic.
Glaring at the candle as if it were my arch-nemesis, I tried again.
I held my hands like a dome over the candle, staring at the candlewick and drowning all else out, putting every last septim of my focus into it. Once I had ridden my world of all other distractions, I began thinking about fire. Not something large, a massive ball or a stream of fire for example, just something tiny, a spark.
From here, I began to imagine the spark forming at the tip of the wick, pulling in heat from the surrounding air and bursting into flame. Like every time before this, I felt as my body pulled magicka from the world around me, channeling it through my arms and into the palms of my hands. Bending the magicka to my will, I focused it all out of my palms, converting it from magical energy into heat energy.
And nothing happened.
“Fornicating candle!” I growled, growing angry at the fact that despite my best effort, the candle remained unlit, What do I have to do for you to light!
Upon my thinking this, a sudden discharge of power zapped from my palms, startling me enough to make me flinch away. There was a quiet pop and the candle came to life as the wick burst into a tiny flame.
There we are! I mentally grumbled, taking the candle and using it to light a few others.
Maybe you should have paid more attention to that spellbook, my mind chastised, It would have saved so much time if you could light fires with at least some level of aptitude.
Be quiet, it’s lit now, isn’t it? I replied, moving towards the bookshelf and wielding one of the candles for light.
I set the candle down on a shelf and pulled out a book at random. Flipping through the pages reminded me that everything was written in a different language. Nevertheless, I searched through the books, having nothing better to do, until I found what I was looking for: something with blank pages.
Hiding behind a few of the books was a small journal, similar to the few that now lay ruined in my pack. The writing in this one appeared to be written with a hand, though I had no idea how something that didn’t posses hands could have written it.
I flipped through the pages until I reached wherever the writer had last left off, tearing out one of the pages before replacing the journal and taking the page and the candle back to the bed.
Aren’t you forgetting something? my mind inquired, or do you plan to conjure up a quill and ink from the depths of Oblivion?
The neutral mask that I wore turned to a frown of annoyance as I took a seat on the edge of the bed.
“Damnit,” I grumbled, glaring around for a quill and inkwell. With any luck, I might be able to find one somewhere in...
“Whatcha looking for?” A cheery voice asked from above.
To say that I was startled by hearing a voice above me after so much silence and no knowledge that someone had snuck up on me was an understatement.
I hopped forwards, off the bed and away from the assailant, drawing my knives with speed honed by skill. Unfortunately, I was still unaccustomed to the cast around my leg, it threw me off balance and I quickly found myself on the ground again, pain lancing through my body like a poison.
“Fornication!” I spat through clenched teeth, rolling painfully onto my back, eyes squeezed shut as the pain assailed me.
“Is what you’re looking for...on the floor?” The cheery voice spoke again, there was a giggle, “Hey, that rhymed! Looking for...on the floor!” The voice repeated in a sing-song voice.
What in the unholy name of Sithis? my mind inquired, beating me to it.
My scaly eyelids snapped open, eyes locking onto...
“What in the unholy name of Sithis?” I wondered aloud.
Hanging from the ceiling and clad in a tight-fitting black suit with some sort of metallic apparatus strapped to its forehead was, of all possible things, a small pink horse.
The creature giggled again, “I’m a pony, silly, that’s what.”
Getting my priorities straight, I found my knives, grabbing them and pointing the one in my right grip at the creature. Sitting up only increased the unabated pain, forcing me to use my left arm for support.
“What are you doing here?” I growled threateningly.
“Well,” the creature began, there was an audible pop and the creature fell from its perch on the ceiling. It paused a moment in the air, righting itself before landing on the bed, “I couldn’t sleep and I got a rumbly tummy and an itchy nose. That, of course, that meant that one of my friends also couldn’t sleep! So I went on a search to find who it was that also couldn't sleep. I went down the list of all my friends and when I came here looking for you and Fluttershy, I found you!
“And then you said, ‘Damnit,’” the creature continued, deepening her voice as she quoted me, “which really isn’t a nice word. So then I asked, ‘whatcha looking for?’ since it looked like you were looking for something important, like enemy intelligence or something,” the creature looked left to right, as if searching the room for a hidden enemy, “Then you did this totally awesome dive to the floor, saying ‘fornication!’ which also isn’t a very nice word, you know. And then I asked if what you were looking for was on the floor, which rhymes,” she giggled, “Then you said ‘What in the unholy name of Sithis?’” she kept going, again deepening her voice as she quoted me, “Then I told you I was a pony and you asked what I was doing here and that’s where we are now!”
Through the black outfit the creature put on a massive smile, eyes lighting up.
What? my mind asked, mirroring my utter confusion.
“Oh, I also brought my new suction-cup horseshoes,” the creature said, lifting a hoof to show off the device, “they’re the latest addition to my spy outfit! They really work, too!”
“Who...are you?” I asked, not entirely sure that asking this creature questions was healthy for my sanity.
“I’m Pinkie Pie!” Pinkie replied with glee, “Didn’t you get my ‘get well’ card and the cupcake? I didn’t really know what kind of cupcakes you like, so I kinda sorta had to guess which one to give you,” Pinkie rattled on, “I was gonna send you a big box of all sorts, but Fluttershy said that it might not be good for you, which is kinda loco in the cocoa if you ask me,” Pinkie said, pointing to her head and swirling her eyes, “A cupcake, or cupcakes, is a sure way to make anypony feel better!”
I replied with silence, not sure what else was appropriate.
“Hey, so what were you looking for?” Pinkie asked, looking around the room from the bed again, “Was it...a lolipop!” She exclaimed, reaching behind her and procuring a stick with a multi-colored disc atop it.
“That’s...it’s none of your concern,” I replied, shaking my head. I pushed myself painfully to my feet, muttering a few curses as the pain shot through my body again.
You really need to stop falling out of bed, Aram, my mind said.
Shut-up, I replied.
“But it totally is my concern!” Pinkie countered, “You need help finding something and I’m gonna help you find it because that’s what friends are for!”
“Who ever said we were friends?” I asked coldly, knives still held ready in my hands.
“Me, silly!” Pinkie reasoned, if such a thing as this creature reasoning was possible, “I’m friends with everypony in Ponyville and you’re no exception!” Her happy demeanor was stolen by a more pondering one, “Though I still haven’t thrown you a party yet...”
“I don’t know you,” I growled, angry at this bizarre creature already, “Now get out so I can find a quill and..!” I stopped abruptly, mentally kicking myself for divulging the information.
“A quill? Is that what you’re looking for?” Pinkie asked, “Why didn’t you say so?”
Breaking the laws of physics, Pinkie zipped over to the fireplace at the opposite side of the room. She examined if for a moment, poking at her chin with a hoof, before reaching out, pulling one of the bricks from its place, and reaching into the cavity that it had left.
“Aha!” she exclaimed, pulling her hoof from the hole, a quill and an inkwell in her grasp. She trotted happily back to the bed, placing both items on it, the quill dipped in the inkwell, “I’ve got plenty of quills and inkwells stashed all over Ponyville,” she explained as if it were common knowledge, “In case of a writing emergency.”
My eyes shifted slowly from Pinkie to the inkwell and back, again at a loss of words as this creature proved to continue its randomness.
“Oh...” I said.
“You’re welcome,” Pinkie said with unparalleled cheer, “So...were you gonna write something or tickle somepony’s nose?” She asked, going into a fit of giggles as if someone was tickling her nose, “if it’s tickling somepony’s nose, then I know just the pony to do it to!”
“It’s not your concern,” I growled, limping to the bed. I sheathed my right knife traded it for the inky quill, always making sure that Pinkie was within my field of view in case she tried something. Ready, I held the quill paused above the paper, ready to write.
I thought back to the two riddles, bringing them back from the depths of my mind so I could write them...
“Ooh, those look really scary!” Pinkie said, eyeing my knives.
“Be quiet,” I snapped, glaring over at the pink pony.
“Okie dokie lokie!” Pinkie complied, drawing a hoof across her closed mouth and then pantomiming a series of of actions, none of which I could decipher.
Just when you thought that talking, friendly, racist unicorns were something to gawk at... my mind commented.
I reached back into my memories, drawing forth the two riddles that I had committed to my mind. As I scribbled out the first one, I reassessed the meaning.
‘When you have seen your third dawn, three shall come, young and strong...’ Translated, if I were to guess, that meant that in three days time I’d be visited by three initiates. The last part thankfully provided that they would be both of relative youth and vitality.
‘Teach them what of shadow you know, and see your Dark Brotherhood grow...’ This obviously meant that I was to teach them what I knew about the art of stealth. I pondered on this a moment. I was no teacher, but pressed I could hopefully be of some use as one.
“Whatcha writing?” Pinkie asked curiously.
“Nothing that concerns you,” I growled back, going back to the final line of the first riddle before a sudden thought struck me.
My eyes found the ‘get well’ card, as Pinkie had called it, still laying where I’d left it the day before. It had been written in a language that I knew, much unlike the books that I had looked through and the journal I had taken the page from. I latched my gaze onto Pinkie, who was staring back at me with a happy intensity.
“How...” I paused, unsure how and if I should continue.
“How what?” Pinkie asked, “How to make cupcakes? That’s easy: all you gotta do is take a cup of flour and add it to the mix..!”
“No,” I growled, cutting off her increasingly annoying speech and wondering if simply killing her was a good idea. It would certainly shut her up, but getting rid of the body might prove difficult, seeing the condition I was in, “How do you know my language? The card you gave me isn’t written in your dialect.”
Perhaps she’s some shapeshifting Daedra. Maybe Equestria is one of the planes of Oblivion and this creature has visited Nirn once or twice, my mind suggested.
“I dunno, when I wrote it, it just came out like that,” Pinkie replied with a shrug, “But did you like the cupcake it came with?” she smiled brightly again.
I debated answering her for a mere second before going back to the final line of the first riddle.
‘Once they are ready, you shall know, a father’s unholy light is ready to glow...’ This final part implied that once their training was complete, we would be ready to do Sithis’ bidding. My quill and thoughts paused here, a tingling sensation running through my grip on my left knife. I spared the weapon a glance and a ghost of a smile before delving back into my mind to get the second riddle.
‘First travel to where regal sisters preside, and go to where creatures of stone reside...’ I frowned at this one, focusing back on Pinkie for a moment to ensure she wasn’t planning anything, she wasn’t...at least as far as I could tell.
Back to the riddle, I hadn’t the first clue what this meant. Regal sisters preside? Creatures of stone? I’d seen a few storm atronachs in my day, they appeared to be made of stone...and lightning. Then again, it was a riddle, so perhaps something to do with a stone-like creature? I’d seen mudcrabs blend almost perfectly into their surroundings, taking on the appearance of rocks before, but that made no sense at all. How would a mudcrab be able to help me?
I gave a low growl, unable to make sense of the line as I moved onto the next.
‘Look for the creature that does most resemble, your dread lord, whom makes many tremble...’ This part meant to look for something similar to Sithis. Perhaps a deity here that shared some traits with him...I liked the sound of that, another ghost of a smile crossing my features. This would hopefully be the easiest part of the riddle, seeing as a creature with a semblance of Sithis would be rather easy to find.
“What’s so funny?” Pinkie asked, interrupting me yet again, “Is it a funny joke?”
“It’s nothing,” I snapped, smile fading as I glared at her, “Why are you still here? You’ve served your purpose and I want to be alone.”
“Aww,” Pinkie whined, looking upset, “But I totally had this awesome slumber party planned out! We were gonna play board games and tell ghost stories! Like the tale...of the headless horse!”
“What?” I inquired, utterly confused again on account of the pink creature, “No. I’ve no time for your petty games and I’ve no more patience for your presence,” I lowered my voice a tad, narrowing my eyes just slightly, “Now get out of here before I make you.”
My right hand moved away from the paper, towards my right knife as my left hand tightened on the hilt of my left one in what I hoped looked threatening enough to Pinkie.
“Well...” Pinkie trailed off, pondering again, “I suppose we could have the party another time. A party of two just isn’t as fun as a party of three...or more. Plus, Fluttershy did say that you needed your rest, and making a sick friend feel better is just as good as a party for one,” Pinkie let out a sigh, “Well, okay, we’ll do it your way,” she perked up again, “but just be sure to let me know when you’re feeling better so I can throw you that party I owe you! Okay?”
“Fine,” I conceded with a grumble, “Now for Sithis’ sake, get out.”
“Okie dokie lokie!” Pinkie replied with a smile, hopping over to a window, opening it, and leaping out with a final wave and a smile, “It was nice getting to talk to you..!” she called out, voice fading as, presumably, she fell.
I made my way around the bed and to the window, closing it after looking out and finding no sign of Pinkie.
Making my way back, I pulled the final line from my memory, committing it to the paper once I had gotten back to the other side of the bed.
“Once this creature you seek has been found, speak your name and it shall be bound...”
“Hm,” I said, thinking. Once I’d found the creature of stone, who was similar to Sithis, I was to speak my name. This would bind me in some way, but to the creature? Or was it the creature that was being bound? None of the second riddle made much sense in the first place, why should the ending have been any different?
What does it matter? You understand the first riddle, which tells you that you’ll need to train some initiates in three days time. Do that and then focus on finding this creature, my mind suggested.
Fine I replied, folding the piece of paper and sliding it into one of my gloves after I’d ensured that the ink was dry. Finished with that, I took a seat at the edge of the bed, now unsure of what I could do to pass the time...