This story is a fan-fiction of MLP:FiM. I don't own any of it. It belongs to Hasbro, etc, etc.
Don't sue. Seriously. That would be so uncouth.
Discord and I drink tea at the end of my first day
“Well it’s obvious that Dionne Warwick is going to be a touchy subject.”
“Hey, you can’t completely say her songs are nothing but blues. They have some pre-R&B/soul vibe in there too.”
“But that’s where it came from! God, music evolution really isn’t that hard to follow.” said god of chaos as he sipped on a mug of hot chocolate while sitting in a throne across me, both him and the chair upside down. I rolled my eyes at him.
“Well no shit. It’s expected to be easy for someone who’s lived forever.” I replied, sighing briskly when I snuck another glance down at the ground, miles under us.
“Ok, ok. I understand you’re upset by my vast knowledge.” Discord said with a wave of his hand.
“Oh yeah? You forgot one of the most influential artists ever for your Super-Blues album.” I said with a smirk.
“Oh really? Who could this ‘most influential artist’ be? Since I skipped him or her, they can’t be that great…”
“Muddy Waters can’t be that great?” I said as Discord’s eyes grew wide and he started to laugh. “Oh god, how could I forget good old Muddy?!? Oh I’m just terrible! You win, you win!” he said with a wave of his hand. I smiled, sipped my oolong tea, and stared at the strange man that sat across from the floating table and looked out at the pinking sky. The sun was setting off to the west, making the clouds around us glow with vivid pinks, oranges, yellows, and blues. The night sky was creeping up from the east, brining on a wave of dark blue and purple like that of Luna’s coat and mane. I sighted at the sight and thought back to the events that led to this strange tea time at sunset.
“And we’re party-p-p-partyin’. We’re-we’re-we’re partyin’! Yay!” Pinkie sang as she bounced around Sugarcube Corner, coating every visible surface with confetti and glitter she managed to extract from the confines of space and time itself. I helped by blowing up some balloons, but I was still surprised to see how fast and impossibly unpredictable she managed to work. If anything, she reminded me of some of my family members, just furthering the fact that she had to be Italian. But, as with all chaotic acts, there was a certain flow to hers, like a song only she could hear was playing and she just managed to be dancing along to it while we worked. I smiled and felt her good mood overwhelm me, making me work a little faster and laugh along with her as she started to sing one of those pony-songs they always included on the tv show. Then, as if by some impossible magic, pink words appeared in the air next to me at shoulder height and music started playing from somewhere. On top of the words sat a little ball, bouncing to the beat of the song.
“When you’re sad and everypony you know treats you like a foreigner, there’s only one place to go and that’s Sugarcube Corner!” Pinkie sang, the ball bouncing along on the words as she said each one. Then the words changed, becoming new lyrics that were colored blue. The music played along in the background, but pinkie didn’t sing along. I looked over to her and saw that she was looking at me with a smile and raised eyebrows.
“You want me to… ah, what the hell!” I shouted as I cleared my throat.
“When you come inside I’ll cheer you up! I’ll give you something sweet, but if that’s not enough, just ask for the specialty Pinkie Pie!”
“P-A-R-T-Y! I am the party pony and all I want to do is see you smile!” Pinkie sang.
“P-A-R-T-Y! She is the party pony and her fun goes on for miles!” I sang back, following the ball as it bounced over each of my lyrics.
“I do agree that raising barns and writing letters are both very fun, but nothing can come close to a Pinkie party under the sun!” she continued onto verse two.
“And even in the night, if everything’s not right, just come to Sugarcube Corner, for your good times haven’t even begun!” I sang quickly.
“P-A-R-T-Y!” Pinkie sang starting a crescendo.
“P-A-R-T-Y!” I mimed, both of us sliding on our knees on the floor with fireworks going off in the background behind us. I panted for a tic and then started laughing when I saw Pinkie doing the same. This whole routine took a lot out of you. I wondered how the ponies could do this almost every episode.
“That was pretty cool.” I said with a smile.
“YEP!” Pinkie agreed, bouncing off of the floor with exuberance.
“How’d you make the song that quickly though?” I asked her as I got up. Pinkie looked away from me and straight at the author of this fanfic.
“I didn’t.” she whispered to me as she grabbed at some unseen fabric, the fabric of time and time, space, dimensions, and what we all know to be the “fourth wall”. I heard a quick shout and what sounded like someone dropping a can of soda.
“Next time, just use one of the songs off of YouTube please.” I hear Pinkie say. “It was a good try, but it needs…oomph. I do like the finish though. That was fun. But good work in throwing a musical number in here. Celestia knows I didn’t get enough in the third season, so thanks! Oh, and you can continue writing now! Bye!” she said as she pulled herself out of the inter-dimensional tear she had just formed. Before I could ask, the tear sealed upon itself with a sucking “shloorp”. Weird.
“So you ready to throw one of the biggest parties in all of Ponyville?!?” Pinkie asked me as she threw more confetti everywhere.
“Sure. I don’t have anything better to do.” I replied honestly.
“Damn right!” Pinkie swore at me before looking up at a clock on the wall. “Be back in a second!” she squealed as I felt the universe around waver, like hot air above the freeway on a summer’s afternoon. Then she was gone. I looked around, surprised that she could use magic too. If I remembered the tv show correctly, the only the unicorns and the princesses could use magic. What the hell had Pinkie done? But my thoughts disappeared as Pinkie walked out of the kitchen with a unicorn who wore dark purple shades. Her mane was pure white and her mane was a neon blue.
“Hey Will, meet Vinyl Scratch!” Pinkie said, like nothing sanity-breaking had just occurred.
“What the hell is that thing?” Vinyl said taking a step back and rubbing her eye with her hooves.
“Oh, he’s just a human. It’s not like we haven’t gotten weirder stuff in Ponyville like him before…” Pinkie said rolling her eyes.
“You don’t say?” I said looking at Pinkie with wide eyes. This made Vinyl start laughing heartily.
“Human or whatever, dude you’re cool by me.” She said, extending a hoof. I slapped it on top, bottom, and bumped it from side to side. “Trippy.” the mare said in return with a smile before turning to Pinkie. “So you want everything where it normally is?”
“Yeppero!” Pinkie said as Vinyl’s horn started to glow. I inadvertently almost pissed myself as it got brighter and I dove to the ground as a loud ‘pop’ went off from the opposite side of the room.
“What the hell man?” Vinyl said, eyeing me with quasi-amusement. I looked up to find we were still in Sugarcube Corner, but there was another new arrival. In the far corner of the bakery stood two large black boxes and one long flat one in between them. My eyes grew wide with excitement as I realized what they were. I quickly got up and sprinted over to them.
“My god…I thought this was only possible in my dreams!!!!” I squealed as I jumped over the low barrier between the two black bookcase speakers and looked onto eternal nerd-glory. On the low barrier, which was really an elongated lectern made to pony height, laid things I only wished I could afford. In the middle stood a closed laptop, but around it laid Atmosphere, Trilogy, and Stylus RMX softsynths, six Novation launch pads, and finally a Nemark Idj3 midi controller.
“Ya like what I got?” Vinyl asked, trotting up to her set up with a smirk as I dared to gently touch one of the scratch pads on the Idj3.
“Don’t leave me alone with it.” I said seriously. “I will steal all of this.” I said with my eyes reflecting the Idj3 greedily. Vinyl and Pinkie laughed.
“Let’s let her get everything ready for the party, Will.” Pinkie said while motioning for me to follow her. “Help me make some Pinkie Pie cupcakes! I’ll teach you how!” she said, bouncing into the kitchen. I rolled my eyes at her and gave a mock salute to Vinyl while I went around the speakers and went towards the kitchen. My movement was stopped when I thought I heard a jack-hammer going off in the kitchen, but that could only be my imagination, right?
My head bobbed to the sound of the club music that had steadily grown louder and stronger as the night became later and later. I was worried that the pony police would come shut the party down, but my suspicions evaporated as I saw two Canterlot guards walk into Sugarcube Corner with wide smiles on their faces. The saluted to Vinyl and hugged Pinkie and went to join the masses of ponies that were now dancing to the music.
Earlier in the day, after an exhausting, terror filled time in which I learned to make “Pinkie Cupcakes” ponies slowly started to come to Sugarcube Corner, as if lulled there by some siren song of the party pony. Twilight burst in as one of the first guests. She wore a ragged look and almost strangled me as she told me she had been looking around for me all day. Luckily, Pinkie managed to calm her down with some of her insanity and let her loose into the growing crowd of ponies. Earlier, the ponies all talked and conversed as Vinyl played some relaxing, gentle music that gave the room a friendly ambiance. That all changed however as the sun set and the pony masses came.
I saw Vinyl appear out of nowhere, a neon sign appearing with her on the front of her djing podium. It was electric blue, just like her mane and it read “DJPON3,” which I assumed was her moniker. Quite clever if you ask me. So, the party truly started then, as the ponies cheered for Vinyl and a devilish grin erupted across her face. She started laying some clubbing tunes down onto the masses like a blanket of pure electricity, making all the ponies sway and dance in a matter of seconds. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t impressed with her magical music.
A little before midnight, Pinkie came up to me and eyed me wearily. “You’re not having as much fun as you could be.” She said sagely.
“What do you mean? This party is rocking!” I said in reply, trying to hide the fact that she was right.
She put a hoof to her face. “No, you’re troubled about something.” She said tapping the hoof to her chin.
I looked into her caring eyes and sighed, knowing she would see through my guise. I had known women like her back home, and while we became best of friends, I always knew they would be able to read me like an open book, a trait I could never accept.
“Do you want to go somewhere?” Pinkie asked gently.
I nodded. “Someplace quiet.” I replied.
Pinkie walked in front of me and led me back into the kitchen, giving me the shivers about all memories it brought up. I still wondered how you could make cupcakes with a sledgehammer… But Pinkie still led me on, out the kitchen and into a small enclosed back-yard area. It wasn’t a back-yard by any means, but it was big enough to house a storage shed and have a little room left over. All in all, it reminded me of a small garden I had once been in. That thought brought more memories of home and I fell into a deeper depression. Would I ever get home?
Pinkie went over to the shed and opened up the door, walking inside and motioning for me to do the same. I raised an eyebrow, but followed cautiously, never knowing what to expect with Pinkie. I shambled into the tight shed and Pinkie closed the door. Then she squeezed around me and opened yet another door on the other side of the shed. But then all my rational thought left me right there and then. Pinkie had done it yet again.
The door opened up to a calm, green, terrestrial ground that I remembered from earlier in the day. I had seen the floral gardens from the inside of Canterlot Castle; in fact it wasn’t that far away from where we came out. I looked back at the door I had just exited and I realized it was actually part of the hedgerows that made up the maze in Canterlot Gardens.
“Let’s take a walk.” Pinkie said as she closed the door and walked ahead of me. I followed behind her in awe of this strange magic she possessed. I really didn’t think all ponies were like this, or were they?
“Why so glum?” Pinkie asked as she slowly rounded another shrubby corner.
I let out a long sigh. “I don’t know if I’ll ever get home.”
“Didn’t Twilight and Princess Celestia say they would get you home soon?”
“Yeah, it’s just that…”
“It’s so far away.” Pinkie said, finishing for me.
“Exactly.”
“I felt like that too, when I first left the Rock Farm. It’s so far away from Ponyville and ‘home is where the heart is.’ But I found out that your heart doesn’t have to be in one place.” Pinkie said with a knowing smile. “Here, let me introduce you to someone who’s very special to me; I think you’ll like him.” She started off in a canter and I followed behind her with a jog. She took twists and turns and corridors with such ease that I knew she must have come here a lot. However, she stopped when we came to a large circular opening, a place where many paths all connected, and stood and stared at a strange looking statue. It looked like a mix between and Chinese dragon and a pony and I wore a surprised/horrified look on its face. I looked at it curiously, but Pinkie was completely enamored with it.
“This is my coltfriend!” she giggled happily. “Or, draconeqqus friend! Hehe!” I stared at Pinkie with concern. Did she really think this statue was her ‘coltfriend’?
“Pinkie, are you alright?”
“Yeppers!”
“Um…your boyfriend is a statue.” I tried to explain.
“OH! Thanks for reminding me!” she said as she jumped into the air. “Watch this!” she said as she turned to the statue and looked into its eyes. “Discord,” she said once. “Discord,” she said twice. “Discord!” she shouted a third time before going quiet. I watched in anticipation, but nothing happened. Until the statue blinked.
The statue blinked, yawned, stretched, shook himself-sending chunks of cement everywhere, and dove off of his pedestal when he saw Pinkie. He caught her in a hug and flew up into the sky with her, reappearing behind me with a snap of his fingers. I turned around to see him laying on a pink cloud while Pinkie laid against his stomach and held one of his claws in her hoof.
“Who’s this dearie?” he asked, looking at me in amusement.
“That’s Will, Dissy. He’s a human.” Pinkie said as she snuggled closer to her ‘coltfriend.’
“Well I can see that silly!” he said looking at Pinkie with a stupid look on his face. Pinkie giggled at his face and gave him a quick peck, making his smile grow even wider.
“So who are you?” I asked, trying not to become the third wheel this soon.
“I, my silly little bag of meat, am Discord, God of all Chaos!” Discord said as he picked at a clump of pink cloud and ate it.
“Like Shegorath.” I replied.
“Yeah. He’s a cousin of mine.” Discord said with a wave of his claw. “Actually, it has been quite a long time since I had a good talk with a human.” He said getting up off of his cloud. Pinkie protested, but he flowed around her like water. Then he stood up on his back legs and smacked the cloud. It reared like a spooked horse and sped off into the evening sky. “See you in a bit, love!” he called to Pinkie who was flying away in delight.
“Let me slip into something a little more comfortable. To you that is.” He said as he snapped his fingers again and a partition appeared between us. I saw clothes fly around from behind it and then I heard a snap once more. The partition disappeared and I stepped back and gasped.
Where the mythological creature stood but a second ago now stood a man. His hair was silver and stuck up and out chaotically. His clothing was similar to his hair. It was a chaotic patchwork of checkered and sold materials. He wore penny loafers and old riding trousers and his shirt looked like a Frenchmen’s. However his coat was what amused me the most. It reminded me of the 6th Doctor’s, colorful, bright, and such a fashion fau-pa it was charming. His red-irised eyes were a little disconcerting, but the aura he gave off was too fun to try to fight.
“So? How do I look?” he asked me, striking a pose.
“Um…Chaotic?” I stammered. Discord’s eyes shone as he looked at me.
“Great!” he said as he snapped his fingers and we were transported a mile into the sky above Canterlot. We started falling, meaning I was screaming, but then I stopped as a floating chair caught me from out of nowhere. It brought me over to a floating table and Discord sat across from me, sipping from a mug.
“It’s hot chocolate.” He said, pointing to his mug as I caught my breath and almost had a panic attack. “Want anything?”
“Oolong tea. Two sugars please.” I said, my eyes wide with the receding panic. Discord snapped his fingers and a mug of Oolong tea appeared on the table. I grabbed it quickly and took a sip, feeling calmer from the small amount of ingested tea. After I calmed down a bit, I was going to ask Discord why he did that, but I saw he was looking out at the setting sun. I was so excited and scared that I didn’t even try to look around at the scenery. I gazed out and my breath got caught in my throat. It was so beautiful.
A sea of pink, orange, and yellow clouds floated around above us. They were puffy and light like giant cotton floating on a painter’s pallet. The sky looked like a mix of warm dyes and the sun itself was bright, but an evening bright. The warm and tired orange color it achieved right before it sunk below the horizon to allow the moon to take her glory in the sky too.
“So how did you end up here Will?” Discord asked me while keeping his eyes on the sky. I told him quickly and then asked why he was encased in stone when I first met him.
“I’m the God of Chaos.” He said looking at me with a drawn look. “You really think a orderly Monarchy is going to like my prancing about?”
“Then won’t you get in trouble if Celestia or Luna sees you out here?” I asked.
“Pinkie, I, and the terrible two came to an agreement. If I don’t spread my chaos then they won’t come after me when Pinkie wants to see me.”
“Well, that seems nice.” I said.
“Despite the fact that I still need to spend a minimum of 20 hours a week as a statue.” He replied.
“Oh please. At least you can fool around with the visitors. Like do the weeping angel thing.” I said with a wave of my hand.
“That what?” Discord asked curiously.
“Well weeping angels are creepy motherfuckers. They are aliens that want to eat your happy moments by sending you back in time and eating all the ‘could have been’. They do this by sneaking up on people, but they’ve perfected it so well, that when you’re looking at them, they actually turn into stone statues. They’re called weeping angels because they always cover their eyes. If they didn’t, they would see each other and freeze-up.”
“So what are you proposing I do? Send ponies back in time?” Discord said with a grin.
“Noooo. You want to move closer to them whenever they aren’t looking at you. Then, when they see you stop moving. Think about all the ponies you could scare the crap out of. It would be hilarious!” Discord’s face spread into a wicked smile.
“You have a good mind for chaos Will. What else do you think I could do?”
“Pull a Goblet of Fire and make the maze come to life. Or put random animals in the maze. And give every single one of them a tophat. They must all be classy.” I said sagely.
Discord rolled his eyes. “At least you can see what matters in life. However, you don’t emulate it…”
“Hey! I’m plenty classy!” I protested.
“Walking around without a shirt on all day is very duchy. Probably, the complete opposite of being classy.” Discord said playfully.
“Shut up, dude. I was brought here this morning. This fucking morning! I didn’t exactly pack an extra change of clothes, a camera, and say ‘Whelp, I’m off to Equestria!’ like some vacationer.”
Discord snapped his fingers and a long flowing robe appeared on my lap, folded up. It was black but the edges of it were rimmed with a flame pattern. It had a chest pocket with my name sewn into it. The inside was very soft and fluffy while the outside was sleek.
“That better?” Discord said, wiping a fake tear form his face.
I held up the robe. “Yes actually. Thanks bro.”
“With this you’ll at least look classy.” He said.
“Oh really? Let’s see how much you know about your classy classy jazz and blues legends…” I challenged him.
As the stars came out across the sky and Discord and I finished off our drinks, we realized that now was a good time to go home.
“Well, Will, it was good talking to a human for a change.” Discord said, extending a hand. I grasped it and was shocked by the buzzer he concealed in his hand.
“Nice to meet you too. But if you’re going to use The Joker’s pranks, at least wear his makeup.” I replied, shaking my numb hand and smiling. Discord replied by letting out a long Joker-like cackle and I laughed at his accuracy.
“Well, it’s time for you to go back to Twilight’s, and for me to find my Pinkie. Goodnight Will.” Discord said as he snapped his fingers and the chairs, table, and himself vanished into thin air, making me plummet towards the ground. I started to scream, but then I remembered it was Discord. He must have had a plan right?
When I was inches from the ground, and seconds from shitting myself, a large blue portal opened up on the ground and I fell through it, landing on a pulled-out pull-out couch from a similar orange portal. I wiped my forehead and thanked all the gods of video games for portals. Then I fainted on the bed in my robe and all. But, it was to be expected. Today had been a long, tiring, chaotic day. I just hoped tomorrow would be a little better.