//------------------------------// // The fate of old fools // Story: Ten Trips to Equestria // by WiseFireCracker //------------------------------// Geeeeh, what? Not that I didn’t appreciate the sickly green clothing, but why was I wearing that? Where was I before I went and destroyed Equestria with a black hole already? …by Lauren Faust’s fiery hair, I actually destroyed the world of ‘My Little Pony’! If anyone ever found out about that, I would be crucified! New top priority: making sure no one ever knows about this series of events. From now on, I would be absolutely unnoticeable, a breeze in the morning, a ninja in the darkness. I would be suspicious of anyone and everyone and I would never let myself be snea- “Oh, good, you’re awake.” Startled, I let out a small scream of panic and, trying to stand up, I tripped right onto that person. Stupid body differences! My face grew hotter as I realized how much the nurse was struggling to keep us both from falling. To do that, well… my face was nowhere near her ample bosom, I could not describe it in detail, there was no heat spreading through my body and I could not tell her name was Natasha from her nametag. None of that happened. For completely different reasons, I jumped backward, tripping without a single ounce of agility and landing harshly on the cold tiles. Again. “Ouch…” I grunted, massaging the painful spots. “S-sorry about that, ma’am…” She looked shocked. I could not blame her. I, for one, was blushing furiously. Who would have thought these kinds of stupid cliché accidents could actually happen? An uncomfortable silent took form between us, during which I contemplated the dull, lifeless furniture of the hospital room. Green, white, dirty white, pale gray… no chance of anyone’s epilepsy being triggered, eh? “Are you having trouble standing up?” She finally asked, her voice growing more neutral, more professional. Well, that was not a symptom of whatever had gotten me sent here. Still, hiding health information from a nurse or a doctor was one heck of a stupid mistake to make. I looked her straight in the eyes and said honestly: “Yes.” At that, she frowned. “I see. Can you explain, in your words, why?” “I got a little… off balance.” Standing on two legs. “Balance… Is that all?” She noted something in a folder, her eyes quickly alternating between spots on the sheets of paper. “Hum… it’s not a symptom, well, I don’t think it is…” I scratched the back of my head sheepishly. “What I mean is, I don’t know why I’m here.” This revelation had her expression turn comically surprised for a second, before she returned to a much more neutral state of mind. “You are right. I do not believe this is a symptom of your affliction, but I shall notify the Dr. Greenwood right away. He will come in shortly to explain everything to you.” Fair enough, I guessed. I could wait a little more… I-it was probably nothing, right? Just a minor thing. I shouldn’t worry about it. The doctor would be arriving here shortly, as Natasha said. He’d tell me whatever I needed to know and I would be discharged soon enough. A muted pounding in my temples ensnarled my head, working in tandem with overwhelming anxiety tightening its grasp on my throat and digestive track. My mind was definitely not at rest. “-ed help, sir?” was all I managed to decipher from the nurse’s next question. “Huh… I’m sorry, what?” I said, trying not to show how embarrassed I was. “Can you stand up by yourself or do you need help, sir?” Natasha patiently repeated, extending one hand to me. Gratefully, mine closed against hers firmly and it served as a helper for my position. However, as soon as I was standing straight, I overcompensated forward. Fortunately, she was not taken by surprise and held me correctly. With expertise that came with practice, she gently guided me back to the side of my bed and helped me sit down without incident. “There you go. Was there anything else you needed?” Not at the moment, at least. “Hum… no, I’ll be fine, thanks.” Besides, I fairly doubted she would have advices on how to readjust yourself to your own skin. “Do not hesitate to call for help if you need anything, sir.” She pointed her before taking her leave. Finally alone with my own thoughts, I found the silence in the room oppressive. Not knowing the reason of my presence here had me fearing for the worst. It would be irrational of me to think so, but… things didn’t feel right. The potted plant near the window was not centered at all, my pillows were slightly uneven, the curtain was three seventh and a quarter pulled, my bedside table was not of the right height… It just felt wrong. It felt chaotic. Did he put me in the hospital? Well, this one at least. I could not tell if he had. It may appear counter-productive for him to limit my mobility and, therefore, the number of awful situations I could stumble into on my own. However, if one could predict his actions, then that would be even less in-character for the spirit. Warmth started spreading to my chest, at the level of my heart. I needed far too long to realize the cause of this was that I was hugging myself. How inappropriate then for a man wearing a white blouse and holding a fountain pen to just waltz into my room and grab the nurse’s folder. Unfazed by my staring, this new dark haired fellow ignored me in favor of what I assumed were notes about my health. “Ah, yes. Now I remember…” He frowned thoughtfully, which was just the reaction I wanted to see. “Yes?” “This is rather unusual.” He looked at me with a pensive light in his eyes. “Sir, I would need to ask you a few questions pertaining your medical history.” Huh… “Why?” “Because it is rather unusual for a patient to go through a narcoleptic break at age twenty without any single pre-existing influencing factor.” I focused on a single part of his speech. Narcolepsy? Where had I heard that befo-? “N-na-” My jaw refused to work. I had to force the words out, circumventing the complete obstruction of my trachea. “Narcolepsy? As in…” Dr. Greenwood nodded gravely. “The illness of sleep. Affected patients find themselves falling asleep outside of their sleep cycle uncontrollably, for any length of time from a few minutes to a few hours. Often, a person will lose strength in their muscles beforehand, which may lead to injuries after falling. More severe symptoms include incapacity to reach the deep sleep state and, consequently, inability to rest at all.” …I had no word. “Now, it is very important that we know whether you have experienced a strange sleeping schedule recently.” Oh boy, there weren’t enough words this time around. ‘Anything strange with my sleeping schedule recently? Well, there was that night I woke up at three o’clock, but I suspect you’d rather hear about the magical ponies adventures I’ve been having.’ “I’m… not sure…” I settled down, stroking my shaven chin while pretending to think back on it. Then, it hit me. Something that was genuinely and disturbingly out of place… “Yes! I fell asleep in the middle of my final, yest- wait, what day are we?” “Thursday. You were unconscious for two whole days.” I sighed, with very little heart to put efforts in it. “Scratch that then. It was Monday, this week.” It was the doctor’s turn to look pensive. Crossing his arms, he looked up to the ceiling, appearing to process this new information. If he had looked down instead, the guy might have noticed his patient shaking with frustration and fear. There was no doubt in my mind who was responsible for this newly discovered narcolepsy. It should have been declared right away, Monday right as I left the dean’s office. Instead, I had been too preoccupied with a future that was shattering to question this monstrously unlucky occurrence. He was making me fall asleep more often. He was accelerating the pace of the game. He was not giving me a chance to breath between every round. He was bored. What was his game here? Really, what was the game really about? Had I been naïve to believe it could benefit us both as opposed to being solely interesting to Discord himself? An utterly selfish motive wasn’t very chaotic. In fact, this kind of behavior was rather predictable if you knew about it. “Sir?” The question brought me out of my reflection. “Yes?” I shook my head, trying to chase away the last of my daydreaming. “We will need you to complete this question sheet to the best of your abilities. We haven’t been able to contact your next of kin.” “W-why?” I asked, startled. Something bad happened? No, they would have contacted me if it had, right? “It appears the phone number you have given us is invalid.” Aw crap… “Yes, I forgot. My mom’s got a new phone a little while ago…” I admitted sheepishly, mentally calling myself an idiot. “…In that case, we will contact her as soon as you give us the right number.” He stared intently, making me feel even more stupid. How compassionate. “Fortunately, we have managed to treat your hypothermia efficiently. There should not be any after-effects to it, but if you happen to notice anything, please notify me or the nurses.” I nodded, before what he was saying actually registered in my mind. “W-wait, hypothermia?” “You were found sleeping in the snow,” Dr. Greenwood explained. “Your internal temperature was about 31oC. Unfortunately, the ambulance men could not keep it from dropping further and you slipped into a coma.” It finally came back to me. Yes, I was going to the grocery store to get some food when I felt weak and passed out. It hadn’t actually happened for the reasons I had initially believed, but everything fit. “Now that you are awake, we will keep you in observation for a few more days and, if your condition is stable, you will be allowed to leave. However, you will be meeting a specialist to help you deal with your new condition as a narcoleptic.” Right, I could fall asleep at any moment of the day given the right trigger now. Fucking. Great. I couldn’t have just been too tired because of my exams, Fate had to go the extra length and screw me over in another exciting way. “If you do not have any immediate question, then I will go. Other patients need me as well.” The doctor looked at me expectantly, his body language betraying a desire to be done with this. Man, the way he was so eager to get away from my presence was just like Gia- “Giantonio!” I bolted forward, remembering my pet cat and the fact that I had not fed him anything before leaving, two days ago! “What?” “My cat! He’s all alone and I was going to buy him some food when I left!” He was also going to kill me for that. No mercy for traitors was his motto. Once, when his toy mouse dared not bounce like he wanted, he tore it to shreds. Wow… it had been a while since someone looked at me like I was a lunatic. Eh, I almost missed the feeling. There was nothing quite like heat in your cheeks and a desire to shrink into your bed to get acquainted with one another. “…We will be sure to give your mother instructions about that as soon as we contact her…” He said slowly, inching toward the door. “Thanks.” I looked away, embarrassed by his reaction. I loved that fatass Giantonio too much. I sighed, resting my head against my pillow. I treated myself with the sight of a hospital room ceiling. It was a wonderfully dull shade of gray. The sound of footsteps quickly got weaker and the door to my room creaked as it was closed. There were no human except me in the room. Strangely, my heart was no longer going crazy. My mind was… at peace. Either I was going through an accelerated stage of grief or they gave me some medicine. But really, the more I struggled, the harder I was swat down. I was a bug dancing under Discord’s magnifying lens. Once in a while, I got lucky and the clouds hid the sun. More often than not, he was just watching me burn. Eh, that was so stupid… I giggled. The image of an insect being immolated while Discord watched, sipping tea in an overly distinguished fashion was just so funny. That insect was dying! It was going through hell and Discord was quipping about the beautiful weather. I started laughing so hard that I choked. Fighting through the tears and the uncontrollable spasms, I tried to push air through my trachea to my lungs. I needed it so bad… With a wheeze, I inhaled deeply, letting go and peacefully falling back onto the bed. A grin did not leave my lips. Comfortably installed, I let my thoughts drift. Now that Equestria was gone, where would I go? Was the game itself over or would I just appear in space, lone pony next to a black hole. If that was going to happen, I would not have any time to give up. I’d just explode and that would be it. The temperature in the room dropped. The hideous colors were no longer just an amusing fact of life, but rather a reminder that I might die a messy death in a few hours (or minutes, who knew?). Far from welcoming, the atmosphere had become cold and threatening. I burrowed myself under my sheets, curling up instinctively, trying to make my shivering go away. Hours passed and I was still cold. It just worsened when I felt my fatigue take over. Slowly, I drifted into sleep, vaguely conscious that this might be my last seconds alive. I yawned, stretching my arms way over my head. Weirdly though, burning sensation went through my body at the level of my shoulders. For some reason, the movement had been painful. Did my muscles fall asleep too? My mind still blurred by my moment of rest, I opened my eyes, but did not lifted my head from my pillow. The lingering fog of sleep made it so alluring to keep sleeping… Wait… I blinked, finally remembering what should have happened. I was not dead. Huh… ‘Wow, a Captain Obvious. That’s SO rare these days!’ A familiar creepy tone echoed in my mind. Alright… what was going on here? This was a hospital room, no doubt about it when those blue curtains where surrounding my bed, so I was still on Earth. ‘Is the game over?’ I thought, frowning. This was too easy, therefore there was a catch. I was startled when the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony puffed into existence, reading a rulebook of some kind. ‘And that is called failing a spot check!’ Discord laughed triumphantly, which crept the crap out of me. However, it made me notice that the curtains were a much too pretty blue, in comparison to the worn-out ones on Earth. A glance down confirmed I was back in Equestria. Humans don’t have green hooves. “Alright…” I started saying, before noticing that my voice was very raspy. Justifiable, considering my throat was sore. ‘Explain.’ ‘Hummmm…?’ The draconequus jumped down on the ground, examining the curtains with great care. ‘How am I here? I created a black hole the last time you sent me here.’ ‘It got better.’ Discord shrugged, testing the fabric with his claws. ‘No, really,’ I thought flatly. ‘Every time you give up, I have to rewind time until just before you arrived.’ He shrugged, brushing off the whole deal as insignificant. For further proof… ‘Now, answer my question: do you think I would look good in blue?’ Brain fart. ‘What?’ ‘I said…’ The draconequus got closer, definitely annoyed. ‘Do you think I would look good in blue?’ Nope, not processing. ‘But what does this have to do wi-’ ‘Look. Do you think this is pretty?’ He snapped his claws and his fur turned blue. ‘I’ve been getting tired of my old color scheme and it’s about time I reinvent my look.’ My eye twitch. There really was only one reply to that. ‘I… really like… your mane?’ ‘Really?’ The draconequus laughed, ripping my curtains apart and making a toga out of it. ‘Then I shall, from now on, be known as Discord the Blue!’ …Eh! My brain started working again. What just happened got classified as Discord being Discord and I will not delve on it. Smart move, Brain, smart move… “Why couldn’t I hang out with Pinkie Pie…?” I asked out loud, renewing the shock of my old and used voice… Before I could blink, Discord had disappeared, along with the whole curtain. In his stead was a door being opened hesitantly. Narrowing my eyes allowed me to make out the shape of an adult pony peaking inside. I was about to call out to him or her, when the pony turned around and started whispering. “It’s alright, he’s awake… ” “GRANDPA!” A little pegasus colt ran into the room and bolted for my bed. I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. ‘Didn’t see that coming, did you?’ Nor did I see the sudden hug that crushed my old bones. “I missed you!” The little thing happily exclaimed, nuzzling my wrinkly neck. I stayed stunned. “Now, now, Breeze Burner, let your grandfather breath,” a red unicorn mare reprimanded the colt, making him look very sheepish. “His lungs are still fragile.” “Oh, you know the old stallion’s solid as a rock, Flash Sprinkle,” a pegasus stallion followed suit, looking much more relaxed. Turning to me, he grinned. “Isn’t that right, Pa?” It finally caught up to me. I was a freaking old timer. Granny Smith was about the age range I could seduce. … Nope. With great effort, I opened my mouth again, but it was too wide and my denture fell out. ‘FORTHELOVEOFCRAP!’ ‘Why did you say that in your head?’ Discord wondered. ‘Keeping it rated general for my grandson.’ I answered monotonously. “Ewwww!” Breeze Burner said, though he looked more excited than disgusted. I was proven right when the colt got his hooves on it, much to the dismay of his mother. “Do not play with your grandfather’s denture!” Her horn glowed and it floated away from the little pony. His heartbroken look almost convinced me to give it back. Almost. With one weak hoof, I reached for it, with a raspy grunt. Quickly, the stallion arrived at my side. “What is it, Pa?” Sonny, just let your pa get his denture so he can get the heck back to Earth. Apparently, that didn’t carry well with him. He turned around to glance at his wife, covering his mouth with his hoof and whispering: “Do you think he needs to have his urinary bag replaced?” … I had now entered the strange dimension where I could get too much information about myself from other people. The world was seriously twisted. ‘I wish to see you turn orange, you sick pseudo Asian dragon bastard.’ ‘You monster!’ Discord shrieked, almost giving me a heart attack. Slowly, I replaced my teeth where they ought to be and articulated a few times silently. Then, when I was sure my old body would not fail me… “Uncle…” . “GAH!” I jolted awake with my vigorous muscles and my beautiful sing song voice. Youth, I love you. Now, first order of business: calling grandma to apologize for Giantonio’s behavior last time and buying her a couple of sugar free chocolates. “You’re awake!” A feminine voice ran to my ears, seconds before familiar arms hugged me and my nose recognized a particular perfume. “M-Mom?”