Jeremy's Bitchy Poem
A poem inspired by a unicorn who's constantly frustrated
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This poem, if it isn't incredibly obvious, applies to the canon events of Psychedelica - Pastel Ponies, which features the formerly-suicidal and formerly-human Jeremy Robin. Read it for some context if you'd like, but don't feel pressured to, yo.
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Tied a rope to the ceiling
Stuck my head through the noose
Kicked off of the chair
But there wasn't any use
I hung in the air
But I wasn't really hung
Then a soft voice spoke out
Like a church bell had rung
Oh, my closet ate me
Gobbled me up like a stew
And when I opened my eyes
I stood in a place brand new
Ponies surrounded me
Offering help I didn't want
The pink one annoyed me
A quick mental note labeled her a cunt
But they just wouldn't take no
As an acceptable answer
They were convinced they'd cure me
Of my suicidal cancer
So after blacking out
From the heroin and pills
I found myself nestled in a bed
Somewhere over the hills
I immediately puked
And rubbed my head with a hoof
A transformation that I
Still wasn't quite used to
After flopping around
And puking some more
My caretaker rushed up the stairs
To find me bleeding on the floor
She whisked me to the bathroom
To, what a shock!, take a bath
And blearily, I relented
Lest I face her cute wrath
Just like I did
When I tried to force her to give me my drugs
And she had her little dragon
Torch them like some unwanted bugs
In response to this crime
I declared, "NOW I'M PISSED!"
And gave many an emo attempt
At slitting my wrists
All to no avail
Un-fucking-fortunately
So it looked like withdrawal
Would be my new destiny
"Suck greatly, it did"
Like Yoda might say
But at the end of it all
I came out stronger anyway
Now I'm learning friendship
From an expert on friends
And with a bit of good luck
This story'll have a happy end
So fuck you, Twilight
For this song I now sing
And thank you, Twilight
For the exact same fucking thing
Goddamn I need a cigarette...