//------------------------------// // Dr. Sawbones // Story: A Matter of Rules of War // by dramatic_spoon //------------------------------// “How did we even get into this mess?” Rarity shook her head. Rarity, Time Turner and Big Macintosh continued down a beaten, dusty road, flanked by several undead ponies. Tied to each of the undead was a crude flagpole flying an improvised white flag of surrender. “Well, I reckon pinnin’ her hat to the wall mighta had something to do with it.” Big Macintosh grumbled. “It got my point across.” Rarity countered. Before Big Macintosh could respond, Time Turner spoke, “Personally, I would worry less about that and more about what exactly we’re going to do.” The earth stallion motioned toward the undead, “here we are surrounded by our …ah, esteemed and generous host’s guards, and we’re suppose to speak to this... Twilight Sparkle about negotiating an end to their feud.” He paused, “oh, and we’re suppose to wreck the lab that she makes stitchers out of. I don’t see anything going wrong here, no sirree.” “Time Turner, sarcasm is very unbecoming of you.” Rarity quipped, “In the mean time, I suppose a plan would be in our best interest. What do you know about this…Twilight?” “Well, if we’re to believe our host, she’s the devil incarnate.” Big Macintosh snorted, “Although I reckon my sister says the same thing ‘bout Carrot Top.” “…I read a little while I was still in Canterlot. From what I remember, the Sparkles were one of the bigger noble families that supported the Princesses in the Civil War. They were always known for their magical skill, and I would suppose that this Twilight is no different.” Time Turner answered. “..So you’re basically telling me that we’re up against somepony who is a magical prodigy.” Rarity shook her head. “Well….Sense she is a classmate of Trixie’s and assuming that they’re both the same ages as you, Rarity, I would assume that her Magical training is far from complete.” Time Turner continued, “Stitchers actually require very little magic in their craft, so it’s likely that she is out of practice.” “I doubt it.” Big Macintosh shook his head, “Ain’t much else to do out here, so I would reckon she’s got some tricks up her sleeve. Anyway, do we have a plan?” “I have one.” Time Turner beamed, “It goes lik-” “I think we should wait until we see what we are up against.” Rarity interrupted, “besides, we all remember what happened the last time you came up with a plan.” “..That’s rather rude.” Time Turner grumbled. “Element of Honesty, darling.” -- CASTLE SPARKLE The three ponies moved forward, stopping at the moat surrounding the castle. “…so how do we get I-” “STATE YOUR BUSINESS”. A voice erupted out of a nearby small metallic box, startling Time Turner. “The hell is that thing?!?!” The startled Time Turner began to examine it. “I reckon it’s some sorta magical microphone speaker o’ some sort.” Big Macintosh trotted up to it, “Hello?” “STATE YOUR BUSINESS”, the voice repeated. “we’ve been sent by Th’ Great an’ Powerful Trixie, to discuss a possible ceasefire.” Big Macintosh spoke into the device. The box remained silent for several minutes, as the ponies exchanged uncertain glances. “You reckon she heard that?” WHUMP The Castle’s gate falls to the ground, bridging the gap and startling all the ponies. “I think so.” Time Turner started towards the bridge. As the others joined him, they glanced down at the wood. “It’s so…rotten.” Rarity prodded the wood, “I don’t think it will break, but who would let this go to waste?” “Miss Rarity, the entire castle ain’t exactly in top shape.” Big Macintosh motioned towards the crumbling walls, “lookit that. Th’ walls are tumblin’ down.” “It’s still a vintage Unicornia period castle.” Time Turner interjected. “I-” Time Turner is interrupted as rocks from the wall collapsed onto the drawbridge, in front of him. “…I think we should get in there quickly.” “Eyup.” The three hurried off the drawbridge. Once they made it off, they turn around to see another rock fall down. “..That ain’t safe.” Big Macintosh shook his head. “I keep telling Twilight that she needs to devote a little time and effort to fixing things up, but she keeps putting it off.” A new voice answered Big Macintosh’s statement. The ponies turn back around and came face to face with Spike. The dragon held out his mechanical arm for a hoofshake. “Hi. I’m Spike, Twilight Sparkle’s Assistant.” “Oh, a baby dragon! Fantastic!” Time Turner began to circle Spike, examining him. “Hm…seems to be part of the wurm family, as there appears to be no signs of wing growth, but there seems to be some scarring around where wings would appear…” “That’s because Twilight tried to sew pegasus wings onto my back.” Spike grumbled, “I told her it wouldn’t work.” “Wait, what?” Rarity stepped forward, “why would anypony try something so...barbaric?” “You guys don’t really know anything about Twilight, do you?” Spike sighed, “Well, we better get going. She’ll want to hear what you all have to say.” The dragon turned around and walked off. The other ponies huriedy up and caught up to him. “..You’re not exactly alive, are you?” Time Turner inquired. “What would make you ask somethin’ like that?” Big Macintosh’s eyebrow rose. “Well, for starters he shows no sign of growth or shedding, he seems rather emancipated, has the faint smell of formaldehyde and other preservatives, and his right arm socket shows several visible signs of decay, as do other joints.” Time Turner shrugged and turned his attention back to the dragon, “am I right?” “Well…” “Correct.” Another voice answered. Twilight entered the hall, still clad in a blood splattered lab coat, “Spike, what are you doing? I told you to lead them to my office.” “I was, Twilight.” The dragon protested, “You’re the one who walked out he-” “Don’t argue with me.” Twilight snapped back, “Just get my office set up.” “..Yes ma’m.” the baby dragon continued down the hall. Twilight’s expression suddenly shifted as she beamed at the Elements. “So, as I’m certain Miss Lulamoon has mentioned, I am Twilight Sparkle, Daughter of Nightlight, The current duke of-” “Erm, we’re from the Republic. Their titles aren’t exactly important to us. Also, if you’re out here, their titles wouldn’t mean very much.” Time Turner meekly cut her off. “Sorry.” Twilight’s smile briefly flickered into a frown, “As I was saying, welcome. I’m certain we have much to discuss. However, I should warn you that I will have to take what Miss Lulamoon says with a grain of salt. This isn’t the first time she took advantage of a false promise of negotiation.” “I assure you that she is not doing so.” Time Turner nodded. “Excellent. Now if you will follow me…” The Unicorn turned around and continued down the hall, followed by the other ponies. Twilight slowed down, allowing Rarity to catch up. The unicorn flashed a smile at the Element of Honesty. “So I understand that you are the Elements of Harmony. Shame that who ever was in charge of the newspaper got it wrong.” “I beg your pardon?” Rarity’s eyebrow went up. “It said that an earth pony was the element of Magic.” Twilight laughed, “That’s obviously a mistake, I’ve done my research, and there’s nothing special about earth ponies.” “…I believe you are in fact mistaken. I am the Element of Honesty, Big Macintosh is the Element of Generosity, and Time Turner is the Element of Magic.” Rarity responded. Twilight’s mouth opened to reply, only for Rarity to cut her off, “and further more, I do not wish to hear you insult my friends in front of me. There is more to them than meets the eye.” “..Phfft, if it cannot be located, isolated and examined it is meaningless.” Twilight scoffed, “although….perhaps there is more to him.” Twilight’s eye twitched. “Anyway, this is my office. Please, come in and we may talk.” The door to her office opened, as Spike finished setting up the last seat. “The tea isn’t ready yet, Twilight.” “Whatever Spike.” Twilight turned her attention back to the Elements, “please, take a seat.” Twilight took her seat behind the desk, as the others fumbled into their own chairs. “Now, first I would like to know what exactly Miss Lulamoon is proposing.” “Well, she mentioned some things about restrictions on the undead used, their modifications, and…that was really it.” Time Turner paused, “Oh, and the possibility of trying to get back into your family’s good graces.” “Really now?” Twilight’s eyebrow rose, “That doesn’t quite sound like Miss Lulamoon.” “Well, you know how ponies can be.” Time Turner shrugged, “Temperamental, and fleeting” “I suppose, but we have been going at this for the past five years.” Twilight paused, “or was it six? Oh, I don’t know any more, after a while all the corpses look the same.” Big Macintosh’s expression grew darker and he slowly began to grind his teeth. Twilight carried on, oblivious to him. “Anyway, as I was saying, what she seems to be asking for is greatly out of character for her. She has repeatedly stated that she doesn’t believe that either of us would be reaccepted by the nobles in the kingdom, even if we…oh I don’t know, located Princess Luna and brought her back to the kingdom.” “Well, she seemed rather adamant about this.” Time Turner coughed, “Perhaps she realized something that you haven’t.” “Oh, I doubt that.” Twilight scoffed at the thought. The Unicorn puffed out her chest and smiled smugly, “I am the superior unicorn. Anything that she has thought of is something that I have already accounted for.” “Is that why you’re still fighting each other?” Rarity interrupted, “I would imagine that the ‘superior’ unicorn would have won such a conflict already.” Twilight’s smiled died. “That. That is a rather unfair statement; Miss Lulamoon is rather adapt and finding ways to…” “..To keep you from claiming victory, I would assume.” Rarity smiled. “Rarity, try not to antagonize her.” Time Turner whispered. Turning his attention back to the increasingly distraught unicorn, he continued. “Anyway…well, we can continue to discuss things, ah tomorrow.” “Tomorrow? But you have just arrived.” “Ah, we are rather tired from the journey from there to here. In the meantime, it will give you time to think about Miss Trixie’s offer.” “…I suppose you have a point.” Twilight nodded. “Spike! Show them to a guest room.” “But the tea is do-” “Don’t argue with me, just do it!” “Right. This way please.” The dragon grumbled. He and the ponies exit the room, closing the door behind them. A sinister grin crawled onto Twilight’s face, as the mare levitated a pair of blood stained goggles and several surgical tools towards her. “Time for your examination, Mr. Element of Magic.”