//------------------------------// // Blood for the Pony Gods // Story: Background Villain // by Good Christian Ethesto //------------------------------// Our favorite group of protagonist ponies (and possible space demon in Vinyl Scratch's case) found themselves once again braving the arctic weather as they left the crystal city. Thankfully, the wind had died down a little, allowing the group to not freeze to death. Freezing to death will put a damper on any adventure. After barging in on Cadence and Shining Armor having sex, the group was able to ask a few questions and get some much needed information. Namely, where king Sombra lived. Apparently he lived in some cave a few miles north of the city. They would have gone and dealt with him themselves, but they didn't feel like he was very much of a threat. At least not a big enough threat to merit walking a few miles through the snow to deal with him. Contrary to popular belief, crystal ponies don't like snow. The group of regular, pure-bread ponies didn't much care about the snow. Sure it was annoying and they complained about it, but in the end most of them just wanted to get this over with so they could go back to their mediocre lives in Ponytown. "So, what are we going to do when we get there? Are we going to kick his door down and engage in an epic magical duel or what?" Asked Lyra who was now wearing a wheat hat that she bought in the crystal city. It looked more like a pot than a hat, and if they ever ran into Zelda he would likely break it with his sword in search of rupees, but she had no fashion sense whatsoever so it was alright. Pot hats are so one-thousand years ago. Get it? Because the crystal ponies were gone for a thousand years? Yeah, I know, it wasn't supposed to be funny. "Considering the fact that you couldn't magic your way out a paper bag, I doubt that that's what's going to happen." Pointed out Bon-bon who wasn't particularly happy about being out in the cold again. "My magic is red hot. Your magic aint diddly squat." She countered. "I'm an earth pony and I likely have more magical talent than you." Said Bon-bon in all seriousness. Bon-bon is one of the most magically gifted earth ponies in all of Equestria. In fact, she's pretty much the earth pony equivalent of Twilight Sparkle. Sadly, she's a filthy earth pony so no matter how talented she is, she's still a lesser breed. "Will you two quit yer bickerin'?" Butted in Applejack who still carried a tied up Berry Punch on her back. "Yall argue more than a pair a' june bugs in a tiny box." Applejack's similes are lacking today (but seriously, if you put a bunch of june bugs together they hiss at each other). "What we're gonna do once we get there is use this here box that tha princess gave me." She gestured to the cardboard box sitting securely in her saddlebag. "Well what's in the box? How will we know what to do if we don't even open it?" Questioned Bon-bon. "Now hold on a second there. Tha princesses told me not ta open it 'til we get there and that's exactly what ah'm gonna do." "I bet it's a super secret and powerful artifact that has been hidden under Canterlot castle for hundreds of years." Wagered Lyra. "I doubt the princesses would trust us with a 'powerful artifact'. Heck, I can't even trust you with a plastic bag." Pointed out Bon-bon. Lyra blushed at this. "Sorry, I just can't help myself. When I see plastic, I have to eat it." "You're like a Celestia damn cat." Grumbled Bon-bon. Applejack turned around and gave her a dirty look. "Don't you use Celestia's name in vane." Everypony in the apple family was notorious for being a religious zealot and Applejack was no exception. "I'll use Celestia's name however I want." Shot back Bon-bon. "Not while I'm here you won't!" By now the two of them were pressing foreheads together, angrily staring into each other's eyes. If this was a romance, this would be the part where they started making out. Sadly, it's not, so Lyra had to step in to keep them from murdering one another. "Woah woah woah. No need to fight, that's exactly what king Sombra would want us to do." The two mares didn't let up, so she tried a slightly different approach. "Can't you at least wait until after we finish our mission to kill each other?" "Buck that. I won't stand by while this heretic befouls the good name of our lord an' savior, Celestia." Said Applejack, surprisingly using several grown-up words for once. "If Celestia is so amazing, why couldn't she do this on her own? Why does she need a redneck earth pony to go deal with her enemies for her?" Asked Bon-bon, prompting an angry growl from Applejack. "She's testin' us. She wants to know that we're faithful to her." "If she was all knowing as you say, she wouldn't need to test us." "Celestia works in mysterious ways." She said, basically saying that she doesn't know without admitting that she doesn't know. Thankfully, this didn't devolve into a full fledged religious debate as Derpy was there to save the day with the magic of changing the subject. "I think I see the cave over there." She had been flying above the group, giving her a better view of everything despite her derp eyes. Applejack and Bon-bon continued to glare at each other before both deciding that they would finish this later. For now, they had murder to commit in Celestia's name. Blood for the blood gods and such. "Where?" Asked Applejack. "That way!" She pointed into the distance where about a mile away there were some rocky outcropping jutting out from the snow. "Good. Maybe it'll at least be warm in there." Stated Bon-bon as the group picked up their pace towards the cave entrance. Vinyl Scratch continued to trail slightly behind, watching their every move like a hawk watching a field mouse. -- "Grghhh." Grumbled 'king' Sombra as he flipped through the channels on his TV. He wasn't really a king anymore, but everypony still referred to him as one. He didn't much care what they called him, though. After being nearly incinerated in the crystal city, he decided that he didn't want anything to do with the ponies of the outside world. He felt that he couldn't relate to them, and that they didn't understand him either. It was kinda frustrating for a while, but he got over it. Now he lived alone in his cave home in the middle of the tundra. It was a cozy little place, filled with little nicknacks he had picked up over the years. It could get kinda cold sometimes, but he liked the quiet out here away from pony society. Not to mention, being alone gave him plenty of time to think and pick up some hobbies. He'd recently taken up knitting and he made a nice green and red plaid turtle neck sweater which he was currently wearing. He flipped through a few more channels until he got to his soap operas. He never had an interest in them before, but after living alone for a long time without much to watch on TV they grew on him. He put the remote down and snuggled into his lazy boy reclining chair and took a sip from his hot cocoa as the characters on screen argued endlessly. Suddenly there was a knock on the door and he jolted upright. In all his time living out here he hadn't had any visitors. He grumbled a bit to himself as he exited his comfortable position and left his show unattended. The front of the cave consisted of a wooden wall that he had built to separate his home from the cold tundra winds. The middle of the wall had a small door from which came a second set of knocks. Sombra wasn't sure who would possibly visit him out here, but he imagined it probably wouldn't be anyone good. He had no relatives or friends who would have a reason to visit him. God forbid it's Celestia's witnesses. The last thing he needed was some adolescent ponies trying to get him to accept Celestia into his life. He didn't have to wonder who it was for long, though, as he opened the door to reveal... A bunch of mares? Did somepony order strippers? One of them was tied and gagged, so perhaps that one was into bondage, and another had a really dumb pot hat on. "Ghhhhhrugh?" He said. Thankfully, Applejack was there with her earth pony magic to translate for the rest of us. "'Hi?' What do you mean 'hi?'?" Sombra was kinda confused by this ponies' weird way of speaking. "Graghhh crystals." He continued. "Who are we? That's not important." "Ghraaaagh slaves." "What do you mean it is important?" Sombra gave the orange mare a dejected look. This pony was really annoying repeating everything he said. This is why he hated interacting with other ponies. Finally, he decided they were probably just cold and stumbled upon his home or something. Why else would they be out here? He would ask them, but clearly these ponies weren't capable of hosting a normal conversation and he was missing his soap operas. "Graaagh guuuuuurgh." He invited them in before stepping aside to let them by. "He invited us inside his house." Said Applejack. They all shared a nervous look before deciding to just go ahead with it. The inside of his house was pretty small, but they all managed to find a spot to sit. Sombra, thinking they were cold, went to the closet and pulled out some extra blankets, tossing them to the group. He then went into the kitchen and used his magic to prepare six cups of hot cocoa for them. With that done, he went back to his chair and settled down to watch what remained of his soap opera. The group huddled up on the other side of the house, pretty confused as to what was going on. "Why did he give us blankets and drinks?" Asked Lyra with a whisper. "It's probably poisoned." Whispered back Bon-bon. "Don't drink it!" The group turned to see Derpy gulping down the hot liquid. They stared at her for a few moments before she noticed. "What?" She asked wondering why everypony was looking at her. They continued to observe her for a few moments, wondering when the poison that was no doubt in the drink would take affect. Finally Bon-bon shrugged and whispered to the rest of the group, excluding Derpy. "It must be slow acting poison. Poor Derpy'll probably be dead in a few hours." The group shared a moment of silence in the honor of Derpy's inevitable death. "That monster!" Whispered Applejack angrily. "He'll pay for that!" The group nodded in agreement as Applejack pulled Berry Punch and her saddle bag off her back. She left Berry on the ground for now, she would only be a liability, and instead focused on the cardboard box. It was wrapped in clear packaging tape making it a worthy adversary for even the toughest of earth ponies. It's hard to remove tape with hoofs. Thankfully, Lyra stepped in and used her dull horn to gouge a hole in the box. Her magic is too weak to be of much help here and Vinyl Scratch was too busy being discreet to help. Eventually, they managed to get it open. Applejack would later recall the glorious tale of how she opened a box in only a matter of minutes with only a small amount of help. A feet only accomplishable by the greatest of earth ponies. Inside the box lay a glock 22 on top of a note. Of course, none of the ponies knew what the mystical artifact could possibly be as they had never seen a gun before. "Woah!" They all said at once. "What is it?" Asked Lyra. Applejack shrugged, pulling out the note that came with it. The note consisted of step by step instructions accompanied by drawings of how to use the weapon. "It says it's a 'gun'." She said, straining to read the note. She wasn't particularly good at reading. "Step one. Pick up the gun like so." She picked it up like the picture showed her before moving on. "Step two, turn the safety off. Step three, point it as king Sombra's head. Step four, pull the trigger. Step five... Proliferate? What the hay does that mean?" The rest of the ponies shrugged, so Applejack decided that it wasn't important. She instead snuck into the other room until she was standing behind Sombra's chair. He was sitting quietly, enjoying his soap opera, completely unaware of his impending demise. Applejack gulped, expecting him to jump at her at any moment with murderous intent. She wasn't about to let that happen, though. She walked up right beside the chair before leveling the gun at his head. He noticed her out of the corner of his eye and turned his head to see what she was pointing in his face. BANG!