An hour. An hour was all he had to find a way out of his own personal hell.
And he hadn't a clue where to start.
After Luna departed, Alfonz found himself staring blankly out the window, watching as the sun descended from the sky, soon to be replaced by the moon. His mind was racing, trying to find some overlooked detail that would at least buy him more time. He thought of Shining Armor, captain of the Royal Guard, but after what Celestia told him, he likely did not survive. And even if he did, he would be long gone by now.
Celestia herself was, of course, out of the question; his talk with her earlier made sure of that. To think, if he kept his mouth shut, he might've prevented his current predicament entirely. Alfonz wasn't sure what would run out first: his own will to resist, or Celestia's patience to wait until it did.
Luna was an interesting option. Spending any amount of time with her was dangerous, as she could easily request something he wasn't willing to do, and giving her any amount of attention would only promote the idea of the two being an 'item'. She already considered him Royal Consort of Equestria; he wondered if he could even make it worse than that.
But her affection for him could be beneficial. Although her earlier response shot down his hopes of pitting the two princesses against each other, the idea may yet be salvageable; if he exploited her affection and expressed how much he disliked the notion of being shared by the sisters, she may yet bring it up with Celestia. It was a risky ploy, which may very well seal his fate with Luna even if he was free of Celestia, but it was one of the few viable options he had.
A thought struck him suddenly, while thinking of any more denizens of Canterlot that may be of use. His salvation may not be far off; resting within the royal Canterlot gardens was the statue of a strange, incredibly powerful but also incredibly devious creature: Discord, the spirit of chaos.
But was he really willing to condemn Equestria to misery just to free himself?
Yes. Yes he was.
The royal gardens were not an unfamiliar concept; he had thought of them earlier, in his efforts to escape. Accessible from the palace, and with an entrance of its own, he had seriously considered it for his previous plan. But with its semi-public nature, the place was swarming with more guards than even the front entrance; with massive metal fencing on all sides, it was more a prison than his salvation.
After twenty precious minutes of trying to find it, he eventually came to the door that lead to the gardens themselves. Of course, it was guarded, and he half expected to be stopped by the pegasi standing before him. Much to his relief, they simply eyed him for a few moments as he passed, but did little else to stop him. With a long exhale, he pulled open the door and walked into the cool evening air.
The sun had set by now, and the only source of light that remained came from lamp posts scattered around the gardens. The place, predictably, was incredibly deserted; this wasn't exactly a surprise, considering the equines' apparent lack of nocturnal habits. The guards were still in position, however, and likely would remain that way at all hours of the night. He knew he hadn't a chance to escape from the gardens, but that wasn't his purpose there; he needed to find the statue before Luna returned from her duties.
Navigating the vast area of the gardens was easier said than done in the low light he was given. Every statue appeared the same in the darkness; he could only recognize them when he was but a few feet from them. He passed very many statues, reading the displays briefly to describe what they were: Victory, Honor, Friendship, Sacrifice...
Finally, the bizarre shape of the draconequus came into view. Twisted into a look of surprise and horror, Alfonz quickly recalled the last time Discord was free; it did go so well for Equestria. He silently wondered if, should the spirit of chaos be freed again, Discord would destroy or otherwise impede the Mane Six or the Elements of Harmony, to prevent another incident like the last?
Alfonz was desperate, but he felt hesitant about trying to free the draconequus. He hadn't that much of a choice; should Discord spare him from any harassment, he might be able to use the ensuing chaos to escape Equestria entirely, and simply pray they would subdue the beast again after he was long gone. It was a selfish plan, but it may be his only permanent solution.
Then there was the issue of actually freeing Discord. He was imprisoned by the Elements of Harmony, the most powerful form of magic in Equestria; how could a mere human have any hope of undoing such power? Recalling the episode that freed Discord, the man figured that, perhaps, some sort of disharmony may free him again. He had no idea how to express disharmony, however; the entire world of Equestria felt like disharmony to him at this point.
"Uhh," he said aloud, thinking. Suddenly, he kicked over a nearby pot, causing it to thunk softly in the grass. "Disharmony, woo!" he cried, placing a foot on the pot triumphantly.
Without warning, the stone statue in front of him exploded, sending shards of stone and rock in all directions. The event knocked Alfonz himself to the ground, as he shielded his face with his arms to protect himself from the shrapnel. Strangely, the detonation made no sound; the statue had erupted in complete silence.
"Puny mortal!" a voice cried ahead of him, in the dust and the gloom left by the statue's destruction. "You have freed the fel and terrible Discord with your example of the most heinous of disharmony and chaos!"
"...Really?" Alfonz replied, disbelieving. Suddenly, the dust was sucked inward, revealing the draconequus standing in front of him, his mismatched arms at his sides as he looked at the man, unamused.
"No, not really!" he responded bluntly. "That was pathetic! And it wasn't even disharmony. Do you even know what that means?"
"I guess...?"
"It doesn't involve tipping over pottery, I'll tell you that much."
"Then how the hell did you get out?!" Alfonz asked, his heart thumping in his chest.
"Good old Celestia did it for me, quite some time ago," Discord explained, examining the claws on one of his hands casually. "Don't worry; no chaos for me these days!" he continued, his expression suddenly going sour. "Its part of my...'rehabilitation'," he concluded, sticking out his tongue.
"...Rehabilitation?" the man repeated, slowly rising to his feet. Discord still stood a few feet over him; standing up, the spirit of chaos was quite tall.
"Yes," Discord said, clearing his throat. "It is part of a deal I made with the pretty little princesses, so I would not be stuck in stone for another millennium."
"And the Equestrians are okay with this? After all you've done?"
"Well no," he replied, scowling at Alfonz somewhat. "I am not allowed to appear before anyone not of the royal family, by decree of lord bodacious pretty princess Celestia herself," he explained, faking a regal pose. "And as it turns out, as Royal Consort of Equestria - congratulations on the title, by the way; you should be very proud - that qualifies you as 'royal family' material."
Alfonz gave him a blank look. Discord sighed, a book popping into existence in his outstretched hand. The spirit of chaos donned a pair of spectacles, flipping through the pages of the book.
"'Consort: a spouse of royalty, usually to bare or otherwise produce the children of their lovers'," Discord read in a professional tone, making a face as he concluded. He closed the book; it immediately disappeared with another pop, as did his glasses. "Basically all the fun in the sack without any political power. Kudos."
"Thanks," Alfonz replied with a scowl. "I don't suppose you could help in getting me out of that?"
"And risk becoming a lawn ornament for eternity?" Discord responded with a laugh. "Sorry, bud, you're on your own."
"Why were you a statue just then, if that's what you were trying to prevent?" Alfonz asked suddenly, confused.
"I must remain in the appearance of stone during the day, as to maintain the ruse that I am still imprisoned," the spirit of chaos explained, looking around the gardens. "But on holidays where the gardens are closed, and nights, of course, where all the ponies are tucked into bed, I get free reign over this little patch of paradise."
"Sounds like quite the good life," the man replied with a fair bit of sarcasm. Discord shrugged, unoffended.
"Better than being a ten foot paper weight," he retorted, sneering. "Or being part of the Royal Booty Call."
"I don't suppose they treat you the way they treat me?" Alfonz asked, ignoring the draconequus' comment as best he could.
"Only Celestia and Luna are aware that I still exist," he explained. "And I don't think they see me in that light, sorry. They're all yours."
"Oh great," the man replied, falling onto his backside in the grass. "What a wonderful waste of time this was."
"Rude," Discord retorted, turning his nose up at him.
Alfonz's gaze shifted upward; he finally noticed that the moon had come out in full, casting a pale glow over all of Equestria. His time was up.
"Well I'm off to my own demise," he said as he stood, dusting himself off. Discord went down on all fours, snaking around the man to smirk inches from his face.
"You'll have to tell me all about it," the draconequus sneered. "Make sure to love her gently, dear boy."
"Fuck off," Alfonz growled, pushing the spirit of chaos' face away from his. Discord laughed heartily, slithering away from the man and into the darkness. In time, the bizarre character was completely swallowed up by the dark, leaving Alfonz in cold silence. He wasn't sure if he preferred it this way. He also wondered why there were no guards swarming around him to investigate the noise.
The man set off toward the palace from whence he came, panic and despair rising in his chest. He figured there was no sense hiding from Luna; with guards everywhere, it wouldn't be very long before he was either escorted to her, or his location was relayed to the lunar princess. And that was not even considering locating spells, like what Twilight had used previously.
Sure enough, after only a few minutes of wandering the palace, he spotted Luna heading toward him from the opposite end of the hall. Her regal, majestic demeanor melted away when she caught sight of him, trotting toward him with clear excitement. For once, he felt a little honored to incite such a response from her, but this only fueled his own depression.
"Finally, I am free from my duties!" the princess said as she neared, once again giving him the pony equivalent of a hug. Alfonz's expression turned to a scowl for a brief moment, unseen by the alicorn nuzzling his shoulder. As she pulled away, she gave him a sly smile. "What say we return to the room for a little...personal time?"
"I-I dunno," he stammered, clearing his throat. He suddenly yawned dramatically. "I'm pretty tired."
"Oh," Luna replied, clearly disappointed. "Then we shall return to the room so you may rest," she concluded with another smile.
Alfonz cursed inwardly, hoping that he may have been able to evade the alicorn for a time by using sleep as an excuse. Regardless, he followed Luna back to the ornate blue-black doors that signified her quarters, the alicorn's flank pressed against his side for practically the entire journey. Although a gesture of affection, he felt it may have been a gesture of possession as well. He didn't know how to feel about that.
As they entered, Luna slowed to a halt by the door, while Alfonz speedily made his way to the bed, threw himself on, crawled to the top and immediately turned toward the nearby wall, away from where the princess slept earlier. He was barely clinging to the edge of the bed as well, giving the alicorn a lot of space. He was trying to be very clear with his intentions; he did not want any funny business.
Closing his eyes to better emulate sleep, he listened closely to figure out what his roommate might do. Luna, after shutting the door behind them, calmly made her way over to a nearby bookshelf, selecting a sizable tome from the collection before making her way toward him. Hopping up onto the bed, she made her way to the opposite end, taking up a position painfully close to Alfonz's own; close enough that, when she finally laid down, her flank was one again pressed up against him. He felt as though he may fall off the side of the bed if the alicorn moved too sharply.
As Alfonz cursed silently and repeatedly to himself, Luna happily read her tome right beside him, content in the silence of the situation, much to the man's dismay.