I don’t remember much. It’s like my body blanked out seconds before it happened. Next thing I know, I’m floating through what could best be described as an endless void. And literally, I’m floating. There’s a slight spin, and definitely forward motion.
Of course, I have no control over it. Why would I? I don’t exactly think I deserve any power over my current state. At least, that’s what religion would tell me. But then again, they would also think I’m bathing in a large pit of fire and brimstone.
Wait. Why am I going over philosophical musings? I switch from an impassive carelessness to a slight frown. Religion no longer plays a role in any of this. I’m here, wherever here is. No doubt I’ve found, or will shortly find, the truth.
And just like that, I touch down on some sort of solid surface. I stare at the ground, puzzled as a misty substance forms at my feet. It solidifies a bit, becoming a cloud. Kicking my legs caused the fluff to swirl and dance into the air as it quickly dissipated.
Kneeling down, I furrowed my brows and stirred the cloud with my hands. Gritting my teeth, I half expected something to grab my arm and pull me on a wild ride through time and space. That, or kill me. But I was already dead... I think.
But alas, nothing happened. To my surprise, and I’m sure it showed, I couldn’t feel a single thing. Maybe this was my fate. To sit on this cloud for eternity. Unmoving and unfeeling.
Sighing, a slight frown creasing my face, I looked up. With a startled exclamation, I knocked my head against the smooth bark of a tree that looked like it had been pulled directly from my childhood dreams. Slightly bent to accommodate a resting person, shade to protect me from an overly zealous sun. And...
Something told me to turn around as I rubbed the back of my head in pain, an instinct maybe. I found myself on top of a hill. The misty clouds had receded, leaving me a little room. But aside from my perch, the clouds stretched on endlessly. I couldn’t see any other patches of earth.
In the distance, the sun was setting, or rising. I could never tell. Regardless, the sky had turned a pinkish orange. The perfect scenic view. My bewilderment was replaced by a look of awe. It was as if someone had taken my dreams and painted it out, just for me.
Putting my hands behind my head and crossing my legs, I leaned back into the tree. A grin spread across my face. I could get used to this. If I had to spend eternity here, at least I would be comfortable.
Heck, I might have picked something other than clouds to accompany the scene, but even then, I didn’t mind them. They added to the calming atmosphere. The type of atmosphere that conveyed a mood of carelessness and ease.
Now, if only I could get someone to talk to.
I snorted at the thought, giggling slightly. I would be just fine whether I had someone or not.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?”
I jumped up, startled, my eyes wide open. “W-who’s there?” Looking around suspiciously, it appeared that the voice had come from thin air.
“Oh, just the person you wanted to talk to.” A shimmering, golden light appeared around the tree. “Or rather, the pony you would like to talk to.”
I couldn’t remember ever wishing wanting to talk to a pony specifically. Well, not unless you counted the colourful, almost human like ponies that pranced about the T.V. screen from that one show my sister had liked.
“Heh, still a little closeted as they say?”
She could hear my thoughts? Interesting. I’d have to be careful.
A slight giggle drifted from around the tree. “Yes, I can hear your thoughts. Though, you aren’t all that hard to figure out. Even you would have to admit you lead a fairly simple life.”
I slowly nodded, relaxing again as the being clearly meant me no harm. Leaning back, my hands once again behind my head and my legs crossed.
“So, religion was right? There is a god?” I inquired.
The golden light faded, leaving behind a tall white alicorn in its wake. She was easily recognizable as Princess Celestia, and in this fact, I took comfort. At least it was a pony I would have felt somewhat at ease with approaching.
“Well, yes and no.”
I stared at her as she layed down next to me. Raising an eyebrow, I snorted. “What sort of answer is that? Either they were right or they were wrong.”
Princess Celestia smiled gently. With a burst of light, she was replaced with a wizened old man complete with a long white beard and pure white robes. “I’m what you want to see most at your time of death. I am God. I’m Princess Celestia. I am the force. I am nothing. I am everything.” To emphasize this, the person sitting beside me turned from the wizened old man to a jolly figure easily recognized as Buddha.
Waving my hand, I said, “Princess Celestia is fine. She seems the least likely to damn me to an eternal hell with some demon to torment me.”
Another bright flash of light, and once again, Princess Celestia once again lay beside me. Just like I had always dreamed, she rested her head in my lap and for a few minutes, just stared. Sighing contentedly, I ran my fingers through her mane, taking in the beautiful view once again. I don’t think I’d ever tire of it.
“You know? Lyra Heartstrings would give anything for a chance to meet you.”
The sudden statement jerked me out of the dreamlike stupor. “Hmm...? You really think so?”
Princess Celestia looked up, giving an uncharacteristic giggle. “I’m sure there’s a universe you could go to where humans and ponies coexist. And I’m sure there’s one where you and Lyra are good friends, or perhaps... lovers?”
If I had had a drink, I would have spewed half of it through my nose in surprise. But I didn’t have a drink, so I settled on a startled gasp and a deep blush. This action drew a long laugh from Princess Celestia.
“I don’t judge. I merely guide. And if you wanted I could probably lead you to a universe where pony human relationships are acceptable, or even encouraged.” Covering her grin with a hoof, she patted my shoulder. “You wouldn’t be the first to wish for this.”
Hundreds, if not thousands of questions flew around my head like angry wasps. I must have grimaced, because Celestia tilted my head back so I was staring into her eyes.
Glaring at me, though not entirely in a vicious manner as I could see the concern in her eyes, she said, “Hey, you’re the one that wanted to talk to me. Don’t waste this opportunity.”
Shaking my head, I tried to collect my thoughts. Finally, I decided to start at the beginning. Or, the beginning of this encounter at least.
“Am I dead?”
Celestia sighed and twirled a wisp of a cloud around her hoof. “I would imagine. But we’ll have to wait until they pull your body from the car.”
Right. Retrieving anything sixty feet down, or forty feet up, would be bound to take a while. It had also been a head on collision with the ground on the ledge my car had fallen to. Chances are, even if I had survived the crash, I wouldn’t survive the wait for a rescue.
At this revelation, I felt a bit guilty. Turning the wheel would have been so easy.
“But your desire to explore the afterlife was stronger.”
The harsh words jerked me out of my thoughts. “Huh?” I blinked in surprise.
Princess Celestia shook her head, a look of anger fading from her face. “Sorry. I reflect the mood. And even if you don’t know it, you’re partially angry at yourself for forcing your death at such a young age.”
Sheepishly, I nodded. “I guess. It’s just that the disappointment I’m sure to have left behind leaves me with mixed emotions. I know I shouldn’t care because... well, I’m dead, but a part of me still wonders what would have happened if I had chosen life.”
Rising to her hooves, Princess Celestia stretched, her tone returning to one of a caring mother. “You could always find the universe that is the same for you, changed instead to suit the needs of another.”
Pursing my lips, I shook my head. “I don’t think the same life would benefit me. Anyways, if it were the same, I’d just choose not to turn the wheel again.”
“Then find one where that part is slightly changed. It wouldn’t take long for me to search one up.”
I glanced over at Princess Celestia, and she glanced back at me, mirroring my impassive look. “You implied that there are other universes I could choose, right? Meaning this is just kinda a between point, right?” I widly gestured at the scene behind us.
Celestia merely nodded.
“And that would imply there is an infinite number of universes, right?
Another nod.
Strolling down the hill, I followed a path that had magically appeared through the clouds. To either side of us, the mist parted, allowing us passage. Though, the path didn’t appear to lead anymore. I guess I was just walking for the sake of walking.
“Then It’s probably best that I choose a new life. Repeating the same things over and over sucks.”
Draping a wing over me, Princess Celestia started guiding me through the fog. Once again, there was no set path. It was just guiding to nowhere. “Then lets look at your previous life, your deepest desires. Maybe we’ll be able to shape the type of universe you’d want to live in. I’m sure it exists somewhere.”
But what do we do about changing desires? I thought about it for a few minutes. Early on in life, I had wanted to be a jedi and fly an X-wing. I had gone up to my grandparents every weekend and every weekend, we watched one of the original trilogy. Naturally, it had rubbed off on me and many afternoons were spent running around with a stick lightsaber as I killed imaginary stormtroopers.
Then I had hit middle school about the same time the Harry Potter series had grown big. I read the books and watched the movies. I was impressed and the stick lightsaber became a wand. I spent hours practicing spells, hoping that a brilliant light would burst out and cause something to happen. But it never did, and now I had a chance to go to a universe where magic was real.
As I moved on to high school, my father introduced me and my two brothers to World of Warcraft, right at the end of the Burning Crusades. Days passed by while I calculated perfect leveling patterns and perfect levels of dps or healing. Then I would dream of being part of that world. Now, I could make that happen. I could be the next Uther the Lightbringer.
Celestia’s voice dragged me back to the present. “But what about all the other things you enjoyed as a child, or even up until you died? I know you wanted to be a squirrel from the Redwall series. Or perhaps an important character within the Lord of the Ring trilogy. Even being a pokemon or pokemon trainer is completely possible. I could also find a realm where you are Spyro, whom you briefly wished you could trade places with.
Hours spent curled up in a chair with my gameboy, or with a book or a remote clutched in my hands flashed through my mind. For an instant, I could remember each and every imaginary battle or scenario I had come up with. I longed to live each life.
Princess Celestia tapped her chin, pondering her next words. “You could always choose one of the more popular paths. More than once, I’ve lead a person to a universe where they’re the epitome of their desires. A Mary Sue, if you will.”
My head darted up and furrowed my eyebrows. “Absolutely not. While a tempting idea, my stint as an author and reviewer have made me biased. I would prefer a life with challenges.”
Shrugging, Celestia resumed our walk, leading me nowhere in particular. Looking back, I could no longer see the hill. Though, I suppose it made sense as I came closer to choosing a life I could be comfortable with.
“How about we look your life’s hobbies and how you wanted them to progress.” Celestia looked at me, a glimmer of hope in her eyes.
“I suppose that would be appropriate. We’ve already covered the media aspect of life fairly well. Though, I still don’t know what universe I’d want.”
“Right. You played trumpet—”
“From fifth grade to my freshmen year of high school. And before that, my mother pulled hairs to get me to take piano lessons.” Sighing, my mind flashed back to my mother. Oh how disappointed she must be in me. “Reflecting back on it, I suppose I should have listened to her.” I glanced over at Celestia. “Later in life, I really wanted musical talent. Though, it was only so I could be “cool” or have chance to steal the show.”
A piece of paper and a quill popped into existence right next to Celestia and she wrote something down. “I think we could find a musically inclined you somewhere.”
Shuffling my feet, I stopped and bowed my head. “I also wanted to learn to draw amazing pictures later on in my life, but alas, I disregarded art class in my childhood. Then I expanded that desire to have the tech knowledge to bring my pictures to life with animation.”
Princess Celestia’s quill darted across the paper and she nodded, her face impassive. “Anything else? I’m getting a good sense of what you’d want, as I’m sure you are too.”
“Yeah.” I nodded with surety, my face reflecting the feeling. “Family. I never got along all that well with my siblings and there were times I fought my parents tooth and nail. I suspect that I would have had much more motivation and desire to live if the relationship between us had been better.”
Folding up the scroll, Celestia banished it. “So, you want a life with talent in the music area without trapping yourself in a contract and a family you feel safe leaning on for support when you need it.”
Grinning, I nodded. “It’s like you read my mind. Especially with the contracts part. I just want to be able to make good music without the restrictions a contract would entail. I want to be known for something without relying on someone else to do it for me.”
“Always a lone wolf, I suspect.” Princess Celestia chuckled, folding her wings and stood still.
As for me, some force seemed to compel me to keep walking forward. Looking ahead, I could see the path disappearing into a white light. Looking back, I could see Celestia solemnly waving at me.
“Wait. What world am I going to?” I called back.
Princess Celestia smiled. “Don’t worry. I picked the world most suited to your new talents. Modern, looking for new talent, vertisle.”
“So, Earth once again? Present time? Probably about the same time I was born in my previous life?” I asked. My walk towards the light continued, despite my attempts to turn around and stop.
“Because you’ve said it, then that is where you’re going. I wish you the best of luck, my child.” Princess Celestia turned to leave as the white light consumed me.
Just as I was about to lose sight of everything, I managed to turn and reach out. I had one last question that had been nagging at me since the beginning of this little adventure. “Wait!”
Princess Celestia turned and stopped her retreat, a quizzical look on her face. “Yes?”
“Has... has this happened before?”
Looking at nothing in particular, Celestia tapped her chin pensively. Smiling, she reached a conclusion and looked at me. “I’m not sure. I don’t remember.”
The realization hit me like a bolt of thunder. Just as everything faded, I managed to shout out, “Do me a favor and remember this for next time. It’ll be interesting to see how I’ve changed when I next die.”
I never heard or saw her response.
---
Eight years later
“Mommy?” The little boy pushed his way through the door and charged across the patio to where an older women knelt by a garden.
“Yes dear?” The older women groaned as she rose to her feet.
The little boy danced around impatiently, the papers he held nearly dropping from his hand. “What happens when we die?”
The mother blinked in surprise and looked away, rubbing the back of her head. “Um... well, the bible tells us about heaven and hell. If you’re good, you get to live with God and if you’re bad, well...” The words hung in the air.
“But what if I don’t believe in either one?” The little boy stopped bouncing around, giving his mother a hard, serious stare. “What if I want to become a pegasus when I die and fly around in the sky all day?”
There was a sharp intake of breath as the mother looked back to her son. “Well... I don’t know. Heaven is perfect, so maybe if you’re good, you’ll get to do whatever you want.”
Patting the little boy on the back, the mother led him towards a green minivan. “But let’s not dwell on it. You’ve got your entire life ahead of you and piano lessons in ten minutes.”
At the mention of piano lessons, the little boy squealed in excitement, causing the mother to wince. “Yay! And maybe Sister Abbey will let me draw again afterwards while she talks to you.”
“I hope so. Your pictures are getting more detailed and Sister Abbey absolutely loves them.” The mother grinned. “Yup. Music and art seems to be your talents, and I’m sure you’ll make me proud.”
She closed the side door and hopped into the driver’s seat. Starting the van, she pulled out of the driveway. With one last look back at her son, the mother pressed down on the gas and drove towards destiny.