My Little Mission: Sneaking is Magic

by DoctorSpectrum


Chapter Fourteen: Oh, the Grand Galloping Gala is the Best Place to Sneak!

“…Twenty-four… twenty-five… twenty-six…” I grunted.
“…Three-hundred forty-three… three-hundred forty-four… three-hundred forty-five…” Rainbow Dash counted beside me. With the knowledge that I was going to be returning back to Shadow Moses to complete my mission in about a week now, I was going over all of my skills and preparing myself as needed. Right now, I was testing myself with sets of push-ups to make sure that I was still in adequate shape.
In turn, I had unintentionally inspired Rainbow Dash with my testing, and she was now bouncing a ball on her head, trying to break the record for the most consecutive bounces.
“…Twenty-nine… thirty!” After the last push-up, I stopped my exercises for the moment, and sat down to watch Rainbow Dash. We were both outside the Ponyville library – Twilight had insisted that I do any exercise outside.
“…Three-hundred forty-nine…. Three-hundred fifty-one… three-hundred fift- wait…” Rainbow Dash stopped bouncing the ball as she lost count, instead letting it hit her head and roll away. She turned to me, looking slightly annoyed. “Darn it, Snake! I was just about to break the record I’ve been trying to beat for months, and then you made me lose count!” I wiped away from sweat from my forehead before answering.
“Sorry, Rainbow. I didn’t mean to.”
“Didn’t mean to?!” Rainbow Dash wailed. “I was so close! And now thanks to you, I’ve –” The door to the library opened, and Rainbow stopped talking for a moment to see who was coming out of it. Naturally, it was Twilight Sparkle, alongside Spike. “ – I’ve got to start all over again!” Rainbow Dash continued.
“Start all over again, huh?” I repeated. Before I could continue, Twilight interrupted me.
“Snake! You’ve got to come inside straight away! It’s important!” For some reason, Spike looked oddly apologetic. I shrugged to Rainbow Dash, picked myself up from the ground, and followed Twilight and Spike back inside the library.
“What is it?” I asked as I entered Twilight’s main reading room, where Spike and she were waiting for me.
“This letter from Princess Celestia just arrived,” Twilight said, levitating a piece of paper out for me. “You’d better read it – it’s faster than explaining.” I grabbed the paper out of the air, and began to read.

To my faithful student Twilight Sparkle,
It saddens me that I must say the following, but I am afraid that I must decline your request to temporarily borrow the Element of Magic. As has been pointed out by my new advisor Shalashaska, the Elements of Harmony are essential for keeping up the defence of Equestria – you yourself should remember how crucial they were in the downfall of both Nightmare Moon and Discord. Therefore, for Equestria’s sake, I must insist that the Element of Magic be kept with the rest of the Elements of Harmony, in Canterlot Castle, unless something urgent should occur. I hope that you are understanding in this matter.
In other news, I still haven’t received a reply from you or your friends on whether you wish to attend the Grand Galloping Gala this year. As always, you need only ask, and all of you shall receive free tickets to attend. Should you choose not to attend, I would still like to hear a reply – I shall understand if you don’t want to.
From your caring teacher, Princess Celestia.
P.S. I apologise about the delay in replying to your request - I have had my hooves full organising the Gala.

“I’m sorry, Snake – it looks as though we’ll have to travel to Canterlot if we want to use the Element of Magic to send you back home,” Twilight said apologetically as I finished reading the letter.
“Do you want to write another letter to Celestia asking her to make an exception?” Spike offered, holding out a quill and paper.
“Make an exception, huh?” It was tempting… but something felt wrong about this letter. I read over it again and spotted what was wrong. “Twilight, Spike… have either of you ever heard of this advisor before? Shalashaska?” The name sounded vaguely familiar to me, but I couldn’t think of where I had heard it before.
“No, I haven’t,” Twilight said, levitating the letter back to skim over once more. “I thought it was a little odd that at his – or her – word, Celestia is suddenly refusing to lend us the Element of Magic. She’s normally quite understanding about this sort of thing.”
“Celestia’s never needed an advisor before,” Spike added. “He must be new.”
“New?!” It suddenly occurred to me who Shalashaska was. “Of course he is – Shalashaska is Revolver Ocelot!” Both Spike and Twilight gasped at this.
“But – how can he be? When the spell wore off, Ocelot was sent back to Earth!” Twilight said.
“Yeah! How could he be back?” Spike asked. “If somepony else brought him to Equestria, they’d need to use that dimension spell thingamajig that you two used to find him properly!” I thought it over for a moment. Both of them made valid points.
“What if…” I began, thinking carefully, “…Ocelot didn’t get sent back to Earth when the spell wore off? We just assumed that he had been sent back there, but we never really got any proof.” Twilight gasped again.
“That could happen! Once the spell wore off, it tried to teleport him back to Earth, but since it was too weak to do that, it could have sent him somewhere random instead – and he ended up in Canterlot!” Twilight’s face was anguished as she realised how plausible this was.
“Wait a minute!” Spike said. “How do you know that Shalashaska is Revolver Ocelot, Snake?” No doubt he was hoping that I was wrong about Ocelot’s presence in Equestria – it would make things a lot easier.
“Easy,” I answered. “Shalashaska is an alias of Revolver Ocelot’s.” I had found this out from my support team after facing Revolver Ocelot at Shadow Moses, when I had asked for more information on him. “It doesn’t really sound like a pony name, does it?” Both Twilight Sparkle and Spike reluctantly shook their heads.
“I wonder what he’s doing in Canterlot,” Twilight said worryingly. “Is he also trying to get back to Earth?” I snorted at this.
“I doubt it,” I answered. “If he’s Celestia’s advisor, that means that he’s probably just manipulating her without her realising it.” Admittedly, this was just speculation, but it seemed to fit Ocelot’s character. I sighed. “Looks like you’ll have to find another way to send me home,” I said to Twilight.
“What? Why would I need to do that?” she asked.
“If Ocelot’s working with Celestia, he’ll probably have told her to be wary of me. Assuming that’s the case, then I’m guessing that it wouldn’t be good for Celestia to find out where I am?” Spike shook his head.
“Not unless you want a one-way trip to the moon,” he answered. Somehow, I doubted that he was joking.
“Exactly,” I said. “We need Celestia to give us the Element of Magic – and Celestia’s being manipulated by Ocelot.” I sighed and clenched my fists. I felt like punching something in my anger. I should have known that some other obstacle would come up to stop me from returning!
“It’s true that we need the Element of Magic…” Twilight began slowly. I got the feeling that she was thinking something over carefully. “But… I think that I can find a way to get it if we plan carefully…”
“You know how to convince Celestia to lend us the Element?” I asked. Maybe there was hope after all. Twilight answered me slowly – she was obviously choosing her words cautiously.
“Maybe… I’ll need to think this through some more… I’ll tell you what, Snake- we’ll get all of the girls over tonight, and I’ll explain my plan then.” I nodded and left the room, already beginning to wonder what this all-important plan was.

===================

“So sorry that I’m late, everypony!” Rarity said as she entered the Ponyville Library and closed the door. She was the final member of the group to arrive. “I was sewing a dress up, and lost track of time. I hope I wasn’t a bother!”
“No problem at all, Rarity,” Twilight said. “We were just waiting for you – you haven’t missed anything so far.” From what I had seen of her today, Twilight had been nervous ever since she had begun working on this mysterious plan. I was interested in hearing why her plan was making her so.
Every pony sat down at a table as Twilight went over the details of the letter, and why the original plan to send me back to Earth couldn’t be performed. Upon her telling them all that Revolver Ocelot was Princess Celestia’s new advisor, they all gasped in surprise and denied it, until Twilight, Spike and I explained how he must have never left Equestria.
“You- you mean that not only is that monster still in Equestria, but he’s working with Princess Celestia?” Fluttershy squeaked nervously, shaking as she said so. I nodded grimly.
“Alright, that’s it!” said Rainbow Dash boldly. “I’m going to go and stop him right now, even if I have to fly all the way to Canterlot to do it!” She stood up and took to the air, and probably would have flown out a window and done as she said if Applejack hadn’t bitten her tail to stop her. After a moment of futile struggling, Rainbow Dash calmed down, and sat down again.
“Urgh! Yer tail’s disgustin’, Rainbow!” said Applejack after spitting slightly. “Wash it sometime, ya’ hear?” Rainbow Dash muttered something incomprehensible into her chest in response.
“Girls! We need to concentrate!” said Twilight Sparkle, her voice shaking slightly as she said so. “The news that Ocelot is subtly controlling our ruler is distressing, but I have a plan to both stop him, and still get Snake home on the night of the meteor shower!”
“I have a plan too!” said Pinkie Pie unexpectedly. Everyone looked to her in confusion, not expecting this. “We’ll throw Ocelot a party! Then he’ll lighten up and stop being so grumpy, and he can come live in Ponyville with us! Hey, do you think that he’d want to live at Sugarcube Corner with Gummy and me?”
There was a moment of silence before Twilight reluctantly said, “…We’ll put that down as Plan B, Pinkie.” Pinkie Pie cheered in agreement. “Now, before I tell everypony this plan, you’ll all have to agree to keep it top secret – you can’t tell anypony. Are we clear?” Every pony, Spike, and myself all nodded and agreed.
“Good,” continued Twilight, “because this plan… involves us stealing from Celestia.” There were gasps from all around the table. I realised why Twilight had been so nervous and reluctant to suggest this plan – to her, this was a crime of the highest order imaginable.
“Now Twahlight, ah know that extreme times call fer extreme measure ‘n all… but don’t ya think that this here’s goin’ a little too extreme?” Applejack said.
“I’ll outline the plan, and if you can think of any better ideas, I’m welcome to hear them,” Twilight said, already looking like she regretted thinking up of it.
“So what are you planning on stealing, anyway?” Spike asked curiously.
“Isn’t it obvious, Spike?” I asked. “Twilight wants us to steal the Element of Magic.” Twilight nodded, confirming my suspicions.
“Since we can’t ask Celestia for it directly without Ocelot finding out, there’s no other way for us to get it other than by…stealing it.” Looking at Twilight, I could see that she felt anguished by the need to steal from her mentor.
“Wait – why is it bad if Ocelot finds out that we need the Element?” Rainbow Dash asked. Now that I thought about it, it was a good question. Surprisingly, Rarity was the one who answered.
“If Ocelot has already rejected the request for the Element once, then he obviously has his own plan for the Elements of Harmony,” she said smoothly. After a moment of consideration, she added, “Of course, he may have just denied the request so as to continue his façade as Celestia’s advisor, but one can never be too sure about this sort of thing.” Could Ocelot really have plans for the Elements of Harmony? I wondered. It was possible, of course, but then how would he know to use them?
“Whatever the reason is that Ocelot denied the request for the Element, it doesn’t matter,” Twilight said. “The main point is that we can’t get it by asking nicely. Now, I propose that we travel to Canterlot two days from now, and –”
“Two days, huh?” I interrupted. The ponies (and Spike) all looked over to me. “If your plan is to steal the Element two days from now, Twilight, then I doubt that it’ll work.”
“Why not?” Twilight asked me.
“Think about it. You ask for the Element of Magic, get your request denied, and then two days later, the Element goes missing? Looks kinda suspicious, don’t you think?” I answered. “You’ll have to throw suspicion off yourself by doing the last thing that Celestia would expect you to – steal all of the Elements of Harmony.” There was another gasp from the ponies as I proposed this.
“Steal – all the Elements of Harmony?” Fluttershy asked quietly in the silence. “Isn’t that a little, um, wrong?”
“It’s not wrong, Fluttershy – because we won’t be stealing the Elements of Harmony,” Twilight answered firmly. She turned to face me. “Snake, I know that you want to return home, but stealing the Elements of Harmony is not the way to do that. Is that clear?”
“Yeah, whatever,” I answered, frowning. “But if that’s your stance… then what do you suggest we do next?” Twilight had failed to notice that her original plan still couldn’t be carried out.
“Well, we could… uh…” Twilight stammered, trying to think of a new plan on the fly, and failing.
“I know what we can do!” Pinkie Pie said unexpectedly.
“…Another party, Pinkie?” Rarity asked her sceptically. Pinkie shook her head.
“Nope! We’ll go to the Grand Galloping Gala!” she said excitedly. Quite literally everyone’s jaws dropped. I’m sure that we were all thinking the same thing: She wants us to go to the Gala at a time like this?
“Now, Pinkie,” Applejack began, breaking the silence, “there’s a time fer goin’ to the Gala, and there’s a time fer more important stuff.” Pinkie frowned at this.
“Well, duh! That’s why we’ll do both at the same time!” she explained. I frowned as I tried to work out Pinkie Pie’s unique brand of logic. “The meteor shower’s the same night as the Gala, right, Twi?” Pinkie asked Twilight. Twilight gasped.
“Of course! The meteor shower will travel over Canterlot, so – why didn’t I think of this?! Pinkie Pie, you’re a genius!” Twilight said. Every pony was nodding in agreement.
“No I’m not. I’m an Earth Pony!” Pinkie said, oblivious to the compliment.
“Earth Pony, huh?” I asked. “So what’s the logic behind going to the Gala?”
“Don’t you see, Snake?” Twilight asked me. “We can travel to the Grand Galloping Gala, acquire the Element of Magic there, and then once the meteor shower passes over Canterlot, I can cast the spell to send both you and Ocelot back home!” It sounded like a good plan… in theory.
“What about Celestia and Ocelot finding out?” I asked. “This still has the same problems as the original plan.”
“They’ll be too busy with the Gala,” Twilight answered. “Celestia will be greeting guests, and I’ll bet that Ocelot will have to be too, if he wants to stay in good favour with her.” She continued thinking for another moment as a new thought occurred to her. “In fact, we can all keep an eye on Celestia and Ocelot, and make sure that they don’t leave the Gala. This will give you a chance to steal the Element, Snake!” I had the feeling that she was asking me to personally steal the Element to ease her conscience.
The rest of the ponies were all nodding in agreement – it sounded like a good plan. “Okay, so I’ll sneak into Canterlot Castle, steal the Element, get back to you guys, and then you’ll send Ocelot and me home when the meteor shower passes overhead?” I asked to confirm the plan.
“And you’d better not be detected,” Rainbow Dash added. “If you’re caught stealing the Element, then Celestia or Ocelot would have to leave the Gala and be onto you faster than… well, faster than me, I guess!”
“Not be detected, huh?” I asked. It was an annoying limitation, but a necessary one. “Alright, this sounds like a plan.”
“Alright everyone, we all agree to this plan?” Twilight asked. We all nodded. “Excellent! I’ll write a letter to Celestia in the morning to confirm that we’ll be attending the Gala, and then we’ll get ready for our mission…”

===================

Dawn of the First Day – Six Days Remain

“What did you want to see me about, Twilight?” I asked as I stepped into the library. The library had undergone a drastic makeover – there were now graphs and diagrams everywhere, each one planning a different aspect of the Canterlot mission. It was almost as if Twilight was trying to monitor everything. I had to wonder what she’d do if some pony who wasn’t in on the plan came over for a visit.
“I’ve got an update on the plan, Snake,” Twilight said as she plotted something onto a graph. “Even though the meteor shower will be passing over Canterlot, it won’t be for as long as it passes over Ponyville – I’ll only have a five minute window to cast the spell in Canterlot.” I shrugged.
“Five minute window, huh? We knew from the start that there would be a time limit – what’s the big difference?”
“The difference is that we’ve got to arrive at the castle at seven-thirty, along with most of the regular guests – that way it won’t look suspicious. The meteor shower should travel over Canterlot at nine twenty-seven, so you’ll only have two hours and two minutes to get in, steal the Element, knock out Ocelot, and get back to me,” Twilight said.
“Get back to you, huh?” I repeated. “That sounds – wait a minute – knock out Ocelot?”
“Well, the spell takes a few moments to be cast, and I doubt whether Ocelot will give me a chance to send him back to Earth,” Twilight explained. “So yes – you’ll have to knock him out so that I can send him back!” Or I could just kill him, I silently thought.
“Right. How am I getting into the castle, anyway?” I asked Twilight. She grinned and pointed to a diagram of what I assumed was Canterlot Castle.
“Oh, that part’s easy. I’ve arranged for our carriage to be part of the group which goes directly to the castle, and to be at the back of the group,” she explained, pointing a hoof to a road on the diagram. “You’ll hide inside the carriage in one of your boxes, and when we pass over the bridge, you can leave the carriage, still in your box.”
“So I’m guessing that you don’t want any ponies to see me?” I asked. Twilight nodded.
“Sorry, Snake, but if anypony sees you, they could mention it to Celestia unintentionally – then Ocelot would be onto us.” I grimly nodded, seeing the point she was making. “Anyway, once you’re out of the carriage, you’ll go into the moat. I’ve found a hidden underground passage to the castle which begins in the moat. You can use it to approach the –”
“Approach?” I interrupted. Twilight gave me a funny look.
“Yes, Snake – approach. It’s not a difficult word.” She went back to her diagram before continuing. “You can use this passage to approach the castle – if you follow it all the way through, you should come out in a side room from the main hall. From there, you can call one of us on your codec, and we’ll give you further instructions.”
“Codec?!” I repeated. “Does this mean that you’ve performed the spell on every pony?” Twilight nodded.
“Yes – I can give you their frequencies now if you want…”

===================

Dawn of the Third Day – Four Days Remain

It had been a while since I had entered Rarity’s boutique, but I did so now at her request. “You’ll never guess what I’ve got for you!” she said as I entered, jumping up and down on the spot slightly. I shrugged, honestly unable to guess. “Wait right here whilst I go and get it!” she said, darting off to some other part of the boutique. I sat myself down on a chair and waited patiently.
“Here you are, Snake!” Rarity said excitedly as she returned. Levitated behind her was… some sort of ugly, grey suit. “It’s that new sneaking suit which I’ve been promising you for what feels like forever now!” I grimaced as I took the suit in.
The most prominent feature of the suit was the chest area, where it had some sort of metallic guard, designed to look like the ribcage it was protecting. The shoulders and elbow areas of the suit were covered in metallic banded segments, whilst the forearm sections seemed to have a simple metal guard. The rest of the suit was fairly bland and uninspiring, but it could easily be described as ugly.
“Well? What do you think?” Rarity asked, failing to realise the horror of what she had created.
“It’s… not really what I was expecting,” I said, trying not to give the wrong impression whilst still not hurting her feelings. “So what do you call it, anyway?” I took in the ribcage-like area again. “The Skull Suit?”
“Why in all of Equestria would you call it that, Snake?” Rarity asked, slightly shocked. “No, this masterpiece is my Smart Skin Suit! It is designed to place varying pressure on different parts of one’s body, so as to maximise performance! The texture is not far removed from rubber, but – ”
“No offence, Rarity, but I’ll have to decline it,” I interrupted, trying to keep my eyes away from it as much as possible.
“But Snaaake!” Rarity complained, “I was hoping that you’d wear it when we go to Canterlot!”
“Sorry, Rarity,” I said firmly, “but I’m fine with my sneaking suit.” For her sake, I added, “If you want, I can take your Smart Skin Suit with me – I know someone who’ll probably have a use for it.” If I gave it to Campbell, he could probably find some new recruit to give it to.
“Well… have it your way then,” Rarity said, telekinetically folding the suit up. “But whilst we’re speaking of Canterlot, I have designed something else for you…” She went back into the other room, and came out a moment later levitating something else.
“It’s… a facemask,” I said as I took it in. The skin of the mask looked unnaturally smooth – almost feminine. It had long white hair, which looked oddly realistic.
“Yes! I just finished making your suit, and then I thought to myself, ‘What would go well with this suit?’ So I designed this facemask to wear as a disguise!” Rarity explained. “Would you believe that I’ve even found a way to get the eyes to blink whilst you wear it?” she added, obviously pleased with her handiwork.
“Blink?!” I repeated. “What’s the point?” Rarity looked offended.
“I put great care into that mask, Snake!” she replied. “Please do not pick on the small details of it – next thing I know, you’ll be complaining about the fact that the lips cannot move!”
“You made it possible for the eyes to blink, but not for the lips to move?” I said. “That seems a bit of an odd thing to focus on, don’t you think?” Rarity glared at me.
“Well I’m sorry for thinking of the mission,” she said to me snarkily. “I’d lend you my invisibility scarf, but I used up all of its charge whilst fighting a dragon.”
“I can’t use this mask anyway,” I pointed out. “Between Ocelot and I, how many humans can there be in Equestria? You’ll have to admit that it would look a little suspicious for another human to suddenly show up at the Gala – Ocelot sure would.” Rarity sighed, conceding my point.
“Well, I suppose that that is most certainly true,” she admitted. Changing the topic, she said, “Tell me – why is your codename Solid Snake, anyway?” I shrugged.
“It was the codename I was assigned when I started as a stealth operative,” I explained. “I’m not sure why they gave me the name, but it was the name they gave me, and I’ll keep it until I die.”
“Really?” Rarity asked. “I thought that there would be more of a story behind it than that… have you ever considered changing your codename? Snakes are such repulsive creatures.”
“Change my codename, huh?” I repeated. It was an intriguing idea, and one which I hadn’t thought of before. “Yeah, maybe I could…” I said as I started running through names in my mind.
“Excellent!” said Rarity. “It’s good to see that you have some common sense. What do you think of, say, Raid-”
“No thanks,” I interrupted. Whatever she had been about to suggest, it didn’t sound like the sort of name a toughened operative such as myself should have. “I was thinking of something more like… Iroquois. I like that.”
“Fine. Whatever you say, Snake…” Rarity said, obviously annoyed that I hadn’t listen to her suggestion.

===================

Dawn of the Fifth Day – Two Days Remain

I was cleaning my pistol when there was a knock at the door. I walked over to the door and was going to open it, before hesitating. If it was her at the door… Instead of opening it, I stood to the side, and pulled it slightly ajar.
“SNAAAAKE!!” Pinkie Pie yelled as she burst through the door. She fired through the doorway with the speed of a rocket, probably planning to hug me had I been standing there.
“Hey Pinkie,” I said from next to the doorway. Streamers had somehow accompanied her dash through the doorway, and were now lying on the floor. Pinkie Pie picked herself up from the floor, and bounced over to me.
“How’s it going, Snakey?! What did you want me for?” she asked as she hugged me. I gently pushed her away.
“I’ve got a favour to ask of you, Pinkie,” I said, heading over to a table where I had all of my equipment spread out.
“Ooh! Do you want me to throw you a goodbye party?!” Pinkie asked excitedly. “I could bring Gummy and Mr. Cake and Mrs. Cake and –”
“I’m fine for parties, Pinkie,” I said. I grabbed an item from the table. “I need to ask you to hold onto this for me,” I explained as I handed it to her. “I’m not exaggerating when I say that this could literally mean life or death for me, Pinkie. You understand?”
“You want me to hold a yo-yo for you?” Pinkie Pie asked confusedly as she took it. I sighed.
“No, Pinkie, it’s not a yo-yo. It’s a tin of rations,” I explained.
“Oh! A tin of rations! Of course!” she said excitedly. “Why do you need me to hold a tin of rations for you?” she added a moment later.
"These rations can heal me in moments,” I explained. I had never understood why, but I wasn’t going to question it. “If something happens at the Gala and I’m badly injured, I’ll need these rations – it could mean life or death for me.”
“But why give them to me?” Pinkie Pie asked.
“Let’s face it, Pinkie,” I started, “if any pony can suddenly appear out of nowhere to find me, it’s you. This way, I know that I’ve got you backing me up, and I should be able to heal at least a little bit if I need to.” Pinkie Pie nodded.
“Okey-dokey-lokey! Sounds like a plan!” she said happily.

===================

Night of the Final Day – Two Hours Remaining

“You sure you’re comfortable in there, Snake?” Twilight asked me.
“I’m fine, Twilight,” I answered from inside my cardboard box. We had been heading to the Gala for several hours now – it was apparently traditional to arrive by carriage. I had been inside the box for the entire journey, in case our carriage was inspected by guards. The ponies weren’t expecting it to happen, but we couldn’t be too sure with Ocelot manipulating Celestia.
“Okay, Snake – this is the drop-off point,” Twilight whispered to me. I heard the door of the carriage open. “Fluttershy, you’re closest to the door – push him out.” I felt a light kick, and then I tumbled out of the door.
“Oof!”
“Oh my! I’m sorry!” I heard Fluttershy call out from the carriage as it continued to the castle. I looked around from my box. No sign of any guards or other ponies. No alarms ringing. No Ocelot lifting up my box and laughing that he had been onto our plan from the start.
It was time for the mission to begin.