Now this chapter is an important chapter you should all see. There's a side of me you all haven't seen before. So I think the time has come to discuss my backstory. What have I done before I moved to Ponyville? Well, before I get started on the story, there was a time that I told my friends about it. Nopony knew about my backstory until I told it today. It all started at my pizza shop. I was working at the take-out counter, and I just finished making a pizza for my friend Woodenshy.
"Thank you, come again!" I said to him in an Indian accent.
"Hmm, well there are only 8 restaurants in town. I dunno I'll have to think about it." Wood teased me.
"Well you better think good and hard because my pizzas will be here forever.” I said.
“I’m sure they wi- wait, what?” Wood asked.
“Yeah I’m sure they will too. Now enjoy that pizza, y’hear?” I asked.
“Thanks!” Wood said excitedly as he walked off with the pizza.
"Hey, boss? We're going on our lunch break." Lyra said to me.
"Alright see ya in the hospital.” I teased.
“Wait what did he say?” Lyra asked.
“See you in the hospital?” Bonnie asked. “We’re going on our- OOOOOH! I get it!” she started laugh.
“Yeah I get it too!” Lyra said as she laughed along with her. “Actually I really don’t, but if Bonnie gets it, then I do too!”
“You see that, Lyra? That’s the type of talk that makes everypony think we’re a couple.” Bonnie complained to her.
“Well regardless, thanks boss! You’re the best!” Lyra said.
"Oh don't call me your boss." I blushed. "This is an equal business. This ain’t no business empire; it's a business democracy. We vote here. Like right now we’re voting on if we should switch to sea salt or stick to regular salt.” I pointed over to Merry May who was tallying her vote.
“I’m his favorite background pony. That’s why I’m seen more often than others.” Merry May said to you the readers.
“Or a republic, this store could be a republic too.” Bonnie suggested.
"Shouldn't it be a pub to be a republic?" Lyra teased.
"HA! Nice one, Lyra!" I laughed. "Wait, I'm supposed to make the jokes. YOU STOLE MY JOB!"
"Oh, sorry." Lyra said.
"Nah it's no problem." I said. “At least you didn’t take any of my jokes. I don’t like it when others take my jokes.”
“Yeah look who’s talking!” Steve the Combine Soldier chuckled to me.
“Oh Steve! I forgot that you were still here.” I said surprisingly.
“Yeah you said you’d help me out. You didn’t help me or Stew out of here yet.” Steve reminded me.
“I’ll get it done today, don’t worry.” I promised.
“In a way I prefer this place though.” Stew the Combine Shotgunner said. “I don’t have to deal with Bowser Jr. anymore at least.”
“Well we’re going to head out to our lunch break now, bossman.” Bonnie said.
“Huh? Oh you’re still here? I thought I dismissed you already?” I asked.
“We will be, but we want to make sure everypony sees us walk out the door just as more ponies that want to ask you a question walk through.” Lyra said as the two of them walk over to the front door to leave the shop, and like Lyra said, as the two of them walk out, the Cutie Mark Crusaders run inside and walk up to the bar counter where I was cleaning a glass.
"Hey Flare!" the Crusaders all said at the same time.
“I was already cleaning this glass before you came in.” I lied to them.
"May we have one medium cheese pizza?" Scootaloo asked.
"Sure thing, Scoots! Anything on it?" I asked.
"I said, 'cheese' pizza." Scoots reminded me.
“Yeah, all pizza has cheese on it, Scoots.” I reminded her.
“See? Told you.” Sweetie Belle said as she elbowed Scoots.
"And what size you want it?" I asked.
"Medium!" Scoots yelled.
"And what you want on it?" I asked.
"CHEESE!" Scoots yelled, and then I took a picture of her.
"Ah-biskee!” I said as I took the picture. “Nice! This is going to be my desktop image on my laptop.”
"Alright, ah'll give him points for bein original." Apple Bloom chuckled.
"One large pepper pizza coming right up!" I said.
"Medium cheese I said!" Scoots yelled.
"Yeah, that's what I said. You mad sis? You need a chill pill?" I asked. Scoots sighed as I made their pizza and put it in the oven.
"Hey Flare?" Sweetie Belle asked.
"What can I do for ya, Sweets?" I asked.
"We've known you for a long time, and yet we never asked you how you got your cutie mark." Sweets said.
"Yeah, maybe it can give us ideas of how to get ours." Apple Bloom said.
"Wow, nopony ever asked me for my backstory before. So you youngsters wanna know this leet unicorn's backstory?" I asked.
"Well just the cutie mark story." Sweets said.
"Okee dokee smokey! It all started when I was three years old, in human years though." I started the story and started a flash back. So maybe I the narrator can take it from here. I was in the den of my apartment. I lived in South Mareami beach, at the eastern part of the beach, I was looking for my Barney doll. When I was a child, I liked Barney.
"HA HA!" Scoots laughed ruining the flashback.
"I was three then!" I yelled.
"Don't ruin the story, Scootaloo. Let him finish." Apple Bloom ordered her.
"Fine." Scoots said and sighed.
As I was saying.... I was looking for my Barney toy in the den, I saw my dad Sub-Machine Gun, playing Wolfenparty 3D on his computer. My dad is a yellow unicorn with a brown round mane similar to mine but a bit longer and he has a goatee on his face. He shares the same tail as the rest of us and he wears a blue vest, but more of a greenish-blue, not like mine, and like everypony else in my family, he wears shoes on his hind hooves, and finally, his cutie mark is a speaker. So I stood there and watched him play, and then colt me asked, "Hey daddy? What are you doing?"
"I'm playing a shooting game, Flarey." my dad said.
"Well, duh! I can see that. I'm not stupid." I said. Yeah, even back then I still teased. I watched my dad for a while, and I kept asking him questions. "Why are you squirting paint on those Germane ponies?"
"This game was based on World Party II." my dad said. "Adoof Bitter was upset and wanted to take over, until we raised his spirits up by launching cupcakes, and water balloons at him and his troops."
"Lawl! Adoof. That's gotta be the dumbest name I've ever heard! Ex dee." I said.
"Well, son. Everypony thought so at first, but it made him so angry, that's why he wanted to take over." my dad said. "It was because he had no friends that made him like that. Son, you have to understand that having friends is important, otherwise you'd go mad and want revenge."
"I'm not worried, daddy! I'm gonna have lots of friends! Everypony! Everypony's my friend! Friend, friend, friend! Happy face!" I cried. Did you miss my leet speak? Of course you didn’t, but this was before I stopped doing it, so be prepared for trollism.
My dad chuckled and picked me up. "Oh of course you will, Flare! I know you will!" He gave me a big hug. We were both laughing. Everyday I saw my dad play his game, and after the fifth time I watched, I finally asked him the big question:
"Daddy? Will you marry me?" HA! No I didn't ask him that, but when I say 'the big question', some might say that's considered it, but what I really asked was quite obvious: "Daddy? Where do babies come from?" Yeah, I did ask him that, but not at that time. Seriously, what I asked him was: "Can I play, daddy?"
"Of course, son! Go ahead!" my dad said. He helped me on the chair, and I started a new game. I started on chapter 1, and.... wow, I jinxed it! The easiest difficulty was called 'Can I play, daddy?' I started lawling so hard that my spleen bursted out! That was a figure of speech by the way, my spleen was fine. My spine did burst out though, really. At first I sucked at the game, I kept getting full of paint or frosting and losing the game. I kept melting down, screamed, and whined of why I can't win. My dad saw me yelling on the carpet. You know to make things interesting, how about we see that footage of me screaming on the carpet again but in slow motion? Yeah, that’s pretty funny isn’t it? Just listen to that deep voice. Now let’s show that footage again in slow-motion but with the song Escape by Craig Armstrong starting at 4:16. Heh! That’s interesting! I like to replace the drama in my life with humor. Alright let’s continue. As I was whining on the floor my dad said to me:
"Son, you shouldn't let the small things in life bother you. It's only a game. If you just keep practicing, you'll win. You'll be the most epic Wolfenparty player ever someday. I guarantee it. Same with your friendship, because remember: Friendship…. Is Epic." he said to me. Yes, that is exactly how I got the name! Those words never left my mind. Those words are the exact reason why I never given up hope on friendship. I smiled at him and gave him a hug. Everyday I practiced at that game, and every time I lost, but I didn't worry; I started over and did better every time, and got a couple of laughs here and there. Some of the deaths were funny. After a couple of weeks, I finally beat the game, and I was really happy about it.
"DADDY! I DID IT! I DID IT! I BEAT THE GAME!" I cried.
"That's great, Flare!" my dad said.
“Took a bunch of weeks but it was worth it!” I said excitedly.
"How about trying the game on a harder mode?" my dad asked. I didn’t say anything. I just stood there with a frozen smile on my face. “Uhh, son? Son?” my dad tapped on me and then I fall on the floor with the same exact pose I was standing up with, and I landed on the floor with the impact sound of concrete. Once I finally regained my senses, I did as he suggested and started playing the game on a harder mode. Ever since then I was obsessed with video games! I started playing games like Pac-Clam, certain space games, Jackie Kong, and Super Spaghetti-O Bros, and other games with names that don’t give me trouble with copyrights. My mom Bow Gun and my dad were one day watching me play Doom, and I gotta say, they were mighty impressed.
"Bowie dear, I think our son is gonna be quite successful someday." my dad said to her.
"I couldn't agree more, dear." my mom said. This was before video games became a problem to kids so at this time, they were proud of me. Just then, that same night, my flank started glowing. My parents were so surprised.
"Son! It's your cutie mark!" my dad cried in excitement.
"Uh huh, that's nice." I said with an uncaring tone as I continued to play the game.
"It's a computer mouse cutie mark!" my mom said. "What can that mean?"
"I guess it must mean something, video game or computer related." my dad said. “I know it doesn’t make much sense, but it’s there for a reason and that’s all that matters to me.”
"Flarey? Don't you wanna see your cutie mark?" my mom asked me.
"So what? It's just a little marking on my flank, doesn't really mean anything. You think it could mean puberty? Hmmm?" I asked.
"Well... I dunno about that." my mom said.
"Please leave me to my game, mommy. I'll get to it later." I said as the flashback suddenly ends.
"And so that's how I got my flank tattooed." I said to the Crusaders.
"So all you had to do was sit around playing games? That's how you got your cutie mark?" Sweetie asked.
“And you didn’t even CARE?” Scoots asked.
"Why haven't we thought of that?" Apple Bloom asked.
"Ah Apple Bloom, y’all don't need to sit around all day playing games." Applejack said to her.
"But it sounds so easyyyyyy." Apple Bloom whined.
"Trust me, sugarcube. Havin' a computer mouse cutie mark ain't worth it. No offense, Flare." AppleJack said.
"None taken, AppleJack. I pretty much played video games much longer than I cooked so far.” I said. “I most of the time left my homework till the last second just to play video games.”
"But how did y’all get in the food business? If yer destiny was somethin’ out of a fancy piece of technology, how did ya end up makin pizzas?" AppleJack asked.
"Ah, that started when I was five. I went to visit my grandma Carbine Gun's house." Another flashback started. I was at my grandma's house in Cape Canville, which was in the mid-north-east part of Mareami. I was playing with a button which belonged to one of my dad's shirts, but I didn't know it then. I threw the button in the kitchen, and I ran over there to go get it and I saw my grandma cooking some delicious brownies in there. My grandma's a baker and she sells this stuff in her bakery which was in the bottom floor of this building. Yeah, my grandma lives in a building with a store in the bottom and a living quarters on the top floor. It’s just like South Carolina, where you’ll see a living quarters right on top of an Arby’s, and you’ll even see a restaurant where a gas station used to be and the gas station sign is still there on the roof.
As I smelled my grandma’s delicious brownies, I asked her, "Hey grandma! Cooking brownies again I see?"
"Righteyo Flareyo!" my grandma said. My grandma is brown like my mom and she had short white hair and a light brown vest, and her cutie mark is a chocolate chip cookie. You may think she’s my mom’s mom, but she’s not. She’s my dad’s mom. My mom’s mom I call Nana. "You should try one, it's really good."
"I tasted them before, I know how they taste." I reminded her.
"Oh, okay." she said. She then looked at her plate and saw all the brownies on it were gone, except for the one in her hoof that she was gonna give to me. "Hey, where did the brownies go?"
"I hash no idea." I said with my mouth full of brownies.
"Well poo then. Looks like I'll have to make another batch. Just wait until I get my hooves on the wipper snapper that took the brownies." she said.
"Sure thing, grandma! Winky face." I said to her as I winked; I then swallowed the last of the brownies that were in my mouth. “Can I have some milk please?”
Every Monday my grandma cooks us a few dinners and we take them home. I love her pot-pies, and her stews, and baked goods, and pastas, and even pizza! I loved my grandma's food! She was the best cook I've ever met! All her food was delicious! I ate them all up! When I was eleven, I was interested in wanting to cook just like her, so my grandma gave me the basics. First she wanted me to make a daisy sandwich, which was easy. The only problems I have in those sandwiches is accidentally putting too much mayo and it took until then to figure out that my grandma doesn't like mayo, she likes mustard. Woospy daisy! But I did good. We cooked pastas, lasagnas, tacos, tree-burgers, then I started making my first pizza with her. I had to go carefully. I was really nervous my first time. Gotta get the correct amount of dough, make sure the sauce is in good shape, and the cheese, and cooking it just the right time. Then, when it was complete, it looked like heaven when I first saw that first pizza I first made first. I took my first bite, I chewed it very slowly. At first I thought I wasn't gonna like it, and… I was right.
“Bleh! This is disgusting!” I complained.
“You’ll get it, Flare. Don’t give up on your dreams.” My grandma advised me.
“I know. I never given up in becoming an alicorn princess.” I said to her. When I was a kid, when I wanted to grow up, I wanted to become an alicorn princess, but you know how it turned out with the folks from school. The school scenes are going to be the peak of the story, so I’ll get to them later. When I made my second pizza, I had high-hopes for it, but it was all worth it, as I didn’t like that one either. Three time’s the charm, right? Well… wrong, I didn’t like that one either. In fact, that one got me sick.
Later that night when I was at home, my mom was tucking me in. She was putting vapor rub on my chest, counter-clockwise for my chest hair. Yeah, ponies get chest hair in an early age; mainly because our whole bodies were full of them. We get hair all over our bodies when we turn a month old. “There we go, pookie face, my best friend!”
“Thanks my best friend pookie face!” I said. “I wish grandma didn’t get me sick.”
“Flarey, we don’t blame family members for sicknesses. Remember what I taught you?” my mom asked.
“You blame everything on the fifth member of your group?” I asked.
“Yes, you blame everything on the fifth member of your group.” My mom nodded.
“I don’t have a fifth member of my group though. In fact I don’t have a group yet, but that’s ok, I’m nothing if not patient.” I said.
“Well then you’re nothing then because patient is certainly something you don’t have.” My mom said to me. “But regardless, I love you just the same.”
“I love you too, mommy!” I said. “Will you sing me Soft Dalek?”
“Of course I’ll sing you Soft Dalek, pook!” my mom said as she pokes me in the nose and begins to sing. “Soft Dalek, warm Dalek, little ball of hate… happy dalek-“
“Mom, you know what happened to my eye-liner?” my sister Water asked as she entered my room.
“Go away!” I ordered her. Water quickly closed the door and went away.
“Well that was rude.” My mom said to me.
“I know, but she means well.” I nodded. My mom gave me a glare after I said that. “C’mon sing!” I demanded.
And so she did. “Happy Dalek, sleepy dalek, extermin-“
“What are you trying to pull, mom?” I interrupted her. “From the top!”
“Oh Lord Faust, why?” my mom asked. Yes, my mom used to be very religious. The two of us and nana used to go to church every Sunday, until I realized it wasn’t necessary and I could just pray anytime instead of going to an empty building to do so.
After I was better, but I went to grandma’s again to try the pizza a fourth time, and after that, my taste buds went to heaven after I had that first bite in that first pizza first. Heh, try saying that 3x fast! Ever since, I've been interested in cooking. Some of you might say, 'How are you a cook when your destiny is something computer related?' Well, it's probably because there are certain cooking games on the computer, as well as information about cooking, so that's pretty much why. I helped bake stuff with my grandma all the time. One thing’s for sure though, I wasn’t perfect at cooking at first, and almost every time I made a mess, which is why ants loved hanging out in her kitchen on Mondays.
“Man! I love our vacation spot!” Flick the ant said. “I really need to get a tan.”
“You’re darn right you need a tan!” Z the ant agreed. “Look at you! Ants aren’t supposed to be blue, are they? Look at me though. The ladies dig this!”
“At least my hive is still around and I never seen a single human.” Flick said.
“Yeah but at least we can take care of ourselves, not rely on clowns to protect us from grasshoppers no less.” Z said. “Not to mention our movie was first. You ripped us off! No wonder you never had a second movie.”
“We didn’t have a second movie because the voice of Heimlich died!” Flick argued with him. Alright this argument is taking so long, so both of the ants got kicked off the counter by Rollie McFly from Bugdom.
"And it was my Grandma Carbine Gun that helped me create the secret formula to Flare’s pizzas.” I said as I held a folder on my hoof that contained the secret recipe to my pizzas.
“A secret recipe, huh?” Apple Bloom asked.
“I cook the best pizza in Equestria, Apple Bloom. Of course I have a secret recipe.” I said in an obvious tone.
“Besides when you first started making pizzas, have you ever burnt any?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Says the pony that burns juice.” Rarity mumbled to herself.
“Of course I do. I’m not perfect. There were many times that I undercooked and overcooked pizzas, and sometimes not at the same time.” I said.
"Well this must be one of the times you burnt your pizzas." Scoots said.
"Oh? Why's that?" I asked.
"Your oven is on fire." Sweets pointed out.
I looked back at my oven and she was right, it was on fire, and then I just slowly looked back at Scoots with a blank expression on my face. “So it is.” Just then my smoke detector went off and the sprinklers activated, soaking everything in the shop. “Clean up isle everything.” I said on the microphone next to my cash register.
“Oh cool, I’m not wet.” Woodenshy said in relief, but let’s not let him get left out of all of the fun, so I squirted Woodenshy with my water squirter spell.
“Don’t jinx it, Woodenshy. You’re just asking for it when you say stuff like that.” I pointed out.
“Well, my hair is ruined… again. I’m not even surprised anymore.” Rarity said in an irritated tone as her hair was soaking wet.
“Everypony loves wet-mane Rarity!” Sweetie Belle teased.
“A little too much, might I add.” Rarity said.
“Well here’s your pizza, crusaders.” I said as I gave them a burnt and soggy pizza. “Bon appetite!”
“It’s too burnt, I want a refund!” Sweetie demanded.
"You didn't even pay for this yet." I reminded her.
"Speaking of spells, Flare, what was your first spell?" Twilight asked me.
“Twilight? Since when did you come here?” I asked.
“I always come here with my friends on Mondays. That’s when your food is always fresh.” Twilight said.
“Where’s the Noble Six?” I asked.
“We’re here, Flare.” Crystal said with the rest of my friends sitting at a booth nearby. “But we’re just going to blend in at the background throughout the time you tell your story.”
“I’m ok with that.” I said. “Also…” Just then a threw the burnt soggy pizza I gave to the crusader’s on Psyche’s face. “How does it feel to be the fifth member of my group, Psyche?” Psyche didn’t say anything as I didn’t hire his voice actor for this chapter, but he did roll his eyes.
“So Flare, how about that spell of yours? What inspired you to perform magic?” Twilight asked.
“Well the thing is Twilight, I had no interests in magic at first, but my first spell was pretty obvious.” I said.
“Levitation?” Twilight asked.
“No my flares.” I corrected her. “Wow, you couldn’t be any more wrong, Twilight.”
“HA!” Scoots chuckled.
Twilight sighed. “Well how did you learn your flare spell anyway?”
The next flashback showed my mom pregnant to me and while they were both trying to sleep, they couldn’t because of a bright glow. “Ugh! Bow? Can you shut off the lamp please?” my dad asked.
“It’s not the lamp it’s our son again. He’s doing magic surges in my stomach again.” My mom said.
“Well babe, I keep telling you not to eat or drink too much caffeine, it gets a unicorn pretty hyper even before he or she is born.” My dad said. “But then again, he’s our son, he’s suppose to be bright.” My dad chuckled. And so, my dad, he’s the reason I make terrible puns. I get them from him. That flashback ends there.
“So you learned magic before you were born?” Twilight asked me.
“I didn’t say that. Luckily I wasn’t strong enough to create actual flares. More like little glowy dust, but I didn’t know what I was doing. In fact, after I was a week old I stopped with those magic surges after I got a medication from the doctor, and I haven’t done a single flare since.”
“So is your flares the reason they call you Flare Gun?” Apple Bloom asked.
“No, my flares were the reason why I started going on magic surge control medication. The reason they called me Flare Gun was because… well… my last name IS Gun and I’m red like a flare, so that’s pretty much why, and of course the name Crimson was in the way because they wanted to name my mom and dad were arguing on what name to choose for me, Crimson or Flare, so they used both. Crimson is my first name, Flare is my middle name and my main name, and Gun is my last name.” I explained.
“Why don’t you like to be called Crimson often though? Crimson’s a cute name.” Rarity asked.
“It is a cute name, but it’s not a name I’d normally want to hear. Reminds me too much of my past.” I said.
“How about telling us how you got here?” Sweetie suggested.
“Umm, ah don’t think he’s gonna wanna explain it.” AppleJack assumed.
“Actually I do. Now that I feel comfortable with you, the rest of the Mane Six, and the Noble Six over there,” I said as Crystal waved to me, “I feel that I am ready to explain everything. I wasn’t just picked on because I’m different, I sometimes asked for it, but only because I didn’t know better. I’ll explain the rest of my magic spell story while I’m at it. This is when things get super interesting. My parents spoiled me, so I was kind of a spoiled colt, but not the type of spoiled that asks for gifts. I’m spoiled for friends because of my dad’s quote.” Yet another flashback starts.
I was in Elementary School. School wasn't so hard for me, I did well. A's, B's, and C's, I'm pretty average, not smart nor dumb, but I did slack off in class by drawing pictures of some of my favorite games and TV shows, but the one thing I drew the most was SpongeBob. I was obsessed with SpongeBob back then. A kid takes my pictures and say: "Hey everypony, I'm Crimson Flare! I like to draw kitchenware that lives in a fruit under the sea." Everypony started laughing at me, but it didn't really bother me, I just laughed along.
“Yep, that’s me!” I said. I didn’t let the teasing bother me. I liked making ponies laugh; it’s mainly because my dad said that if ponies laugh at you, that means you’re funny, that’s how you make friends.
I did my very best to make friends, and I did meet some nice ponies, but I never had the guts to ask for their phone numbers. That is when things got out of hoof. One time, when a kid had a birthday party, the only reason I was the only one not to go was because he didn’t have my number. How foolish of me. I always hated to be left out, which made me aggravated, and I even blamed the kid for it, and from that day forward he ignored me. At first I thought that was the reason why everypony ignored me. I was hated at that school and I barely did anything wrong. Well, I do act stupid, and I say the word ‘friend’ constantly, and even scream it in other pony’s faces. I try to make friends with everypony, but I try too hard. It wasn’t just everypony else’s fault they didn’t want to be friends with me, it was mine too, I admit that. I had so much social issues back then.
However, all of this wasn’t ALL my fault though, and I’m not just saying because I don’t want to be the only one blamed. Most of the time I do make that excuse, but this time is different. A pony that has a family that has a grudge on mine since even before Mareami was constructed. A long time ago, in a galaxy relatively close by, the city of Mareami, my hometown, wasn’t always a city. It was a few houses, a cow field, and a church, and it was runned by the Leafhorn family. A thousand years ago during the Disharmony Wars, my ancestors moved out of the Canterlot county to find a new place to live. My ancestors were refugees, and they lived by selling illegal animal crackers. What other choice did they have but sell their own kind as food? So much happened a thousand years ago, but then again, a thousand years ago is the only type of history anypony ever talks about.
The Guns, led by legendary war-hero Colonel Machine Gun, moved to where Mareami is supposed to be before it was constructed, and they begged for the Leafhorns to share their land, but their leader Weed Leafhorn refused. The Guns didn’t want to cause any more hate, but they disobeyed them and constructed an animal cracker farm far from the Leafhorn farm. My ancestors lived relatively close to the Gatorglades swamps so we did have gator trouble in the past. They tried to play hoofball on our animal cracker harvest. These gators were a part of a college nearby and they were trespassing on our land to play their college hoofball. It wasn’t just the Gators though. We also had trouble with the Dolphins, Marlins, the Heat, and the Panthers, all attacking our property to play their sports.
They started getting used to their presence, and they were easy to fight off. All my ancestors had to do was dress up as cheerleaders and lead them away from the farm, but once the Leafhorns found out we were on their property, they threatened us to leave. Colonel Machine Gun tried to reason with them, bribe them, give them gifts, and even tried to ask them out to dinner, but nothing worked. Colonel Gun explained that they were just refugees from the center of Equestria, and like many others, the many refugees that founded Manehatten, Los Pegasus, Baltimare, and all the other big cities around Equestria, are just trying to survive and get away from the war chaos took upon us, but the disharmony followed us because Weed Leafhorn declared war on the Gun clan.
The Guns had no choice, they had to fight. It was either that or leave, or die, or marry Weed’s grand-daughter (whom by the way was very ugly and full of pimples and rotten teeth, so the Guns obviously had to refuse that). So it was war, but the Leafhorns were wreckless, and Colonel Gun has military strategy experience, so the Guns won that war, and Weed Leafhorn was killed in the process, in self-defense. The Guns won the war, but they still let the Leafhorns stay. Unfortunately for us, the land belonged to neither of us. It belonged to an Equestrian soldier by the name of Blueberry Jam who claimed the land way before the Leafhorns did. Luckily for us, the Jam family was very friendly and offered us resources and allowed us to stay, but at the same time, no longer fight one another. The Leafhorns had a grudge on us ever since, but we never started another war again. Mareami was build around us. My family was pretty wealthy, so were the Leafhorns, but the Jams were the ones that ran the town. Mareami was build around us and it became a pleasant beach town, and one of the top 5 most popular vacation spots in Equestria.
Now that you know why the Leafhorns have a grudge on my family, we meet the main bully of my past: Herb Leafhorn, Jr. He was green, had black Italian-like hair, even spoke in an Italian accent, and he wears a black vest with tiny white stripes on it, and a white T-Shirt. He had a baseball bat as a cutie mark because he was good at baseball, or so I think. I always considered the Leafhorns to be a mafia, but I never knew for sure. Herb Leafhorn, Jr. was the pony that made the name Flare Gun a hated name in the school. He took advantage of my mental issues and made me a… well I wouldn’t say laughing stock because he knew I was immune to that, but he knows how I feel when I’m ignored, so he took that as an advantage.
"Sup brahs? The name's Flare! What's yours?" I asked a group of ponies. The group of ponies walk away from me.
"Huh… maybe they didn’t hear me." I said to myself. I then walked over to a group of fillies to say hello to them. "Heeeeeeey ladies! Winky face. I'm in the need of some friends. Don't worry, I don't care how you look or if you're taken, I love all ponies equally, because Friendship is Epic! Ah, I said it! I said it! Did you hear me?" I said to them as my eye twitches.
"Get lost loser.” The fillies insulted me as they walked away. Kids are really good at taking gossip, and Herb was good at making gossip, but he wasn’t really the brightest pony around. He had bad grades, but luckily for him, his father was the principle, which was really bad for me because whenever I’m bullied I have no one to report this to.
"Sup brahs?" I said to another group of colts.
"We're not mare's clothing." one of them said and they all trotted away.
"Oh hi! Lion face." I said to another group of ponies and they just ignored me and walked past me. There was yet another group of ponies that walked by, and gave them the look. My eye-pupils were huge and gave them a cute look.
"Ewww." the group of mares said, and then they all slapped me and walked away.
Time to go to last resort. I went to a group of ugly nerds and I said to them, “Hey, wanna be friends?”
“With a dork like you? HA!” one of the nerds laughed.
“We’re desperate but we’re not THAT desperate. The odds of you being liked by anypony are 7,994,239,176,455.” The other nerd said as they walked away angrily. Not even a laugh! They walked away angrily.
"What is everypony's problem?" I asked myself.
I bursted into the bathroom with an angry look on my face. I started looking in the mirror and looked at myself. "What's wrong with me? Am I ugly? No, if I was ugly the mirror would've broke. I know how attractive I am." Just then the colt next to me smashed the mirror with a hammer and ran away laughing. "Lawl! That was funny!" I said to him. "So, why are ponies ignoring me? Maybe they're jealous because I got good grades." Then I saw ponies outside cheering for the smartest pony in school, even the ones I thought were jealous of me. "Well, I guess it's not that either. Don't worry, I'll be patient, and you'll be the doctor." I joked and chuckled. "I'll get to the bottom of this, or the top. Wow, I'm so funny!"
"No you're not." a pony in the stalls said. "You're weird."
"Your face is weird." I said to the pony and walked out. So I went back to my apartment, and my dad was cooking dinner.
"Hey son! How was your day?" he asked.
"Forty-five degree angle mouth face, dad." I said.
"What happened?" he asked.
"Well, ever since I started school, ponies were ignoring me. I'm in fiftth grade now and I still don't know why." I said.
"Flare, you're a very inspiring pony. You know that? The other ponies just need to get to know you a little more, and give you a fair chance." he said.
"I know dad, I know." I said to him.
"Yes I know dad, he's a swell stallion." he joked and he laughed. I laughed along because I was too young to know that it wasn’t funny.
"Hey Flarey, you wanna look at some old videos of when we were foals?" Water asked me.
"Sure!" I said. So we both went into the living room and started watching videos of us as foals. Like when Water was first born, her first words, her first meals, her first bath times, and her first bike; it was really interesting. Then we all saw my first stuff, including when I was dancing on a stool in the bathroom wearing my diaper when I was a couple of months old. I was even singing a song that went like this:
"I'm a tough tootin foal, I can dance like a stallion. I can shake-a my fanny, I can shake-a my cannon. I'm a tough tootin foal, I can punch-a yo buns! Puncha yo buns! I can punch all your buns! If you're an evil meanie I can punch you for fun!" Water was recording the whole thing from outside the bathroom door, and was laughing so hard.
"HA! I remember that!" I said watching the video.
"HA, you remember, bro?" Water asked.
"HA, I remember, sis!" I said. “Actually maybe I should put the word ‘lawl’ before remember instead of ‘ha’. I like the word ‘lawl’. LAWL! I’m gonna stick with that phrase forever. Everypony’s gonna think that’s funny! I mean they thought that in Arby ‘n the Chief right?”
"That’s true!” Water agreed.
“Sigh. Those were the days, huh sis?” I asked.
“I know, but it still seems that way now. It’s just us against the world, right?” Water asked.
“As long as we have each other, Water. Nothing will be able to stop us!” I said.
"I know, right?" Water asked "Hey, I have the same problem at school as you."
"I see. I just wish there was some way to make friends." I said.
"Just you wait, Flarey. Just wait a little while and friends will start coming to you." Water said with a smile.
"You think so?" I asked.
"I know so!" Water said.
"Smiley face. Thanks, sis!" I said, and gave her a hug.
"No problem, lil bro. Not a problem at all." she said hugging me back.
“Big.” I corrected her. “Big bro. I don’t like being called little.”
“I’m older than you.” Water corrected me.
“Doesn’t explain anything.” I said.
After a little while, I was brushing my teeth and I went into my bedroom to see my fish. Now, this was 14 years ago, so I had different fish then. The leader of the tank was a black catfish named Spot and I had two little orange fish named O.J. and Mickey; those two had tails that looked like Mickey Mouse, they seriously did; and I had another black molly named Darrel. I had alot of Darrels before the one I have now, and finally I had another catfish, but smaller, and his name was Chuck; he was a mean one. So I went over to the tank as I was brushing my teeth, and I decided to talk to them, but of course my voice sounded weird.
"Hey bisies!" I said with the tooth brush in my mouth.
"What did he say?" Mickey asked.
"Hey fishies. He has the toothbrush on his mouth which is making him talk funny, but don’t worry. I can translate that.” OJ said.
"Fo, I had a wuff day foday, bu' no worrpies. Sids are lie pat all bu' time." I said.
"I didn't understand that either." Mickey said.
"He said: So I had a rough day today, but wo worries. Kids are like that all the time." OJ said.
"How do you know this stuff, Juice?" Mickey asked.
"I can understand teeth brushing language, Mickey; and please don't call me Juice, call me OJ." OJ instructed him.
"I wonder why kids are giving our master a hard time." Spot asked.
"Eh, he deserves it; he's a weirdo." Chuck said.
"Don't say that, Chuck! Flare's the best master ever!" Darrel said excitedly.
"You and him are so alike, Darrel." Chuck said.
"What's your problem, Chuck? Somepony abuse you when you were young?" Spot asked.
"No. And Spot, I don't understand why Flare made you leader of the tank instead of me." Chuck complained.
"Now let's not be like that. There's no 'leader' of the tank. We're all equal!" Spot said.
"But some of us are more equal than others." Mickey said.
"Just watch yourself, Spot. Someday I'll be the one taking over." Chuck said.
"I'd like to see you try!" Spot said mischievously.
"Just you wait, until the time comes!" Chuck threatened him.
Just then, OJ begins to brush his teeth in front of me just as I finished. “Ah, good idea, OJ! I should totally fight back with my trollism.” I said. “It’s for self-defense which makes it ok.”
“Did he actually understand you?” Mickey asked OJ.
“It’s the only way I can communicate with him. The teeth brushing language is very useful under these circumstances.” OJ said.
So I went back to Elementary School, and things weren't better at all, in fact, things got worse. Herb himself came up to me as his friends, including a relative of Lyra watched in entertainment.
"Aww, did I ruin your lunch, Crimson? Don't worry, I pay you back." Herb said.
"Alright, that costed me 3 bits." I said, having my hoof out, and then he spit on my hoof. "Uhh, that's not bits, unless this saliva is actually worth something."
"That saliva is worth three punches in the stomach!" Herb said as he punched my stomach three times. "One! Two! Three!"
"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!" I yelled.
"That was four ows, one too many. Here I'll add an extra one so we can be even." Herb said as I blocked that punch with my tray “Oooo, nice reaction. Hey Crimson, look.” He pointed to my chest and then once I looked down he zipped his hoof up to my nose. “Don’t be so gullible, Crimson!”
"You think you're trollin’ me bro? Do you even lift?" I asked.
"Of course I do!" Herb said as he picked me up, and threw me in the trash can, then the whole school started laughing at me. I started laughing along, but once I did, everypony else stopped laughing and gave me ugly looks.
"Why are you laughing?" a pony asked.
"Because this was funny! I'm not worried about a little trash. I can shower it off. As long as my vest doesn't get stained, I'll be fine." I said. Just then, Herb squirted mustard on my vest and rubbed it around. "AAAAAAAH! Surprise face! MY VEST! How could you, Herb? You’re more annoying than-“
“Your stupid cutaway jokes aren’t going to save you THIS TIME!” Herb yelled as he takes the trash bin I’m in and then kicks it out of the lunch room, down the hall, and down the shtairs. Once the trash bin comes to a complete stop, I began to crawl out and scrape the garbage out of my hair.
“Thank you for riding trash role. Please collect your belongings and watch your step as you walk out of the bin.” Herb said as he walks over to me. “Thank you for riding with us, and have a nice day.”
“Thanks!” I said as I had a banana peel on my head.
“You’re welcome.” Herb said.
As soon as I crawled out of the bin and scraped the garbage out of my clothes, I begin yelling, "AAAAAAAAH! TEACHER! TEACHER! TEACHER!"
"The principle is my father you little twerp!" Herb yelled.
"Hey! I'm not a little twerp! I'm a big twerp! I don't like to be called little!" I corrected him.
"I’m bigger than you, LITTLE boy.” Herb said.
"Yeah, I bet you like little things don't you?" I teased.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?! WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME, SON!" Herb yelled at me.
"I'm not your son, and even if I was, you'd be the worse mom ever. HA!" I teased and laughed.
Herb grabbed me in the vest, and smashed me onto the lockers. "You do not want to be a smart flank with me! Because if you're gonna be smart with me, then somepony's gonna have their face stuck in the toilet!"
"Who? Yours?" I teased. Just then, Herb punched me in the nose.
“Feel smart, LITTLE boy?” Herb asked.
“NO! I’m getting beat up a pony whose family held a grudge on mine for generations! Get over it, man!” I yelled.
“Your family has stolen our land from us, my dad said so. Your ancestor, Colonel Machine Gun killed Weed Leafhorn!” Herb yelled at me.
“I keep telling you, brah, it’s self-defense.” I corrected him.
“LAIR!” Herb yelled as he kicks me in the stomach.
"OW! I’m relieved that I didn’t eat my lunch or I would’ve been sick after that kick. You know, the teachers will find out about this!" I yelled at him.
"That's why I won't pound you here. When you leave school today, that's when I'll turn your face upside down!" Herb threatened me.
"I thought you said you were gonna stuff somepony's face in the toilet?" I asked. Herb thn throws me to the lockers on the other side of the hall.
"You'll be eating those words, Crimson!" Herb threatened me. "So why don't you make like a tree..... and get outta here?" he asked.
"Isn't it 'make like a tree' and 'leave'?" I asked.
"Want another beating?" he asked.
"No, you should be thanking me. I'm trying to save you from sounding stupid." I said.
"Later…." he said as he then made a weird cutting noise while sliding his hoof across his neck and walked away. While he was walking away, he walked past a purple earth pony with blonde hair and a notepad as a cutie mark. He was watching the whole thing and he got a little concerned. “What are YOU lookin’ at, butthead?” Herb asked angrily at the pony.
“Oi, mate. Is that really necessary?” the pony asked him.
“You Jams are all the same. If it weren’t for your family, the Guns would be outta here by now. You’re next if you keep pestering me about my business!” Herb threatened him. “This is between the Leafhorns and the Guns, none of you Jam clans are going to get in our way!” Herb said angrily at him as he walks away and shoves him with his shoulder while he was at it.
“That’s exactly what my family is trying to do, greaseball.” The pony said angrily to him.
“Ugh! Help me, brah!” I begged.
“No, Jerry, he’s a Gun.” Another pony said to the purple pony.
“But this ain’t right. This guy is having a tough time. Shouldn’t there be somepony out there to help? Like an agency keeping friendship at ease?” Jerry (the purple pony) asked.
“Jerry, don’t worry about it. I don’t want you getting hurt. Herb did enough damage to that pony, I don’t want him doing the same to you.” The pony said to Jerry. Jerry looked at me upsettingly and then he walks away. I swear that pony was trying to help me, but… whatever. I never saw that pony again after that, and basically, I sort of forgotten about him.
While I was just laying there, bleeding and bruised, I was moaning in pain, and then a tooth fell out of my mouth, and I smiled. "Yay! The tooth fairy's coming tonight!" Then Herb comes back, and takes my tooth.
“Thanks Crimson! I’m sure there’s plenty more where that came from.” Herb said mischievously as he chuckled and walked away. The flashback ends there.
"Wow, you were really beaten up when you were a colt, Flare?" Fluttershy asked.
"Affirmative." I said. "My younger years weren't so well. Luckily my mom picked me up just in time that day, and I didn't receive that beating from Herb."
“That purple pony though. Why didn’t he help?” Blaze asked.
“Stubborn. Always stubborn these ponies are.” Engie said.
"But Flare, why couldn't you use your awesome spells? Like that hornsaber, or your armor lock, or SHOOP DA WHOOP?" Spike asked.
"Ok, first of all, I learned armor lock just a few months ago, you know that. Second, I didn't really know how to use my spells until later on. Except for the flare spell, and the spell which makes me pick up things, like using the force." I said.
"So when did you learn your new spells, Flare?" Twilight asked.
"Just a little while after. I was being beat up in school so much that I needed to take action." I said. Another flashback starts, and I was at home with my sister Water.
"Flare, if you're gonna keep letting these ponies beat you like up this, then you must be stupid." Water said.
"I thought if I didn't let it bother me he'd leave me alone, so I did what I could do best." I said.
"And that is...." Water started.
"Trollin." I said.
"No, no. Flarey trollin or teasing won't solve your problems. What you really need to do is actually use that horn of yours." Water said.
“My what now?” I asked.
“Your horn.” Water said as she pointed to my head.
“Oooooh that horn. I thought you were talking about… umm… nevermind. “I said. "What you want me to do? Shoot flares at everypony?"
"You can try that, or try some new spells." Water said.
"What kind of spells are like my destiny?" I asked. "Look, Water, it's a computer mouse. What kind of leet spells can I do when my destiny is video games or computer related poop? Poopy-poop?”
"Well, I can teach you my water squirter spell. It's quite easy." Water said.
"Oh, yeah, and how can water defend me against my enemies?" I asked. "You're crazy, sis!"
"No, you're crazy!" Water said back to me.
"No you!" I said back to her.
"No you!" she copied me.
"No you!" I said again.
"No you!" she copied me again. We kept saying 'no you' to eachother until I got really angry. My horn started glowing, and water bursted out of my horn, which pushed her against the wall. "Holy Wizard of Strength! Water, I'm so sorry, sis!" I ran over to her and helped her up.
"You did it, Flare! You did it!" Water cried in excitement and hugged me.
"I did? Oh right I did! I knew I could do it! But how?" I asked.
"I was trying to annoy you, so you'd get angry. Anger really gets your magic going, Flarey." Water said.
“Oh the magic you were talking about? I thought when you said did it, I thought you meant… umm… nevermind, something related to the horn conversation.” I said. "I don't know how I got annoyed, it usually takes alot to annoy me."
"Probably because you had a rough day." Water said.
"Yeah that is true. Herb did really annoy me today. I really dislike jerks very very much!" I said.
"Then you should teach those jerks a lesson they shall never forget!" Water said.
"You're right, Water! You're right!" I said.
"I know I'm right, I'm your big sister, and I'll do anything to make sure you're safe." Water said. “I know some day in the future, you’re going to be doing the same to me when I do stupid things.”
"Let’s hope it doesn’t have to come to that.” I said.
"Now kiss!" Darrel demanded.
"Eww, Darrel, they're brother and sister!" OJ reminded him.
So I went back to school with a smile and a brave look on my face. I just trotted across the halls to my first class, but Herb was blocking the way, and I just stood there and gave him a look. "You were lucky yesterday, Crimson. I decided it was no problem to give you a break yesterday because I think yesterday you had enough. Now today is a new day, but don't worry, this will only hurt for a second." he said to me.
"Ah, reference reference!" I nodded. "Wait, Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends wasn't around during the 1990s."
"You're a weirdo. Luckily I'd be doing them a favor by doing this." Herb said to me and grabbed my vest.
"I got a better idea, how about you do us a both a favor, and let go of my vest, and leave me be? Or we can be friends." I said.
Herb started pounding my head and said, "Hello?! Hello?! Anypony home? Think Crimson, think, and besides nopony would want to be friends with you anyway." Herb said.
"Wow that was harsh. You could've just said 'no thank you' and left it at that. Now please put me down." I advised him.
"Sure. Right after I pound ya!" Herb said.
"I'm warming you, brah! You'll regret this. Put me down!" I ordered.
"Was that a threat? Were you threatening me, Crimson?" Herb asked. “Are threatening? Are you threatening? Are you-are you- are you-ah-ah-are you? Are you-are you- are you-ah-ah-are you?” Oh sorry about that, I was trying to make a sparta remix of what he just said to me.
"I'm giving you one last chance. Put.... me..... down!" I ordered him.
"You'll regret saying that." Herb said angrily.
"Well, don't say I didn't warn ya. I hope you brought an extra pair of pants." I said.
“Why is that?” Herb asked.
Just then I squirted him with my newly formed water squirter spell to wet his pants that he didn’t have but around that area. It made all the kids in school laugh at him. Herb felt really embarrassed. I made him look like he wet himself, and nopony used that trick on me at all. Herb started tearing up, let go of me, and then he started running away. “Hey Herb! Remember this word: karma! You pick on me, and I pick on you even harder! I wouldn’ve learned these tricks if you haven’t been bullying me all this time!” I yelled out.
“Wow, Crimson! Nice work!” one of the kids said to me.
“Yeah good job for taking care of that bully!” another one said.
“You sure have redeemed yourself, Flare.” the birthday party kid from earlier this chapter said to me.
“Thanks, brahs and sistas. I really appreciate it.” I said happily. “Maybe next time Herb will think twice before picking on me like that.”
"CRIMSON GUN! IN MY OFFICE! NOW!" the principle yelled on the intercom.
“Well it’s been nice knowing ya, Flare.” the birthday kid said to me.
“What are you talking about? He’s probably going to reward me for my actions!” I said excitedly.
So I walked over to Principle Leafhorn's office, took a seat, and said: "How ya doin, Principle Leafhorn?"
"Don't speak until spoken to." he said to me angrily.
"Well you spoke to me now." I said. "So what's my..."
"SHUT UP!" he yelled at me. I was quiet real fast. "So it comes to my attention that you were being a bully."
"Lawl what?” I asked.
"Don't you deny it, Mr. Gun!" he yelled at me.
"For all due respect, Principle Leafhorn,” I attempt to explain. “the info-“
“For the last time, Crimson! CALL ME SIR!” he yelled at me.
“I really don’t like saying that actually, Principle Leafhorn.” I said to him.
“Too bad!” he yelled at me.
“Ok, SIIIIIIIIIR,” I yelled at him. “The info that you had on me being a bully isn't true. I'm the one that's being bullied."
"Oh yeah? TELL THAT TO MY SON!" he yelled at me. I saw his son, crying in the corner of his office.
"H-he... he made me all wet!" Herb said as he continued weeping.
"I was only trying to defend myself." I said.
“IT’S SIR!” Pinciple Leafhorn yelled at me.
“I didn’t call you anything!” I corrected him.
The principle smashed his hoof on the table. "I don't wanna hear another word from your mouth mister!" he yelled.
“FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND!” I yelled.
“Something you obviously don’t have!” Principle Leafhorn yelled at me.
"But, zir!” I yelled.
“Say it right! SIR!” the principle yelled at me. I know what you’re thinking, worst principle ever. What can you expect from a Leafhorn? I didn’t even want to go to this school, but my parents made an excuse saying that’s closer to home. I mean really!
“Principle Leafhorn, I get bullied by Herb, ALL THE TIME! He stuffed me into a trash can yesterday and made a fool out of me!" I cried.
"But I was only playing." Herb said in a squeaky voice.
"That's a lie!" I yelled.
"I had enough of you Crimson! YOU'RE EXPELLED!" the principle yelled.
"Uhh... who cares? I past the final exams and there was only a few days left of school, soooooo... SO LONG SUCKERS!" I yelled.
"GET OUT!" the principle yelled. “In fact, I’ll call security to carry you out!”
“I don’t like being touched so I’ll let myself out.” I said as I started shaking his hoof. “Thank you for everything, Mr. Herb Leafhorn, Sr. Thank you for your hospitality, your work in making sure the school stays in tip-top shape and thank you for the birthday spanks in Kindergarden, but since I am no longer a student, as I am expelled as well as graduated, I will-“ but before I could finish, his security came inside and was about to grab me. “Oh I talked too long.” I realized. I then suddenly jumped on the principle’s desk and jumped out the window and started to sing. "And I'm freeeeeeeee... free falli- OW!” I yelled as I landed face first on the ground below the two story elementary school. “I’m ok!” I yelled. “I guess I didn’t have enough room to sing that whole part.” The flashback ends there.
"So it was a happy ending after all!" Apple Bloom said excitedly.
"Hang on there, sugarcube. Ah don't think the story's over yet." AppleJack said.
“How about we hear some of AppleJack’s backstory?” I suggested.
“Ehh, another time.” AppleJack said.
“What’s wrong AppleJack? Parent issues?” Bonnie asked mischievously. AppleJack glares at her.
“Ah still don’t know much ‘bout our parents, AJ.” Apple Bloom said.
“Don’t worry, Apple Bloom. Let’s just… let’s just hear more of Flare’s backstory.” AppleJack suggested.
“Can we have some sodas, AppleJack?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Of course, two sodas please, partner.” AppleJack asked me.
“I got it! One soda and one diet soda.” Lyra said.
“Umm… ah didn’t say diet.” AppleJack corrected her.
“No but your thighs did.” Lyra said to her. “I can hear you walking from a mile away.” Lyra begins clopping her hooves together. “Here comes AppleJack, here comes AppleJack.”
"So what happened next, Flare? If you don't mind me asking." Fluttershy asked.
"Well, Mama Flutters, when I past elementary school, my family knew that my water squirter couldn't protect me forever, so over the summer, my mom wanted to help me defend myself more." I said as another flashback starts. I was with my mom at a kid’s worst nightmare location: the library. Meh, at least it’s not as boring as going to Home Depot with my dad; the most BORING store on the planet for a kid like me.
"Ugh! Sigh! Why are we here, mom?" I asked.
"I want to give you a book." my mom said.
"But mooooom, reading so boring!" I whined.
"Trust me, Flarey. This book will have everything you need to defend yourself against bullies." my mom said.
"But I'm done with schooooooool. How is this a probleeeeeeeeeem?" I asked.
"You still have middle school, remember?" my mom asked.
"...Oh... riiiiiiiiiiight." I understood but still with a whiny tone.
“Hey, pookie face? Want us to go to get ice cream?” my mom suggested.
“Sounds greeeeeeeeeeeeeeat!” I said excitedly but still whined. “I hope they have mint chocolate chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip!”
So my mom checked out the Spells For Beginners book for me, and we went home so I can read it. Even though I wanted to play video games, my mom actually took all my electronics away until I read at least some of it.
"Sorry, Flarey. But I'm not letting you play any video games until you've learned something from that book." my mom said.
"Hey mom, I learned something from this book." I said.
"That fast?" she asked.
"I learned that even books with spells are boring." I said as I threw the book aside. "So can I have my stuff back now?"
"Not until you learn a magic spell from that book." So my mom walked out, leaving me alone in my room with the book of spells, and my fish.
"Yeah I doubt he'll learn anything." Chuck said.
"Shut it, Chuck." Spot demanded.
"One day, Spot. One day." Chuck swore. So I opened the book and started to read.
"Alrighty then. Chapter 1: Spell-a-Lot." I read, and then I fell asleep almost instantly.
"Told ya." Chuck said. A few hours went by, and my mom came into my room to check up on me.
"Hey pook, I decided to come in and see what's...." my mom was surprised. "Oh my Celestia. Flare, wake up! Now!"
"Ugh. I don't wanna go to work. Five more minutes." I whined.
"Flare! Wake up!" my mom said and began shaking me real hard.
"Whoa! Whoa! I'm awake ma, I'm awake!" I said. "Look, I'm sorry, but this book is way too boring. I don't wanna learn any magic."
"Oh is that so?" my mom asked. "Then how do you explain this?" She points to most of the objects in my room, and they were all cut in half. "You know, I really have no idea how that happened."
"You must've learned some sort of magic." my mom said.
"Mommy, I really don't remember doing anything other than resting." I said.
"Hmmm." my mom was confused to how everything in my room got cut in half. I was serious, I didn’t know what happened. The next morning came, my mom just woke up, but then was shocked after she went into the living room, as she saw everything was cut in half. "FLARE!" she yelled.
"I'm in the bathroom!" I yelled back.
"Get out here! Now!" my mom ordered.
"I said I'm in the bathroom!" I yelled.
"I don't care!" my mom yelled and started knocking on the bathroom door.
"But mom!" I yelled.
"Flare, I strongly respect your privacy by knocking, but I have the authority as your mother by coming in anyway!" My mom used a giant column by breaking down the bathroom door. I flushed the toilet as soon as she broke the door.
"You're so lucky I finished just in time." I said.
"I want you to see something." my mom advised me.
“I told you, pookie face, I don’t want to see Mars Attacks again. That movie scares me.” I said.
“No not that.” my mom said as she held my arm and pulled me into the living room.
She took me into the living room to see everything cut in half. “Ok, everything is cut in half so perfectly, so what? My dad knows you’re cheating on him with a sushi chef.”
"Oh shut up, he’s my ex. He just invited me to coffee.” my mom excused herself. “I swear these cut-marks are yours.”
"How can that be me when I'm standing right here?" I asked.
"No, you did this in the middle of the night, didn't you?" my mom asked.
"You automatically assumed it was me?" I asked.
"You're the one that's studying spells." my mom said.
"Hey look on the bright side, ma, now we got furniture half-price!" I teased and laughed.
"Flarey this is serious. Like seriously actually. I wanna know that you're the one who did this, and I'm gonna prove it!" my mom said.
"Oh can you repeat that? I lost you when you said 'prove it'." I said. Later that night, my mom was hiding behind the couch with a video camera.
"Bow? Honey, are you coming to bed?" my dad asked.
"Later, Subby. I'm researching." my mom said.
"When did you turn into a scientist?" my dad asked. “Did that sushi chef ask you to?”
"Just go to bed, dear. I'll join you once I get to the bottom of this." my mom said.
"If you want to get into the bottom of the couch, just crawl under." my dad teased.
My mom just gave him an annoyed look. "Good night, Sub." My dad walked into bed and my mom turned off the lights in the living room. Wow, I can’t remember the last time my dad asked my mom to come to bed with him. My dad used to pull all-nighters playing games. Oh how their love died out so long ago? Anyways, my mom was hiding for four hours already with the video camera just waiting for me to show up and cut the remaining undamaged furniture in half. She waited, and waited, and waited, until the camera's battery was dead.
She went into the kitchen to get new batteries, but as she finished, she heard footsteps coming from the hallway of our nice big condo. Yeah did I mention our condo was huge and beautiful? Three bedrooms, two in a half bath, a living room, a nice big kitchen, a wall that separates the dining room from the living room, it was super beautiful! The only thing I didn’t like about it was that the laundry room was right in the middle of the hallway, and every Sunday we have to walk pass my mom who is folding laundry and a couple of times, my clumsy sister tripped over some of the pile of clothes in the hallway.
So anyways, as my mom turned on the video camera again, she saw my bedroom door opened. "Where did he go?" my mom asked herself, and then she heard a spark coming from the den. Yeah we have a den too. So when she looked inside the den, she saw something glowing, like a blue glow-stick, and it was moving around cutting stuff in half. My mom turned on the video camera and then the flashlight, and there was me with my horn glowing like a lightsaber; although I wasn't awake. I started cutting stuff in half in the den, and then she turned on the lights and yelled; "FLARE! WAKE UP!" I woke up all the sudden just before I attempted to destroy the computer. I woke up in the flash with my hornsaber still active.
"WHOA! What?!" I yelled. "Mom? How did I get here?"
"So that explains everything." my mom said. "You were sleep spelling."
"Sleep spelling?" I asked. “How did I do? Was I able to spell onamonapea?” Yeah I’m so bad at spelling that word that I can’t even spell it as I write this. No I’m not even using spell-checker. I want to show you all how bad of a speller I am.
"So you did learn from that book, but the only problem is, you can't control your magic." my mom said as she leaned a mirror over to me so I can see my newly formed spell.
"What's this on my head?" I asked as I was looking at my hornsaber. I touched it, and it felt like a baseball bat. “That didn’t even shock me. Wow… a hornsaber spell. My life is just getting weirder and weirder; just like soy sauce. Once you pour soy sauce on some of your food, it all just goes on the bottom leaving almost no flavor on the rest of the meal.”
"Hornsaber, huh? How is that possible? Your flank tattoo is a computer mouse." my mom said.
“A flank tattoo? Isn’t it called a cutie mark?” I asked her.
“It’s like a tattoo, and it’s on your flank, isn’t it?” my mom asked.
“That is true.” I agreed.
“So if your destiny is computer, how did you get something from a movie?” mom asked.
"Star Wars can be a video game too. I mean there hasn’t been one yet but there will be, I’m certain of it." I said. "Wow, I can't believe this! I learned something from that book!"
"But you need to learn to control it." my mom said.
"You're right, but that sounds expensive, and it would require a bunch of scientists.” I said.
“Maybe you should learn new spells.” My mom suggested.
“Or I can do that too.” I said.
“That’s the spirit, best friend pookie face!” my mom said.
“No, mom, remember, I’m pookie face best friend, and you’re best friend pookie face.” I reminded her.
“I knew you could do it though!” my mom said excitedly.
"Really? Then you must be psychic because that was an unlikely guess, much like the odds of the Fillyapolis Colts being in an NFL championship.” I said.
A cutaway shows the Fillyapolis Colts playing against some other hoofball team that’s not worth mentioning because hoofball is stupid. “23… 29…. 42!” one of the players yelled.
“You’re not counting right!” one of the colts yelled. “Go back to school!”
“64… HIKE!” one of the enemy team players yelled. As the enemy team begins playing and the Colts ripped off their hoofball outfits and started wearing lumberjack outfits, and they took out hiking sticks.
“Well, who’s up for fishing?” one of the colts asked.
“ME! ME! ME!” the rest of the colts all yelled at the same time, but not necessarily at the same moment because some of the mes were out of sync. The cutaway ends.
So from that day forward, I tried to learn new spells. Most of the summer I've been practicing the spells I learned, and eventually I learned to control them. For most of the summer, I've also tried to play new video games like Half-Life 1, and Unreal Tournament, and even Goldeneye! What? You think I forgotten video games? Never! Near the end of the summer, my water squirter spell was upgraded with more water power, and my flares spell has been upgraded so my flares can get launched up into the sky, and the last new spell I learned was to put random objects together to make something really cool. I used my magic to create a Spyro sculpture made with toothpicks. The last day of summer came, and it was 8:45 PM; it was dark out, except for the neon lights seen in the streets of Ocean Drive and from the tall buildings Downtown. Mareami is a beautiful city! It’s rough being born in the 1980s in Mareami, believe me on that. I’m so glad it’s the 90s now. When I walked outside and walked over to Ocean Drive and over near the shoreline, I sat on a rock and looked up into the moon and saw the Mare in the Moon.
"Sup Princess Luna?" I said to the moon. "I've been coming to see you almost every night now so you don't feel lonely like I've been." I come to the beach almost every night to talk to the Mare in the Moon. Other than my family and my fish, the Mare in the Moon was my only friend, but you knew that already if you read the very beginning of Book 1. "So, how are things up there? Things down here have been better for me. I just wish I could meet you face to face instead of me talking to you from down here, and you all the way up there. So I finished Spyro: Year of the Dragon today, and of course I suck at GTA 2. If only they can make that game more 3-D and more places to save your game, and maybe even cooler missions. Just wait until GTA 3 comes out. So, middle school starts tomorrow, sista. I'm assuming I might be bullied again, but I'm not worried, because I learned some possum grade awesome new spells to defend myself against anything! I also hope one day I'll finally make a friend. Hey, at least I have you. I got nopony, but then again, you don’t either because you’re all alone up there.
“Most ponies have forgotten about you, but not me. Once I learned about you in history class, I just felt so bad, and I’m glad I listened in class that day because I hate history. Well, you have me, Luna. You have me. Smiley face. And I hope one day you'll return from your prison and we can be closer friends. I mean, Princess Celestia is ok, but I'm assuming she's lonely without you. I hope one day you'll understand that and you can rule by her side again. Having forever night isn't so bad. I think that'll mean no school and it won't be so hot. You know how hot it is down here in Mareami? Also, if the night is lasting forever in Equestria, I feel bad for the other side of the world having forever sun. Well, I hope it all goes well for you because nothing will go wrong, as long as you believe in yourself. I know I will, and I believe in anything; I even believe in existing and everyone says you’re a myth, but I know better."
So I just laid there in the sand looking at the Mare in the Moon, but then suddenly, something I never expected happened right before my eyes. I saw the Mare in the Moon wink at me. I thought it was an illusion at first; probably sand in my eyes, but then the moon winked at me again, but I still didn’t believe it because of the sandy eyes, and then the mare got annoyed so she started blinking really fast to prove her point. “Ok I believe you, relax!” I yelled out at her. Just then, the mare’s lower eyelids went up and her face was shaking a bit. I guess she was chuckling. I was so excited to see that! It proves that there's somepony at there who truly cares for me. I wish Celestia would’ve used the Elements of Harmony to turn her good again like the Mane Six did, but nooooo, she banished her. Really, I’m a bit upset about that. Well, this was before Luna’s return; she’s still in the moon, waiting for her release, and I will wait for her.
The next day came and middle school started. We had a nice principle and Herb was still bothering me a lot less because he knew I could defend myself now. Ponies weren’t ignoring me anymore and treated me more like an acquaintance, but I was a little nervous to try to actually befriend them. If you don’t have actual friends as a kid, it’s gonna be difficult as you get older but don’t lose hope. Friendship will come. Middle school so far was decent for me. I felt that this was a brand new start for me, and I was confident.
My friendship life was just about to get started for real because I heard Herb and his friends Annabelle and Angel Heartstrings picking on a fellow student. “Swinebutt! Swinebutt! Swinebutt!” the three bullies teased the student.
“I swear I will use all my mighty intellect to end you here and now!” the student cried as he snorted at the end of his sentence.
“Mighty intellect, huh, man? You may be smart, man, but you’re ugly and short, man, and you’re not even a pony nevertheless, man!” Angel Heartstrings said to the student. He was right, this student wasn’t a pony, he was a pig. An actual pig as a student in our school. He had red eyes, he wore glasses, and he wore a turquoise labcoat, and a white blouse and red tie underneath it. He was also bald and had no cutie mark since he was… y’know, a pig.
"It’s because I’m a pig right? Just because I’m a pig, that automatically means I’m presumed ugly?” the pig asked.
"It’s a scientific fact, you piece of bacon!” Annabelle said to him.
“Ok THAT was low! Us pigs hate to be called that!” the pig yelled at him.
“Oh yeah? Whatcha gonna do about it… porkchop?” Herb asked.
“You’re askin’ it for it now, buddy!” the pig yelled at him as he placed his hoof over against his face, and the part of his hoof that you may consider his pinky goes over near his mouth.
“You’re weak, man, and there’s only one of you, man, there’s nothing you can do against us, man.” Angel said.
“What’s a pig like you against three ponies like us?” Annabelle asked.
“Probably nothing,” I said, “but what’s a pig and a pony against three lowlives?”
“Oh look who it is! Crimson Flare Gun! The brave pony that fought against Herb Leafhorn, Jr.” Herb said. “How was your summer, buddy?”
“I’m not your buddy, guy.” I said to him.
“I’m not your guy, friend.” Herb said.
“I’m not your friend, buddy.” I said to him.
“I’m not your buddy, guy.” Herb said to me.
“Anyways, you had your chance to be buddies with me, brah, but that ship has sailed. You can pick on me, but pick on defenseless pigs and you’re really getting me aggervated!” I yelled at them. “No offense, umm…”
“Swinebutt. Porker Swinebutt.” The pig said.
“Really? That’s your name?” I asked.
“Are you gonna tease me too?” Swinebutt asked as he snorted.
“No way, brah! You and me need to stick together.” I said.
“Aww how sweet!” Herb said in a cute tone of voice.
“Why don’t you two get married or something?” Annabelle teased as the three of them laughed.
“Really? You’re joking about sexism now? You three should be ashamed of yourselves.” I said.
“Well looks like somepony’s asking for a flagpole wedgie!” Herb threatened me.
“First off: no underwear. Second: I learned a ton of magic over the summer, so if you don’t want your hoof chopped off and me saying I’m your father, hint hint: hornsaber, I suggest you run off and don’t trouble us again!” I advised them. Annabelle and Angel got angry and started marching over to me so they could attack but Herb holds his hooves out and stops them.
“Ok, Crimson I hear you. We’ll leave you two lovebirds alone.” Herb said.
“Good.” I said. “Us lovebirds would love to be left alone.
“Really, dude?” Swinebutt asked in an annoyed tone.
“I’m just trolling them, brah.” I whispered to him.
“I hope you two become close because you both are gonna need it.” Herb warned me.
“Yeah, man, just watch your backs if you know what’s good for you, man, because you’re messing with the wrong man, man.” Angel said.
“Oooo I’m so scared.” I said sarcastically.
“You’re gonna be, Crimson. You’re gonna be.” Herb said as him and his friends walk away.
“Thanks for the help, bro.” Swinebutt said.
“Hey, nopony’s gonna mess with us. Not by the hair of our chinny-chin-chins.” I teased.
“Heh, good one.” Swinebutt chuckled. “Nice to meet you, Crimson.”
“Please, call me Flare.” I insisted.
“Ok, Flare. I’m glad to have a friend like you by my side.” Swinebutt smiled at me and snorted as he places his pinky near his mouth again.
“Why do you keep doing that?” I asked.
“I snort, I’m a pig.” Swinebutt said.
“No the pinky thing.” I corrected him.
“Oh, I do that when I’m nervous. I can’t help it.” Swinebutt said.
“No need to be nervous, Porker Swinebutt. We’ll get along great! I assure you!” I promised. So I took him to the nurse's office so he could get patched up from the bullying, and Porker became my new best friend. We hung out everyday after school, and I trusted him completely, and he trusted me. We always helped each other out in dire situations, and for once I never felt left out. Whatever I did, he did with me, and same thing with me doing the same stuff he likes. Our friendship was fair and…. friendly. One day when we were hanging in my room, I was talking to my fish and then he asked me a question.
"Hey Flare?" he asked getting my attention.
"Yeah, Porky?" I asked.
"Look, you're pretty much the only one I can trust." he said.
"Thanks brah, that means alot!" I said.
"So I want to take you somewhere, that nopony but ever went before. I trust you, man. Don't tell anypony." Porker said.
"I won't." I said.
"You have to swear on it!" he said.
"But swearing is bad, I got in trouble for cussing once." I said.
He laughed and snorted as he laughed which made me laugh. "You're funny. No, I mean you have to promise."
"I promise, brah." I said.
"You have to piggie promise." he said. So we both did our secret hoofshake, which is: Shaking our hooves, rolling around, and putting our heads up and down, and it goes like this: "Piggie cake, piggie cake, roll in the mud. Pew pew pew!"
“Alright so you ready?” he asked.
“I am! So when are we going to go inside your mom’s tummy?” I asked.
So after I made my promise, we went over to the junkyard, to his hideout. Luckily for me there were no dogs there. "So where is this hideout of yours?" I asked.
"Over here, follow me." he said.
"Can't think of a cleaner place to put your hideout, Porky?" I asked.
"Trust me, you won't regret seeing this." he said. "Here we are!"
"Where is it?" I asked.
"It's that small trailer right there." he said.
"Yuck! As I expected, you couldn't clean it up well, and it's tiny." I said. "It's not worth telling the world about anyway. LAWL!"
"Trust me, when we get inside, you'll be amazed!" he said. So once we walked up to the trailer, Swinebutt placed his hoof on the scanner near the door, then his eye, then types in a code, and says his secret password.
"Password, please?" the scanner asked.
"Th-th-th-THAT’S ALL FOLKS!” Porky Swinebutt said to the scanner.
"Access granted." the scanner said, and the door unlocked.
"Welcome to my hideout!" he said as he opens the door revealing the interior of his trailer which was bigger on the inside and there were three doors on each side wall in the hallway and one in the very end. Now where have we seen this trailer before?
“Wow! Exactly how I predicted!” I said.
“Really?” Swinebutt asked.
“Yeah! I knew this room would be silver colored!” I said.
“Well,” Swinebutt snorts, “you’re right, Flare. Over here where a nice kitchen might be if you remodeled this place is the bio-lab where I keep my chemistry equipment for classes, and over here we have the lounge, over here where you could be a living room if you want is a storage room, over here is a bathroom with a decontamination shower, over here where you could be an exercise room is my security room and mainframe where I keep the security I installed in this place very operational, over here where you can put a guest bedroom if you want is the room where I keep my collection of Swinebots, and over here where you could put a main bedroom is my main lab. This is where I research and build my Swinebots.”
“Swinebots, huh?” I asked.
“Yes, sir! I’ve been building robots ever since I was a little piggy- and don’t you dare make a ‘we-we-we all the way home joke’.” Swinebutt demanded as he snorted.
“This place is awesome, Porky! Build this entire trailer yourself?” I asked.
“No, I actually found it like this. It was weird.” Swinebutt said as he snorted. “I’ve been researching the source of why this trailer is bigger on the inside, but I haven’t come to any conclusion yet. This place is also 100% indestructible from the outside. Not even an atomic ray gun could zap through this.”
“How about a super atomic ray gun?” I asked.
“C’mon Flare, be serious. You can’t make something like that.” Swinebutt said. “But I am working on a blueprint to build a super-elite ray gun.”
“So you don’t know anything about this trailer?” I asked.
“Not a thing.” Swinebutt said.
“It’s Time Lord technology.” I said.
“Interesting theory, Flare, but we cannot be certain unless we have a fair amount of evidence that supports it.” Swinebutt said. “The only clue I could find with this trailer is this logo right here. A letter C with a ring around the down-left corner and the upper-right.”
“Did you try researching this logo?” I asked.
“Yes, and no matter how cool the internet is right now (even though my phones don’t work when I use it), I cannot find a conclusion to the logo either. It may be Time Lord technology, but I never seen a Doctor Who episode with a logo like this.” Swinebutt explained.
“Perhaps we can research together.” I suggested.
“Are you sure? Are you the smart-type?” Swinebutt asked.
“Well I’m not a genius, and I do have a slightly low IQ, and I’m very clumsy, and I don’t know a lot of big words, and I barely passed science at school, and I was in a special-needs class for second grade, but I think I’m smart enough to help you out, buddy!” I said.
“Well that’s good to know! I could use some assistance with my research.” Swinebutt said.
“We’re gonna do great!” I said excitedly.
“Of course we’ll do great, Flare Gun! We make a great team!” Swinebutt said excitedly. “Probably a better team than Batman and Robin!”
A cutaway shows Robin talking to Batman; Robin said to him, “Hey, Batman, the bank is being robbed by the Joker again, shouldn’t we-“
Just then, Batman slaps Robin across the face and says angrily, “MY PARENTS ARE DEAD!”
A little while later after the Joker has been defeated, Robin says to Batman, “Good job, Batman! We defeated the joker! We should get ourselves some chocolate sha-“
But then Batman slaps Robin again while holding Joker hand-cuffed and he yells at his side-kick, “MY PARENTS ARE DEAD!”
“Wow, and I thought I was the villain here? I would NEVER slap a child.” Joker said.
“You always have the sensitive side, pumpkin!” Harley said sweetly to her boyfriend.
Later on, while eating nachos, Robin goes over to Batman and asks him, “Hey Batman, the holidays are coming up. Shouldn’t you think of getting your parents a postcard. It would make them happy.”
Just then Batman slaps Robin again and yells, “BATMAN DOES NOT EAT NACHOS!” The cutaway ends.
So Swinebutt and I hung in his trailer for a long time. I helped him on inventions and we became lab partners. Not much happened during middle school, but middle school was the time I met Blueberry Pie, but not personally because… well I told you the Blueberry Pie story already back in chapter 3, and we all know Crèmepop’s story already with her helping me out without me even knowing it. It was peaceful during middle school until the 8th grade play.
We were playing the Wizard of Oz and I was Scare Crow. I did really well in the play, and I was funny; I did a few teasing scenes and the audience laughed. This is my one chance to shine out because I was pretty good at acting and improvising. Porky was playing as Tin Stallion and he did really well too. I was smiled by the ponies that ignored me in the past, and I really thought I was gonna be popular, until it all changed during the end. Blueberry Pie was being played by Dorthey and during the end of the play, she gave me a kiss on the cheek.
"And I think I'll miss you most of all, Scarecrow." Blueberry said to me. I smiled.
"Well the others are gonna be jealous then.” I teased, and everypony in the audience started to laugh.
"Now I know I have a heart because it's failing." Porky said as he played dead. The audience were laughing at that too. I swear; Swinebutt and I were stealing the show! I taught Swinebutt to be the funny pig.
"Well, goodbye Dorthey. Hope the door doesn’t hit you on the way out." I teased.
"Ewww!" Blueberry said.
"Eww? How is that disgusting?" I asked.
"Eww! Flare you leaked!" Blueberry pointed out. I looked down and saw something liquid on the ground.
"Holy Wizard of Feelings! My water broke!" I cried. Everypony in the audience was laughing.
"That's not water, that's.... ewww. Forget that I'll miss you most of all, I won't miss you at all!" Blueberry said as she ran away but before she ran away, she winked at me. What’s that girl’s problem?
"But... I never leak." I said nervously. "Lawl! A first time for everything, huh?" Then the audience started booing at me. "Boo? Why is the audience saying boo? They're not scary." I said. Then they all started throwing tomatoes at me. "Yay! Free food!" I cried in enjoyment.
"You are the worst thing that ever hit stage!" a member of the audience said.
"You make culture a bad name!" another member of the audience said to me.
"You ruined Wizard of Oz for me, and Scarecrows, and tomatoes, and lemonade!" another member of the audience called to me. I tried laughing along, but it was really insulting, then the laugh turned into tears.
"Crying face." I said as I started running away off the stage. I thought I was in the clear, but I was wrong. When I looked back, an empty lemonade cup fell on the floor. Yeah that was lemonade, so I knew I was sabotaged, and before I left the stage, I saw Herb chuckling at me from the other side. I had the feeling it was him.
The rest of my time at middle school was the worst yet! Ponies kept spilling lemonade on the floor. It made me really angry because that’s a waste of perfectly freshly-brewed lemonade. How could they do that? At least Porky was there for me, but I had to get back at Herb somehow for humiliating me like that. Perhaps the time will come in high school.
High school came and the picking on me was died down, but as a freshman, it didn’t die down completely, but luckily I was getting picked on evenly with every other freshman. It was pretty much all of us against the whole school so my classmates from middle school had no time to pick on me. It was a truce from there until the grade was over. Luckily I was highly trained against bullies so I led my fellow freshmen into a successful hiding, and from there on out, they never teased me again. I was respected now by them, but it felt good. So yeah, my past wasn’t all bad. I just keep forgetting the positive times I had, and if I just keep remembering that, I can never be depressed. I suggest you depressed folks out there do the same thing because I know all of you had some positive times in the past; you just need to remember them. I believe you in you all, and I know you could believe in yourselves too!
Alright well enough of the sassy talk. Other than the freshmen hunters, the work wasn’t a walk in the park either for me; there were projects that were really hard for me to get done, but I had Porky there to help me out. If it weren't for him, I probably wouldn’t have a chance to pass school, but there was something that I had that Porky didn't: he didn't know how to drive. Now I know these ponyfolk in Ponyville don't drive carriages that much, but here in Mareami, and other major cities like Manehatten, Los Pegasus, and Hoofington, ponies did drive, and to pull carriages, you needed a license, and I pretty much had it, and he didn't. Flashback ends.
"Wow, ya drove?" Apple Bloom asked.
"Yeah he drives us all crazy." Scootaloo teased as the other crucaders laughed along, and the Mane Six laughed along too.
“How is that funny in any way?” Engie asked.
“Shhhh! They’re just fillies, just play along.” Blaze whispered to Engie.
“But it’s not funny. It’s not funny one bit. It’s a very old joke and if ah was laughin’, ah’d be lyin’.” Engie said.
“I know just spare the feelings of the crusaders.” Blaze whispered.
“Ah am sparin’ their feelings. They won’t hear me lie.” Engie said. Blaze sighs and facehooves himself.
"Let me tell you one thing. I was never in a carriage accident." I said.
"But you did get your license suspended one time while talking on the phone." Water said.
"And that’s supposed to help how?" I asked.
"C'mon bro, don't you deny it!" Water said to me as she play punched me in the shoulder.
"Yeah it was true, I did get my license suspended one time, so Water had to drive me places. It was either her or a donkey that says jokes. Mom thought I wouldn't like the donkey, but she picked the opposite of what I would've picked!" I complained. "I mean c'mon! A donkey that tells jokes? That's the most epicist thing ever!"
"Flare, I don't think 'epicist' is a word." Twilight corrected me.
"Yes Twilight, thank you for the obvious remark.” I said sarcastically.
“Yeah seriously, Twilight, he’s just trying to have fun.” Water complained to her.
“Sorry for trying to help Flare sound less ridiculous.” Twilight said in an annoyed tone.
"Anywho, I'm just about to reach the conclusion of my life at school, and this is probably going to give you the most feels. I was at senior year, and I couldn't find a date for the prom." Flashback starts again, it was prom night, everypony in school had a-
“Wait a second!” Sweetie Belle interrupts the flashback. “You couldn’t find a date for the prom? What happened to Blueberry Pie?”
“She already betrayed me at this point, but how did you know? I didn’t tell you that.” I asked. “Did Crèmepop tell you?”
“No Pinkie did.” Sweetie Belle corrected me.
“How did she know? I didn’t tell her.” I asked curiously.
“I was in your flashbaaaaaaaack!” Pinkie said excitedly as she hoped across the kitchen behind me, and then she shouts in my face, “Remember?”
“Right I do.” I nodded.
“Awww, I miss it when you say ‘lawl remember’!” Pinkie whined.
“Really? Cause I don’t. It annoyed too many people. I wouldn’t change myself for the sake of my friends, but I started to get annoyed by my leet speak too.” I said.
“Didn’t we all?” AppleJack teased, but she didn’t really tease, but she smiled as she said that. It was a tease, but not a joke. I can’t really explain that.
“Anyways, as I was saying – I had nopony to go with me at the prom. Almost everypony did, but some weren’t so lucky, like Porky and I.” I said as the flashback started again. Now it would be really weird if we took eachother, but we still went, and who cares if we didn't have any dates? So, I brought floor lamp with me. Yep, forever alone, but it was better than nothing. The prom was fun! We ate, we danced, and we had a great time, and we didn't care that we had no dates. We still had a great time! Herb and his friends started to tease me because I actually did bring a date, but not a date you’d expect.
"Hey look, Crimson is dancing with a floor lamp!" Herb teased. "Who's the lucky gal?"
"Nah, I think that lamp was forced here against her will." Annabelle teased as he laughed along.
"Ugh, don't listen to them, babe!" I said to the floor lamp. "They're obviously just jealous."
"Jealous? HA! Wow, that's rich." Herb chuckled.
"Hey at least I amused you!" I said with a smile.
"Amuse? You just made me barf a bit in my mouth!" Herb said.
“Be careful, Herb, because I was nice to you these past few years and didn’t bother with revenge on what you did at the Wizard of Oz play.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Crimson.” Herb said as he takes my laugh. “Maybe your ‘date’ would prefer dancing with me.”
"HEY! Let go of her!" I yelled.
"Her? You know how stupid you're sounding right now?" Herb asked. "It's not a 'her', it's an 'it'."
"Porky! Help me out please?" I asked.
"Sorry, bro. There's one more eggplant in the buffet and I cannot miss this opportunity!" Porky said excitedly as he ran off.
"PORKER!?" I yelled. “Swinebutt I need you!”
Herb and his friends laughed. "Wow, man, even the poor nerd cannot help you out, Crimson, man!” Angel pointed out and laughed.
"Take your stinkin hooves off my lamp! You know how expensive that was?" I yelled at Herb.
"Oh gosh. I didn't know that. I'm sorry, Crimson. Here, you can have it back." Herb said giving me back my lamp.
"Oh thanks, brah!" I said as I held my hooves out wanting my lamp back, but then he smashed the lamp against a pole, and it broke into a bunch of pieces.
“Here you go.” Herb said as he gave the broken lamp back to me. “I must say she really suits you! A little broken shell, and useless.” I started to get very angry, not just because he called me useless, and just because he broke my lamp, but he called me little!
“NOPONY CALLS ME LITTLE!” I yelled. “I’m BIG! I’m a BIG FLARE! MY BIG FLARE!”
Herb started laughing at me. "Pathetic! Just pathetic, Crimson!”
I got really angry, so angry I was steaming, and I was turning bright red… no my coat color is not bright red, it’s regular red, just so you know the difference. My horn started glowing. It glowed so bright, it was never that bright. I turned to Herb and growled at him. Herb stopped laughing and looked at me in confusion.
"I HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF YOU!" I screamed at him. Just then, a giant laser swooshed out of my horn, and pushed Herb across the gym where the prom was taking place, and he went through a bunch of walls until he reached the janitor's closet and landed in a janitor bucket and had a mop on his head. He was surprised in there. He couldn't move because he was so shocked. Everypony looked at me, surprised. "WHOA! THAT.... WAS.... AWESOME! AWESOME POSSUM!" I yelled. "That was the best spell I've ever done! I was firing that giant laser and it pushed him across the room and into the janitor's closet! Man that was pretty sick, brah! I wonder what I should call it?" A couple of security guards appeared behind me, I looked back and saw them.
“MARY-SUE!” one of the students yelled.
“OP!” another student yelled.
“No pony should do a magic spell that powerful unless they are canon!” another student yelled.
“But I don’t understand… that spell really tired me out and I didn’t even know I knew that spell! What kind of spell was that?” I asked. “Looked like something out of an internet animation video!”
“Who cares how tired you are? That’s too powerful and godly and you should be ashamed!” one of the students yelled.
“Yeah you’re no different than an alicorn!” another student yelled. I really couldn’t understand what everypony’s problem was. That was the very first time I knew that spell, my… Shoop Da Whoop… but that was the only time in my past that I ever used it. I swore to myself never to use that spell again. I did break that promise, however, after I rescued the Mane Six from that singing piranha plant when I moved into Ponyville, but I always hated to be called OP ever since.
During the rest of my high school years, everypony except Swinebutt avoided me. I think it was for the best though. I’m done trying to make friends. I try and I try, and I even mind my own business, but Herb is trying to ruin my life all because of something that happened in the past. Why can’t he just get over it? Swinebutt was the only true friend I ever had, and I’m glad I had someone like him by my side. After some weeks, I finally graduated high school; no more stress from other students, but I didn’t want to take that chance. There was still college to go to, but I couldn’t risk any more stress. My blood pressure was up high as it was, followed by junk food and becoming super angry at not able to get any 100% completions on any of the GTA games.
When college started, I disguised myself as an exchanged student from Manehatten by the name of Fire Bolt. I was found out by ponies during the years, so it wasn't easy. I went to the University of Mareami and got myself a bachelors degree in cooking, and I was a success! I graduated college, so all there's left is to find myself a job. So I worked at my grandma's bakery until I had enough money to open my own restaurant. The flashback ends there.
“So that was the worse part, huh? Being hated by everypony just as ya graduated high school? That’s so sad.” Apple Bloom said.
“Are you kidding? That was awesome!” Scoots said excitedly. “Who cares what everypony thinks about you, Flare? You went out with a bang and that’s all that matters!”
“You’re right, Scoots, I did think about that, but my past stressed me out many times during college and my time with grandma at the bakery shop, and of course learning to play the accordion.” I explained. “I have the legendary Cheese Sandwich to thank for that. The king of parodies!”
Another flashback starts of me watching a music video by Cheese Sandwich. When I first saw the Fat parody music video he made, I fell in love with Cheese Sandwich! I listened to all his polkas, his parodies, and his original music! He was amazing! He helped me believe in myself again! He helped me get rid of my stress! As I was in college and worked at my grandma’s bakery, I kept singing his songs, and everypony thought I was funny. One day, my Uncle Marty-Four Gun, otherwise known as Chief Officer M4 Gun gave me his accordion that he barely used when he was a kid. Ever since then, I was taught to play it and I loved it so much!
One day I was in my room playing my accordion for my fish, playing My Bologna by Cheese Sandwich. “Ooh, my little hungry one… hungry one – open up a package of myyy bologna! Oooh, I think the toast is done… the toast is done – top it with a little of myyyy bologona!”
”He’s good.” OJ said.
“He’s really good.” Mickey said.
“Heh! It’s so good being in charge now!” Chuck chuckled (no pun intended). “Rest in peace, Spot! Thank for you for this position… moron!”
“You just wait! You’re gonna die next, jerk!” Darrel yelled at him.
“I miss the Darrel that was before you. He was so much nicer.” Chuck said to Darrel who turns out to be Darrel III. Darrel II didn’t last very long.
I didn’t just play that accordion alone; I played it at the bakery too to entertain the customers. I played Another One Rides the Bus for the customers, and Swinebutt was there too playing horns and other sound effects with the song. “There’s a suitcase poking me in the ribs, there’s an elbow in my ear!” I sang.
“Yeah.” Swinebutt said in a deep voice.
“There’s a smelly ol bum standing next to me – hasn’t showered in a year.” I sang. “Well I think I’m missing a contact lends, I think my wallet’s gone – and I think this bus is stopping again, and a couple of freaks get on – LOOK OUT!”
“Another one rides the bus!” Swinebutt and I both sang. “Another one rides the bus!”
“And another comes on, and another comes on-“ I sang by myself.
“Another rides the bus!” the both of us sang.
“HEY! He’s gonna sit by YOU-“ I sang by myself.
“Another rides the BUS!” we both sang.
“HEY!” I shouted. I also started using my accordion in talent shows, karaoke, earn money on the street corner, play at parties, used it to entertain surgeons during operations, sang it to criminals at the police station to help calm them down, and I even used it when I was arrested for egging Herb Leafhorn, Sr.’s house, but I was bailed out at a cheap price. I even used my accordion during the bail-out, and during the time I was grounded, which didn’t make sense because my family hates the Leafhorns. Ever since then I loved playing that accordion on regular occasions. I even wrote some of my own songs which weren’t as good as Cheese Sandwich’s.
“Oooooh!” I began to sing as I started playing my accordion. “We got random sound effects in the backgrooooound – that is what I truly love to heeeeeear – random sound effects in the backgroooooound – oh please give me two pints of root beeeeeeer- HEY!” I then started playing my favorite part of the WAY Moby Polka. Dun dun dun, dun dundun dun – dundun dun dun, dun dundun duuuuun. The flashback ends there.
“So you’re a true Cheese Sandwich fan, huh?” Apple Bloom asked.
“I love his music! He makes great parodies!” Sweetie Belle said excitedly.
“I must admit, for a whacky clown that rips-off other pony’s songs, he doesn’t do a half bad job at it.” Rarity said.
“Well I’m glad I was able to share something positive about my past, but now it’s time for the worse part.” I said.
“Ah thought your discovery of yer ‘shoop da whoop’ was the worse?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Oh no, that wasn’t that bad. The true worse part is this next part. This is was the one thing in my past that made me lose confidence the most.” I said.
Another flashback starts. I was 22 years old, and this is when things started to become the worse. I went to Porker's hideout to go hang out with him because I was really in a bad mood that day because I met ponies online that were jerks to
me about my fanfiction and online videos………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………… so I needed a friend to calm me down, but just as I went to his hideout, I saw him talking to Herb and his friends.
"Porky?" I asked as he turned around and saw me.
"Oh, Flare! Uhh... hi!" he said nervously.
"What's going on here?" I asked. “Is Herb picking on you again?”
"Well... uhh..." Porky didn't know what to say.
"Don't worry, Swinebutt. It's time we told him anyway." Herb said to him.
"Tell me what? Porky, why am I so forty-five degree angle mouth face right now? What is Herb talking about? Is it about information on Halo: Reach? Please tell me its information on Halo: Reach! I so want to play that game when it comes out!" I cried.
"Well.... Flare.... I.... I can explain." Porky said. "Umm... actually.... I really can't."
"He never wanted to hang out with you in the first place, Crimson. He was our friend first. We figured if you were friends with our friend Swinebutt here, you'd tell him your secrets, so we can ruin you with them, but the main purpose is to make you lose confidence in yourself." Herb explained. “No one wanted to be friends with you in the first place, Crimson. You just have to face the fact.”
"THAT'S A LIE! A BIG FAT LIE! A BIG FAT GREEK LIE!" I cried.
"It's no lie. Tell him Swinebutt." Herb said to him.
“Crimson, I…. I’m sorry…. I….” Swinebutt snorted. “I didn’t…..”
"But why, Porky?” I asked as I started tearing up. “I… I trusted you.”
Swinebutt wiped his tears and took a deep breath. "To be honest, Crimson, you annoyed me half the time, and this was a way to get popular. I was being picked on too, more then you were, but when you came, you saved me from that suffering. You were very loyal, but yet so very foolish.” Swinebutt explained as he places his pinky near his mouth.
"You USED ME?!” I yelled.
“For my own purpose, Crimson.” Swinebutt said. “I had a choice. Either help out the Leafhorn family, or gain a life of misery.”
"So... you.... you used me! You betrayed me!" I cried.
“I didn’t have much of a choice.” Swinebutt said. “You Guns shouldn’ve taken this land from the Leafhorn family! What would’ve you done!”
“I’d choose a life of misery over double-crossing my friend ANY DAY!” I admitted.
“Well then you’re foolish, Crimson. A little foolish fool.” Swinebutt said. “Yeah that’s right, I called you little! Oh, and by the way, I spilled that lemonade on the floor on that Wizard of Oz play, not Herb!” Swinebutt began to laugh and snort.
I was shocked! So surprised! If you saw my heart it just shrunk 2 sizes that day. The color my coat just turned darker, my horn deflated like a balloon, and my eye pupils shrunk. That was the day my anger got to me; I couldn't hold it any longer! I was really, really angry! More angry than I ever been! They continued to laugh at me, and the anger caused my horn to glow, and all the garbage in the junkyard started to float, some went on fire, and the sky started turning dark, and it started thundering and it was really windy. I never told anypony this, but there was a type of magic I used that was far stronger than my Shoop Da Whoop. My anger caused something that was way beyond my control. I knew it wasn’t me. I felt there was something controlling me, but I knew it had to be my anger. Swinebutt, Herb, and the others stopped laughing and they were confused.
"Uh oh. Maybe we went a little too far." Annabelle said as the four of them became a bit nervous.
“Oh man, man!” Angel said.
My eyes went blood-shot and my horn glowed bright again. I activated my hornsaber. I then screamed, "YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS, SWINEBUTT!"
Oops! To be continued…..